Chapter Thirty – Diesel #2
“Then why do you want me?” he asked without censure, truly wanting to know.
She floundered for an answer at his unexpected question.
“You’re fucking gorgeous,” she finally said. “You have a beautiful big dick that you know how to use to please a woman. You’re charming at times. And you’re wealthy. Why wouldn’t I want you?”
“Because we never should’ve married. I resented you for it.”
“I don’t care,” she said, tossing her hair. “We are married.”
“I don’t want you, Tabitha. I’m sorry if that hurts you and I’m sorry for being such a fuckhead. I don’t love you.”
Her professionally arched eyebrows lifted. “Do you even believe in love? Would you recognize it?”
“Does it fucking matter?” he snapped. “I know how it feels when it isn’t there.”
“You’re such a fuckhead,” she snarled, backing away and folding her arms. “All because you can’t overcome your mommy issues.”
He roared to his feet. “Shut your fucking mouth.”
“Fuck you. She probably took one look at your whiny face and couldn’t run fast enough.”
“That isn’t fucking true!” he snarled, storming to her. “She was hurt. My father hurt her. She doesn’t even know I existed.”
Tabitha narrowed her eyes. “Who told you that?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said tightly.
“Nope. Sure doesn’t. Only you and your stupid fuckheadness. No, your need to be miserable. I’m sure precious Aunt Meggie created that story to soothe the hurt in her poor son,” she said viciously.
“That isn’t true! And I don’t want her name to pass your fucking lips. You don’t have the fucking right.”
“Fuck you. Who told you that bullshit, Diesel?”
Clamping his mouth shut, he glared at her.
“Let me tell you what I really fucking think, you fucking asshole. If someone told you that, it was either to make you feel better or to get under your fucking skin. That bitch left you. She didn’t want you.”
“Shut the fuck up, Tabitha. Better yet, get the fuck out of my face.”
“Make me. You’re so pathetic you’ll believe anything anyone tells you just to make yourself feel better. Suddenly, she was too hurt to find you or to remember you? Bullshit. She didn’t want you,” she repeated, laughing wildly.
Diesel hated her so fucking much.
“You’re a sad sack piece of shit. A little bitch. A weak cunt,” she spat, swinging at him. “A spineless, fuckface coward who doesn’t deserve to be loved.”
He grabbed her and shook the fuck out of her.
She cackled, goading him to no fucking end. That’s what she did best. Pushed him to the fucking brink of killing her. Standing on tiptoes, she kissed him. There was nothing soothing in her touch. It was wild and ugly. His cock strained against his zipper threatening to burst free.
Lust darkened her eyes and flushed her face.
Her fingers traced the outline of his dick.
“This is all you’re really good for,” she told him.
“Fucking. She left you because she couldn’t believe she pushed such a crybaby out of her pussy.
What woman in her right mind could ever love a motherfucker like you? ”
His breath sawed in and out of his lungs and he buried his fingers in her hair, snatching her head back. He started to speak, not knowing what he might say.
“Was it Meggie?” she demanded, opening her fucking mouth again. “Or that little cunt, Rebel?”
He twisted her hair. “Do you like living, cunt?” he demanded, guilt, anger, and pain colliding, tipping him over the edge. Back to the place he’d been before his run-in with Skylar, where he just didn’t give a fuck. “If you want to continue breathing, leave my mom and sister alone.”
She stared at him, her mood changing yet again. “I have coke at the condo,” she said. “Let’s go there. You can lick it off my cunt.”
“Tabitha—”
“Lay a line on my back and snort it up with a rolled up hundred.”
“Stop.”
“You want to fuck me and you want drugs. I can see it in your eyes. The hopelessness. I can make you feel good. You can fuck me in the ass. Flood my pussy with your load.”
Dragging her to his desk, he lifted her dress and ripped away her lacy thong. He unbuckled his belt, yanking it off and using it to bind her wrists behind her back. She was too cocky to be scared, laughing as he restrained her.
“Feeling kinky today?” she purred, wiggling her plastic ass and trying to entice him.
It didn’t. Her desperation had the opposite effect.
His hard cock disgusted him, because even if Jana didn’t care whether he was faithful, he wouldn’t cheat on her, especially not with a raging bitch like Tabitha.
He especially wouldn’t fuck his soon to be ex wife after the venom she spewed, all because she wasn’t getting her way.
He stepped back. She looked over her shoulder, icy blue-gray eyes filled with confusion. “Wrong way, dickhead.”
He still ignored her. Her words pounded through his head.
He opened the cabinet where he kept extra office supplies, alcohol, and a few of his guns.
He was so tempted to grab the loaded one, but instead, he snatched the unloaded weapon, then turned and jammed it against her head.
At the end of the day, he didn’t want to kill her. He just wanted her gone.
She inhaled sharply, her body stilling. “Diesel—”
“Shut the fuck up,” he ordered, her crying not moving him.
She should know that her crocodile tears meant nothing to him.
“You are fucking determined to jerk my fucking chains, aren’t you, cunt?” he asked. “I’m so fucking sick of you. The only fucking way to get you out of my life is to blow you the fuck away.”
“Don’t kill me,” she begged.
“Who’s pathetic now?”
“I’m sorry—”
“Don’t fucking tell me that lie. You’re never sorry.”
“Please—”
“Shut the fuck up,” he warned, jamming the gun harder against her temple, her hiccupping sobs making lust shoot through him.
It’d be so easy to take her, to give her a good, hard fuck, one that’d drain his balls and maybe, soothe his mind.
Before his engagement to Jana, he would have.
But the ring he slid on her finger meant something.
It didn’t matter if she wasn’t who he ultimately wanted.
Moreover, taking Tabitha so violently would make him no better than Skylar, and he refused to be anything like that fuckhead.
“Don’t—”
“I told you to shut the fuck up,” he growled, pulling the trigger.
She screamed, and he envisioned what it would be like if the gun was loaded, if a bullet made her head explode, painting his office with blood and brain.
He almost came at the thought.
His nose wrinkled at the smell of urine. The bitch pissed herself.
“Weak cunt,” he snarled, annoyed that he’d have to clean that mess. “The gun wasn’t loaded, dumbass.”
“I-I’m sorry,” she said around sobs, shaking like a leaf. “I-I thought—”
“That you got what you deserved. That I shut you up for good? That I got pay back for you talking about my family so callously?”
His mother wasn’t what Tabitha said. She hadn’t deserted him because of him. Diesel believed Skylar’s account. It was the only thing that made sense, knowing how much she’d loved him.
“You’re right, by the way. I am a crybaby sad sack. Luckily for you and the rest of the world, I still don’t give a fuck.”
Instead of saying something, she sobbed into the wood. The sound annoyed him. He undid his belt, looping it through his pants again.
“Next time I pull a gun on you, it’ll be loaded,” he warned. “If you like living, leave my office.”
This time, she listened. Pulling up her panties, she hightailed it out of there, leaving him to stew in his misery, lust, and rage alone.
Less than thirty minutes later, Axel walked into Diesel’s office, and halted at seeing Diesel sitting on his sofa, staring into space, but then he slammed the door shut, dropped his bookbag near the door and hopped forward.
He even pretended his little hands were paws as he sprang like a fucking bunny.
“I’m bored,” he announced, the moment he landed next to the sofa.
Diesel rubbed his forehead, then scraped his fingers through his hair. “You just left school, Ax. How can you be bored already?”
“I’m a man that needs constant activity, Diesel. It isn’t my fault you need nap time between doing stuff.”
“What are you doing here?”
Axel frowned at his harsh tone but didn’t comment. “I missed you.”
“You’ll see me at home.”
“You don’t want me here?”
Axel’s hurt tone made Diesel feel like a fuckhead.
“I’m sorry, Ax. I’ve just had a bad day. I wish Aunt Meggie was home.”
Axel plopped next to Diesel and patted his back. “Then you’ve learned your fucking lesson.”
Although Diesel’s scowl was meant to intimidate Axel, the kid glared and flipped him off.
“Can we do something…Oh, wait.” Axel raced to his bookbag and got his phone from one of the front pockets, then he skipped back to Diesel. “I got a new song for Dad and Reb.”
“Okay.” Diesel tried to sound enthusiastic. “Let’s hear it.”
“Did I say that motherfucker was for you?” Axel rolled his eyes. “It’s Dad and Reb’s daddy-daughter song.”
“Father-daughter.”
Axel growled and his face reddened. “Look, fuckface, this is getting past the fucking limit. A father is a daddy, so that didn’t require no correction.”
“Fine, Axel,” Diesel gritted, in no mood to fucking argue.
Why the fuck should he? He never fucking won against Axel.
“I chose songs for Harley, too,” Axel grumped.
“I suppose you won’t let me hear that motherfucker either?”
“It’s those motherfuckers.” He snapped his fingers in front of Diesel’s ear, then leaned halfway across Diesel’s lap and did the same with the other ear. “Can you hear me? Do you have ear boogers?”
“It’s fucking ear wax, and you know it.”
“Ear wax is gross. I prefer ear boogers. Anyway, I said I chose songs. Keep up.”
It was Diesel’s turn to growl, and he covered his face.
Axel tapped his hand. “What’s the matter? You’re acting weird.”
Irritated, Diesel dropped his hands. “Says you.”
“Who the fuck else would say it since I’m suffering your motherfuckness.”
“What?”
“Do you like my new word?”
“All you do is come up with new fucking words.”
Axel wagged a finger in front of Diesel’s face. “I’m going to let that slide. This time. Stop fucking with me, though.”
Diesel kept his mouth shut.
“A new girl was in my last class. Her name’s Cindy Lou. I immediately thought of Cindy Lou Who, so I can’t talk to that chick. It’ll probably be rude to laugh at her. And she’s pretty but not beautiful like a Texas girl.”
“Why are you so fucking obsessed with Texas women?”
“Look up Megan Thee Stallion, Beyonce, Selena Gomez, Hillary Duff, Jessica Simpson, Dakota Johnson, and Eva Longoria. Oh, and Monaleo. And Sunni the Rapper.”
“I know who they are.”
“Enough said then.”
“These are famous women.”
“And gorgeous,” Axel added. “Oh, and Miranda Lambert.”
“My point is not every woman in Texas are as gorgeous as these women. They are celebrities and you’re just a kid with a crush. Don’t get it in your head that you’ll marry one of them.”
Axel studied Diesel. And studied Diesel. And studied him some more. The little motherfucker drummed his fingers and contemplated Diesel so long that he began to get uncomfortable. He shifted.
“Squirm, motherfucker. I would too if I was a stupid fuckhead. First, they have ugly girls everywhere. Second, I fucking know I’ll never meet any of them.
Any man can dream. A man can also understand the type of woman he likes, dickbreath.
Texas girls are the gold standard. Except for a couple in Nashville.
I don’t know what it is about the ‘T’ states. ”
“How the fuck did we get on your crushes?”
“You always have to fucking picknit me. With everything. That’s how we started talking about them. You couldn’t just shut the fuck up.”
Should Diesel correct Axel and tell him the word was nitpick? Nope. He shouldn’t.
“By the way, I don’t think you really know who Monaleo and Sunni the Rapper are.”
“They’re rappers.”
“Good guess.”
“Rapper is literally in this woman’s name, and I do know who the fuck they are. I listen to their music.”
“Rap one of their songs.”
“No.”
“That’s the only way you’ll convince me.”
“I can’t fucking rap.”
“You’re not entering a fucking contest, Diesel. You’re reciting a verse to prove me wrong.”
“Why the fuck won’t you believe me?”
“You’ve never once mentioned them. You and Mom are the reason I know about the other girls. Them? That was CJ.”
“I don’t feel like rapping. Can I take a raincheck?”
Axel gave a long-suffering sigh. “You’re so fucking lucky I love you.”
Diesel wouldn’t dispute that. “I am.”
“Back to what I’ve been trying to tell you. I hope you can stay on one subject.”
“Fine, Ax. You have my full attention.”
“Fucking finally.” Axel nodded to his phone, where it lay between them on the sofa. “I’ve been thinking about Tabitha and the conversation we had about her before you tried to poison me at the condo.”
“And?”
“I picked out a song for her.”
As much as he hated Tabitha—even more after this afternoon—he thought Axel’s gesture was sweet. It also reminded Diesel that his little brother was a kid who really didn’t understand the fine nuances of adult situations and cunts like her.
“You know Dad is a Juggalo, right?”
“I’m well aware.” ICP was Uncle Christopher’s favorite band. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Oh, brother.” Axel slapped his palm against his forehead. “You need medication for your bad memory.”
“I don’t…never mind. What’s Tabitha’s song?”
Beaming, Axel opened the music player on his phone. “Listen closely, okay?”
Diesel grunted.
When the first notes of the song started, Diesel cocked his head, unable to believe…
Axel chose Red Neck Hoe for Tabitha. It was so shocking, the only thing Diesel could do was burst into laughter. Encouraged, Axel got to his feet, jumped on the coffee table, and began dancing, while screaming the words, especially the chorus.
Diesel was done for. He hadn’t laughed so fucking much in weeks.
He’d never underestimate Axel again.