Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Shaye
“He kissed you!?” Lisbeth’s voice is so loud that I have to tug the phone away from my ear. “Why didn’t you call me last night? Do you even love me?”
“Are you done?” I ask, shaking my head.
“No. No, I’m not. I gave you plenty of space last night, and you held back.” She huffs. “This is not best friend behavior. Just so you know.”
“So go be besties with Lydia,” I tease.
“Yeah, hard no.”
I fold the baggie that my now-eaten turkey sandwich was in and return it to my lunchbox. The sun is shining brightly, even for late afternoon, and the heat of the rays inside my car make me feel like I’m starting to boil.
“I was going to call you back last night,” I tell her. “But I really needed a little time to try to wrap my head around things.”
“You mean, around the fact that your boss kissed you.”
I roll my eyes. “Yes. That.”
“Well, I, for one, think it’s great.”
I pull my sunglasses over my eyes and crank up the air-conditioning.
Of course, Lisbeth thinks it’s great. I knew she would. That’s precisely why I didn’t call her before now—because I’m not sure it’s great.
The kiss was great. There’s no denying that.
My face heats, and it has nothing to do with the sun.
“What did he say about it?” she asks, excitement dripping from every syllable.
“I’m not sorry. I’ve wanted to do that since the day I met you.”
A chill wiggles through me as his words filter through my mind. I’ve thought about them a hundred times since then, wondered if his sentiments would change once I drove away. Because that’s how things work sometimes. You think something is a great idea until you’re removed from the situation.
Then reality hits.
I brace myself against the seat. “He said he’s wanted to kiss me since the day we met.”
Lisbeth squeals. “Okay, that’s good. I—”
“I don’t know if it is good, Lis.” I sigh, my head falling against the headrest. “I think I’d feel very differently about it if he were someone else. Well, I mean if he were him but just not … him.”
“Not your boss.”
“Not my boss at a job that has the capacity to literally change my life.”
My best friend sighs. It’s the sound of her daydreams falling back into reality.
I run a finger along the edge of the steering wheel, feeling the heat of the leather against my fingers. The warmth reminds me of Oliver’s hand on my face and the heat of his lips against mine. The sturdiness of his body as he held me close.
If only …
“How has he acted today?” Lisbeth asks.
A short, snappy laugh escapes my lips. Tension creeps through my muscles. “Well, I think he’s avoiding me.”
“Huh?”
My hand drops to the seat. “He hasn’t come into the office today. I’m not sure if that’s normal behavior for him or not. I haven’t worked here long enough to know. But I do find it suspicious that he’s not here the morning after he kissed me.”
“I’m sure he’s not avoiding you, Shaye.”
I hum. It’s not in agreement or disagreement—just an uncertain middle ground that isn’t very fun.
My stomach flip-flops as the anxiety that I’ve fought against so hard since last night takes over. The turkey sandwich sits heavily in my belly. My palms begin to sweat as I let the quiet of the moment invade my thoughts and pull me in a direction I don’t want to go.
If Oliver is avoiding me—if he thought things through and realized he made a mistake—then where does that leave me? “I assure you that this won’t affect your job.” I want to trust him. I desperately want to believe those words and the man who I think he is.
But can I?
This company is even more important to him than the EA position is to me. What if he decides that kissing your employee is bad for business because, objectively speaking, it is?
What happens then? I start from scratch? I go back to scraping together every dime I can find to pay off Luca’s fucking debt? Stressing every morning, noon, and night that I’m going to default on Luca’s loan and my mother will lose her house?
I couldn’t live with myself if that happened. We might not talk, and I might not even like her very much, but I refuse to default on the loan. If nothing else than for my pride. It would be the definite end to our relationship, and I’m not ready for that.
Not even if it’s probably for the best.
“Stop.” Lisbeth’s voice is stern. “Stop right now.”
“Stop what?”
This time, her sigh is filled with annoyance. “Your boss is clearly a successful businessman. He knows how to manage his life, Shaye.”
“What’s your point?” I wave at Genevieve as she walks toward the building.
“My point is that you are so sure he’s going to decide you were a mistake that you’re discounting all the possibilities! You’re shutting doors that are wide open at the moment.”
I bite my lip, worrying it back and forth between my teeth.
I’m not sure how to define the overwhelming notion building inside me since last night. Shame? Guilt? Both are probably true. But if I really, truly think about it, there’s a little relief mixed in there too.
I messed things up. I knew better than to let my emotions get the best of me. Believing that the kiss could go anywhere without repercussions was yet another eye-roll moment for Shaye Marie Brewer.
At least I’m consistent at screwing up my life.
“You think,” she continues, “that if you shut down any potential open doors that it’ll somehow be easier than if he does it. Because you’re convinced he will. You’re not giving him a chance to fling those babies wide freaking open.”
I laugh at the imagery. I also smile at the lifeline she’s tossing my way. While I highly doubt that Oliver will walk in and decide that risking an office affair with his new EA is a smart gamble to take, I appreciate the faith she’s putting in me. It helps to hear it.
God, I love her.
“Let him decide,” she says. “If he can make decisions to keep a multimillion-dollar business running, I’m pretty sure he can adult his way through a kiss with a woman he’s been attracted to since hello.”
“You make this feel so romantic,” I say as I shut off my car.
“Because it is. It can be. It might be if you don’t friend-zone him.”
I cringe.
“You’ve already told him you’re friends, haven’t you?” she asks. “You’ve already tried to head him off.”
I don’t answer.
“Shaye!”
“What?” I ask, grabbing my purse from the passenger’s seat. “It felt like the right thing to do. It was the right thing to do. It gives him an out.”
She fake cries into the phone. “How can someone with so much potential like you be so …”
“Dumb?”
“I was going to go with self-destructive.”
I ignore her and open the door.
The air is warm as I step foot in the parking lot. My car locks behind me with two quick beeps before heading into the elevator.
After a quick glance around to ensure I’m alone, I press the button to go up. “What would you have me do? I’m new to this. I’m scared.”
“I know you are, but that’s okay. Fear is good. It’s healthy as long as you don’t let it freeze you from growth.”
“Well, okay, smarty-pants.” I laugh. “I feel like you’re taking psychology classes on the side now or something.”
She laughs. “I’ve been reading about self-growth, and I have more to say.”
The bell dings, and the doors open. I step inside an empty elevator and make the selection for my floor.
“You better talk fast because I’m on my way upstairs,” I tell her.
The doors close.
“Shit. Okay,” she says hurriedly. “Here’s what you do.
When speaking about work things, be a consummate professional.
No flirting. No side-eyeing his body. No innuendos.
But when you’re alone—and only when you’re alone—and the topic changes, and it’s not work-related, be …
you. No. Don’t be you,” she adds in a rush.
“Be a grown woman who’s looking for a good guy to treat her well.
Pretend … Pretend you met him at the grocery store. ”
I make a face. “You meet guys at the grocery store?”
“You’d be surprised. I have a friend who had a guy find her phone in the bananas. He took her to Vegas, and …” She growls. “We don’t have time for this story.”
The bells ring again, and the doors open. Kelly smiles at me from her desk.
“No, we don’t because I’m at my office,” I say softly.
“Pro, then go. Feel me?”
I laugh. “That’s a terrible rhyme.”
“But it works.” She laughs too. “Now stop overthinking everything and just relax. See what happens. Be open to the gifts of the world,” she says in her best Disney princess voice.
I shake my head and ignore Kelly’s quirked brow. “Goodbye, Lis.”
“Call me—”
I end the call before she says something silly … or suggestive. I don’t want to burst out laughing or blush wildly in front of my co-worker. Neither is a good look.
Scents of lavender fill the air but fail to whisk me off into a state of relaxation. Instead, my eyes drift to Oliver’s closed door.
My brain gets a running start with all of the things that might mean. Is he here? Is he actually avoiding me? Is he angry or frustrated or trying to work out how to let me go?
I take a long, deep breath. My stomach tightens as I drop my phone into my purse.
“Good lunch?” Kelly asks.
“Sandwich in my car.” I give her the easiest grin I’m able to dig up at the moment. “I know there’s a lunch room downstairs, but I like to sit by myself sometimes.”
“I feel you. Sometimes I race home just so I can lie in bed and watch twenty minutes of mind-numbing television midday. It’s a great way to decompress.”
“Ooh, what do you watch?”
“Whatever is on Bravo, usually. I’m a big Housewives fan.”
The elevator dings behind us. I spin around, the sound practically reaching out and knocking me sideways, and hold my breath.
The doors open.
“Hello,” Boone calls out, raising his coffee mug in the air in a salute of sorts. He walks into the room and stands beside me. “What are we talking about?”
“What shows we love,” Kelly says, smiling brightly at the handsome man next to me.
My gaze snaps to Boone’s, my nerves still riding high. I’m not sure if it was a good idea for Kelly to admit we were talking about Housewives instead of working, but it’s done.
Boone takes a sip of his coffee. “I’ve been watching Peaky Blinders. Good show. Have you seen it?”
I shake my head.
“Great show,” Kelly says, sitting back in her seat. “It gets better as it goes.”
“I’m just on season three, so that’s good to know.”
Our conversation is interrupted by a ding behind us. We all turn toward the elevator.
I was more prepared when it was Boone.
My heart races as Oliver steps into the room. His gaze turns from his phone to the three people staring at him. He glances over Kelly and Boone until he’s fixed on me.
I gulp and try not to fidget.
He looks glorious in a pair of chocolate-y tailored pants, a crisp white shirt, and a narrow tie that lays against his solid chest. A golden blazer makes his hair look lighter than usual and his eyes even greener.
His steps falter briefly before he tears his eyes away from mine. “What a welcoming party.”
He smiles at Boone and Kelly. It’s not the easy smile from last night or the one he couples with a laugh when it’s just us in his office. It’s practiced, rehearsed. There’s something about that I find appealing—he didn’t use that on me—but also nerve-wracking—maybe he’s using it because of me.
“I was telling them that I’m watching Peaky Blinders,” Boone says. “Ever seen it?”
Oliver shakes his head and moves to stand next to his brother.
My heart races. Despite the fact that Oliver’s attention is on Boone, there’s still an invisible cord between the two of us. It’s as real as the drool hanging from Kelly’s lips.
“I’ll try it sometime,” Oliver tells Boone. And then as if he’s turning a page in a book to get to the good part, he raises his eyes to mine. “Let’s go over that file from legal.”
“Yes, sir,” I say.
“If you’ll excuse us,” Oliver says, walking toward his office.
I give Boone and Kelly a quick smile and follow Oliver to his office.