1
“You’d be out of your mind not to accept their offer! I’d do it in a New York minute.“
Tina, all five-foot-two petite inches of her sat perched on the edge of Evan’s sofa, legs crossed, one foot turning circles in the air. She held a nearly finished frozen margarita in one hand, her drink of choice when they met on Friday evenings for their weekly get-together.
A huge gray and white Maine Coon sat on the other end of the couch, staring green dagger eyes at her. Evan knew how the cat felt. Sometimes Tina was a pushy little spitfire. He picked the cat up and cuddled him.
“Yeah, well, I’m not you.“
Evan was sorry he’d even told Tina about the offer he’d gotten for a free cruise in return for an honest review of the experience. She’d been harping about nothing else ever since.
He admitted it was a good offer, the best he’d gotten so far. His travel podcast had taken off over the past year or so and, as he’d gained followers, he began to see some sweet offers land in his inbox. He just didn’t feel up to agreeing to any of them, including this one, not anymore. There was a time when he’d been eager to go anywhere, but now traveling didn’t hold the same appeal for him anymore. When Jeremy had dumped him three months ago, it had seemed he’d lost his zest for living as well as his boyfriend. He used to love traveling. Now? Not so much. He was even thinking about selling the rights to his podcast and bowing out of the travel review business altogether.
“I dare you. I double-dog dare you.”
He snorted and rolled his eyes. “Double-dog dare me? What are we…twelve? It’s a good thing I’m not you. You’d do practically anything on a dare. That’s why you’re thirty and have had twenty-seven serious relationships, including that crazy short marriage.”
Tina sighed and sipped at her Margarita. “That’s an exaggeration and you know it. I’ve only had maybe eight serious relationships, and the marriage was annulled. Doesn’t count. Anyway, I’m a hopeless romantic, unlike you, Mr. I-Don’t-Need-Anybody-in-My-Life.”
“I have someone in my life, thank you very much. Somebody wonderful. Bootsy loves me.”
“Bootsy is a cat.”
“And your point?”
“You can’t have a romantic relationship with your cat. When was the last time you got lucky?”
Evan growled at her. “Kindly leave my sex life out of this!”
“What sex life? That’s my point. You don’t have one, and buddy, you need to get laid worse than anyone I’ve ever known.“
She laughed gaily and tossed a headful of blonde hair. Then she lifted her glass toward him. “You need to loosen up. You’re so uptight your ass practically crackles when you walk.” She took another sip, then set her glass down on a coaster on the coffee table and looked at him with an earnest expression. “Seriously, Evan, we’ve been friends since kindergarten. I know you, probably better than you know yourself. And you trust me, don’t you?”
He grunted and gave her a barely perceptible nod. “Yeah, I suppose I do.”
“Of course, you do. I’m your best friend. And as your bestie, I’m telling you to take the offer. You’re a great looking guy. Tall, broad shoulders, legs for days, dark curly hair, blue eyes… If you were straight, I’d sleep with you myself. You won’t have a problem hooking up. Go on the cruise, review it for the blog, have a great time, get drunk, meet somebody, and do the chunky monkey so often you sprain your dick.”
“That’s not a thing.”
“How would you know? Yours is so seldom used it’s practically new-in-the-box.”
“Remind me again why I’m still friends with you.“
He urged the cat off his lap, then got up and went into the kitchen to refill his drink – a Coke. Plain. No liquor. No ice. He caught a glimpse of himself, slightly distorted, reflected in the stainless-steel refrigerator, and cringed.
She was right. He was uptight and so shy he was practically a recluse. When had that happened?
He knew when. Exactly when. It happened the moment Jeremy had walked out and left him.
Gads, he was pathetic. He’d lost himself and had no idea how to find the parts of him he was missing.
Tina followed him into the kitchen. She went to the counter and helped herself, pouring another margarita from the blender into her glass. Her voice was as slushy as her drink. “Because I don’t blow smoke up your ass; that’s why we’re still friends. I tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear.“
She slipped her arm around his waist and hugged him. “Don’t let Jeremy ruin the rest of your life. You need a vacation. You need to get laid. You need to have fun! You’re turning into a grouchy old man, and you’re not even thirty-one yet. Come on, tell me you’ll go. I’ll even cat-sit for you.”
Grudgingly, he muttered, “I’ll think about it.“
He hated that she had him wrapped around her little finger. Worse, he hated that, drunk or not, she was usually right. Maybe he’d take one last trip, then throw in the towel.
She shrieked and hugged him again. “You’ll go! Now we need to go shopping. I’m not sending you on a cruise wearing your old, holey T-shirts and bleach-stained cargo shorts.”
When Evan moaned low in his throat, it was the sound of total defeat.
RNJ Cruise’s S.S. Paradise was docked at Terminal Twenty-Four at Port Everglades. The Uber Evan had called from the airport dropped him off directly in front of the entrance, the first good thing that had happened to him all day.
He was already regretting his decision to take the cruise. The beginning of this trip had been less than auspicious. His flight had been delayed, which set him back two hours. It had been a horrible flight, too, full of turbulence and screaming, overexcited kids on their way to vacation in Florida. Even worse, upon arrival he found out that the airline had lost his luggage.
The only clothing he had with him was the floral Hawaiian shirt and khaki cargo shorts he was wearing, and he’d already spilled coffee down the front of the shirt. Oh, yeah, it was brilliant of him not to bring a carry-on with at least a change of clothes in it. It was such a rookie mistake, it was humiliating. He supposed he could pick up essential toiletry items onboard, but what was he going to do about clothing? He knew the cruise line didn’t allow shorts in the dining rooms for dinner, and he really didn’t want to eat all his meals at the buffet or in his cabin. Nor did he want to wear the same stained shirt and shorts for the entire cruise.
He was sure he could find shorts and T-shirts onboard, but he’d need a pair of pants and a button-down shirt for the times when he chose to eat in the dining room. Did they sell them aboard? He hoped so.
I’ll check with the concierge once I embark. Maybe they can help with my wardrobe problem, he thought as he made his way up the escalator to the ship’s boarding area, regretting with every step that he’d agreed to come on the cruise in the first place, and hoping with all his heart that it would not turn out to be a complete disaster.