31. Lance
31
LANCE
I don’t know when Quinn woke up or how much she heard, but from the fear shimmering in her eyes, I know she heard enough. And it breaks my heart to see her look so hopeless.
I know it’s risky to speak to her now.
The last thing Killian needs is to walk in on us behaving like a couple.
But I can’t leave this house without knowing she’s going to be okay.
I need one more kiss, one more moment to breathe her in so I can take her with me in my heart. And as soon as she steps inside the library doors, I pull her into my arms.
She gasps, her hands grasping my biceps as I seal our lips with a passionate kiss. And she melts into me, her arms slowly snaking around my neck so she can kiss me back. I love the sweet taste of her lips, the hint of salt on her tongue from the tears she must be holding back, and my heart swells to bursting as I savor the feeling of holding Quinn close.
Her tongue is just as adamant, her kiss just as desperate as she clings to me. And though I know she’s trying to hold it together, I can feel she’s trembling.
“Talk to me, Quinn,” I murmur, finally breaking our kiss because I can’t handle the silence any longer.
“I don’t want you to go,” she breathes, and a slow tear escapes her eye with the confession. “I know that’s selfish and that Killian needs you and if you don’t go, he’s less likely to come home. But that doesn’t make it any easier. I just hate it. I hate it all—the fighting, the danger, the thought that you or Killian or Natasha might not come home. I don’t want anyone to die, and I don’t understand why this is even happening.”
“Sweet, kind, loving, good girl,” I breathe, stroking a tear from her cheek in a futile attempt to soothe her. “You shouldn’t have to understand. But this is the brutality of the world Killian and I live in. Lucian isn’t some special breed of monster brought from the darkest pits of hell. He’s just another power-hungry prick who’s willing to watch others suffer in his claim for more power.”
Quinn shakes her head, the tears coming faster. “You and Killian are not like Lucian,” she insists. “You might exist in the same world. But you’re good men. And he’s pure evil.”
God, I love Quinn for believing I’m that kind of hero. But I’m not. I’ve hurt plenty of people. I’ve killed countless men to help raise the King family to a higher power.
“Good is a matter of perspective. I try to be good for the people I care about. I will always try to be good to you. But this is why Killian and your father wanted a better life for you. Because you’re capable of so much more than what our world has to offer. You are good, Quinn King. And I don’t want this world to drag you down with it any more than they do.”
With every beat of my heart, I mean that. I’ve never met anyone as kind and compassionate and smart and driven as Quinn. She’s everything I would hope to be if I weren’t the broken shell of a human being this world has made me. And I wish I could tell her that. But I don’t know how when the familiar knot of silence rises in my throat, threatening to choke the life from me.
Quinn sniffles and brusquely brushes at the tears sliding down her cheeks. “It would have been nice to have a normal life, the kind of life you and Killian and Daddy envisioned for me. But it’s too late now,” she says with a bitter smile.
And God, it breaks my heart to hear her say that. But it’s not too late. It’s never too late. And if she wants a normal life. I will do everything within my power to give that to her—even if it means I have to let her go. “If you don’t want this life, Quinn, I would never force you into it,” I promise her.
I rasp around the knot in my throat that swells with each agonizing word. But I force them out all the same. Because I never want Quinn to feel trapped—not with me, and definitely not in my world. “You could leave, go live with one of your other brothers—Jamie, Finn, or Henry. They all have normal jobs, normal families, normal lives. You could get a normal job in some hospital across the country. And I swear, I’ll let you be. Because all I want is for you to be happy.”
Quinn’s jade eyes brim with fresh tears, and she looks so utterly miserable, I think she might actually be working up the courage to break up with me. But as her tears spill over once more, she releases a watery laugh. “I didn’t mean it’s too late because I thought you would force me to stay with you,” she chastises. “It’s too late because I love you so desperately, I couldn’t possibly be happy with a normal life if it meant having one without you.”
Her tears flow fast and hard now, but I can’t seem to stop the heady relief from blasting through me and nearly bringing me to my knees.
Cradling the back of her head, I bring my lips crashing down on Quinn’s once more as I kiss her passionately—desperately. Because I’ve never been so grateful in my life. I honestly don’t know what I would do if Quinn ever chose to quit me. I can’t even remember a time before her that I could go back to. She’s like the sunshine that lights the sky. If she left, I would be a cold, lifeless desert, nothing but an empty husk of a man.
And I pour all of that into my kiss as I hold her like the world is ending.
We’re gasping for air by the time I finally relinquish her lips. Still, I hold her close as our staggered breaths come crashing together in the space between us. “As selfish as it might be, I can’t begin to express how relieved I am to hear you say that,” I growl.
Quinn laughs, the sound soft and warm and inviting. “I think you just did,” she says playfully. And she runs her delicate, talented fingers along my temple, combing stray locks from my eyes.
“I love you,” I murmur, pressing my forehead to hers as I close my eyes.
“I love you too, Lance Knight.”
“I have to go,” I say after a poignant moment of silence.
“I know,” she whispers, and yet her arms tighten around my shoulders. “Just…promise me you’ll come home safely—and you’ll bring Killian and Natasha home alive too.”
“I promise,” I murmur, breathing deep to soak up every last ounce of her I can before I go.
Then I press my lips to hers for one last chaste kiss. And with agonizing deliberation, I release Quinn to rejoin Killian before he comes looking for us.