Chapter Seventeen
Bernie
“You’re looking a little…rough, B.” Pru laughs, sliding a drink across the counter.
I slurp it, not giving a shit about my long ride tomorrow. Damn the consequences, I don’t have to go fast , I think to myself and lick the salt off the rim.
“Margaritas?” I ask, holding up the glass, and she nods. I take another drink before pausing. “Who did you invite tonight?” I make poor decisions under the influence of tequila. Pru usually invites folks from the building for her movie nights, but I don’t need to be unnecessarily embarrassed in front of my neighbors.
I’m immediately alarmed by her too-sweet smile and the ‘helpful’ way she raises the pitcher to top off my drink. “Just the regular people from our building and our new neighbor. Not sure if they’re coming.”
I squint my eyes at her suspiciously. It’s not uncommon for her to use gender-neutral pronouns, but she’s being too…nice. I’m about to call her on her shit when the doorbell rings.
“Pizza’s here. Relax .” She rolls her eyes at me and goes to open the door. Pru hosts a get-together once a month for our neighbors, and they’re nice . Mostly single assistant profs and a few couples from liberal arts. Since I work primarily with STEM faculty, I don’t usually bump into anyone that I have to work with.
I set my drink down to help her arrange the pizza boxes.
“Can you do the chips and stuff?” She nods to the bowls and chips she has on the counter, and I get to work, sipping my drink while setting up all the junk food. Pru keeps topping me off, and before I know it, I’m buzzed and shoving chips into my mouth.
As people trickle in, I let myself blend into the background, grabbing a plate before settling on the couch with my drink and food to watch the movie Pru has playing. I love that there’s a movie on because it feels acceptable to zone out but still be a part of the party. I try to concentrate on the movie and not think about the impulse vibrator I bought after a particularly long day of working around Ashish.
“Bernie,” one of Pru’s friends says to me from the other side of the couch, interrupting my brainstorm of all the different ways I might use it. Brian, I think? He’s cute with curly hair and thick glasses. The kind of guy that would wear suspenders unironically.
“Hey.” I smile and wave a chip at him. “How are you? Prepared for the semester?”
He scoots closer to me on the couch and proceeds to tell me every detail about his Canvas setup. “I had a really hard time deciding between these two textbooks…”
I take a long drink, feeling just the right amount of fuzzy. How many times had Pru been around with the pitcher? I lick the salt and decide to cut myself off. If it’s hot tomorrow, the likelihood of puking after my bike ride is high.
I’m nodding along to Brian’s description of one two-hundred-dollar textbook and versus another, when a body squeezes between us, efficiently interrupting our conversation. I blink slowly, my brain struggling to keep up with whoever was rude enough to literally butt in—then I catch the scent of sharp, clean, eucalyptus and know.
Ash .
I blink his handsome scruffy face into focus, his body blocking my view.
He smiles like we invited him. “Hey, sunshine.”
I’m about to ask what the hell he’s doing here when Pru’s voice cuts in. “Bernie, you know our new neighbor, right?” Her cute little pixie face is pure mischief, and if there was anything left in my glass, I might throw it at her.
“Yes, obviously,” I say slowly. The tequila must be responsible for how hot I feel. Ash’s body heat is burning my skin, and my body chooses this very inconvenient time to remind me how freaking horny I am because of the bearded pain in my ass sitting right next to me. I cross my legs and squeeze them together.
“Hey man, are you the new neighbor?” Brian says on the other side of Ashish and holds out a hand to shake. Ash juggles the two plates of pizza he’s holding and gives the offered hand a firm shake. His shoulder brushes against mine while he says something to Brian. I see Brian shuffle back toward the other end of the couch so we’re not all packed together like sardines, but Ash keeps his big, perfect, round butt in the cushion right next to mine.
“You good, B?” Pru asks, still in front of me. I do my best to convey with my eyes that I’m going to make her pay for this. She laughs, winks, and leaves me.
Abandoned.
“I brought you some pizza,” a soft voice whispers in my ear, making me shiver. Even my body is a freaking traitor.
“How do you know Bernie?” Brian asks, and I’m thankful that he pulls Ash’s attention and mouth away from me. I’m just drunk enough that the threshold between good and bad decisions is a little hazy. A tiny piece of me wants to turn my face and brush my lips against his plush ones, feel his beard graze my skin again. I shove a bite of pizza in my mouth, hoping the bread and cheese will bring sobriety before I climb into this man’s lap and show him how much my body missed him.
“We work together.” Ash takes a bite of pizza but rests his hand possessively on my knee. Brian tracks the movement, eyebrows raising.
“You’re in STEM?”
I almost snort. I don’t know if he’s making an assumption because Ash is Indian or if he remembers that I worked primarily with STEM faculty.
“Yeah, engineering,” Ash answers and squeezes my knee. I should push it away. I should get up and leave. I should go snuggle under my covers and definitely not fantasize about this man while I try out my first vibrator dedicated to clitoral stimulation. If it feels even a fraction as good as his mouth felt, it will be worth the hundred bucks I dropped on it. I’m pretty sure I can blame the tequila for the memory of Ash’s head between my legs and my fingers pulling his dark hair.
I like when you touch me, I remember him telling me while he fucked me with his tongue.
“You have a bike club, don’t you, Bernie?” Brian’s question snaps me back to the present, and I have to lean forward a little to see him.
“What’s that?” I causally nudge Ash’s hand off my knee with my elbow and rest my head tipsily in my hand.
“You ride a road bike, right? You have a bike club? Ashish was just telling me he road bikes. Did you tell him about your club?”
“No, I–”
Brian shifts his attention to another of Pru’s co-workers, Talia. “Hey Tal, you’re in Bernie’s bike club, right?”
The tall woman nods eagerly and sits on the coffee table in front of the couch. “Yeah. Murph, what do you have planned for us tomorrow? I haven’t had a chance to look at the email.”
Ash is too eagerly tracking this conversation, and I know it’s a lost cause. I sigh heavily and sit back, sipping from the glass of water Pru set down next to my empty glass. I think seeing Ash in bike shorts and a tight jersey might break me.
“Thirty miles with two pace groups. We’re going to do three ten-mile loops with hill intervals.”
Talia groans and sets down her drink. “Well, I’m officially switching to water.” She smiles at Ashish and I just stop myself from scooting closer to his side. “Are you our new neighbor?”
Ash returns her smile and sets his plate on his lap to shake her hand. “Yeah, I moved in down the hall,” he confirms, and it’s at that moment I realize he’s moved into the unit next to mine. I try to think what that apartment setup looks like. How could we have been sharing a wall for over a week and I was clueless?
“Ashish works with Bernie; he was just telling me he road bikes.”
“Oh, that’s awesome. Are you coming to our ride tomorrow?”
I tense, and I can feel Ash’s arm between our hips, his hand subtly sliding between the back of my leg and the couch to cup the back of my knee.
“What time do you start?” he asks innocently, and I have a moment of panic. He’s in my office, in my apartment complex, and now in my bike club?
“Five in the summer; we try to beat the heat.”
“Awesome, count me in. I’ll tag along with Bernie. What are the pace groups?”
I tune out their conversation and eat my pizza. I don’t even think about it before snagging Ash’s crust off his plate. As far as I’m concerned he owes me. I’m officially drunk and tomorrow is going to be rough. I try to calm my panic by watching the action movie behind Talia while I ignore the heat pooling at my core with every idle stroke of Ash’s fingers along the back of my knee.
Charlize Theron is beating the crap out of someone when I feel his breath on my ear again.
“Do you want more pizza?”
If I looked at him, our lips would brush.
“Too much?” His hand squeezes the back of my leg again.
I know the right answer is to tell him to back off. Talia and Brian went to get more food, and this was the perfect time to tell him to give me space without making a scene. I swallow thickly and make my drunk ass nod. He moves an inch away and pulls his arm out from between us, settling it on the back of the couch, not touching me. I don’t lean into that invitation but I do finally look at him. He’s as flushed as I feel.
“Sorry, I–I was a little jealous.” It’s not fair that he has such beautiful eyelashes. It makes him look bashful.
“Of what?” I whisper.
“That guy was into you, and I–I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry.”
“Hmm.” I let my head fall back onto the couch, resting my head on his forearm. I don’t really know how to navigate this. So much of being with Stephen was in secret. I don’t know how to handle someone being jealous or being sorry for it. Honestly, I don’t even know how to handle my feelings, let alone someone else's.
“Why do you always wear your hair up?” He lifts his hand and rubs a finger across the braid above my forehead.
I shrug. “I like it that way.” I rub my hands on my jeans. I’m hot and achy, and I need to go.
“It looks beautiful however you wear it.” His fingertip runs down my hairline to the side of my neck, and I rock my head to the side, looking at him.
I don’t know why I keep letting this man touch me. Or why I like it so much.
Must be muscle memory from the orgasms , my drunk brain assures me. That makes sense.
“I should go.” My voice is breathy.
“Okay.”
“I didn’t know you lived in my building.”
“I figured. Are you mad?”
I shrug. “I can’t control where you live.”
“Do you want me to skip the ride tomorrow? Give you some space?” His face is serious, and I want to lean forward and suck that fat bottom lip into my mouth. I bite mine instead.
I evade his question. “Rides are for everyone.”
“But do you want me to be there, Bernie?”
“Yes and no.”
His eyes are tracking the movements of my mouth. I wonder if he wants to kiss me as much as I want to kiss him. How much does he think about what it was like between us? “Why yes?”
Is he closer? His face seems closer. “Because you’re new here and like to road bike, and you should meet people to ride with,” I tell him softly.
Three crinkles appear next to each eye, and I can feel his hand near my shoulder shift on the couch behind me. “And no?”
I lean forward, even closer to him, inhibitions clearly compromised. When our faces are just inches apart, I whisper, “Because I don’t think I can handle seeing you in a jersey.”
“You’ve seen me in less,” he whispers. I can feel his breath puff against my face.
“That’s the problem, isn’t it?”
“It doesn’t have to be.” His thumb brushes my shoulder blade.
“Hmm,” I say noncommittally. He digs his thumbs into my muscles, and I part my lips, leaning incrementally closer.
“Are you going to kiss me, Bernadette?” He licks his lips in anticipation.
“Do you want me to?”
“I can’t think of anything else I’d want more.”
“Why me?”
“Because you’re fucking magic.”
“No, why do I have to kiss you ?”
I watch as his eyes move back and forth over my face. “Because you’re in charge, sunshine. I’m just following your lead.”
I open my mouth to protest–
“Having fun, kids?” Pru leans forward, putting her face right next to ours, her hands on her knees--the picture of glee.
I jerk away from Ash in surprise, and he cups my shoulder briefly before sitting up.
“Great party, Pru. Thanks for inviting me.”
“Is it hot in here?” She parks her butt on the coffee table, and I shake my head, trying to clear it. “I wanted to check to see if I need to turn up the air.” She fans her face, and I scowl at her.
I hate my best friend.
“I should get going, P.” I stand abruptly, and her eyes sparkle.
“Yeah, your ride starts at what five?” she asks innocently, and I want to kick her shin.
“He already knows, asshole. Cut it out.”
She laughs and slaps her knees before standing and squeezing me so hard my ribs hurt.
“Chug some water, ya lush, or you’re gonna puke tomorrow.” She looks at Ashish and winks. “It was great to see you, Ashish. Thanks for coming.”
Ash stands and rests that perfect hand on my back. “Let me walk you to your place?”
“I mean, it’s on the way,” I gripe, and he chuckles.
“I guess I could wait here for like five minutes?” His thumb strokes under my shift, lighting my spine on fire.
“It’s fine.”
I wave to a few people as I head out, then walk down the hallway to my apartment, digging my key fob out of my jeans. I open the door, and Ash tangles his fingers with mine, drawing my attention to him.
“Should I stop by at like four forty-five?”
“That works. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He looks like he wants to say more, but I need to get inside. I need to get inside, get out of my clothes, and work some of this tension off if I’m going to survive looking at Ash’s ass in a saddle tomorrow morning. Because I sure as hell am going to draft off him.
“Night, Bernie.”
“Night.” I snap the door closed and rush to my bedroom, hoping like hell our bedroom walls aren’t shared.