Chapter Twenty-One
ESTRELLA WAS IN A DAZE as she slowly made her way back to the tower room.
As she made no attempt to conceal her return, the guards outside her door sputtered in surprise at seeing an easily recognizable white wolf climbing up the steps.
Protocol would require them to inform a higher-up about her "escape", and she could already tell from their uneasy expressions that neither of them were looking forward to doing so.
Back inside her gilded prison, she found herself continuing to move in autopilot as she shifted out and dressed herself. Throughout it, the spymaster's throaty drawl played over and over in her mind—-
You should've married me, then my services would've been free.
Just thinking about the words made Estrella sick to her stomach.
It was something she could easily imagine a black widow would have used to lure someone in its web.
The invitation in Fina's words had been unmistakably and shamelessly blatant.
There was no way for anyone to misconstrue the woman's meaning, and no one would've questioned the prince's right to admonish Fina for it.
But he hadn't.
Not a single word had been spoken, not even to politely dissuade the spymaster from pursuing such thoughts. Instead, all the prince had done was speak of something else before taking his leave. Not a single word of censure or reproach. Not one. And that was what Estrella couldn't understand.
Didn't he tell her that he was the one man she shouldn't ever worry about being unfaithful? That having Ammon inside him made all women unimportant? So why hadn't he said a word? Why?
She considered confronting Lysander about it, but the mere thought was enough to make her heart stutter in pain.
She had become braver over the years about a lot of things, but not over that.
Never ever over losing Lysander. He was the only man she had ever loved, and losing him would always be her greatest fear.
So where did that leave her then? Should she speak to Fina? But with all the lies the spy had spouted, how could she trust Fina to speak the truth?
The twins were her only chance of finding out what exactly was going on between Fina and her husband. She could trust them to tell the truth, but she had to ask them in such a way that it wouldn't make them feel disloyal to their prince.
It would mean practicing deception, something that Lyccans like her naturally abhorred. Her race was the blunt and impatient kind, and they liked to do things in the open, whether it had to do with loving someone...or killing them.
Even before she heard the knocking on her door, the twins' scent alerted Estrella to their presence, and she slowly came to her feet. "Come in."
"Princess." Aluin wore a heavy frown on his face. "The guards informed us of your unnecessary little escapade—-"
"Fina and the prince are hiding something from me," she cut him off in a faint, strained voice, and her heart lurched when she saw Aluin's jaw clamp shut at her words.
"You know what it is, don't you?" She saw the twins exchange looks, and her heart died.
She had played her cards right, after all, but it was a victory she'd rather have done without.
Alain was mentally cursing the prince to perdition. What the hell had Lysander been thinking? Telling Fina the truth only gave the other woman ammunition to hurt the one person who was innocent in all this.
"I'm sorry, princess," Alain said finally. "I don't believe it's our place to speak—-"
"You owe me this, Alain." Estrella's voice shook. "You know you do...after what happened."
Alain flinched.
"I'm sure you had your reasons for doing what you did," Estrella said unsteadily, "but you could've come to me first. You could've let me know—-"
"If we had told you," Alain said heavily, "you might've been forced to defy the prince—-"
"He already thinks I went behind his back, Alain," she pointed out helplessly.
"And I haven't done anything." She swallowed hard.
"So tell me. You owe me this." She waited for her friend to speak, but when Alain still refused to divulge anything, she could feel her eyes starting to burn.
"Please, Alain." And now, her entire body was shaking, her every effort focused on keeping her tears at bay.
"I don't want—-" Her voice caught, and she swallowed back a sob.
"I d-don't want to hear the truth from Fina. "
Both men stiffened, and their stricken expressions made it obvious that such a thought hadn't occurred to either of them at all.
Aluin was struggling with his guilt. This was their fault, dammit.
Not the prince's, not even Fina's, despite being the world's most infuriating bitch.
All of this was their fault, and it would only get worse, and the princess more hurt, if Fina was given the chance to crow about her being the prince's first choice.
Aluin inhaled deeply just before he heard himself say, "The letter we gave you that night, princess..."
Alain jerked when he realized what his twin was about to say. "Aluin, goddammit, no—-"
But it was already too late.
Because they saw in the princess' eyes that she already knew.
"It was supposed to be for Fina," Estrella said dully. "Wasn't it?"
The twins couldn't stand the look on the princess' face, and they started speaking. Fast.
We never thought she'd suit the prince as his mate. We believed you were the better choice for him. We were even more convinced when she started making trouble as soon as she came back.
But all the words just made things worse. We, we, we. Didn't they realize they were making it so painfully obvious that she was their choice and not Lysander's?
"The prince was pressed for time." Aluin was doing his best to defend Lysander's decision in the face of the princess' growing pallor.
"He was under a lot of pressure to keep the kingdom safe—-" A tiny sob from Estrella cut him off, and he stared in appalled shock when the princess started swaying. "Princess?" Shit. What had he said?
Estrella could no longer see past the blur of tears that filmed her gaze.
Keep my kingdom safe for me. A hysterical laugh almost bubbled past her lips.
Oh God. Those were the very words he wrote, the very words that gave her the strength and power to face all the challenges that went with wearing the crown.
And yet as it turned out...those words had never been for her.
He had never trusted her. Never chose her. Maybe never even loved her.
"I understand now," she whispered. "Thank you for telling me the truth."
"Princess—-"
Estrella shook her head. "If it's alright, I'd like a moment alone please. I need some time to...think. Please."
Alain and Aluin were reluctant to leave, but the look on the princess' face left them no choice. It was too damn obvious she was seconds away from breaking down, and just as obvious was the fact that she couldn't bear having anyone see her cry.
And they were right.
The tears fell the moment the twins pulled the doors shut behind them. She tried, she really tried to keep it together, tried to keep the sounds of her tears to herself, but then she thought of how all this time it was just never her—-
Misty.
Fina.
In different times of Lysander's life, those women had been his choice. He had chosen to care for them. Trust them. And Estrella...she had thought that she was one of them.
But she was not.
Because he had never...
Never chosen her.
The realization was just too much, and her hands flew up to cover her mouth as a memory razed her mind—-
Only you...matter.
That was what he had said.
And it will...always...only...be...you.
That was what he had promised, and she had believed him, not knowing that she was never his Ammon inside him that demanded Lysander to stay true to their bond.
He had been lying to her all this time, and oh God, oh God, but she hadn't even known.
Had been so stupidly in love that she hadn't realized she wasn't his choice and that she wasn't giving him a choice.
She had been forcing herself on him like a stupid, pathetic fool—-
I love you.
She had even dared say such words every time they made love, and oh God, he had been forced to listen to her, even forced to say—-
It is the same for me, my Star.
But that was a lie. Everything was a lie. He had NO CHOICE but to lie. Because he had NEVER CHOSEN her.
Never.
And it was then that everything became too much, and she could no longer stay silent, could only start weeping controllably as shame ripped her part. Oh God. Oh God. Her body shook at each sob that heaved out of her. Oh God. How can I ever face him now?
The sound of the princess' sobs was heartwrenching, and the Fae guards standing outside her door found themselves gritting their teeth as they felt their own eyes burn.
All of a sudden, they started remembering how it was Estrella who had been their symbol of hope in the past two years they had struggled to maintain their race's independence and pride.
She had fought for them, defended them, even risked her own life to save ordinary Faes.
So what the hell were they doing, treating her like some prisoner?