Chapter 36 Jude
THIRTY-SIX
JUDE
Without another word, she rests her head on my chest and takes a deep breath.
This conversation turned heavy really quickly.
It’s tugging on my heart. I know the uncertainty of the future bothers her, and it may not look the way we want it to, but I’m not letting her slip through my fingers.
I’ll give my last breath to be with her.
As my thoughts consume me, my eyes are heavy and finally close.
The alarm is chiming throughout the room.
It took me a few seconds to get my bearings.
My eyes flicker open, I and realize I’m in Faith’s room and she slept on me the whole night.
I want a life with her—one where she wakes up in my arms every single day.
She stretches her legs and lifts her head to meet my gaze.
“Good morning,” she says with sleepy eyes and a smirk on her face.
At least she isn’t regretting her decision to let me hold her all night. My heart bursts in my chest, and I kiss her on the cheek.
She sits up on the bed and crawls to her nightstand to shut off the alarm.
With an enormous sigh, she slips off the bed and strolls to the bathroom without another word.
I’ll give her some time, but we aren’t leaving this room until she knows I’m serious about moving.
I’m really hoping she just asks me to move, but even if she doesn’t, I’m doing it anyway.
I hear the shower turn on. Throwing my hands behind my head, I decide I’m staying in bed until she gets out.
Everything I need to coordinate to move home plays out in my mind.
Since I have a few minutes, I decide to reach out to my realtor buddy, Gabe.
It won’t surprise him—there’s been numerous times that we discussed my move, I’ve just never taken the next step.
Jude:
It’s go time.
Gabe:
For real this time…?
What an ass. We’ve been friends for a few years now. He helped me find the land that I built my Colorado dream house on.
Jude:
I’ve never been more “for real” in my life.
Gabe:
Oh, this is serious!
Jude:
Yes, I’ll text you when I’m heading back home from Aruba, and we’ll get something on the books.
Gabe:
Sounds like a plan.
The shower shuts off, and there’s some rummaging around in the bathroom.
Then Faith comes strolling out in a fucking towel.
Her skin glistens with lotion. Within minutes, the entire room smells like vanilla.
Between her walking out in a towel and her scent, my cock is trying to bust out of my underwear.
“I’ll finish getting ready, and then I need to head to the lobby.” I feel distance between us, like she has a protective wall up.
I try not to stare at her as she finds her clothes and meanders back to the bathroom.
My shorts sit on the chair, so I get up and put them on, along with my shirt.
I look around the room. There’s not much left of her, except her luggage.
The tension in my body radiates; I don’t want her to leave.
If I could convince her to stay, we could go to Max and Klara’s wedding together.
We’d have more time to talk. Instead, I’m only minutes away from saying goodbye to the woman I love.
All dressed to leave, she packs up the rest of her items. I watch as she puts on the bracelet, and the pride that washes over me is unfathomable.
I really didn’t want a replay from twelve years ago, when she left her ring on the dining room table.
My heart continues to practically combust as I hope we can figure all of this out.
“I’m coming for you,” I whisper, not sure how she will take it.
She stops in her tracks and looks over her shoulder. “What does that mean?”
“Since you haven’t asked me to move home, I’m telling you. I’ll be moved within the week.”
She turns to face me as I stride toward her.
I cup her face in my palms and kiss her like I’m desperate to taste her, desperate to keep her and love her.
She doesn’t hold back and kisses me with the same intensity.
I run my fingers through her hair and hold her head, giving us the time to enjoy this kiss.
I part my lips and dart my tongue into her mouth.
She opens on command, and our tongues slide against each other as our mouths move in sync.
I savor the moment until she pulls away.
Backing away, she whispers, “Jude.”
She leans on the desk and bites down on her lip.
“We have pieces of our lives that don’t necessarily fit together.
I’m worried that this won’t last, and we’ll end up repeating history.
Except this time, there’s more at stake.
Distance is just one piece of our complicated lives.
I’m scared to death that I won’t come out on the other side if we start this and it ends with us breaking up.
My heart wouldn’t survive. I’m not sure I’d survive. ”
Tears well in her eyes. There’s a long pause and deafening silence, and it feels like the earth is shattering.
My heart clenches with a vise that keeps getting tighter and tighter.
It’s like we are both frozen in time after that bomb she just dropped.
If it doesn’t work out, it’ll crush me too, and I doubt I’d ever risk giving away my heart again.
She's worth every ounce of effort I can muster. If she’s not ready to dive into this at the moment, I'll be her support. We have time to sort everything out. What is making this hard is we naturally slipped back into each other’s arms with ease.
It must be daunting for her when she thinks about how it will work once we're back to our regular lives.
I can bear the weight for both of us, standing firm and steady.
She breaks the silence to say, “I need some time and space to figure things out.”
My first reaction is fuck no. I feel the wall of protection she has up. The love of my life is standing in front of me, and I feel like I’m losing her. Every second I stand in front of her she’s slipping away from me.
I do the only thing I know. I take her hands in mine.
While I gaze into her eyes with all the affection, I tell her, “I love you with all of my soul. I loved you then, and I love you now. Nothing is going to change that. You can push me away, but I see the same love in your eyes. I’m never leaving you again.
So you take the time you need to sort through whatever it is you think you need to figure out.
And I’ll be here, making plans for our future.
That’s how much I believe in our love. You may not have the strength right now, so I’m going to carry you until you do.
You are my soulmate, and it’s time we admit that to ourselves.
No more hiding behind the past. It’s our future we need to be looking toward. ”
And with that, I kiss her knuckles on both hands and look into her eyes. “Our love will last forever,” I tell her.
She slides her arms around my neck and tugs me in for a hug that I want to last forever. I grab hold of her hips and pull her in even closer. This moment reflects our love. We are meant to be together, and she knows it too. I wipe away her tears with the pads of my thumbs.
There are things that are holding her back. She wants to give her complete self to me, yet we stand here as doubt and worry lines her face. Reluctantly, I move away from her so she can finish packing up her bag and gather the last of her things.
“I’ll walk you to the lobby, if you’ll let me.”
She gets her luggage zipped and onto the floor.
I take it from her and walk to the door.
We quietly make our way to the lobby. I push her luggage with one hand while threading my fingers through hers with the other.
Thankfully, she doesn’t pull it away. My thumb circles the top of her hand to let her know I’m here and there’s no way in hell I’m giving up on us.
I did that once, and it ended badly. I vow to myself that I won’t let that happen again—not this time.
The lobby is bustling with people this morning; I can only assume most are getting ready for the airport shuttles.
Faith’s friends are already waiting for her.
With everything I can gather, I plaster a smile on my face for her.
I glance over to see a small smile when she sees her friends.
I sense she is struggling with all of this.
There’s been a lot of raw emotions this week, but it’s also been filled with times of pure happiness with a touch of nostalgia.
As I hold onto those memories, I release her hand.
Losing her touch leaves a cold emptiness in the pit of my stomach.
I’m saying goodbye to her, but I don’t want to.
What I really want to be doing is getting on that plane with her.
I also know her, and she needs her space right now.
Her friends are amazing, so I’m hopeful they will take care of her and help her through this time of uncertainty.
I have zero doubt and all the faith and hope that this will work out in the end. The love of my life will be on the other side of the country, and I’m going to close the distance as quickly as possible.
Her fingers wrap around my bicep, and she says, “I had an amazing time with you this week. Thank you for sharing the deepest parts of you. It healed something inside of me and I hope it did the same for you.” She moves her hand to my heart.
“I’ll be looking forward to our date next Saturday, and we can talk some more then. Does that work for you?”
What she doesn’t realize is that I will go to the ends of the earth for her. “That works. I’ll take whatever amount of time you will give me.”
“I still don’t know what we’re doing,” she says, shaking her head.
I know exactly what I’m doing and hope she will catch up to what I see for our future together. “I know, Faith. I heard you. Just remember that I love you.”