27. Chapter 27
Jake
I’m heading back from my run with Bella when a flash of movement catches my eye from Lottie's terrace. I literally blink before I see her run down the steps and collapse in a heap on the sand.
Rushing over to her, I'm startled by the tears free-flowing down her face. She was fine when we were doing the chair yoga. Although, it almost felt like she was a bit flustered when I touched her leg. Did that upset her? Did I make her uncomfortable? I crouch down next to her, keeping my movements slow to not spook her. I don’t want her to run off, especially when her leg isn’t ready—she’ll end up doing more damage than good.
Bella is all up in her business, wondering why her mama is so sad.
“Lotts?” She doesn’t look up. “Lottie?” She’s still quiet and refuses to look at me, so I grasp her chin gently and bring her gaze to mine.
There is so much emotion swirling through those stormy grey eyes, tear tracks line her face, but even in the state she has worked herself into, she is still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
“What happened?” I’m checking over her face and body, but I can’t see anything.
“I was journalling and I started to spiral, everything is hitting me again, and I just feel so freaking alone. I’ve never been a lonely person—happy in my own company and with my friends—but now I feel so damn alone, and it’s all my fault,” she sobs, bringing her knees up to her chest.
She’s closing in on herself, but one thing she fails to recognize is she is not, and will never be, alone.
“You are not alone, Lottie, you have me. You know this.”
“Do I?” she sneers at me, “Do I really, Jake? One day, this is going to be too much for you. Why would you want to be friends with someone who can’t remember you?
You have plenty of friends, you don’t need me.
I overheard you on the phone to your mom last night, saying I wouldn't need you much longer.”
I pull her into my chest, bringing both my arms around her and my lips to her ear.
“Listen to me and listen carefully, Lotts, because I’m only going to say this once more.
I am not going anywhere, ever. You are my best friend, you have been since we were kids, and you always will be.
Nothing will ever change that, even the fact you can’t remember me doesn’t change that.
It just makes me even more determined to make you regain your memories.
We have been through so much together and you have never ever given up on me, and I am not about to give up on you.
No way. Do you hear me?” I give her shoulders a little shake and feel a slight nod against my chest.
I grab my phone out of my pocket and open a file I’ve had saved for the longest time, something I needed to hear when I was swallowed up in my own grief.
“I’m going to play you something and I really want you to hear it, ok?”
I press play on the file and a sixteen-year-old Lottie starts singing before the notes of a piano also join her.
I have treasured this one time she sang for me, and I’m not ashamed to say I listen to it at least once a week.
“Footprints in the Sand” by Leona Lewis is belted out by Lottie, and it’s the most beautiful thing.
I didn’t even know Lottie could sing or play the piano before that moment.
It’s a card she holds extremely close to her chest, even to this day.
“You probably don’t remember sending me that, but when I was spiraling in and out of depression after losing my dad, no one could get through to me.
You sent me this with your letter and told me you were always there with me, and that I could listen to this anytime and know I had you.
Well, now it’s your turn. Listen to those words, Lotts.
I will always be there, you will never ever get rid of me, ok?
You’re my ride or die, my rock, my lifeline.
You were always someone I could lean on during the tough times. Let me be here for you now.”
She snuggles closer, and I kiss her hair, inhaling her peach and vanilla scent.
“I remember singing that song, I was sitting at the piano in the school music room. No one knew I liked to sing or play—it was something just for me. This is the first time I've actually heard myself sing. I’m glad it helped you at a time when you really needed somebody,” she says into my neck.
“What else made you upset? I'm sure that’s not everything?” I quirk an eyebrow at her.
She huffs and then unloads.
“I feel like I’ve wasted my life. No, that’s not the right words.
I feel like I’ve missed out on so much that now I don’t have any life experience.
I never did the typical teenager stuff, no matter how much Wren tried to make me, and I haven’t really done much as an adult, not that I can remember anyway.
If anything, losing my parents so young has taught me that life is short and I don’t want to be this way anymore, you know?
I want to experience what the world has to offer.
” She takes a shuddering breath before she continues.
“I have a great friendship group, something I never dreamed of having when I was younger, but I’ve always shied away when it came to parties or daring activities. I’m sure you're aware?”
I nod my head. “Sure, you’ve always been a little more introverted, but that’s what I love about you.
That we can sit in the quiet and just watch TV or movies.
But it’s never too late to make a change, let’s write a list of everything you never experienced that you would like to.
Let’s call it a to-do list and we can work through it together.
Even if you have already done it and don’t remember—I won’t tell you.
Let’s treat it as something brand new.” Standing up, I walk back to her house; grab her journal, pen, and a blanket; and head back outside to where Bella is now lying in Lottie’s lap, enjoying ear strokes as my girl comforts herself.
“Right, ok, let’s write it here in your journal, where you can see it every day, and we can cross things off as they happen. It doesn't matter how big or small these things are, if you want to experience it, we’re writing it down, ok?” I flip to a fresh page and start writing.