Chapter One #2
And there it was. The fear that had been trying to break through since Torie appeared in their lives. Instead of rationalizing it in her head, Meggie decided to talk to her husband. They couldn’t truly get back to the place they’d been at until they put in the effort.
“Tell me,” he pressed, tuned into her once more.
But she had softened, opened her mouth, and spoke up.
Her annoyance had fled, and she saw clearer.
She understood he was so focused on her and getting the old her back, that it blinded him to the rumors and whispers.
He didn’t see how much the bikers had lost respect for her because he was too busy trying to fix her .
“Ever since I met you, you’ve had a woman that you shared things with.”
“Megan, I ain’t brought up Kiera—”
She shook her head, and he quieted immediately.
“Let me see if I can explain myself. She was young when you met her. Seventeen. You two became friends and would’ve remained friends if I hadn’t shown up.
Me . Younger than Kiera, and in need of protection,” she said quietly.
“In need of help and saving. Available when Kiera wasn’t.
Or couldn’t be because you found a shiny new girl to protect and talk to. ”
Thrusting his fingers through his silky hair, he blew out a breath.
“Tell me what to do,” he said after a moment.
“Anyfuckinthing, Megan. Just tell me. If I need to kill more motherfuckers to make my behavior up to you, I’m gonna round up who the fuck ever and shoot the fuck outta them.
Blow them up. Hack them to fuckin’ death.
I ain’t carin’ as long as you forgive me. ”
“You can’t kill innocent people, Christopher.”
Relief flickered across his face and he closed his eyes, hugging her tightly. “You back.”
She rested her head against his bare chest, breathing in his spicy scent. “I didn’t say you can’t kill.” As she once would have. “I said don’t hurt innocent people. Johnnie’s the exception. He isn’t innocent but you can’t kill him because of Kendall and their kids.”
His body tensed; he kept a tight hold on her. “Who you want me to fuck up?”
She thought about the mocking and disrespect she’d endured, then brushed it aside. “No one.”
“Then what—?”
“I want you to hear me . If you ever decide to be so generous with another woman and I tell you to get the check back, do it. No questions asked. No hesitation.”
“Ain’t never givin’ another cunt no fuckin’ help or money. I’m gonna even let Stretch handle the club girls whenever they ask for bills.”
Meggie shrugged. “I don’t have a say in that.”
He wilted and blew out a heavy breath. “We been over why I talked to Torie, so I ain’t rehashin’ that.
I liked Kiera. I cared about her a lot and, maybe, we woulda ended up together if you ain’t came into my life.
Shit was complicated. Mort was feelin’ Ki for years.
He was more into her than I ever fuckin’ was.
After I killed Big Joe, I ain’t gave a fuck about nothin’ and nobody.
I was so fuckin’ filled with hate, I ain’t had room for love or friendship. ”
“You had room for me.”
“From the moment I met you, you touched me. I wanted you. I hated you. I feared you. It might’ve looked like I threw Ki over cuz you were younger and needed me more, so it’s fuckin’ easy for you to think I did the same with you and Torie.”
“Were you attracted to her just a small bit?”
He finally dropped his arms and tipped her chin up. “No.”
He let the word hang in the air, dropped the veil on his emotions, so she could see into his soul. Understand the truth.
“The one time my cock got hard around her was cuz…I needed to fuck you . Whatever else she was, she was fuckin’ gorgeous with a beautiful body.
But she wasn’t you , Megan. My body, my cock, my tongue, my heart, my fucking soul belong to you.
” He laid his forehead against hers. “I’m gonna say that to you over and over until you start believin’ in me again.
Until you soft and vulnerable in private, remindin’ me not to kill motherfuckers with a look or with tears. ”
“I don’t know if I can ever be that woman again.”
“Will you try?”
She shook her head. “No. Kindness and tears are mocked and seen as a weakness. Our relationship has changed—”
“It ain’t—”
“It has,” she said sadly. “The kids are changing it. I can’t only blame Torie, although she is a big reason. Who knows? Perhaps, that’s why I can’t connect with Jo. It isn’t our baby’s fault that Torie was a scheming witch and used her as a pawn, but it was her birth that put you in Torie’s path.”
Guilt settled into Meggie at those words. Logically, she knew nothing was Jo’s fault. She was an innocent baby, who hadn’t asked to be made and who hadn’t chosen Meggie as her mother. Her baby deserved more than a mom with depleted emotions and uncertain sentiment.
“We can put her up for adoption.”
Meggie’s gaze flew to Christopher’s, his words shocking her into momentary speechlessness.
“If you ain’t wantin’ her and not seein’ her’ll make you happier, we can turn her over to the state.”
“Absolutely not,” Meggie said firmly. “She’s our child. We will raise her.”
“Ain’t no ma in the world as perfect as you, baby.
If you want Jo and we keep her, she gonna be the luckiest girl in the world to have you for her ma.
The kids always come before anything and anybody.
You not gonna slack on Jo, but it ain’t gonna be fair to you if you feel as if you gotta raise her cuz she ours.
And it ain’t gonna be fair to her if you ain’t bondin’ with her. She just gonna be a kid.”
“You love her. I think you’re closer to Jo than you are to any of our other kids except Diesel and CJ.”
“Me lovin’ her a whole lot different than you lovin’ her. A father’s love and guidance important, but it can’t hold a candle to a ma’s. It especially can’t make up for a ma who see another woman every fuckin’ time she look at her girl.”
Meggie winced and pressed down on her lips.
“The words harsh but they fuckin’ true. And I ain’t judgin’ you.
I love Jo. So fuckin’ much. But I’d sacrifice me, my children, and any other motherfucker to make you happy.
It took me so long to fuck up Torie cuz I just ain’t wanna take her from her son.
I ain’t want him growin’ up like Diesel, thinkin’ his ma just fuckin’ left, but her behavior ain’t left me no fuckin’ choice.
It was kill her or lose you, so fuck her.
Fuck her kid. Fuck her husband. I especially ain’t wanted you to order her death.
No motherfucker’s death. I want you to look at me and see the good in me.
Remind me I ain’t just a killer. Cuz I felt fuck all when I choked that cunt.
I didn’t give a fuck when I blew her face the fuck off.
I just ain’t cared then and I don’t care now.
I love Jo, but I love you more. I love CJ and Diesel, but I love you more. ”
She laid her palm against his strong jaw. “You can’t fix everything for me. Somethings I must work through on my own.”
Hurt marred his face.
“I want to know so bad what you and CJ talked about for two hours,” she explained, “but I know I can’t.
If it wasn’t classified as club business, you would’ve told me.
Being shut out of his life hurts terribly.
It isn’t only that though, so it’s a lot to process all at once.
I don’t want to give up Jo. I do love her.
I am working through my issues. I promise I’ll do better and I’m sorry for all my anger and jealousy.
For shutting down and shutting you out. I wish I regretted Torie’s death as I once would have, but I don’t,” she said evenly. “It’s a relief.”
He didn’t look happy at her words, but he nodded.
“I can’t interfere with CJ, so I’m begging you again not to interfere with Rebel any more than you and CJ already have. Let me handle her. Let her experience all the milestones she wants to. If we need your help, I’ll let you know.”
“Okay, baby.”
“The kids are very young, I know. Unfortunately, the brutal reality of being involved with the Death Dwellers is spilling onto another generation.”
“Now, I ain’t too sure what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say. When you think about it, they had no choice in the matter.”
“Just another reason for you to hate on me.”
“No,” she said fiercely. “I could never truly hate you. No matter how angry I might be.”
She smiled tenderly at him, her defenses completely down.
He dipped his head and slanted his mouth over hers, his passionate kiss stealing her breath and hardening her nipples.
The tension in her body floated away and she submitted to his demand.
He untied the belt of her robe and slid it off her shoulders, baring her breasts to his hungry gaze.
Pulling his lips away, he drew one of her sensitive nipples into his hot mouth.
Meggie threw her head back, running her fingers through his hair, and gasping at the sensation spiraling through her.
“I love you so much, Christopher.”
Lifting his head, he settled his hands on her waist and lifted her up. “I love you too, Megan,” he said gruffly, settling her onto his cock, sliding into her as she sank onto him.
They groaned. She shivered, her pussy walls throbbing around his shaft. He took her face between his hands and took her mouth in a hot, open kiss. Wrapping her in his arms, he readjusted their positions and laid her on her back, stretching over her. He changed his tempo, fucking her deep and hard.
Moaning, she sank her nails into his back, lifting her hips to meet each of his thrusts. Each stroke into her sent a wave of pleasure through her. Every grunt that matched her scream soaked her pussy. He slid his hand between their moving bodies and fingered her clit.
“Christopher,” she cried, clinging to him.
He bit her earlobe. “You got the best pussy in the world.”
“Not as good as your dick.” She licked his nipple, opening her legs wider to feel every inch of him. “Fuck me hard.”
He surged so deep into her, it bordered on pain. His thick, long cock stroked places she never found on her own. He swiveled his hips, pulling out of her, then slamming into her harder and faster than before.
She stiffened, her pussy creaming, wet and hot and juicy. “Fuck my mouth,” she breathed .
Christopher jerked out of her and stood. Meggie didn’t hesitate to slide to her knees and lick his balls. He fisted some of her hair and jerked. She ignored the pain, tonguing the underside of his cock and licking the wide crown.
“Fuck,” he groaned.
She slurped half his length down her throat, not caring that she took too much and gagged. He eased back slightly, but she wanted him on her tongue. She wanted to taste the combination of herself and him. She sucked him like the most delicious lollypop, his flavor driving her insane.
“I’m about to come,” he growled, tugging her head back and moving with her to keep his dick deep in her throat.
She raised her gaze, meeting his, yielding complete control to him. Wildness crept into his eyes, and he pumped his hips, resting his hands on her head to still her bobbing.
“Fuuuucccckkkk,” he yelled, his load fountaining down her throat.
Breathing hard, he dropped onto the sofa while Meggie plopped on the floor and leaned her head against his leg. When her heart rate calmed down, she lifted herself onto the sofa and snuggled against her husband, confident their lives would finally return to normal.