Chapter 15b Kendall #3
“I thought so too. But she sounded so sad and distraught. I think…I think she’ll be perfectly happy living with me and her brothers somewhere else.”
“Johnnie is going to give you a lot of push back, baby.”
“Not if I leave Rory,” Kendall whispered, deflating again.
“Rory loves me, but it’s Johnnie who has his complete devotion.
He sees nothing wrong with protecting that motherfucker, even though he’s endangering his own life.
” She crawled closer to Roxy and leaned her head on her shoulder.
“What do I do?” she said hoarsely. “Rory needs me too. I can be a buffer when Johnnie leaves him out to hang. He’s a minor as well.
If I walk away and leave him, that will affect him.
If I force him to come with me, that will affect him.
But my sweet, beautiful Mattie. I don’t know all the particulars of what happened with those two assholes and I’m waiting for her to open up.
However, it can’t be easy for her with Johnnie acting as he has been.
What do I do? How do I protect my sons and my daughter? ”
“Three years is a long time to suffer Johnnie’s behavior, sugar. When Rory turns eighteen, he’ll be an adult. If you want to leave with Mattie, JJ, and Blade, it’ll be up to him to choose. You wouldn’t abandon him, and you wouldn’t force him to your will.”
“Do you think I’m a bad person for wanting to leave Johnnie?”
Roxy stroked her hair, the mother Kendall never had. “I think you’re a strong woman who knows Johnnie doesn’t deserve you. He refuses to straighten the fuck up. He’s stuck on stupid.”
“Am I horrible for still loving him?”
“You’re human, Kendall. The heart and the head aren’t always in sync.”
“I’ve tried to stop loving…sometimes, I hate him so much. But I’m always so scared when he leaves, he won’t return. That he’ll be killed or just disappear. He has turned into a two-faced, whiny bitch that’s forgotten his place at Outlaw’s side.”
“He’s Christopher to you, sugar. Remember?”
“That just made Johnnie worse,” Kendall said on a quiet sob. “I felt so accepted. Like the family I always wanted finally accepted me despite everything. I was a real sister-in-law. A sister.” She sniffled. “I know that sounds so silly.”
“No, it doesn’t. Everyone else had Outlaw’s approval and validation as a family member. Except you.”
“Besides you, Mort, and Meggie, the only one who ever saw me that way was my father. Not even Johnnie.”
“Your children value you. Those kids love you. Zoann. Bunny. Val. Knox.”
Kendall remained silent. Knox had never and would never truly like her.
“Ophelia—”
“Oh, fuck that sniveling bitch.”
Roxy laughed.
“And don’t bring up Bailey’s name.”
“I won’t, sugar. I’m madder than a motherfucker at her, too. I want to shake that bitch.”
“You’re just hurt,” Kendall grouched, holding that against Bailey as well. “She put you out of her house and disrespected you terribly.”
“I’m over my fucking hurt. I’m pissed again. She’s about to lose a good man and for what? Who the fuck knows?”
“Have you and Harley made up?”
“We’re on the road,” Roxy said softly. “That baby needs me, her mama, and her daddy. She needs all of us. Now that she’s more receptive, I think I can finally reach her.”
“We have to talk to Mort,” Kendall agreed. “He’s probably holding out for Bailey, so they could go to Harley together. But he’s her father. At least, he can have a talk with his baby girl and see how she feels about him.”
Roxy got to her feet. “You’re right, sugar. We’re going to make that happen, and fuck Bailey. First, though, we got to put a bug in Symphony’s ear and a fist in her fucking mouth. Stay the fuck away from my daughter’s husband.”
“I’m all for having Tee fire her. However, she lives near the diner. If Mort runs into her, she might start pressuring him all over again.”
Adjusting the belt on her silk robe, Roxy gave Kendall an under-eyed look. “That’s a forty-seven-year-old motherfucker, baby. He should be above peer pressure.”
“He’s hurt and he’s lonely. Maybe not peer pressure, but an urgent need percolating in his balls.”
“You so fucking stupid,” Roxy said around guffaws. She hugged Kendall, then kissed her cheek. “Mort’s lucky to have you as a little sister and I’m lucky to have you as one of my babies.”
Kendall nodded. “Thank you.”
“My advice to you?”
“What?”
“If you want to stay for the next three years for Rory, keep Mattie close to you. Minimize her contact with Johnnie. Start planning where you’ll live and life without Johnnie and the club in your day-to-day life. Build your own nest egg.”
“Okay,” Kendall whispered in a ragged voice.
“Most of all, baby, remember that it’s okay to change your mind. If that motherfucker finds his fucking brain again and earns your trust again, becomes the father that Mattie deserves, and you decide you want to stay, no one will hold it against you.”
“And sex?”
“Do you want sex with him?”
“Sometimes. Recently, though, I don’t. He isn’t the man I re-committed myself to after my recovery. He doesn’t deserve my body.”
“If that’s how you feel, that’s what you do.”
“If he cheats, I’m leaving sooner than three years.”
“If that motherfucker cheats, I’ll help you leave whenever that is.”
“Thank you so much, Roxy. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I’m not going anywhere, so you won’t have to find out, sugar.” She nodded toward the pillow. “Under the covers, missy.”
Smiling, Kendall scrambled to do Roxy’s bidding. The moment her head hit the pillow, Roxy pulled the covers over Kendall and tucked her in, then kissed the top of her head.
“Sweet dreams, baby.”
Kendall smiled sleepily, the stress of the day and the copious amounts of wine finally catching up. “Same to you, Roxy,” she whispered, and closed her eyes.