Chapter 10 Ainsley
AINSLEY
There’s light in the room when my eyes pop open. Usually, I wake up a little bit at a time, by degrees.
This morning, it’s like I flipped a switch.
One second, I was asleep, and the next, wide awake and instantly regretting last night.
Funny how it seemed like a good idea at the time—okay, maybe not a good idea by any rational standards, but my body was all-in.
I was so desperate for him, so weak for his touch that I would have agreed to anything.
Now it’s a different story. Now, I can hardly remember what I felt when I let him touch me, kiss me.
Talon snores softly with one arm over his eyes. He is the first man I’ve ever shared a bed with, and he’s the man who broke into my apartment.
He’s also the man who stood up for me when nobody else would. He made me feel beautiful and desirable and worth sticking his neck out for.
Does that excuse his break-in?
I have to get out of here. I don’t want to be here when he wakes up.
I wouldn’t know what to say or do. And I doubt he’ll leave if I ask him to.
I already pretty much rewarded him for violating my privacy, so what could I threaten that he’ll actually care about?
Calling the cops? I doubt he’ll blink an eye.
I grab my pajamas off the floor after rolling out of bed as gently as possible.
Nobody would ever call me graceful, but he’s still snoring by the time I reach the door and tiptoe into the living room.
Klaus winds his way around my ankles, but I shoo him away before putting on my clothes and jamming my feet into a pair of slippers.
My phone is on the coffee table, which is slightly crooked after Talon bumped into it last night.
There are three missed calls from Mom already, and it’s barely seven in the morning.
She’s a wreck after getting word of my cousin’s sudden heart attack sometime over the weekend.
He didn’t report to work yesterday morning.
I got the call yesterday afternoon from my hysterical mother.
“We were just with him! He seemed so healthy and alive!”
Paul liked to party. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was more than alcohol he was enjoying at the wedding. His heart probably gave out.
I couldn’t bring myself to cry. Not that I’m happy about it or anything, but I’m not pretending to be heartbroken, either. I can’t help but wonder what Mom would think if she knew I’m sneaking away from a willing man. Even if I told her he broke in, she’d probably call me an idiot. At best.
“Where are you going?”
Now I know what a deer feels like when those headlights wash over it. I’m afraid to move and definitely don’t want to look at him. “I…”
“You’re not trying to run away from me, are you?”
It’s the way he says it. Like I’m a little girl who disobeyed the rules. This is my apartment, and he acts like I’m wrong to try to walk out. “What if I am? Even if it should be you who leaves. This is my home.”
“Right. This is where you belong.”
“So you’re the one who needs to go.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He folds his arms, and dang it, I wish he’d put a shirt on.
At least he’s wearing his jeans, but the fact that they sit low on his hips only makes my mouth water.
I need to stay strong and not stare at the muscles cutting a V-shape that leads down beneath his waistband.
Why does he have to be so tempting? Why do I have to want him so much, even now?
My phone buzzes. I forgot I was holding it. “Put the phone down,” he murmurs.
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
“I want us to talk. No distractions.” He lowers his brow. “This is too important.”
I’m not going to argue about what’s important. I have more than a few things to say to him. Still… “My mom keeps calling. She’s not going to stop until I answer.”
“Everything okay?”
“Not really. She’s upset.”
“I’ve never had a close family, but I guess it’s tough to lose part of it all of a sudden.”
“I guess so.” I sigh, looking down at the screen to confirm she’s the one calling. “She won’t be happy until I burst into tears and—”
Wait a second.
My fingers close tighter around the phone. “How did you know that?”
“Hmm?”
I don’t dare lift my gaze. I can’t. I’m afraid of what I’ll see. But I need to know. “You guessed somebody died. How did you know?”
“Did I guess somebody died?”
“You said it’s tough losing part of a family.” Slowly, I raise my head. “What else was that supposed to mean? Don’t play games. We both know what you meant.”
His face is a blank mask. “Someone in your family died? I’m sorry.”
“Stop playing! It was Paul. How did you know Paul died? I only found out about it yesterday. There’s no reason you should know.”
“Oh, I…” His face scrunches up like he’s either constipated or mad at himself.
“Because if you know,” I continue, “you’re either listening in on my phone or…”
He waits, his face immobile until he prompts me. “Or?”
I don’t want to say it. But it’s right there in front of me, spelled out in mile-high, neon letters. I can’t avoid it. “Or you had something to do with it. But that’s not possible, right? I heard there were no signs of foul play.”
“How could I have had anything to do with it?”
“Then are you tapping my phone somehow?”
“How could I do that to a cell phone?”
“You tell me! You’re the one who broke in here last night. You’re the one who knows that my cousin’s dead when, as far as I know, the family’s trying to keep it quiet.”
He snorts and even rolls his eyes a little. “They would.”
“So?” He makes that constipated face again, and something about it gets my blood boiling. “I’m going to ask you for the truth right now. The whole truth. How did you know about Paul being dead?”
“The truth? You’re sure about that?”
Absolutely not. I’ve never been less sure of anything in my life. I can’t even trust myself or my judgment anymore because up until less than twelve hours ago, I thought Talon was a regular, decent person who never did things like breaking and entering. “Yes. The truth.”
“All right. Yes. I knew about Paul’s death because I caused Paul’s death. Because it was my job.”
Maybe it’s sick. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. Maybe it’s the deadpan way he says it; I don’t know. All I do know is a giggle bursts out of me because that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. “Okay. Right. I know it was a stupid thing to—”
“I’m serious, Ainsley. I was assigned to kill your cousin, and I did. And because I know how to do my job, there won’t be any trace of what I used on him in his system by now. And there’s no chance of them connecting him to me because even the account you sent payment to is under a false name.”
I try to laugh this time, but all that comes out is a choked whimper. “Are you serious?”
“But nothing between you and me was forced. I need you to believe that. I’ve been honest with you about Paul, so you’ll understand I’m telling the full truth. I have nothing to hide from you. I trust you the way you can trust me.”
“Trust you? I’m supposed to trust you? You just got done telling me you murdered my cousin! And the escort thing, that was all a lie? You set me up!”
“You were my only way to get close to him.”
“B-But who would want to kill Paul?”
He has the nerve to bark out a dry laugh. “I only knew the man for a few hours, and I wouldn’t bother asking that question. You’ve known him your whole life. Do you think there was any shortage of people who wanted him out of the way?”
I run a hand up my arm, where goose bumps now cover my skin. “Do you know who it was?”
“That’s not how my job goes. No, I never know, and that’s by design.”
His job. Only a job. That’s all it ever was. From the beginning. “All of it? Even when you came up to me at the pet store. You were following me.” I want him to tell me I’m wrong. I need it. This can’t be true.
“That’s how I do my job.”
“No, you do your job by killing people.”
“Yes, and I was preparing.” His face falls. “I never wanted to hurt you. Not in any way.”
“Oh, congratulations, you totally succeeded.” Sarcasm drips heavily from her voice.
“I know you’re upset.”
“Upset? No, upset doesn’t begin to describe how I feel.” I can’t find the words and can barely pull enough air into my lungs to get them out, anyway. My throat is tight, and the pressure in my chest is intense enough that I wonder if I’m having a heart attack.
When I touch a hand to it, Talon reaches for me, and winces when I flinch but doesn’t back away. “Are you okay? What do you need? Do you feel sick?”
“I don’t know…”
“I’ll get you some water. You just stay where you are.
” Sure, because water is what I need right now.
A glass of water will totally erase the fact that I gave my virginity to a hitman.
That I slept with him again last night, and he’s still in my apartment, and I’m basically trapped with him. Yup. Water will make it all better.
“I didn’t want you to find out this way.
I don’t know what it is about you.” I’m not even sure I want to know why he’s so at ease in my kitchen, opening the refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of water without hesitation.
It’s like every time I turn around, there’s a new thing to be horrified by. “You make me forget everything I know.”
“Are you going to kill me?”
He stops abruptly halfway between the kitchen and where I’m sitting, gaping at me like I lapsed into a foreign language. “How could you even think that?”
“Don’t. Please. Don’t act like I’m out of line. You just got done telling me you’re a hitman, and the whole escort thing was some elaborate plot to get to my cousin. You set me up and had the nerve to…”
I have to look at the floor. I’m too embarrassed to look at him anymore. “And now you want me to have faith in you? How does that work? I know what you do for a living, and I know you killed my cousin. I’m not supposed to guess the next step would be killing me to keep me quiet?”
I can’t help but cringe when he sits down. “This might be hard for you to believe, but I’ve never been more serious when I say the last thing I will ever do is hurt you.”
“You already have. You lied to me. You scared the shit out of me last night, and you’re scaring me now. You’re hurting me right now.”
“I am so sorry for that. It was never my intention. Ainsley, I couldn’t have guessed what you would do to me. How you would… reach me.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“I could have left the reception after I gave him the powder. My job was done. I didn’t have to stay, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave you. I sure as hell didn’t have to make myself visible to an entire ballroom full of people when I caught that garter and put it on you.”
“Then why did you do it?”
“Why do you think? Because of you. I meant every word I said to you—everything I said about your family, everything I said to them on your behalf. The moment I stepped through that door and saw you in that beautiful dress, I changed. You changed me.”
“What? I made you discover you have a heart?” I snort.
“I know you’re not being serious, but yes. That’s as close as I can come to describing it.”
“Stop, please.” I can’t take it. My heart can’t take it.
He slides closer until he’s almost on top of me. I want to tell him to get away, but I want just as much to beg him to hold me. It’s the sweetness underneath his intensity. Like he really means every word. He might as well tear me in half. That’s what it feels like.
“No one in the world will devote himself to you the way I will. Never again will anyone make you feel small or like an outsider. Not one more day. All I want is to take care of you, keep you safe, and make you happy.”
His hand closes over my knee. “You can’t pretend you don’t feel it. What’s between us is real. Don’t ask me to spend my life wanting you without being able to touch you.”
“What if I did ask for that?” I whisper with my heart in my throat.
“You’d be wasting your breath.” His tone flattens. “Because I’m not letting you go. We belong together. I don’t let go of what’s mine.”
“I’m yours? Says who?”
“Says me.” When his hand slides up my leg, he leaves me torn between knowing I should shove him away and shivering as my insides turn molten.
“Stop kidding yourself. Isn’t it much better when you give in?
We have fun together—dressed and undressed.
I appreciate you. I’d even put up with your cat even though he obviously wants me dead.
We could adopt a hundred more if it makes you happy. ”
My eyes close as he leans in, brushing his lips against my jaw before whispering in my ear. “You can’t fight what’s meant to be, Ainsley. There’s a reason we were brought together, and I’m not letting you go.”
The worst part is how much sense he’s making. He shouldn’t. Nothing about this should make sense. Especially how I’m melting under the spell of his touch and his words combined.
“We’ll see,” I finally whisper as what’s left of my resolve vanishes.