Chapter Sixteen #2
“She’s stubborn,” I said finally. “Impossibly, infuriatingly stubborn. Once she decides something is the right thing to do, nothing in any realm will stop her from doing it. She’ll walk through fire, face down armies, sacrifice everything, and never once stop to consider that she might not survive.
She’ll put it all on the line, and not just for the people she loves, she’ll do it just because it’s the right thing to do.
Without a second thought, without any doubt or reservations.
The most incredible thing that could ever happen to you is to be loved by that woman right there. ”
Fizzle’s voice carried across the clearing now, explaining that staying on the border of the forest was safe for the night.
The only thing they needed to worry about were soldiers finding them.
It was safer to wait until morning to venture into the forest proper, he said.
That way, they’d have more daylight hours before they had to deal with what came out in the darkness.
“She’s also kind,” I continued. “Kinder than anyone has a right to be after everything she’s been through. She sees people. Really sees them. Not what they can do for her or how they fit into her plans, but who they actually are. And she makes you feel like who you actually are is enough.”
Damon was watching me now, not Alyssa. There was something in his expression that I couldn’t quite read.
“You love her.”
It wasn’t a question.
“More than I’ve ever loved anything,” I admitted. “More than I thought I was capable of loving. She broke something open inside me that I’d kept locked away for years, and I still don’t entirely understand how she did it.”
“And she loves you back?”
“She loves all of us. Equally. Completely.” I met my brother’s eyes.
“She’s going to love you too, when you’re free of that thing.
You’re meant to be one of us. We’ve all felt it.
There’s no doubt in my mind that it’s going to happen.
She won’t allow it to go any other way. That worm is on limited time and I think it knows it. ”
Damon didn’t respond, but I saw something shift in his face. Something like hope, fragile and painful in its intensity.
We made camp as the last of the light faded.
Tents were set up in a rough circle, supplies organized, a fire built in the center that cast dancing shadows across the surrounding trees.
Ezra’s men moved with military efficiency, their training evident in every action, and I forced myself to stop looking for threats in their every movement.
We settled around the campfire, eating rations that tasted like nothing and everything at the same time. The forest was quiet at our backs, but it was the wrong kind of quiet. Expectant. Watchful. Like the trees themselves were holding their breath.
I’d been watching Ezra all evening, and I finally decided I’d had enough of the pretense.
“When are you going to admit that you fully intend to follow us into the forest?”
Ezra’s head snapped up, his face flushing in the firelight. His eyes darted to Alyssa, then back to me, and I saw the moment he decided that lying wasn’t worth the effort.
“Can you blame us?” he asked. “She’s our only hope. If laying down our lives to keep her safe through that forest is what we need to do, then we’ll willingly do it. Without hesitation. Without regret.”
“And what do you think we’re there for?” I asked. “What do you think we’ve been doing all this time? We’re her mates. Protecting her is literally what we exist to do.”
Ezra shrugged, but there was no apology in his expression.
“You and your brothers are significant. History will remember you. Will tell stories about the kings who stood at the side of the queen who saved Nymeria.” His jaw tightened.
“Me and my men? We’re no one. We’re footnotes at best. But if our footnote says that we died protecting her, that we gave everything we had to make sure she reached that court and ended this war, then that’s a footnote worth having. ”
“Your lives are not meaningless.”
Everyone turned to look at Alyssa. She’d been quiet throughout the exchange, staring into the fire, but now her eyes were fixed on Ezra with an intensity that made him shift uncomfortably.
“I understand the impulse,” she continued.
“I do. You want to matter. You want your suffering to have meant something, and dying for a cause feels like the only way to guarantee that. But if I was willing to march you to your deaths and use you as a shield, I’d be no better than the man we’re trying to stop. ”
Ezra opened his mouth, closed it, and then shrugged in a way that might have been agreement.
But I’d been watching him long enough to recognize the stubbornness in the set of his shoulders.
He had no intention of staying behind. No matter what Alyssa said, no matter what orders she gave, he and his men were going to follow us into that forest.
I didn’t bother pointing it out.
Because if I was being honest with myself, it was exactly what I would have done too.
The fire burned low as people settled in for the night. We decided to take shifts watching over the camp, and Maddox volunteered for the first one. I positioned myself next to Alyssa, close enough that I could feel the warmth of her body, close enough to move if something happened.
Damon was on the other side of the campfire, his shackled hands resting in his lap, his back against a fallen log.
He looked peaceful in the firelight, his eyes closed, his breathing steady.
But I knew he wasn’t sleeping. Couldn’t be sleeping.
The nightmare was still in there, quiet but present, and Damon wouldn’t let himself rest deeply enough to give it an opening.
Alyssa had wanted to leave him untied for the night. She’d argued that he deserved the dignity, that the shackles were a reminder of everything he’d suffered, that we needed to show him we trusted him if we expected him to trust himself.
But Damon had insisted.
This was wrong. All of it was wrong. My brother should be free, should be whole, should be standing at my side as an equal rather than chained like a prisoner. The nightmare had taken so much from him. From all of us. And there was nothing I could do about it.
The wolf stirred restlessly, pressing against my control.
Give him the bite.
I tried to ignore it.
You’re the alpha. It’s your job to make the hard decisions for the pack when they can’t make them for themselves. He’s suffering. He’s going to keep suffering until someone steps up and does what needs to be done.
He wants to wait.
He isn’t the alpha. You are.
The wolf pushed harder, and I felt my control start to slip. My hands clenched into fists at my sides, claws threatening to extend. The urge to cross the campfire, to pin Damon down, to sink my teeth into his shoulder and force the change whether he wanted it or not, was almost overwhelming.
Then Alyssa’s hand found mine.
Her fingers threaded through my own, warm and soft and impossibly steady. The touch was gentle, almost casual, but the effect was immediate. The wolf’s howling quieted. The pressure behind my eyes eased. The world snapped back into focus, and I was myself again.
I turned to look at her, and she smiled. Soft. Understanding. Like she knew exactly what battle I’d been fighting inside my own head.
“We’re going to find all the answers,” she said quietly. “We’re so close, Dean. I can feel it. The Fifth Court, Nymeria, the way to free Damon, all of it is waiting for us in the centre of that forest. We just have to be brave enough to walk through.”
I looked into her eyes, brown and gold and filled with so much certainty that it was almost contagious. She believed what she was saying. Completely, utterly believed it. And as I looked at her, as I felt her hand in mine and her faith pouring through our bond, I found myself believing it too.
Because this was the woman I loved. This was the woman who had faced down impossible odds and won, over and over again. This was the woman who had saved my brother once already and was going to save him again.
If anyone could do the impossible, it was her.
“I trust you,” I said. “Completely.”
Her smile widened, and she squeezed my hand.
I fell asleep that night with her warmth pressed against my side and her faith wrapped around my heart. And for the first time in weeks, the wolf was quiet.