40. Chapter 40
Chapter 40
Alyssa
A s I carefully folded my clothes and placed them on top of the dresser, I knew I was just trying to buy myself time. We hadn’t exactly thought to pack anything to sleep in, so the shirt I was wearing would have to do. Again. Thank god we could at least bathe on this ship.
It was strange to be alone in the cabin as I got ready for bed. I was so used to having my mates around me; I didn’t quite know what to do with myself.
I knew they couldn’t be in any trouble. We were on a ship in the middle of the ocean, after all. But it still felt wrong to be in this room alone. Codependency was not where I’d seen my future going.
I looked around at the cabin as if to delay getting into the cold bed alone. Rhidian had insisted we took the captain’s cabin, and I had to admit it was pretty nice. It was the only one big enough to house the five of us. The awkward way that Rhidian had pointed that out had nearly been worth signing up for this fight alone.
It was nice to have privacy, and I was grateful that he’d even thought of us in the first place. It should have been his privacy, though. That was the whole point of him having this place set up. Rhidian might have tried to convince me he preferred to be with his men, but I wasn’t buying it.
Not only that, but it didn’t exactly sit right with me that we were kicking him out of his room so I could take it with my mates. I might act like I didn’t see the way he looked at me, but that wasn’t the case. I’d known him all my life. He was the only other fae that understood how I felt. It should have made us closer than any other, and it did. Unfortunately for Rhidian, it made me feel like he was the brother I’d never had. I knew it wasn’t the same for him, and there had been times before when I’d wondered if I could push through that familial feeling and find something else on the other side.
But then I’d met my mates, and how I felt about them wasn’t something that could be manufactured just because you felt like you should. It wasn’t an obligation. It was an overwhelming need that filled me with every breath I took.
So here I was, pretending that I didn’t see how Rhidian’s eyes tracked me whenever we were in a room together. Knowing I could never give him the one thing he’d wanted since the very first day we’d met.
With a sigh, I moved to where a map was tacked onto the wall of the cabin, tracing the surface with my fingers. I carefully looked over the route we were following along the coastline. It was risky considering we could be spotted from the shore, but Rhidian had assured us we’d moved far enough from land that we’d just be a spot on the horizon until it came time to move closer. Even then, we were coming to shore at such an isolated spot that we should be fine. The mountains came nearly to the beach and there were few who would risk them, especially now. The plan to use the mountains to obscure our approach wasn’t foolproof, but it was the best we came up with. If we could get close enough to Arik’s forces before they realised we were there, we could stand a chance—maybe.
The door to the cabin opened and then closed, and I was relieved to finally not have to suffer through my own company any longer.
My gaze travelled across Dean and Ryder to see if there was any outward sign of what had happened when they’d gone down to see Damon. They’d been down there a while, so I knew it wasn’t as simple as giving him food and then leaving.
They were both intact though, and I knew if they wanted to talk about it, they would. There was no point poking at that wound now. Especially when I didn’t have a solution for how we were going to get Damon back with us in body and in mind.
“Tank is playing with swords up on deck with Rhidian,” Ryder told me when my eyes moved back to the door as I realised Maddox and Tank weren’t behind them.
I snorted in amusement at the thought of Tank standing over Rhidian with a sword in his hand. It wouldn’t be something I’d particularly want to endure. When he had the strength of his bear behind him, Tank had one hell of a swing.
“What about Maddox?” I asked.
Dean moved closer. His fingertips trailed across the hem of the shirt I still wore, grazing the skin of my thighs as he did.
“Damon is lucid at the moment, so Maddox is having some time with him while he can. He wants to ease some information out of him before the nightmare forces control to stop him,” Dean told me as his head dipped down to kiss my neck.
My mind felt foggy with the rising lust that Dean was coaxing out of me as he continued to place soft kisses up the length of my neck.
“Should he be doing that alone? What if the nightmare comes back? Can Maddox handle seeing Damon lose control?” I was worried, and it was enough to have my mind coming back online, even if it was only for a moment.
Ryder stepped closer, licking his lips.
“That’s what we’re hoping for. That the nightmare takes over, not that Maddox can’t handle it,” Ryder quickly explained. “Maddox thinks he can get some information out of the nightmare about the hold he has over Damon if he plays the worried brother card.”
I had to admit it was a good idea, but I was worried about how well Maddox would handle the nightmare’s taunting. I didn’t like the idea of him risking his own mental health, especially not when he was by himself. He shouldn’t have to take this on alone, but then that was the whole point, wasn’t it? The nightmare would have its guard down more if it thought it could deal Maddox as much pain as possible. Having someone there as backup would only undermine what he was trying to do.
“Trust him,” Dean whispered against my neck. “He knows how to do this. Maddox will be fine. And if he’s not, he’ll come to you and you can help him feel better.”
My mind went to exactly the place Dean wanted to go. It obviously helped that he was slowly bunching the bottom of my shirt up as he spoke. Slowly revealing me to Ryder, who was tracking his every move.
“I think that’s an excellent point,” Ryder said with a grin as he stepped to press himself against my front. “But you should probably practise how you’re going to do that first. You know… just to make sure you get it right,” he whispered against my lips.
I felt his cheeky smile against my lips before I pressed forward to seal the kiss, unable to take their teasing any longer.
A small part of me felt guilty, that we should wait for the others to join us. But then Ryder’s hands slipped around my hips before he grabbed me by the ass and pulled me tighter against him.
And I was lost.
Lost to the sensations of their touches, lost to the feelings they both coaxed to life inside of me. Lost in the dream of what the future would be like if we didn’t have a war hanging over our heads.
Dean pulled my shirt over my head, dropping it to the ground. Ryder was already on his knees before it had hit the floor, running his hands up my legs with a look of wonder on his face.
I leant back into Dean’s chest, watching Ryder at work. As he revealed me to himself, he trailed his fingertips almost reverently across my skin.
“So beautiful,” he murmured before looking up at me. “So perfect.”
I felt my cheeks heat at the compliment. Perfect wasn’t a word I’d ever use to describe myself. It wasn’t something I could ever believe.
Dean’s hand grasped my chin and turned my head. “I can feel how much you don’t believe that through our bond,” he told me. “Would I ever lie to you?”
I thought about it for a moment, wanting to make sure that he knew I meant what I said next. “No.”
Because he wouldn’t. If there was one thing I knew with absolute certainty about Dean it was that he didn’t have the usual bullshit everyone else used to sugarcoat their daily lives. He cut through all the crap and told you how it was, not because he wanted to hurt you, but because he wanted the very best for you instead.
“Exactly. You are perfect. Everything about you, from your infuriating need to step into the line of fire for everyone else, to the way you’ve selflessly stepped up for this realm, even knowing that it could cost you your life. I have never known a person who is as pure and good as you are, Alyssa. I don’t deserve you, but I’m going to spend every day of the rest of my life trying to change that.”
Tears came to my eyes, and Dean quickly swiped it away. I opened my mouth to try to explain how wrong he was, but Dean sealed his lips to mine.
“Will you just trust me, woman,” he growled when he was finished. “Now look at your poor mate, down there on his knees, with nothing to do. Did you know that there is nothing Ryder likes more than eating pussy? He loves to watch a lady lose control over and over again.”
“Telling me about Ryder’s past sexual conquests isn’t getting me quite as hot as you think it is,” I told him dryly, even though it couldn’t be further from the truth.
I didn’t care what women the guys had in their beds before me. All that mattered was that I was the last.
Dean’s mouth opened like he was about to defend himself, and then, for possibly the first time since I’d met him, it snapped shut again, speechless.
Ryder laughed. “Stop playing with him.” He playfully shoved my leg before running his hands up and down my thighs with a look in his eyes that screamed how much I was about to enjoy what came next.
“You, minx, are trouble.” Dean groaned, his hand wrapping around my throat as he tilted my head to the side to kiss my neck. “Now lift that leg and let Ryder show you how talented he is.”
Who was I to say no? Basically, I was doing Ryder a favour. A glorious, delicious…
“Oh fuck,” I muttered as Ryder quickly swept up my thigh, zeroing in on my clit with a precision I was eternally grateful for.
Dean’s attention didn’t waiver as he kissed my neck, his hands sweeping up my sides, before he cupped my breasts.
My attention was darting between the two of them. Ryder’s talented fingers as they teased at my entrance, his tongue circling my clit. Then Dean’s thumbs grazed across my nipples again, just enough to have me ready to beg for more before his teeth gently bit down on his mark.
A long moan flowed out of my mouth, and Ryder pushed two fingers inside me. Pumping them in and out in time with his tongue as he lashed it against my clit.
My hips cantered in time with his movements. I was powerless to stop myself. All I could think about was chasing the high that Ryder was stoking to life inside me.
I didn’t even care that anyone outside the door would know what we were doing.
“I love the sounds you make when you’re about to come,” Dean whispered in my ear. “Nothing gets me harder.”
He ground his hard cock against my ass and I whimpered in need, knowing that what came next would be as delicious as what was happening now.
And then Ryder sucked my clit into his mouth, and the orgasm which had been slowly building inside me suddenly flared into life, slamming into me unexpectedly.
I screamed, pushing up onto my toes as if I was trying to escape Ryder’s talented, relentless tongue, but then reached down to grab his hair and pull him closer at the same time. The pleasure that flowed through me had fried my brain, and I didn’t know what I wanted. The pleasure quickly turned to a bite of pain as it all became too much, and my body screamed for relief. It wasn’t until Ryder pulled away with a grin on his face that I sagged back into Dean, exhausted, sated, probably with a dopey smile on my face.
Dean scooped me up into his arms, carrying me to the bed as he kissed me deeply. The bond between us buzzed with lust. It was coming from all of us, bouncing between us, slowly growing as it did.
Ryder joined us, snuggling into the bed on my other side. I couldn’t help but return his smile of happiness. He kissed me softly, and I sighed against his lips.
How had these men become such a massive part of my life in such a short space of time? There was nothing I wouldn’t do for them. I’d never felt anything like this for another person before, and I never would again. They were it for me, and I couldn’t be happier.
“I can feel how happy you are right now,” Ryder said, running his hand across my cheek. “And I have a feeling that it isn’t just about what just happened.”
“I’m just happy that I have you both,” I admitted. “This whole relationship thing might not be quite as terrifying as I first thought it would be.”
Dean chuckled, and then grabbed a blanket, pulling it up around the three of us. Ryder grinned as the alpha tucked him in, but didn’t say a word.
“I know exactly what you mean,” Dean muttered as he slipped an arm under my head and pulled me onto his chest.
“Erm, this is wonderful and all, but weren’t we in the middle of something?”
“No. Unless you want to come again, and then we can start this whole thing over again,” Ryder said cheekily, licking his lips at the thought.
I looked between the two of them. Confused and feeling that this was some kind of relationship trap I hadn’t been briefed on.
“But you didn’t…”
“This wasn’t about us,” Dean answered gruffly. “This was about you. About your pleasure, about you needing the comfort of your mates.”
Dean laid my head back down on his chest, not saying a thing.
It felt wrong, and I didn’t know what to do. Were they actually being serious?
“Okay, let’s put it this way,” Ryder started when he could see how conflicted I was. “Did you enjoy having an orgasm?”
When I didn’t respond immediately, he raised an eyebrow and waited.
“Yes.” I barely stopped myself from rolling my eyes. It really wasn’t the time and yet my inner child was practically begging me to do it, anyway.
“Okay, and today has been a long and tiring day, on top of many other long and tiring days?”
“Yes?” I wasn’t entirely sure that one was a question, but I was seeing where this was going.
“So maybe, just maybe, you might want to rest. You might want to curl up in bed with your mates after having an amazing, mind-blowing, world-altering orgasm, and relax. Perhaps sleep. Because we’re heading towards something even scarier than anything we’ve stood against, and it’s okay to just be together without there having to be sex involved as well.”
I grinned at how this beautiful man somehow found a way to compliment himself in that speech.
But was it actually okay for me to just snuggle up with them and go to sleep right now? I’d felt the evidence of how much Dean wanted to do more.
I glanced up at him, only to find him with his eyes closed, like he was dozing happily.
“You’re thinking too loud,” he grumbled, hugging me closer.
I wanted to argue. A part of me thought that this wasn’t fair to them. But then there was that small voice inside that wondered if maybe this was okay. That I should accept them at their word. I could feel them through the bond. I could feel how happy and content they were right now. They just wanted to take care of me. I hadn’t had that for so long that I’d forgotten what it felt like. Or rather, I had it and I fought it so hard that I was blind to it all.
These men surprised me every day and in so many ways, but most of all, I surprised myself. I’d almost given up hope of a life with people surrounding me. Alone had always felt safer. But every day with my mates was showing me that there was so much more to life than being alone.
I closed my eyes and finally let the feeling of sleep sweep over me. Ryder snuggled in closer to me and Dean grumbled happily as he did, reaching over and making sure we were all tucked in under the covers still. The alpha was happy to have his pack close by and I couldn’t agree more. We just needed the others to come and join us as well.