Chapter 43
FORTY-THREE
FAITH
With two fingers, Jude gently tilts my chin upward, saying, “I’m here now.”
Yes, he is. In the flesh, not my imagination, he stands inches away.
Did I conjure you with my thoughts?
“How are you here?” I ask, stumbling over my words. My heart rate is out of control. I’m still in awe that he is in my kitchen, holding me, kissing me.
As he slides his hands to my hips, he turns me toward the living room. His body heat radiates, and my nose tickles with the scent of fresh rain—the scent of him. With one hand on my hip, he guides me to the living room. “Let’s take a seat.”
Is everything alright? His tone suggests this might be an intense discussion.
Maybe he’s just visiting his sister and niece, but I can’t shake the hope that he’s here to see me.
A part of me wonders, what if I weren’t here?
What if I had been on a plane to Colorado while he stood at my door?
The thought is both unsettling and strangely comforting.
I patiently wait as both longing and hope flash in his eyes. He grabs my hands in his. The prickling in my hands that travels all the way up my arms heats my body once again.
“I’m honestly not sure where to start, so here it goes.
When we were together in Aruba, it was short…
too short. From the minute you slammed into me in the lobby, I knew there was a reason our paths crossed.
At the time, I wasn’t sure why. When we spent more time together, it confirmed my suspicions.
We were given time—time to talk about all the feelings that have been haunting us for the last twelve years.
” He continues to hold my hands and then raises them to his mouth and presses kisses along my knuckles.
“You have the missing piece of my heart that I didn’t know I was searching for all these years. ”
My mind catches up to what he said. His words hit me as I remember those days in Aruba that we shared.
The time we spent together healed something in my heart, but when I was leaving the resort, it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. With him here with me now, it’s like he’s holding me in a way that I’ve never been held before.
“From the moment you walked through my door, I felt an undeniable pull toward you. My entire being lights up when you’re close to me. Our time in Aruba changed everything. The sharing of our hearts, our hurts, ourselves. It was all to lead us to this moment.”
“I agree, and I felt like our souls intertwined when we were vulnerable. What we went through all those years ago left us with deep wounds that followed us.” I pause.
“I love you, Jude.” And with a swift movement, he lunges at me.
I fall backward onto the couch as he lies on me, kissing me like it’s the last time.
My tongue nudges his lips open, and we move our mouths to a rhythm that is all ours.
His wet mouth on mine soaks my panties, and I’m not sure we will make it through this conversation.
He slows his mouth and hesitantly lifts it a few inches from my face and says, “I love you, too. Holding you in my arms in Aruba sealed it for me. I can’t live without you.
Since I got a taste of having you in my arms and on my chest while you sleep, listening to you breathe, it’s been hard to sleep alone.
You are everything, Faith. And that’s why I’m here.
I need to explain a few things that we didn’t have time to finish talking about.
” He lifts himself up. Grabbing my hand in one swift motion, he sits us both back up on the couch.
“Your feelings matter, and at any point, please interrupt me if you need to say something, anything.” He runs his fingers through his hair as it flops to the side.
“I listened when you said you were scared and worried about me living across the country, the possibility of not being able to have children, and what if I leave again? These are all valid fears. And I’m here to talk them through.
If you don’t mind me explaining myself first, is that okay? ”
Reassuring him, I place my hand on his knee. Not knowing where he is going with this, I still urge him to continue.
“I told you I want kids and that we would figure it out. I wasn’t able to circle back to it that night as we ended up down the rabbit hole talking about how I was living in Colorado.”
I interrupt, “And you’re here?”
“Yes, I’m here for you, Faith. You are my everything. You had the right to question me about why I hadn’t moved.”
“It made me question your intentions of ever leaving Colorado.” My eyes go to my hands, wondering if he is going to move back home.
He touches my chin and tips it upward. Our eyes meet.
“And because of you, I decided…” He looks deep into my eyes and brushes my face.
“I’m selling my Colorado house and moving home.
Actually, I left Aruba Saturday night and made all the arrangements to have my stuff moved to a storage unit, and my buddy, who is a realtor, will list it later this week once everything is ready. ”
“What?” I’m stunned at this confession, yet my heart feels warm from what he said.
He chuckles and says, “I know, I know. It seems fast, but I know it’s the right decision. I want to see if we can work through all of this, move forward, and be together.”
I was heading to Colorado with the purpose of having this very conversation with him. For the past few days, I had been rehearsing the words I wanted to say to him. Then he shows up and shares this with me.
“When are you moving back?” I ask him with a smirk on my face, ready to jump out of my skin as I buzz with excitement.
“Sweetheart, I’m here for good. There’s no reason for me to go back to Colorado…unless you want to visit.”
I can’t contain myself anymore. I hug him as tight as I can and say, “You’re not kidding. You’re really here for good?”
“Yes, I’m here.” As he hugs me back even tighter, he says, “I still can’t believe you were going to fly to Colorado. How did you even know my address?”
“I got your address from Kendall. She called Klara and made her swear to not tell you what I was doing. Surprise. I was hasty in Aruba and left to avoid hurting. Well, I left to avoid having hard conversations. The pain would be too much.” Admitting this is hard for me.
I fear complete destruction, and I’m not sure I can rise again from such pain.
“Flying to Colorado was a brave decision, but I’m so glad I came to you.”
“Wait, how did you get my address?” I ask.
He laughs and rubs his chin. “I don’t think I’m supposed to say, but…Kendall, and she might have insisted I get here right away. But she didn’t tell me why.”
Faith shakes her head and says, “Kendall. Yep, that makes sense. Wait, so she knew you were here?”
“She found out, like, an hour ago. I wouldn’t hold it against her.”
“I won’t. She always has good intentions. So, where are you staying?”
“I have a short-term rental on Mirror Lake.”
“Jude! You’re staying on the lake.”
He pulls me closer. “Yes, sweetheart. Our lake. Then, once my house sells, I want to build a house on the lake.” I’m practically on his lap, so I decide to slide all the way on.
Unable to resist being as close to him as possible, I straddle him, wrap my arms around his neck, and move ever so slowly to nip at his bottom lip.
His firm hands grab my hips, and he kisses me.
With his tongue sliding over my lips, he coaxes me to open.
I oblige. A trill shoots through my body as heat builds between my legs.
The longer we kiss, the harder he feels between my legs. I grind my hips to ease my aching clit.
Breaking away, I say, “What about your business?” But talking doesn’t stop me from moving my hips, and I whimper in his ear.
He tilts his head to the side and slides his fingers down a strand of my hair and says, “You keep doing that and we won’t be talking anymore.”
I ease up because I want to finish talking to him. “Okay,” I say. There’ll be time for this later.
“You don’t need to worry. But, to settle your mind, Boston is a hub for a lot of my business.
I also have some business alliances there, too.
In the past, work took me away from home.
I used to consider myself a nomad with a home base in Colorado.
The conversation we started got me thinking; I want to travel less.
Unless you want to come with me on a trip. ”
“But you loved all the travel…you said it yourself.”
“Faith, I do love to travel, but it gets lonely. Here, I’m making this my home again, putting down roots.
At any point, I can travel. Right now, I’m choosing not to.
I’ve already met with my team, and they are taking over some of the photoshoots I have on the docket.
I reduced my calendar for the next couple of months so I can focus on us. ”
“Us?”
“I came across the country to sit here with you and tell you I want this—you and me. I’m quite literally upending my life for a chance with you and spending more time with you to see where this goes. I know there’s a lot to discuss and work through, but I’m here to figure it out.”
Staying on him, I need to be close. He walked away from his house in Colorado to be here with me.
When he said he’d move, I thought he was just saying what I wanted to hear.
But he actually did it—and in record time.
It warms my heart. We might have a shot at this.
There’s still one more hurdle, though—a big one.
We need to discuss kids. With that, my heart drops to my stomach and I slump down.
Again, Jude takes his fingers and tips my chin up to meet his eyes. He says, “I love you, no matter what happens. You are worth it. Please, give me a second chance, give us a chance at a future together.”
I breathe out and say, “I want that, too. There’s an elephant in the room that we need to discuss—having kids.” Not knowing if I can finish without crying, I look out the window. “It’s important.”
“It is. I agree. And I want to be completely honest with you. Will you hear me out?”
Looking back at him, I say, “Yes.”
“Yes, I want kids, but I want you to know that when I say we will figure it out, I mean it. Until you asked, I never even imagined myself having children because I never had someone to share my life with. I thought I’d be a bachelor forever.”
I stare at him as unease spreads through me. I want kids, too, but I don’t know if I can get pregnant. Trauma burrows itself inside, and it won’t let you go, no matter how much work you put in. It’s still there. I’m trying like hell to keep an open mind as he speaks.
He continues with so much love in his voice. “I’d want to try. I don’t want to close the door completely. If we can’t have children naturally, there are so many options. It’s a nonissue for me. But what I won’t do is push you into doing anything you don’t want to.”
This puts a huge smile on my face, and my chest loosens. He captivates me as he shares his thoughts on kids. His voice is shaky and loving.
“I also want kids, Jude. And I absolutely want to try. It’s just…
there was this client a few years ago…” Needing to collect myself with a deep breath to continue, I say, “Her husband left her after trying to have a baby for three years. She never told him she had an abortion, and that’s why maybe she couldn’t get pregnant.
It stuck with me. I fear I’m damaged goods. ”
Jude wipes my tears and holds my face. “You’re not damaged goods,” he says. “No matter what happens, you are a beautiful, capable, and loving woman. And I will give you everything you want.”
I dip down, and my lips meet his. He claims my mouth with his kiss, fusing us together.
My entire body melts into his. Drawing back slightly to rest my head on his shoulder, I wrap my arms around him.
He is massaging my back with his strong hands, and my tears dry up.
My heart is full with him here confessing his love, his deepest, most personal thoughts, and holding me like he never wants to let me go.
I could stay in his arms forever as he caresses my body to help me feel calm, and his affection surrounds me.
“Please never let me go.”