11. Chapter 11
Chapter 11
Abby
“Come on, you know you want it.” Kai perched on the edge of my desk, smiling a truly devilish smile, and making zero effort not to look like the bad boy he was. Then again, the neck to toe tattoos, motorcycle boots, and long golden hair made it kind of impossible to hide.
“What do I want, exactly?”
“Official membership in our exclusive club.”
He was a shameless flirt and if we didn’t work together, he would undoubtedly try for more than flirting. Not because there was anything special about me—I was average in everything from height to my taste in TV shows—but because he loved the thrill of the hunt.
Unlike Levi, Gage, and Mason, Kai was a tiger shifter. In his words, he “wasn’t opposed to a little stalking.”
“Who says I want to be in your club?” I elbowed his hip until he slid from the desk, straightening the pile of paperwork he was sitting on and slipping it into a manila folder.
His pout could have landed him on the front of a fashion magazine. Kai would be unbearably attractive if he was my type. The feline inside him seemed to be mirrored in his features, giving him a heart-shaped face, angular cheek bones, and fierce brow. “Don’t be a party pooper at your own party. You’re in! Let’s celebrate.”
Today marked six weeks at Silver Bullet, which meant my probation was over. I wasn’t concerned about keeping the job anymore—Levi needed me too much—but I was anxiously awaiting the salary plus pay raise that was coming at the end of my probation. Nights in the back of my car were getting increasingly uncomfortable now that it was nearly November.
I squinted up at him. “Who’s going?”
“Everyone but Mason.”
Mason was on a twenty-four-hour job tonight. He would be taking the first shift with our newest client, Joseph Cargill. Gage was especially worked up about that this morning, but I only knew because I overheard him arguing with Levi.
“Right, Gage?” Kai cupped a hand around his mouth, shouting into the open office doorway even though Gage could probably hear the whole conversation. “You’re coming to Bestial with us? Even Abigail is going.”
Right, that was exactly what I was afraid of. Gage hadn’t spoken a word to me today, and after our weird afternoon yesterday, I didn’t really blame him. My cheeks warmed despite my best efforts. I was confused and embarrassed and would rather do anything other than sit at a bar and pretend to enjoy myself while Gage glowered at me.
His presence made me simultaneously excited and uncomfortable. The two opposite emotions swirled together and created this general sense of anxiety that seemed to be a constant for me this week. It writhed painfully in my chest—or maybe that was heartburn.
Starting fresh wasn’t supposed to feel this complicated. I hadn’t expected to end up in the crosshairs of someone like Gage.
Speaking of Gage, he was suddenly an inch from Kai’s face. They were matched in height but somehow Gage managed to glare down at him. “She can’t come.”
Oh, of course not. My neck was going to break with all this emotional whiplash.
“Why not?” I asked irritably.
“He knows why.” Gage poked Kai in the chest.
Kai made a noise between a hiss and a growl. “You should back the fuck up, bro.”
“Make me.”
“Whoa!” I jumped up from my desk before thinking better of it, putting myself between them and sending Gage back several feet. “Don’t start punching people,” I told him. “If you don’t want me to come, I won’t. I’ve got plans, anyway.”
Plans to sit alone in the back of my car and read with a flashlight while I pretend the complete darkness outside my window isn’t terrifying.
“Word of advice, kid,” Kai said tightly. “Don’t ever put yourself in the middle of a shifter fight. That’s not going to end well for you.”
“Which is exactly why she’s not coming,” Gage insisted, crossing his arms over his chest, and effectively shoving my hand off at the same time. His attention shifted from Kai to me and through clenched teeth he asked, “What plans?”
“I—That’s none of your business.”
Kai chuckled behind me. “Uh-oh. Wrong answer.”
Now Gage was looming over me . “What. Plans.”
“Yeah, Abby. What plans? You got a hot date?”
The heat in my cheeks spread from the tips of my ears down my chest. I’d never hated how easily I blushed more than in that moment.
“No!” I removed myself from the shifter sandwich I somehow ended up in and settled back into my chair, busying my hands with filing the last of my paperwork. “I’m working late tonight.”
“No, you’re not,” Gage argued.
The spiraling situation was interrupted when Ezra appeared around the corner, wearing one of his signature flannels—green and brown today—and a relaxed smile that immediately dissipated some of the tension. “Are these two giving you trouble?”
I returned his smile gratefully. “Yes, please remove them so I can get back to work.”
“Work?” He raised his eyebrows at Kai. “I thought she was coming with us.”
“She is,” Kai answered.
“She’s not,” Gage said at the same time.
“What am I missing here?” I threw my hands up. “I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.”
Kai smirked. “We’re going to a shifter bar. Gage doesn’t think you can handle it.”
“I don’t think you’re giving her enough information.”
“She works with shifters! Nothing she sees there will be any worse than what she sees here.”
“You did almost punch your coworker in the face a second ago,” I pointed out.
Ezra rubbed the back of his neck, exchanging an odd look with Kai. “Maybe we should let them—”
“Uh-uh, big guy.” Kai slid his finger across his throat. “We agreed.”
I shoved back from my desk, grabbing my purse and jacket from the hook behind me, and skirting around Gage. The guys were up to something, and I was going to find out what it was. “Fine! I’d love to go. I haven’t been to a bar in ages.”
Kai offered his arm, and I accepted, letting him lead me to the door. Ezra followed behind us, glancing over his shoulder and giving Gage an encouraging wave. Gage stomped into his office with an angry huff and my feet stilled.
I didn’t realize I was frozen in the doorway, staring back at where Gage had disappeared, until Kai squeezed my arm. “You good, kid?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled, stumbling toward the staircase. “I’m fine.”
Except that I always had this terrible feeling like I was forgetting something important when I left the office.
I’ll admit that I was nervous about visiting a shifter bar. After the confrontation between Kai and Gage, I imagined any number of bizarre scenarios.
Lions and gorillas sitting at high tops drinking beer from saucers and plastic cups.
Furious shifters beating the crap out of each other over the mildest offense.
Some weird shifter orgy that was considered socially acceptable by their animal side.
None of those were remotely close to the truth. The bartender was a hulking man that made even Ezra look small. No one was brawling under his watch. He waved to our trio as we stepped inside, winking when his eyes landed on me.
I ducked my gaze, not wanting to give him the wrong impression. Present day Abby was going to be celibate for at least the next five years. Maybe the next five decades.
Despite his suggestive words, Kai was a perfect gentleman. He kept his hands to himself, except when he pulled out a chair for me at a round table in the corner of the bar.
Ezra left to order drinks, and I took my time studying the interior, searching for whatever dangerous and unsettling detail had Gage so worked up. The dim lights were the same as any bar. So were the high-top tables, stools along the bar, and the speakers hanging from the ceiling. The music was quieter than I’d ever heard in a bar, a gentle trickle of noise rather than a booming rhythm that drowned out conversation.
In the very back was a small dance floor where two couples swayed. They were overly affectionate but drunk people always got handsy.
So, what was the big deal?
I voiced the question to Kai just as Ezra returned with three bottles, looking every bit the oversized hipster as he took a sip of whatever local craft beer he selected. The flash in Kai’s eyes was predatory, a dazzling distraction from whatever secret he was keeping from me.
“What did Levi teach you about shifters during your orientation?”
“Shifters have short tempers, eat a lot, and don’t like strangers in their space.” I took a long swig from my bottle, wondering how much I would regret impulsively agreeing to this. I couldn’t drive through Deer Base in the dark when I was sober. Maybe after this I could find some twenty-four-hour restaurant and stay up until sunrise. Tomorrow was Saturday, and I’d spend the rest of the day sleeping and recuperating.
“Shifters are touchy-feely,” Kai explained.
“Tactile,” Ezra corrected, putting a hand on Kai’s shoulder, and squeezing hard enough to make his friend flinch. “We communicate and connect with touch.”
“Yes, I’ve noticed you guys don’t seem to understand personal space.” I kicked Kai’s boot under the table. “And why is that a problem for a human in a shifter bar?”
Kai swiped his tongue across his lips. “Shifters also have very active libidos.”
I turned my attention to Ezra, giving him beseeching eyes and asking, “Will you please tell me what he’s being so cryptic about?”
Ezra suddenly looked nervous. He scratched at the line of dark hair on his jaw and fidgeted with his bottle on the table. “Most humans that come to shifters bars are looking for something specific.”
I thinned my lips when his explanation finally clicked. “So, humans come to shifter bars for a supernatural hook up.”
“Unless they’re mated to a shifter,” Kai said lightly.
I disguised my wince by taking a long swig of beer.
I was about to blurt anything to change the topic when two newcomers walked through the door. They had broad builds and the same deep-set eyes, but that was where the similarities ended. Where one was light in coloring and demeanor, the other was dark and brooding.
My heart froze in my chest, my lungs forgetting to breathe when Gage’s scanning eyes found me across the bar. He stopped in his track, studying my face and the two shifters seated on either side of me. With a nod he turned back to his brother, murmuring something and taking a seat at the bar.
Levi scowled, giving a clipped reply I couldn’t hear, before heading to our table with a smile. “Abby! I was afraid my dickhead brother scared you off.”
I snorted, my sip of beer catching in my throat and sending me into a coughing fit. Kai slammed a fist into my back, making it worse as my ribs nearly broke off and stabbed into my organs.
“I guess we’re leaving professionalism at the office,” I croaked.
“I think you need to spend more time around shifters,” Levi said. “We’re way better at compartmentalizing than humans. You could take a page from our book.”
“I would be good at compartmentalizing too if I had to sort my thoughts between human and animal all day.”
The night went on like that. The guys entertained me with stories about some of their travels before they left the military, the amusing and odd experiences they had in foreign countries. Two beers and several hours later, I’d almost forgotten the stress from the past few days.
Almost because my traitorous gaze couldn’t help sliding to Gage, watching as he sat hunched over the bar by himself, nursing a whiskey. I felt sad to see him sitting alone. It was my fault. He disliked me so much that he wouldn’t even enjoy the company of his friends if I was present.
Then I thought about the freshly peeled orange on my desk this morning. He was clearly pissed that I rejected his money but not so pissed that he didn’t arrive five minutes early to peel oranges in the breakroom for me. Why would he do that if he hated me?
“Don’t mind him,” Ezra murmured to me when Kai and Levi excused themselves from the table for refills.
“Him who?” I asked dumbly.
He smiled knowingly at me. “He has his moods. It’s not personal. Gage has…well, he feels responsible for the people around him. It weighs on him.”
I found myself looking past Ezra again, watching the tilt of Gage’s head as his attention shifted to someone down the bar. I wanted some kind of excuse to give Ezra, to insist I hadn’t been secretly fixated on Gage all evening, but I couldn’t find the words. I was a terrible liar.
Somehow, he found his way under my skin, and I was only just noticing how deeply.
Kai and Levi saved me from my own fumbling, returning to their seats mid conversation. I let their playful argument flow over us, accepting my third and final drink with a polite smile. What felt like a warm, comfortable buzz ten minutes ago was beginning to become a lingering fog over my thoughts.
I set my untouched beer on the table and rubbed my temple. Maybe I should stick with a maximum of two drinks tonight.
“Oh! That’s another one we forgot to tell you,” Kai paused mid-story to point at my beer bottle. “Shifter bars serve stronger drinks. Even the beer is higher proof. Sorry, kid.”
“You were trying to get me wasted.”
He laughed, biting his lip. “Only tipsy enough to lower your inhibitions and tells us what naughty things you did to make you run away to Seattle.”
I mimed zipping my lips closed, sliding out of my seat. “I’m going to get a glass of water before I have to hand over my car keys.”
I made it three steps to the bar before I lurched to a stop, my heart plummeting to my toes. Gage was turned in his seat, angled to face a curvy blonde woman in a very, very short dress. She was leaning into him, her hand planted firmly on his thigh. The taste of beer turned bitter on my tongue and there was a sudden burning at the back of my eyes.
In a daze I changed course, hurrying for the door and rushing out into the cold night air. A thin mist was falling, making strange yellow halos above the streetlights. Fog curled around the buildings, muting the city, and giving it a haunted feel.
I walked halfway down the block, putting distance between myself and the bar without knowing where I was going. When I felt I was safely alone, I leaned against the wall of a nearby building and wrapped my arms around my stomach. It roiled wildly, reminding me of that terrible, unending nausea that left me fifteen pounds lighter during the early days of my divorce.
Betrayal. This was the physical sensation of betrayal.
Which was stupid because I had no attachment to Gage. I hardly knew the guy.
This was where my own behavior came back to bite me. I was so desperate to just feel something that I turned a silly crush into more than it was. Now I was letting it hurt me the way I let David hurt me.
Clearly, I was not ready for this. Not for silly crushes or going out for drinks or even thinking about dating.
How did you ever date again after having your trust broken?
My husband, the man I was meant to spend the rest of my life with, moved on from me in three days. Before that, he spent countless business trips pretending he was just another single man on vacation, inviting any woman he met at the hotel bar back to his room. If anything, it should be a reflection of his character. His worth. What a worthless husband. What a shitty, heartless asshole.
But I let it reflect on my character too. I let it lessen my worth. No matter what I did, there was still this grating voice in my head that told me it was my fault. I wasn’t a good enough wife. I didn’t keep him from roaming. I didn’t deserve to be the center of someone’s world.
I would never trust a man again.
I would spend the rest of my life alone.
I would never have a family, or holiday traditions, or anniversaries, or that feeling of coming home to someone at the end of a long day.
It was all too much, too painful to process, and for a moment I forgot I was in the middle of Seattle on a Friday night. The street here was relatively quiet and there were no pedestrians within sight. It seemed a safe enough place to have a breakdown, to shed the tears that were constantly trying to fight their way out.
“What happened to you, darlin’?”
I pulled my hands away from my face, straightening as a stranger appeared out of thin air beside me. He was tall, tall like Gage was tall. His wiry frame was mostly hidden beneath a pair of sweatpants and a baggy hoodie. His face was shrouded by his hood, so shadowed I couldn’t make out more than the line of his mouth and a pair of golden eyes.
Shifter’s eyes.