Chapter 47
Audrey
“Your turn,” Dad’s voice pulled me from thoughts I hadn’t even realized I’d fallen into.
We were at the hospital for another chemotherapy treatment, playing checkers.
Dad was taking a minute deliberating his next move, so I’d cast my gaze out the window.
Somewhere between those few seconds, I must’ve drifted off.
Blinking, I returned back to reality and assessed the positions of the few pieces left on the board. “Right. Sorry.” I picked up one of my red pieces and moved it farther away from the one Dad had put closer to it.
“Are you alright?” He asked. “You’ve been quiet today.”
“Yeah,” I murmured. It wasn’t a lie, but the tight knot in my chest said otherwise.
“Hey,” Dad said, setting his hand over mine. “Talk to me.”
Sighing, I tried to gather and compose my thoughts. There was so much running through them that I feared it may not make sense.
“I’ve just been thinking about how often I lose people,” I said after a moment.
“First, my mom. Then, Jordan. Max - the first time and now almost a second time. And now I might lose you too…” Tears pricked at my eyes and I blinked to try to keep them at bay.
“I’m tired of losing people. I already lose enough patients at work.
I… don’t know if I can handle losing any more in my personal life too. ”
“Oh, baby girl.” Dad beckoned for me with his hand. “Come here.”
I stood from my chair and joined him in his, squeezing myself in the space between the arm rest and his body. The safety in his proximity made the tears fall over my cheeks. I pushed my face against his chest to hide them.
Dad threw his IV free arm over my shoulders and squeezed me tight.
“I know the past week has been a lot. Seeing the people you love hurt is definitely scary, and with all you’ve been through, I understand how it might’ve opened some old wounds.
But, everything is going to be okay. Max is already up and moving.
And I’m feeling alright, but we have another appointment with the good doctor on Thursday that should ease all your worries. ”
“But, what if it doesn’t? What if we see your new PET scans and the tumors haven’t shrunk? Or if they’ve spread again?”
“These tumors are aggressive, but they’re not stronger than me. I’ve been fighting with all my might. I promise you I’m not going to lose.”
“We both know you can’t promise me that.”
He sighed. “I know. But you know what I can promise you?”
I looked up at him. “What?”
“I promise to fight long enough to see the next milestones of your life. Because I’m damn sure going to be there, helping you cook, when you host your first Thanksgiving in your own home.
I’m going to walk you down the aisle and give you off to that bad ass little boy.
And I’m going to hold my first grandchild.
Cancer can kiss my ass. I’m not missing any of that. ”
A tiny smile emerged between my tears, like a rainbow after a storm. “You’re one of the best fathers anyone could ask for. Do you know that?”
“One of them?” He asked in feigned hurt. “Oh, right - I almost forgot I was married to a man. You’re right. He’s pretty great too. I don’t know if he’s as good as me, though.”
“Ooo, I’m telling Papa when we get home!”
“And? I’m not afraid of him!”
I raised a disbelieving brow.
“Yeah, you’re right. Let me shut up before he beats my ass.”
Giggling, I lay my head back down on him. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a tight squeeze. “I love you, Dad.”
He kissed my forehead and rested his chin on the top of my head. “I love you too, baby girl. And I’m not going anywhere - not for a long damn time.”