Chapter 4
Friday couldn’t come soon enough.
Devon had to work late several days. Thankfully the kids had had school events going nonstop since the beginning of the week. Now that it was Friday, the laundry had piled up, groceries needed to be bought again, and she felt the pressure from all sides.
Friday evening, she stepped outside into her backyard with a cup of herbal tea, really wanting to open a bottle of wine, but she didn’t have a bottle of wine to open.
She sat down on the deck. The kids were upstairs playing games they had brought from their home. She’d been trying to keep track of the games that the kids were playing these days, but then gave it up because she just didn’t know one from the other.
As long as it was relatively clean and not a horrific influence, she was okay with it because they’d been playing games since forever. And she could only make so many changes in their world right now without causing absolute chaos. Considering what they’d been through, they were doing really well.
Then something seemingly minor would happen, and it would set off a cascade of memories, and things would get difficult again. It was all she could do to not be one of the issues that caused the breakdowns.
Even at dinner tonight, Tabby realized her mom would be missing her performance in an upcoming show at school. There had been endless tears and no other way to help her except be there for her, which was a harsh realization in itself.
They’d cried together so many times that Devon knew exactly when the triggers would happen.
And she could frequently ward off some of it or at least try to manage when and how the breakdowns would occur.
But there were enough random triggers out there that she couldn’t shield the twins nearly enough.
And, in a way, she shouldn’t. Tabitha should be somebody whom they honored, loved, and missed terribly—not somebody they were trying to forget or to avoid because it hurt too much. And hurt it did.
That was part of the problem. Every time there was any mention of her, it had to be respectful in the sense of everybody understanding that this conversation could go sideways into a bout of tears at any time.
Even though the twins had been in the process of losing her for a long time, it wasn’t the same as that final moment when you know it’s over and the battle was lost.
And for everything Devon was able to do for them, she was very aware that she couldn’t do much about the major thing, including the one thing they really wanted, which was to have their mother back.
When she heard a hello, she turned and saw Camden.
She got up and walked over to the fence.
It was only four feet high, so she could see him clearly.
It was a lovely evening and still early enough to have plenty of light.
He smiled at her and asked, “How has the week treated you?”
She groaned. “It’s had a lot of ups and downs.”
He nodded. “I can see how that could play out, and I suspect that’s how your life will likely be for quite a while.”
“I know,” she muttered. “We get through one day, and then we don’t get very far along for the next.
” She just shrugged. “What else can we do? She was my best friend, so I’m right there with them as far as being an emotional grab bag goes.
Sometimes being a mess and not being able to pull myself out of it, other times being far more resilient. ”
“You’ve taken on far more than most people would, all while you have more than your share of emotions wreaking havoc throughout your system too,” he stated, with a nod.
“How was your week?” she asked, more for the sake of conversation than anything. It was nice to talk to him without feeling as if she needed to do something for him. She was just too damn tired tonight to even consider it anyway.
“It was okay,” he replied. “I mean, given the work I do, there are good days and some really shitty days.”
She winced and nodded. “I don’t think I could do your job.”
“That’s okay.” He snorted. “I don’t think I could stare down people’s mouths all my life either.”
She burst out laughing. “No, most people can’t,” she agreed. “So, if I can, this is the best answer.”
“Never wanted to be a dentist?” he asked.
“Never had the money to go through the additional schooling,” she admitted, with a smile.
“And I might have wanted to back then. Yet now I’m pretty happy I’m not.
This is the better-paying job out of everything else, short of being a dentist. So I feel as if I have the best of both worlds at the moment. ”
“I like that attitude,” he said. “That’s a sign that maybe someday you’ll have some spare time.”
She nodded. “Someday I’ll have some spare time. … Yeah, that sounds like my future,” she quipped, with a laugh.
“In another eight years,” he noted, “things will change tremendously for you.”
She stared at him, unsure that he understood just how defeating that sounded.
He added, “I guess that sounds like an awfully long time to you, doesn’t it?”
“Sometimes it does,” she murmured. “And other times it seems to go by very quickly. With my friend’s death, it seemed to be forever, with too many hospital stays, multiple types of treatments, always trying something, waiting on appointments or tests.
However, when it happened? … It seemed to go by very, very quickly, catching us all off guard.
Yet that probably wasn’t how it was. In reality, it probably wasn’t quick at all. ”
Devon sighed, then continued. “It’s just that the transition from when there was hope to her suddenly being gone seemed so abrupt.
After all that time, it seemed that, all at once, there were no more avenues, nothing else to try.
And, just like that, she wasn’t even there anymore.
It was pretty shocking how quickly that end snuck up on all of us. ”
He didn’t say anything, only nodded.
“Sorry,” she muttered. “I’m trying not to harp on her death. It’s just a very prevalent part of my world right now.”
He smiled. “You don’t have to apologize to me. You’re doing what you can do, and that’s all anybody can ask of you.”
“Yeah, I know,” she conceded. “Still, that doesn’t mean everybody wants to hear about it.”
He laughed. “I’m not everybody,” he pointed out. “And I’ve been through something similar, so I get it.”
She looked up at him curiously.
“My grandmother passed.” His voice was soft, sorrowful. “She ended up with pancreatitis and was gone fairly quickly after the diagnosis. … She seemed to be fine, and then, all of a sudden, she wasn’t fine at all.”
He sighed. “Even though we knew what she was dealing with, it still came as such a shock, you know? We didn’t quite understand how or when things blew up, but they did, and we were left with the aftermath.
For them, it means their pain is over. And, for that, we’re grateful.
But, for everyone else, it’s just very tough. ”
She smiled, knowing exactly how he felt. “You’re right,” she agreed. “And I believe there is life after this, but we just haven’t got that far yet in the bereavement steps.”
“Of course,” he noted. “It is a process, and you need to give yourself time.” They talked for a little bit longer at the fence line.
When Devon heard Tabby call out for her, she turned to him. “That’s my cue to head on in,” she said, with a smile. “It was nice talking to you.”
“Any trouble with the tire?”
“No, not at all thankfully,” she said. “I’m very grateful to have a working vehicle again.”
“Of course.” He lifted a hand and headed back inside.
When she could no longer see him, she turned and entered her home. She walked up to Tabby’s room and asked her, “Hey, what did you want?”
Tabby frowned at her. “Nothing. I’m good. Why?”
“Didn’t you call me?”
“No, I didn’t call you.” She laughed. “Of course not.”
The of course not part was so very typical of Tabby. Yet she wasn’t the kind to deny calling Devon if she had.
Devon frowned. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, of course I’m sure. I’m fine.” She waved her hand. “Honest, I’m good.”
Devon stepped back out, trying to figure out what she’d heard. It didn’t seem to be anything she could pinpoint. Frowning, she headed back outside, wondering if Camden was there again. And he was, just off to the side.
“That was quick,” he called out.
“As it turns out, she didn’t call me after all.”
He went silent for a moment. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” Then she turned to him. “Did you hear her, or am I losing my mind?”
“I thought I did,” he replied contemplatively. “I heard something anyway.”
“Yeah,” Devon agreed. “It’s that something part that always bothers me.” She scrubbed at her face. “I guess I just need more sleep.”
“That would be good.”
She added, “So, you never, ever had any intruders around here at all, huh?” When he hesitated, she stated, “I would really prefer to know the truth.”
“A disabled young man lives in the neighborhood. His name is Henry. He lives at the other end of the block, with his parents. I did catch him on the property, your property, here a few days ago. I spoke to his parents, who were horrified that he’d left the house at night.
Anyway he was just acting on what was on his mind.
He mentioned how he wanted to meet you.”
She stared at him, with something akin to fear rippling up and down her back. “When you say, disabled …”
“Yes, he’s got the mind of a twelve-year-old,” he explained. “So, I wasn’t sure whether it was you or one of the twins who was on his mind.”
“You mean, Tabby?”
“Could be either.”
“And he’s harmless … or dangerous?” she asked.
“I don’t see him as dangerous,” Camden replied, “and I have spoken to his parents, so they will keep a closer eye on him and will secure the house at night. He’s almost never been out at nighttime, so they’re not even sure how he got out. He’s always struck me as rather harmless.”
“Of course,” she muttered. “Wow, I’m really not prepared for this. I thought I would have a lot more time before I had to worry about boys coming around Tabby.”