9. Chapter 9
Chapter 9
Alyssa
W alking through the door of the royal suite was a surreal experience. I didn’t let myself linger in the doorway like I wanted to. I didn’t even take a moment to consider the last time I’d been here. Instead, I headed inside like it was nothing to me at all and the relief that filled me when Tank shut the doors behind us, leaving Fizzle and Rhidian on the other side, was nearly enough to floor me.
I came to a stop in the middle of the sitting room, my gaze darting around at the familiar furnishing as I tried to decide what to do next. It was only Dean sagging down into a chair that had me moving with a purpose.
This I could do. This wasn’t facing the past. It was an urgent issue to keep me firmly grounded in the present and the denial that I kept so tightly wrapped around myself.
“The bathroom is through there.” I pointed to the doorway off to the side. “There should be clothes in there, and under the sink, there used to be a kit of medical supplies. Hopefully, there still is.”
I dropped to my knees in front of Dean, and his hand immediately came to my cheek. I tried to pull the shirt from his pants to get a look at his wound, but he stopped me as his fingers slipped into my hair, gripping the lengths in his fist as he tipped back my head to stare into my eyes.
“How are you really doing?” he asked.
“You’re the one with an extra hole in your body. I should be asking you that question.”
“And yet I beat you to it. Now answer the question, Alyssa.” The growl that seemed so ever present in his voice had something tightening in my stomach as I considered for a moment to see what he’d do if I avoided the question again.
From the smirk on his lips, he knew exactly what I was thinking.
But beating around the bush wouldn’t get Dean’s injuries treated, and I knew for a fact that he wouldn’t just give up until he was satisfied. The alpha wouldn’t back down easily, ever.
I sighed as my eyelids fluttered closed. How was I doing with all this? It felt like such an impossible question to answer. The screaming in my mind was probably enough of an answer to that but, when I really thought about it, it was so much more. Logically, I knew I was reacting to the trauma of what had happened here before. But that wasn’t the sum of our current predicament. I’d claimed a throne I didn’t know if I actually wanted and there was so much more going on here that I wasn’t equipped to deal with.
“It’s a lot,” I confessed. I knew it wasn’t enough of an explanation, so I tried to explain what I meant. “I thought we had one problem—getting Damon back from Arik. And then it evolved into knowing that I couldn’t leave Nymeria while Arik was still alive. But the more I look at this place, the more I know about what’s happening here… how did I think I could do this?”
It was a question he couldn’t possibly have the answer to and even if he did; I doubted I was in a place to hear it right now. Everything hurts right now. Curling up in a ball and crying for hours felt like the appropriate response, but my entire body felt numb.
“I don’t know who I am in this place anymore.” It whispered out of me like a confession I wasn’t ready to admit to myself.
I felt Tank kneel behind me, his arms wrapped around me, and he pulled me back against his massive chest. I always felt so small when Tank held me in his arms, but not in an oppressive way. This was the safest place I’d ever been. Nothing could ever touch me when I was in his arms, because he’d never allow it.
“ You… are a queen. You always have been. You were my queen long before we came here and you will be until the day we depart for the stars together.” His voice rumbled through my chest like a physical reassurance that he meant every single word that left his lips.
Maddox dipped down beside me, Ryder taking the other. Both of them took one of my hands in theirs as Dean’s fingers massaged against my scalp.
They were all here. Exactly where I needed them to be.
The tears slipped from my eyes, more from relief than anything else, because I could finally see that I wasn’t alone anymore. These men would remain at my side through whatever came for us next, just as I would them. This was what I came to Nymeria for. I could feel the certainty of that more surely than the ground beneath my knees.
We weren’t here to save a world.
We were here to claim a life, to claim each other… and maybe we’d save a realm while we were at it.
“I don’t know what this whole queen and king thing means, and frankly, I don’t really give a shit. You’re ours. You were from the moment I set eyes on you. Nothing will take us from your side. Not even some mad, deluded king with a hard-on for world domination,” Ryder said, a crooked smile tilting his lips.
“You were really onto something all heartfelt and sweet there at the beginning and then you had to go and ruin it.” Maddox laughed. “But he’s right, sweetheart. We might not be from this place, but we can see what needs to be done and we’re the men to do it with you. You have to know how we feel about you, and if you don’t, then that’s on us for not making it clearer. I don’t know how it works now that you and Tank are whatever the hell is going on here, but I’m saying it now, so there’s no doubt in your mind. You’re mine, and I’m with you every step of the way.”
My gaze moved to Dean to see what his feelings were on the subject. Of course, I already knew. He’d been nothing but straightforward since the moment he’d come into his wolf. It was like it barged past the part of him he used to shield himself from the world and gave him the courage to be who he was always meant to be.
I could see the exhaustion on his face and it was only then that I realised how pale he looked. He’d lost a lot of blood, and not that long ago, Tank and I had to resuscitate him after pulling him out of the river. It was a miracle he’d been functioning like he had for this long. But now that he’d finally let himself sit down, it looked like it was hitting him, and I could tell he was struggling to stay conscious.
“You need to rest,” I told him quietly, knowing it was the last thing he wanted to hear.
“Only if you come with me.” He didn’t even look bad for trying to manipulate me into bed with him.
I nodded, climbing to my feet and held out my hand for him to take. The fact that he did and that he let me pull him to his feet spoke volumes about his current condition.
“We can dress your wound in the bedroom,” Ryder added, and I only then noticed the cloths in his hand. “There wasn’t much else that we could use, but I figured if you were going to bleed to death, you would have done it already.” He shrugged like it was no big deal and even though he had a point, I still felt sick at the thought.
We could have so easily lost Dean today. In fact, it was actually pretty impossible that he was functioning the way he was.
“Can I see your wound?” I asked before I moved. Now that the thought was in my mind, curiosity was getting the better of me.
Dean scowled like he was about to say no, but then, with a reluctant sigh, he tugged on his shirt. He didn’t have the energy to pull it over his head himself, and Ryder didn’t even hesitate to help him. I would have done it myself, but as soon as his stomach was revealed, I was so shocked I could barely get my mind moving, let alone my body.
“That… that’s not possible,” Maddox gasped, his hand reaching out for Dean before it stalled in the air and dropped back to his side instead.
I’d seen this wound… when? I cast my mind back, trying to remember when the last time was. Had it been before or after we went into the water? Did we check it when we pulled him out of the river? The exhaustion of today was hitting me too, and my memory felt like wading through mud.
Whenever it had been, what we were looking at now was nothing like what we’d seen then. Yes, he still had a wound to his side. The skin was pink around the edges but more in a healthy way than anything else, and that was when I realised that this was his healing. Because the shallow wound I was looking at right now was nothing like the ragged knife wound I’d seen before. It barely looked to have penetrated more than an inch, if that, and there was no sign of any active bleeding.
Tank dipped down, his hands moving to Dean’s stomach as he gently examined him. “This is more than just your shifter healing, which you shouldn’t even have access to right now,” he pointed out.
I reached for Dean’s hand then, entwining my fingers with his. “May I?” I asked.
He had no way of knowing what I meant, but he nodded his head in agreement anyway.
I closed my eyes. Concentrating on the magic inside me and all the parts of Nymeria that were linked with me. I could feel the Court, the magic that still moved within these walls and how it was slowly moving out across the landscape once more. Then there was the wild Nymerian magic that I’d also had such a close kinship with. The magic that made up everything around us, that let me do things I wasn’t supposed to. It invaded the forest, moving the trees as it exerted its will across the landscape. The edges blurred where it rubbed against the magic of spring, but not in an aggressive way. It was a melding, the beginning of something new.
It took effort to turn my mind away from the outside. Away from the intrigue of what was happening in this place. But that wasn’t my aim right now. So, instead, I concentrated on myself, on the small part of my body that met with Dean’s before I sought the thread of magic that should have contained inside him. The magic all shifters had that allowed them to access the beast that lived inside.
Except it wasn’t a thread.
It wasn’t the fragile power that had to be called upon to allow them to change form.
This was a vast ocean of potential that hit me like a physical blow as I reached out for it.
How was this possible? How had I not noticed that this was the magic that Dean had access to?
I pulled my hand away as I frowned in confusion. Opening my eyes, I looked at the others surrounding me.
“That’s… Do you mind?” I asked, turning to Maddox next.
He shook his head, reaching his hand out for mine before I could even ask. And I found exactly the same thing inside him as I had in Dean.
I didn’t even have to ask Ryder or Tank for permission because they were already waiting to take my hands next.
“This isn’t… I don’t understand.” I was so confused. Had I done this? Tank had never felt like this to me before, so when did it change? It wasn’t like I checked in on something like this on a daily basis, just in case. It was impossible. Magic didn’t change. You were born with it or you weren’t, and it didn’t get stronger, nevermind to the extent that the guys currently had.
“What don’t you understand? We need you to explain,” Tank said gently, not letting go of my hand, now he had it in his once more.
“I think I might have done this to you.” My eyes widened in panic as they locked with Tank. Even the calm look on his face wasn’t helping.
How was he ever going to forgive me for this? I’d done something to the very core of him, to all of them.
Maddox pulled me away from Tank, taking me by the hand and leading me through the sitting room. He opened the door next to the bathroom and stuck his head inside. Seeing that it was my father’s library, he closed it again and moved to the next one. Finding the bedroom on the other side, he pulled me through the doors and guided me over to the bed. I had no idea what was happening as he pushed me down to sit on the edge of the bed before he knelt at my feet. With gentle hands, he lifted each of my feet and unfastened my boots before pulling them off.
The bed dipped behind me, and I turned my head to see Ryder climbing on. He reached around me, untying the fastenings on my leather tunic before dropping it off the side of the bed.
Maddox slowly stood, guiding me back to my feet as he loosened the shirt from my pants and then gently unfastened the cords on them as well. Pulling them down my legs, he slipped them off each foot without a word.
There should have been something erotic about this. To have these two men slowly strip the clothes from my body. But I was just numb to it all. I didn’t even feel the guilt that I probably should.
I glanced over my shoulder in search of the others, only to find Tank tying off a bandage around Dean’s middle that I was pretty sure he didn’t need. From the look on his face, it didn’t seem like Dean thought it was needed, either. It was kind of sweet that he was humouring the big bear, though. Even if he was reluctant to do so.
A tug on my hand had me looking back to the bed, only to find Ryder pulling me onto the mattress at his side.
I probably should have been panicking right about now. I wasn’t ready to take this to whatever the next level was for us. There was too much happening, too many thoughts swarming my mind for me to enjoy anything the way it deserved to be.
Ryder pulled me down to the bed, placing my head on the pillow as he snuggled into my side. When he pulled the covers up over the two of us, the relief I felt had that guilt finally swimming to the surface.
They deserved so much more than me. They deserved someone who would worship them in all the ways I wouldn’t be able to if I took them all as mates.
“Sleep,” Maddox whispered as he slipped beneath the covers on my other side. “There’s nothing here that needs to be dealt with now. You’re safe. You’re whole. We’re all here with you. Just close your eyes and sleep, Alyssa. Everything else can wait until the morning.”
His hands came to my back as he gently kneaded the tense muscles there. Maddox was careful and his hands never once strayed anywhere that could have been inappropriate. This was him caring for me and as the tension leaked from my muscles, it was exactly what I needed right now.
Dean and Tank climbed onto the enormous canopy bed as well, and my eyes closed as I soaked in the reassurance of having them all close by. It didn’t take long for my breaths to slowly even out as I hovered on the edge of sleep.
A feeling that I wasn’t completely familiar itched at the centre of my being and for the briefest of seconds, I nearly reached for it. But then sleep overcame me and I drifted off into a dreamless sea of darkness. My mind and my body finally giving in to the exhaustion of everything we’d been through.