10. Chapter 10 #2
His body keeps shaking, sweat soaking through both of our shirts now. Every so often, he tenses like he’s going to push me away again, but doesn’t. But I don't move or say anything for a while, because I know that this alone is progress.
Eventually, I reach for the water bottle with my free hand and press it against his side. “Take a sip.”
He doesn’t respond at first. Then, slowly, he does what I ask. His hand is trembling, so I help him hold onto it. Once he’s finished, his dark eyes study my face. “Give it to me,” he mumbles.
I raise a brow. “Suboxone?”
He nods. “Please, I need this pain to go away. I want to die.”
I swallow hard, remembering all of the times I’ve heard him say that.
And the time that we both almost died together in a hotel room after overdosing.
Sometimes, I wonder if I’ve died and this is just a hell I’m forced to live.
Maybe he’s not actually suffering like this. Maybe he’s okay and at peace.
Probably not.
“Okay.” I reach into my pocket to retrieve the Suboxone. “Okay,” I repeat quietly, more to steady myself than anything else.
Jude’s forehead brushes my collarbone with every uneven breath. He’s shaking just as hard as before, maybe worse now that he’s let himself feel it.
“Hey,” I murmur, shifting just enough so he can see the pill in my hand. “Look at me for a second.”
He doesn’t. His eyes stay squeezed shut, jaw tight.
“Jude.”
His eyes finally crack open, watery and unfocused at first, before they land on the pill in my hand. “It’s not going to make it worse?”
“No,” I tell him. “It’ll help.”
He stares at it like it might bite him.
“Hey,” I say again. “You’re okay. No one’s stopping you. You can take it, or not.”
His shoulders sag just slightly, like something in him finally gives. “Okay,” he whispers.
I shift carefully, guiding him back just enough so he’s sitting instead of half-collapsed into me. He sways, his body struggling to cooperate.
“Easy,” I murmur, keeping one hand firm at his back.
His hand lifts. Or…tries to. It trembles so badly it barely makes it halfway before dropping uselessly back to his lap.
“Fuck,” he breathes, frustration flashing across his face. “I can’t—”
“I’ve got you.”
I don’t make a big deal out of it. I just take his hand in mine and press the pill gently into his palm.
His fingers twitch and shake, refusing to close around it.
“You can do this, Jude,” I cut in, firmer now. “Look at me.”
He does. Barely holding it together. I guide his hand back up, steadying his wrist as he brings the pill to his mouth. His lips part, but his hand shakes so badly that it bumps against his teeth.
“Jesus,” he mutters, frustration bleeding through.
“It’s okay,” I murmur. “Take your time. Let it dissolve under your tongue first. Then you can drink.”
He tries again. This time, the pill makes it in.
I let out a breath, relief surging through my chest. “You did it,” I say quietly, tears threatening to spill over. But I clamp them down.
He just sits there, staring at nothing. After a few seconds, he collapses into me again. “Stay,” he mumbles against my shoulder. “Please, Micah.”
I tighten my hold on him, one hand coming up to cradle the back of his head again. “I’m not going anywhere,” I tell him. “You should feel it soon.”
His grip is shaky. “Don’t let the pain come back,” he whispers.
That one almost fucking breaks me.
“I won’t,” I murmur, even though I know I can’t promise that. But I’ll fight like hell anyway.
When I return to the basement living room, Heather is standing a few feet away, watching me.
“Hey,” she says gently, stepping closer. “Rafe requested Emma upstairs. She’ll be back.”
I let out a breath that feels like it’s been trapped in my lungs for fucking days. “He took it.”
Her expression shifts into relief. “We saw.”
I sigh. “Yeah. Fought me the whole way, but…yeah.”
“That’s amazing. It’s progress.” She whispers.
I shake my head, scrubbing a hand through my hair. “Don’t get too excited. He’s still—” I gesture vaguely toward the door. “He’s still…fucked up.”
“I know,” she murmurs, taking a step closer. Her hands slide up my arms, steadying me in a way nothing else has been able to. I don’t know how I’d be able to do this without her. “You did good.”
I huff out a quiet, humorless breath. “Yeah? Feels like I’m barely holding it together.”
“That’s because you are,” she says, not unkindly. “But you’re still showing up. You’re doing everything you can for him. He loves you, and he knows that you love him, too.”
My jaw tightens, and before I can stop myself, I lean forward, pressing my forehead lightly against hers. Just…needing her. For a second, neither of us moves. Then her nose brushes against my cheek. It’s the smallest gesture, but it brings me a kind of comfort I’ve never felt before.
My breath stutters a little, utterly destroyed by this woman. And I don’t think. I just turn my head and kiss her. It’s relief and exhaustion and too many emotions with nowhere else to go. My hands come up to her waist, tugging her closer.
She kisses me back just as hard. Her fingers slide into my hair, and for a second, everything else fades. The monitors. The chains. All of it is gone, and replaced with her warm, soft lips on mine. I cling to them like they’re oxygen, and I’m running out of it.
“Micah...” she moans, her breath quickening. I know I should stop. But I just want her peace.
“Good. You’re both here.”
The voice cuts through us, and we break apart instantly.
I turn, still breathing hard, and see Rafe stepping into the basement living room, Emma just behind him. She looks stronger than I’ve seen her. And, she’s grinning at us.
Rafe’s gaze flicks between us for half a second. “Everything’s locked down,” he says, already shifting into business. “Adela and Nico went through every device in the house. Sinclair’s protocols are active. No signals in or out unless we allow it.”
I nod once, forcing myself back into focus. “So we’re good? Well, safe?”
“For now,” he says. “Alexei won’t find this place through tech. But that doesn’t mean he won’t try something else, of course. He’s pissed the fuck off right now. I challenged him when he called last night. He didn’t like that.”
He looks at me then. That was the first thing we were all told when we awoke this morning. That the fucker called in the middle of the night.
“It seems that we don’t have much time to waste, then,” I sigh, sliding my hands into my pockets.
“Seems like it,” Emma confirms. “We’re just hoping he hesitates long enough for us to actually get somewhere.”
I glance back toward the door at the end of the hall, where Jude is still fighting something none of us can see. “…Yeah,” I mutter. “Let’s get to work.”