Chapter 23
GAGE
Of all the things I imagined happening after coming clean with the Hawkes, none of them involved spending the day locked up in the penthouse, walking through every fucking second of every fucking day of my life since I first heard their name and reviewing every detail I know about McDonald and Satriano with them.
It was more intense than any debriefing I ever had after any mission for the Rangers or the CIA.
And more emotionally exhausting.
Though, I should count my blessings.
Considering the type of betrayal they felt, I anticipated a much more painful confrontation.
I would have deserved it, too.
But once Saint and Stone made a few calls and were able to confirm at least part of my story with some of their contacts, the too tight cuffs came off and the only pain became the memory of the look of betrayal in Bishop’s eyes.
The rage she threw at me as she fled from the condo.
The absolute, utter devastation she tried so hard to hide behind that I could read from a goddamn mile away.
Before today, before her, I never would’ve believed it possible to watch all love, light, and hope vanish completely from someone’s eyes.
To see it all disappear only to be replaced by something vacant and stone cold.
But that’s exactly what happened.
And even after spending almost six hours debriefing with them, discussing potential next moves, offering what I know to help them finally rid themselves of Satriano, I still don’t have anything even close to an answer about how to apologize to her.
We never broached the subject. If anything, they seemed reluctant to bring up what I did to her, either because they feared I would break down or they didn’t trust themselves not to beat the shit out of me before they got the information they wanted.
Whatever the reason for the reprieve, it’s gone now.
There isn’t anything left to discuss tonight, nothing more to be done.
The Hawkes need to decide what they want to do with the information I gave them, and I have to go back to doing my job—tracking down McDonald and Satriano before they can hurt anyone else.
They both pose a tremendous danger to more than just this family, and while my loyalties lie with the Hawkes—despite what certain members may think—I also have a duty to complete my mission.
I may be the only person who will be able to lure McDonald out into the open, and that will likely be the only reason I don’t get fired or worse for revealing so much classified information.
But I didn’t have a choice.
Not if I wanted to protect them and have any chance of salvaging my relationship with Bishop.
She may not ever understand.
How could she?
She may not ever forgive me.
I don’t deserve it.
That doesn’t mean I won’t try.
The thought of losing her and what we had makes me physically ill, and I’ve had to stop myself from obsessing about it too much or I might have vomited all over their beautiful furniture and floor over the past several hours.
Now, I have nothing left to distract me from it.
As Saint walks me to the penthouse door, the stern set of his jaw hasn’t changed, and anger still radiates off him in waves that threaten to knock me the fuck over.
He’s pissed about what I’ve done.
Rightfully so.
He’s angry for his daughter.
As a father, he has every right to be.
But it’s Caroline I’m actually afraid of.
She has sat back stoically, letting Saint, Isaac, Cass, and Kennedy control the questioning. Her gaze didn’t leave me the entire time, and she absorbed every word I said with the intense attention to details that must have served her well when she was still working as a reporter.
I have no doubt she will help ensure Savage, Gabe, and everyone else who wasn’t here tonight gets a full rundown so the entire family is up to speed by the time the sun comes up tomorrow.
Right now, though, her laser-like focus is zeroed in on me, and it’s clear she has something to say that she’s been sitting on for hours.
She pushes past her husband, placing a hand on his chest. “I’ll walk him to the elevator. I need to talk to Gage alone.”
Saint offers her a warning look, but she merely waves that hand at him dismissively, as if he couldn’t stop her even if he tried. Something tells me he probably couldn’t despite their massive disparity in size.
I step out into the hallway and she follows, letting the door close behind her, leaving us alone in the tomb-silent space.
Bishop is long gone.
Where’d you go, Hellcat?
Caroline walks to the elevator with me, her lips pressed together in a way that’s so similar to how Bishop does it that it’s abundantly clear she’s just as much her mother’s daughter as her father’s.
This woman has quiet strength while Bishop’s is regularly on display for the world to see, but the same fire burns inside her, the same fierce loyalty and drive to protect her family.
And right now, that means her daughter.
I scrub my hands over my face, waiting for the elevator cab to come up, and she leans against the wall, watching me.
“Tell me what happened with Bishop.”
I slowly let my gaze drift over to hers. “It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have…”
Wanted her.
Flirted with her.
Pursued her.
Fallen in love with her…
The words lodge in my throat staring at one of the only people on the planet who loves her as much as I do.
“No.” She shakes her head. “You shouldn’t have. But, you did.” Her voice breaks, and she swallows thickly, working through her own emotion. “And now my daughter is destroyed.”
I flinch, my hands shaking as I shove them through my hair and drop my head back against the wall behind me. “You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t know what I did to her?”
Caroline watches me, waiting for me to offer an explanation beyond that which I’ve already given the entire family, or maybe for me to promise that I’ll stay away from Bishop so I can’t hurt her any further.
I can’t do either.
All I can do is tell her how torn up I am knowing what I’ve done to her daughter.
“She’ll never forgive me, Caroline.”
And she’ll never let anyone else in again.
She’s going to lock down tight, like a fucking bank vault, even worse than she was before…
Caroline knows it as well as I do.
She nods. “You’re right, she won’t. But you still have to try.
” Her words take a moment to register, and when I offer her a confused look, she gives me a tight smile.
“Bishop isn’t an easy woman. She wasn’t an easy child and certainly didn’t become any easier as an adult.
She’s always known exactly what she wanted, who she was, and what she wanted to do with her life.
From the day that girl took her first steps, I watched her kill herself to do just that, to follow her father’s path, to be the protector for everyone in this family.
And you know what it did?” She gives me a genuine smile this time.
“It turned her into the strongest person I’ve ever met in my life. And the most incredible one.”
I nod. “I agree.”
“It also isolated her. She never had the type of relationships her cousins did—no serious boyfriends, no close friendships beyond the family. But she seemed happy, or at the least, content to lead that life, and she never wanted us to broach the subject with her. So, I avoided those arguments.”
Her gaze softens, and if I didn’t know this woman was furious with me, I might think she actually liked me.
“What she had with you was different. It was special. I saw the change in her when you arrived—a good one. You challenged her. You made her see things in a different way. You made her see herself differently, and now she’s out there questioning everything again. You’re the only one who can fix that.”
Tears burn in my eyes, and I blink them away. “What if she doesn’t let me?”
Caroline offers a slight shrug. “You keep trying ‘til she does.”
I squeeze my eyes closed as the elevator arrives, the ding echoing loudly in the hallway, signaling the end of our conversation.
Caroline steps in and enters the code necessary to bring me back down to the lobby.
“You still don’t trust me with that?”
She shakes her head. “Not on your fucking life.”
Grinning at her directness, I step in and turn to face her as she holds the door open. “I’m going to do everything I can to find McDonald and Satriano, to make sure you’re all safe.”
She nods. “I don’t doubt that. But right now, you only need to be worrying about one person, and it isn’t any of us up here.”
No, it isn’t.
The fact that she recognizes that there is no way I will be able to concentrate on anything or anyone else until I’ve spoken with Bishop only makes my respect for her grow.
She steps back with a tight smile, and the door slides closed.
I sag against the wall, burying my face in my hands. “Fuck…”
How the fuck did this happen?
Because I forgot my mission and fell in love instead.
Was it really only twenty-four hours ago that I walked out of the shower and found Bishop in my bed?
I can still feel her touch.
Her hand gripping my cock…
Lips brushing against mine…
The squeeze of her cunt around me as she found her release…
How completely she collapsed into my arms…
Not just sated, but happy.
Content.
She felt safe.
How could everything have changed so much so fast? How could I have fucked it up this badly?
The elevator plunges down toward the main floor, and my mind races through everything that’s happened.
I have to go and report in. After disposing of my phone and not hearing from me for so long, they will have assumed the worst. I need to let them know that my cover’s been blown, at least where the Hawkes are concerned.
While I trust the Hawkes not to say anything to anyone, it doesn’t mean my higher ups won’t pull me the second they learn what happened.
The only thing that might save my job is the fact that I’m their only connection to McDonald. Their only possible in.
That’s what I’ll use when I talk to them, when I beg for my job.
But before that, I have to find her.