CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE #3
Ilain could read her brother’s moods without fail.
Auden was like the other half of her heart, the steady and even-tempered part.
He wasn’t over Maura—he never would be. Yet, with more than two decades removed from her descent into the Deep, he’d found a means of survival, even if that was through compartmentalizing his heartbreak by means of dedicating his life to healing her.
“I miss her,” Ilain whispered.
“You didn’t know her,” Auden replied, staring at the fire.
Ilain rested her charcoal on the sketchbook’s page and turned to him. “I knew her through you,” she said. “And I miss who you were when she was in your life.”
Auden offered her a weak smile. “I do too,” he admitted.
Ilain took his hand on the terrae between them. “You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to save her,” she insisted for the hundredth time. “I can find a way.”
“There’s no guarantee,” Auden said. “Even if you convince the Day Chancellor to help you, whoever it might be, they will not work endlessly to ensure her salvation. Only I will.”
“Do not forget me,” Ilain countered sharply. “You are not alone in this mission, Auden. And as the most powerful Mage in two centuries,” she raised her brow, “I will make the Day Chancellor find a cure for Maura.”
Auden’s expression grew hesitant, so Ilain tightened her grip. “Then you could be with her,” she whispered. “You’ve no chance with Brea, that we know. And while you may find another Warrior before the Administration demands a pair be Bonded, the odds of you loving her . . .”
He dipped his chin. “I will come to love her,” he said dully.
“And Maura will wake to find that she cannot be with you.” Ilain seared him with her glare. “She will have lost her entire family and the man she loves.”
Auden swallowed, drawing his hand away from hers. “We’ve had this argument many times, Ilain.”
“And you know I’m right.”
“I do. It will hurt to let Maura go, but she will be healed and free, and that is what matters. She can find another husband, and I will be glad knowing I gave her a good life.” He gave her a pointed stare then.
“But if I give up—if I put all my hope in you promising to convince another Day Mage to shunt all responsibility until they find a cure for the woman I love, it may be too late.
“Her body is aging,” he reminded Ilain. “Her mind is decaying. When she comes out of the Deep, she will need great care until she is whole again. If we wait much longer, it will be too late. Her body will deteriorate, and her mind will be wholly gone. Twenty-two years in stasis . . . She’s already dying.
And I will lose her wholly if I don’t save her now. ”
Ilain held his fierce gaze. Auden was never as passionate as when he spoke of Maura. “Do you think I would let that happen?” she asked.
“I don’t think you would have much choice,” Auden said.
His even-tempered mood returned, and he gave her a sad smile.
“I will find another Warrior. We will marry and Bond, and I will save Maura and every other Mage locked in the Deep. That’s my sacrifice for a better future. And it isn’t such a bad one.”
Ilain dipped her chin. She didn’t want to accept his resignation. She wanted to see him happy with the woman he loved. But she either believed what she professed, or she didn’t.
If Auden Bonded with a Warrior, he would come to love her.
Perhaps it wouldn’t be the same love he harbored for Maura, but eventually, their romance would be filled with passion and joy too.
He was right. It wasn’t such a bad sacrifice to make.
Love, power, influence, and the chance to save the life of someone he cared for. Who could reject such a future?
Ilain’s gaze drifted across the camp to where Ethenn sat with Evylin, laughing at something Hewitt had said. Love, power, and influence. That was the future ahead of her too. Marriage to a man she loved, the great power of Bonded magic, and a governing influence over a restored nation.
So why did it feel as though the slightest breeze would snuff out the flame of her happiness?
Ilain’s grip felt loose on her fleeting future. If she didn’t secure their marriage, Ethenn could take it away. He claimed to love her, yet still, he lied to her and rejected her. Why?
Ilain glanced over at Ethenn, her heart squeezing with fear.
This Warrior—observant, keen-eyed hunter that he was—saw through her better than anyone else.
From the start, he’d seen her for who she really was: a fearful, lonely woman whose entire future was founded on the dreams of others.
Ilain acknowledged that she was two-faced and two-hearted.
Half of her longed for the chancellorship.
Half of her wished she could be normal. Simple. Mundane. Loved.
Don’t let people know what you value, and they can’t take it away from you.
Maybe Ethenn had thought he loved her before he truly knew her but was realizing upon closer inspection that she wasn’t what he’d desired after all.
Maybe he recognized the brutal truth of Ilain Calder: She was a fraud and an actress, a fragile doll dressed in gilded gowns and sparkling jewels, who had no more substance than a child’s plaything.
And maybe soon he’d take his love away from her, leaving her with a broken heart.