Chapter Nine - Harley #2
Squinting, Harley considered Axel’s statement and searched for the right word. “You might mean existential.”
“Would you motherfuckers please stop correcting me? Do I got to explain context clues to you like I did Tabitha? Do you learn nothing in school?”
“I’m not trying to offend you. I’m trying to help you.”
“Don’t the word you said mean thinking about your existence and reflecting about stuffs?”
“Well yeah, but–”
“No buts. Unless I’m wrong-wrong, stop correcting me. It’s taking too much time. You and me are equals. Understand?”
Harley smiled. “I do.”
“Back to my playlist. I want you to play Shots Fired, Anxiety, and Savage, the one with Beyonce. Also play Halo and Formation by Queen Bey. Good Time by Alan Jackson. But I especially want you to play Bad Blood and Shake It Off by Taylor Swift.”
“You have a very interesting playlist.”
“All songs I like, but they’re for you, except ThaPlug’s song. That’s mine.”
“You chose the others for me?”
“Will I be able to hear those motherfuckers, Harley?” Axel asked impatiently.
“We can’t use the stereo system, so yeah, they’re for you to listen to and shake away all the bad stuffs.
Yeah, you was a miserable cunt to CJ and Uncle Mort.
Spoiled rather than abused,” he went on before Harley thought of a response.
“But you’re nice again. All you have to do is own your miserable cuntness, apologize and mean it, and stop being sad.
You spilled the milk. A lot of it. If you want to be with us again, we won’t tell you no.
You just have to remember you can’t put the milk back in the bottle.
Don’t spill no more. Even Reb might forgive you. ”
“Axel!” Winnie screamed, barreling into the natatorium at breakneck speed and launching herself into Axel’s arms, almost knocking him off his feet. She kissed his cheek. “I missed you.”
Scowling, Axel snatched himself away. “I just left you a few minutes ago. You need more friends if you miss me that quick.”
“Be nice, Ax,” Mattie said, gliding into the room.
Like Winnie, she was dressed in a one-piece bathing suit. Unlike Winnie, she wore no swim cap.
“Hey, Harls,” Mattie greeted, smiling at her then nodding to her clothes. “Where’s your bathing suit?”
“I don’t feel like swimming.”
“Aww man. I was hoping you’d be my wingman since Rebel won’t set foot near a swimming pool.” Mattie glanced between Axel and Winnie. “No funny business. Understand?”
“I’ll watch from outside the pool,” Harley promised, worried about Rebel, although she understood. “First sign of trouble, I promise I’ll jump in.”
“Let’s go to the dive board, Winnie,” Axel declared.
“Absolutely not!” Mattie cried. “You two aren’t going in the deep end.”
“I know how to fucking swim, Mattie,” Axel said with indignation.
“Winnie isn’t a strong swimmer,” Mattie said.
“Then Winnie should’ve stayed with Reb,” Axel replied.
“But I missed you,” Winnie said. “And Reb won’t come to the pool, even though I got a bathing suit just like the one she bought. She just wants to stay in her room or go on walks. She’s boring.”
Axel narrowed his eyes. “Reb’s not boring,” he yelled. “She still got a cast on her hand, stupid. Rule hurt her bad and if you ever talk about my sister again, I won’t never talk to you.” Throwing her a look of disgust, he turned and stormed off, not bothering with the pool or the playlist.
Folding her arms, Winnie walked to a chaise lounge, burst into loud tears, and face-planted.
An hour later, Harley absorbed the silence of her suite.
Mommie and Daddy designed all the bedrooms in the kid’s wing to be north facing for its consistently soft lighting, which Harley appreciated, although she preferred her bedroom at home.
Despite its bigger size, she didn’t like the black and white color scheme, colors that Mommie said went with anything in case Harley ever changed her curtains or comforter.
Normally, when Rebel and Mattie visited with Harley, they slept in the white bunk room, right down the hall. All three of them had their own rooms but chose to sleep in the bunks because of Winnie.
After their mad escape yesterday afternoon, Reb, Mattie, Brynn Mason, and Winnie sat in the rec area, but didn’t invite Harley, so she’d trudged to her room. Later, Aunt Zoann came and kissed her goodnight, but no one else.
During breakfast, everyone except Rebel was civil to her. No, scratch that. Rebel wasn’t uncivil. She just ignored Harley altogether.
Now, she sat in her room–alone. The peace and solitude should’ve comforted her.
She was out of the range of Nardo’s fists and vitriol and away from Pillar of Earth’s demands.
But her isolation and loneliness was about to drive her insane, aided by the pain and humiliation of Nardo’s abuse and Pillar of Earth’s threats.
Drawing in deep breaths, Harley thought about asking one of her aunts or her grandmother if they had a way to play music. They didn’t own CD players because they all relied on digital entertainment.
“Knock, knock,” Aunt Zoann called, the words accompanied by a tap on Harley’s door. “Are you in there, Harley?”
She jumped to her feet and ran to the door. Pasting a smile on her face, she opened it and stepped aside.
Aunt Zoann held up a makeup travel case but didn’t come into the room. “Feel like a little company?”
Harley swallowed back the tears suddenly lurking in her eyes and nodded.
“Oh, baby.” Aunt Zoann hugged her. “Everything will be fine, Harley.”
“Everything feels upside down, Aunt Zoann,” Harley said, clinging to her.
“Come on.” Releasing Harley, Aunt Zoann walked into the room and sat the case on her desk. “If you don’t feel like mani/pedis, we can sit and talk.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“We can also go over your lines for your play. I can’t wait until everyone hears your solo. You have a beautiful voice.”
“Honestly, I don’t know what our production of Romeo and Juliet has turned into. A musical hip-hop revamp? It’s unrecognizable."
“Thank God for small favors,” Aunt Zoann retorted.
Harley smiled. “You don’t like Shakespeare either?”
“That’s Kendall and Mattie’s forte, baby. And yours.”
“It used to be CJ’s,” Harley said morosely.
Aunt Zoann nodded. “He did anything to make you happy, although I think he does like The Bard.”
“Does Ryan?”
A small smile tipped Aunt Zoann’s lips. “Did you ask him?”
“No,” Harley said, flushing. She looked at her toes. “I-I’m sorry.”
“What are you apologizing for, baby?”
Harley didn’t know. She’d gotten so used to saying sorry, it just came naturally. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I-I’m just in a lot of pain.”
“I know,” Aunt Zoann said, mistaking Harley’s meaning.
When Aunt Zoann signed Harley out of school, she’d just had a run-in in a theater closet with Nardo.
“How about I ask for a truce on your behalf, sweetheart?” Aunt Zoann said. “At dinner. Bygones are bygones while we’re here.”
“I-I’d like that, although I don’t think Rebel will agree.”
“She probably won’t. You hurt CJ terribly, but you also hurt Roxy and Mortician.”
“I understand.”
“Why don’t we do our nails later or tomorrow? We can go downstairs and help out in the kitchen.”
“Mommie usually allows the staff to prepare our meals while we’re here,” Harley said. “Don’t you remember last summer?”
“I do, but we want to do it. When I came up here, they were pulling out wine glasses. If Rebel and Mattie have a glass, would you like me to call Bailey and ask permission for you to have a little?”
“She won’t care. She won’t let me come back home.”
“You hurt her.”
“I hurt Daddy, too.”
“You did, and he didn’t deserve that. I don’t sanction you putting your hands on your mother or your grandmother nor do I like the disrespect, but you gave Bailey a taste of her own medicine.
Karma is a motherfucker when it’s served piping hot, while the bullshit you gave out is still fresh on everyone’s minds. ”
“I figured you ran off to Harley, sugar,” Lolly said, walking into the room, holding a wine glass.
“Everyone was downstairs except Harley,” Aunt Zoann said.
“We can use the extra hand, Zoann,” Lolly said, still not looking at Harley. “Go downstairs. We’ll be down in a minute.”
“I’ll save you a spot right next to me, Harley,” Aunt Zoann promised, and left her alone with her grandmother.
Eyeing her, Lolly sipped from her wine. “Vacation over from your Land of Bitch?”
Harley swallowed.
“Wasn’t too much fun there, was it?”
“No. I’m sorry–”
Lolly raised a hand and halted Harley. “Apologies are easy. They are just words. The truth comes with your actions.”
“I’m trying to be the old me again, Lolly.”
She snorted. “Child, don’t take a fucking step backwards. I’m not interested in the old you. I’m interested in the new and improved you. The one who learned from her fucking mistakes. The only fucking time you look back is when you want to reminisce, not to recapture shit best left in the past.”
“But everyone hates me.”
“No one hates you, Harley. Least of all me. If I hated you, I wouldn’t have been so devastated by your behavior.
“A-Axel told me to play Shake It Off,” she said, not knowing how to respond. Her grandmother didn’t want her apology. “He wanted me to listen to the words and follow the advice.”
Setting her glass on the nightstand, Lolly smiled and walked to the window, her bare feet sinking into the carpet. “At the moment, he’s downstairs in a corner of the kitchen, rolling dough for rolls.” She shook her head and laughed. “Flour is everywhere, including on him and Winnie.”
Harley chuckled. “Why is he doing that?”
“He says he wants to contribute to the meal as the man of the house.”
“Oh.”
“It’s such a beautiful view.” Lolly turned and faced her. “The ballroom I met your granddaddy in is long gone, but every time I set foot in this place, I have memories I would love to forget.”
“I never knew you…you’ve been involved in the club for a long time,” Harley amended, ashamed at how she’d spurned her grandmother’s story when she tried to share it weeks ago.
“What good would it have done anyone if I talked about my experiences, sugar?”
“It would’ve helped–”
“Uh-uh, Harley. Don’t tell that flaming fucking lie.
I shared what I did to help you, but you didn’t give a fuck.
It wouldn’t have helped a motherfucker or her momma.
It just would’ve been more bullshit added to that deep pit.
Being in this space, knowing I almost didn’t make it out alive, still affects me.
Since you turned into Super Bitch, I’ve told myself that if I had walked away and not gotten with K-P…
” She forced a smile to her lips and shrugged, then sailed to her wine and gulped it down.
“Then I wouldn’t have my Bailey. I wouldn’t have you and your brothers.
But knowing it’s because of what happened in this space that I’m watching another generation in my family suffer because of motherfucking Sharper Banks, I can’t help but question my decisions. ”
“It isn’t because of Granddaddy, Lolly,” Harley said sadly. “Not with me. My misery is my own doing.”
“Your misery started because of the club, sugar. As did mine and your momma’s.” Lolly heaved in a breath and sat on the edge of Harley’s bed. “I wonder if maybe you, Bailey, and Kaleb should move here.”
Alarm raced through Harley. “What about Daddy and Lou?” And CJ, although she kept that to herself.
“What about them, baby? Your daddy’s miserable. He left Bailey and is living at the club. Not that I blame him. I would’ve left that heifer too.”
Harley rushed to her grandmother and sat next to her, bursting into tears. “Do something, please.”
“Oh, sugar.” Just like Lolly did so many times before, she settled an arm around Harley’s shoulders and pulled her close. “Their marriage might be beyond repair.”
“No, please!” Harley leaned her head against her grandmother and sobbed. “Please, help them.”
“I can’t do what your momma isn’t willing to, Harley. Does she have her own scars and trauma? She does, but that man love Bailey. He’d use everything in his power to help her, if she wanted fucking help. Nobody knows what the fuck she wants because she don’t know.”
“Maybe if she had the baby?” As much as Harley didn’t want another sister, it didn’t matter if it meant her parents wouldn’t divorce. “I’m so sorry! I swear I am. I just want to turn back the clock–”
“You can’t, Harley. What’s done is done. We can only pray for the best. Now, let’s go downstairs and help with the meal. Tomorrow, I can braid your hair if you’d like.”
Harley nodded. “Would you? I’ve missed my braids so much.”
Lolly got to her feet and held out her hand, helping Harley to stand. “You and me got a long way to go, baby. You hurt me, but I will always love you. Just know this: if you fuck over me again, I’ll love you from afar and never fucking talk to you again.”
“Okay.”
After hugging her again and kissing her cheek, Lolly took Harley’s hand and guided her out of the room.