Chapter Twenty-Nine – CJ
Everything felt uneven. Minutes were like hours and hours felt like days. After CJ turned away from his mother, he’d noted all the different things crammed into a day. Now that she was gone, he counted every second, waiting for her return.
But his days were even more endless. Especially with Axel back home. CJ had never taken himself as the jealous type. He’d always been secure in his place in his parents’ lives. They’d had so many children, he’d almost had no choice. Mom was always there, though, no matter what.
He'd always been there for her, too. No matter what. Protecting her. At one time, the terror Axel rained on Dad would’ve been CJ’s idea, his doing.
Right around the time he turned ten or eleven, Mom and Dad began laying down the law, setting the rules.
Respect adults. Take care of your younger siblings.
Get good grades. Protect Mom. The list seemed fucking endless with little room for interpretation.
Since his overdose, though, he’d lost himself. His confidence. His sense of safety. Accepting Molly’s death was another blow. He couldn’t seem to get out of his head or his misery. Compounded by Rule’s breakdown and Rebel’s near drowning, Mom leaving was the shit topper on a sludge cake.
“Mr. Caldwell?”
At the sound of Billson calling his name, CJ straightened in his seat.
“Miss Ratcliffe is waiting for her partner.” The teacher nodded toward the lab tables.
Frowning, CJ half-turned, his gaze clashing with sky blue eyes. She waved at him. Her legs were endless in the uniform skirt and as golden as the rest of her skin.
CJ scrubbed a hand over his eyes. He’d gotten little sleep, too restless after he cleaned up his parents’ bedroom with Bishop’s help.
Axel’s deteriorating view of him hurt his feelings.
He also wanted to talk to his mother. Ask her once again to come home.
It wasn’t until sometime this morning that he remembered the bruises he’d seen sprinkled over his father’s body.
He still didn’t know what happened because Dad hadn’t come down for breakfast.
“Mr. Caldwell, go to the lab table or go to the principal’s office.”
CJ had gone to school today because he hoped by the time the last bell ended and he got home, his mother and sister would be there.
Hours upon hours of waiting for Mom’s call and scared she wouldn’t come home didn’t help his frame of mind.
Yet, he didn’t want to be there either. He no longer knew where he wanted to be. Where he belonged.
A big part of him truly missed school, though CJ knew he couldn’t admit that to Dad because of his complete about face on CJ’s future in the club. Mom leaving sidelined Dad’s determination to…to…whatever. Honestly, he no longer knew how Dad felt or what he wanted from him.
Once, his entire life had been defined, laid out for him with little say from him. It just was.
CJ would be the club’s president, taking on Dad’s positions. National Prez and Prez of the MC—mother chapter.
Fuck. No wonder Ryan had epic crash outs. None of their fathers ever considered that it might be a good fucking idea to wait until their sons developed personalities to see which kid fit in what position. With all the boys in the family, that would’ve been the only fair way.
Instead, it was just assumed CJ would be the next Outlaw, Rory the next Uncle Johnnie, and Ryan the next Uncle Val.
CJ wanted to be Prez. With every fiber of his being and every breath in his body. But Dad…
He bowed his head, still teetering on the verge of a breakdown.
It wasn’t as if he could talk to a counsellor. Most of his problems originated in the club around issues he could never discuss outside of that insulated world.
“Mr. Caldwell—”
CJ clenched his jaw, glanced away, so very hurt inside. “She isn’t Molly.”
Billson’s irritation slid away. “I understand.”
“You promised me I could work on our project.” It didn’t matter that she was gone.
CJ would never forget her. He’d do everything in his power to honor her memory.
Working on the project with another girl—even as one as pretty as Skye Ratcliffe—betrayed Molly in his mind.
He lifted his gaze to the teacher. “Please, sir.”
Billson smiled kindly and placed a hand on CJ’s shoulder. “You can, Mr. Caldwell. In your spare time. Miss Ratcliffe needs a partner and I’ve chosen you. Under your tutelage, Molly’s overall grade increased. I know you miss her, but this student needs your assistance. You’re my brightest student.”
“Thank you.”
CJ still didn’t move.
“Do you have football practice today?”
“The coaches are out of town.” He probably wouldn’t have gone anyway.
“Ahh.” Patting his shoulder, Billson backed away and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Coach Yancy has been contacting all your teachers, asking what has to be done to raise your grades.”
CJ didn’t care.
“As I see it, it’s the bare minimum.”
The words surprised CJ and his gaze flew to the teacher’s.
“You were a very good student. You still are in my class since you turn in your notes and observations through your portal. Above and beyond what’s expected of you, Mr. Caldwell.”
“I-I don’t understand.”
“I’m almost certain you do,” Billson retorted. “Let me ask you a question. Do you honestly think your teachers would fail you given who your parents are?”
“Lumbly did,” CJ mumbled.
“And he’s no longer with us as a result.”
CJ started.
“He left without a goodbye to any of us.”
Oh.
“As long as you put in the bare minimum, you will be fine.”
“That isn’t fair to the other students.”
“Life isn’t fair, Mr. Caldwell. You have incredible resources at your beck and call. Use them.”
“Are my brothers, cousins, and sister passing because they’ve learned something or because they have special dispensation?”
“Are they you?”
“What?”
“Forget I said that.” He nodded to the table. “You don’t have long to help her, so she can pass this class.”
Annoyance took away CJ’s reticence, but he gritted his teeth and swallowed what he wanted to say.
“No response to that?”
“So you can send me to the principal’s office? No thank you.”
A small smile tipped Billson’s mouth and he folded his arms. “When I was hired, your name came up.”
“I didn’t realize I was such a legend. That’s my dad’s department. Who, as I’ve been repeatedly reminded, I am not.”
“You shouldn’t want to be. The elder Mr. Caldwell has lived his life, carved out his own reputation beyond these walls.
But you? Here? You were the legend. I was told you were the BMoC.
Star quarterback. Star pupil. Sharp comebacks.
Engaging conversations. The one who’d keep his younger brothers in line.
An all-around leader and a fine young man. ”
“I have a sister…sisters.”
“One Miss Caldwell is a force to be reckoned with. The other Miss Caldwell is a newborn. My point is, Mr. Caldwell, where is that student?”
“Obviously no longer the Big Man on Campus.”
“You’ve all but dropped out of school.”
“My dad needed me.”
“Does he still?”
“Does it matter? I’m lost. He asked for my help because I couldn’t focus here.
Even though I love football. Now, he says I can’t…
he won’t let me…” CJ bowed his head. “I won’t have football or the club.
My mom’s gone. Dad’s insane.” He slapped a hand over his mouth.
If he didn’t shut up, he’d have CPS knocking on Dad’s door. “It isn’t as bad as it sounds.”
“Have you talked to your father?”
Dropping his hand, misery pouring into him, CJ shrugged. “His mind is made up, sir.”
“And you’ll just accept that?”
“What am I supposed to do? Dad…Mom…Uncle Mort…” He released a frustrated breath. “Everyone expects me to follow orders. Follow the rules.”
“Great leaders aren’t afraid to express themselves, offer their opinions no matter who they’re up against, and stand up for what they believe in.”
“I tried to do it here, but you still threatened me.”
“It was the wrong fight, Mr. Caldwell. You did oppose me and I compromised.”
“Is it?” CJ snapped. “We both know I can only submit one project. Skye’s here. Molly isn’t. You’ve made the choice for me.”
Another small smile. “I’ve already gotten special permission on your behalf to enter the project you began with Molly and whatever you come up with Skye. If you’re interested that is.”
CJ narrowed his eyes. “You weren’t going to tell me?”
“I don’t make exceptions for students who simply fall in line. My life’s much simpler that way. It gives me the time I need to mentor students who have leadership skills. Now, please go to Miss Ratcliffe. There’s only ten minutes of class left.”
Years of respecting adults were ingrained in him. As annoyed as he was and as much as he wanted to ignore the teacher’s directive, he couldn’t. He sighed, got to his feet, and grabbed his backpack.
“Mr. Caldwell?”
Gritting his teeth, CJ didn’t bother turning around. “Sir?”
“Legends aren’t made. They’re born.”
Unsure what that meant, CJ didn’t respond. He went to where Skye Ratcliffe sat, near one of the windows. Sunlight haloed her, sparkling in her honey-colored hair, and bathing her in brightness.
“I-I’ve taken notes for us,” she started hesitantly.
He’d been a giant asshole to her the day they met. “Thank you,” he said politely.
“I loathe science.”
“I enjoy it a lot.”
“My favorite subject is art.”
“You like to draw?”
She nodded. “And paint.”
“Oils and watercolor?”
“What do you know about art?” she asked, her tinkly laugh lifting something inside of him.
“We have a lot of art books in our library.”
“I didn’t know that. Is there a maximum number of books to check out?”