CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO #2
With a light chuckle, Brea lay back down and fell asleep.
For hours, Thom watched the darkness. He glanced toward the cliffside, towering above them. Deckard and Ethenn were somewhere up there, keeping watch. He sent a silent prayer that they would be safe, as the most exposed members of their party.
With the long-awaited confrontation with Blount approaching, Thom let his thoughts roam to all the mistakes he’d made in his life.
He considered Hewitt’s charges. “How do you best want to serve this world . . . Your purpose is whatever you make it; just make sure it’s a worthy one.
” And he thought of what Evylin had told him in Whickam Village.
“You’re a much different man than when we met. ”
Thom felt different. Everything about how he perceived himself had changed. Contrary to his overinflated sense of self, he was lowly, meek, and unworthy. He was a mortal among gods. And he felt like a fool, thinking he ever could have measured up to them.
He was tired of wanting more, of wishing he could be enough for them. He wanted a small life of little consequence where he didn’t feel so inferior all the time.
“But you wouldn’t be happy.”
Thom propped his arms on his knees. The ocean receded and rose, again and again, fizzing around the pebbled shore.
“I’m under no illusions about your worth.”
Ilain had told him that.
“You’re far better and far more worthy than you think.”
Those were Brea’s words.
Why were so many women trying to get him to see his value? What had he done to deserve their admiration? None of them sought his affection, not even Brea. They were simply affirming his worth because they cared for him.
Was he worthy? He didn’t feel it. But maybe you never did.
Maybe worth wasn’t something you ascribed to yourself. Maybe it could only come from the people who loved you. And just maybe, it wasn’t as great a burden as he thought.
“How do you best want to serve this world?”
Glancing over his shoulder at the two sleeping women, Thom was beginning to have an idea.
24TH OF RADIA, 1574
Thom woke to the bright light of a new day. After his extended shift, he’d woken Brea to trade places when he could no longer remain awake. He’d fallen into a dreamless sleep within moments, his exhausted body all too ready for rest.
Now, the sun was beating down, causing him to squint in its light. He sat up, the pebbled beach shifting under his weight. He brushed the sand from his hair and face as he looked over to find Ilain, not Brea, by his side.
“What time is it?” he asked.
Ilain glanced at the sky. “Close to ten in the morning, I’d assume.”
“Huh.” Thom scanned their alcove, then the shoreline. “Where’s Brea?”
“She went to scout,” Ilain replied. “I think she got bored sitting around.”
Thom smirked. “Can’t blame her.” He unbuttoned his coat in the rising heat of the day. “No Blount yet, I take it?”
Ilain sat a couple of paces away from him, braiding small sections of her curly red mane. Even after a night of rest, she still looked haggard, though her eyes weren’t as shadowed as last night. “No,” she said in a flat, hollow tone.
“We got anything to eat?”
“In the pack.”
Thom retrieved the pack they’d dropped in the corner of the ring-like rock alcove.
Ilain had used it as a pillow the previous night.
While they couldn’t bring much with them, they made sure each group had supplies for after their excursion into the Keep.
The pack held the most meager necessities, such as water, several small rations, and a few medical supplies.
The Relics were safely tucked around Thom’s neck, prepared to hand to Ilain and Brea should circumstances call for it.
With three strips of beef jerky in hand, a specialty from the stall of a Jal’Khoyan merchant, Thom returned to his seat.
He sat next to Ilain, scanning the ocean and beach carefully.
Gulls swooped overhead, and he thought he saw a whale crest the water in the far distance, but otherwise, the world was still.
“So,” Thom broke the silence, “no more Ethenn, eh?”
Ilain turned to him, and he smirked as their gazes met.
With a perturbed roll of her eyes, she turned away again. “No more Ethenn,” she confirmed.
“Wanna tell me about it?”
“Not particularly.”
Thom tapped his knee against hers. “He’s an idiot.”
“Yes, I know,” she replied.
A long pause hung between them.
“Why exactly—?”
Ilain interrupted him before he got the full question out. “Because he doesn’t believe I love him back,” she said.
Thom furrowed his brow. “Did you tell him you love him?”
“I did.”
“Ah.” Thom understood. This was what Ilain worried about from the start.
Because of their previous deal—flirting to discourage Ethenn’s advances—and Thom’s bitter reaction to Ethenn’s ratting him out to Deckard, the young Warrior still thought Ilain’s interest only stemmed from the discovery of his power.
“I’m sorry, Ilain,” Thom said genuinely. “This is my fault. If I hadn’t—”
“No,” Ilain interrupted again. “I mean, yes, it is partially your fault, but . . .” She paused, staring out at the sea. “I was a fool. Everything I thought I felt was selfish. I liked Ethenn from the start, yes, but I didn’t love him—truly love him—until two weeks ago.”