Chapter 5 #3
“It’s an excellent specimen of God’s artwork.” Taking the lead, he headed for a trail between the trees.
They rode in silence for a while, slowly making their way up the mountain, with the dogs trailing behind, all canine smiles and wags.
It was easy to be silent with Sebastian.
There was no pressure or expectation for conversation.
He was a man who only spoke when he had something to say.
Laurel liked that about him. It made their conversations seem more important.
“Careful of the switchback. That fork there is more dangerous, with more difficult footing,” he warned.
“Got it. What’s up there anyway?”
“Way on further up, there’s a ramshackle bootlegger’s place. Hasn’t been used in years, probably because the trail collapsed. But there’s a cabin. It’s not much to see, though.”
Something about the idea that moonshine had been run out of these hills delighted her. “Really? How’d you know it was there?”
“I was in the area for a search-and-rescue training exercise and stumbled across it.”
“You do search and rescue?”
“Stone County doesn’t have a paid SAR team, so it relies on volunteers. I’ve got a certain skillset that’s useful there, so it seemed like the thing to do.”
And his hero points were just racking up. “You were military.”
He grunted in acknowledgement. “Rangers.”
Her interest sharpened. “You were Special Forces?”
“75th Ranger Regiment. Eight years.”
“So, like, jumping out of planes and stuff?”
“Among other things.” There was a wealth of possibility in those simple words.
“Wow. That must have taken an amazing amount of work.”
“It did. I liked the challenge.”
She could respect that. “Why did you get out? Why not career military after all that?”
He released an audible breath. “The challenge was no longer adding value to my life.”
That set her back in her saddle. She’d spent most of her life chasing one challenge after another because she thrived on them.
But had she ever given any thought to what value those challenges added to her life?
The attainment of the goals at the end of those challenges, sure.
But the value of the challenges themselves?
She’d been so busy throwing herself whole-heartedly into them, the idea of questioning what she got out of it never occurred to her.
Not quite sure what she thought about that, she kept the focus on Sebastian. “Do you miss it?”
The silence stretched out so long, she didn’t think he’d answer.
“The brotherhood, the purpose. Yeah. The job itself, no.” The air between them was weighted with the things he didn’t say about what he’d seen. The things he’d probably done.
His tone didn’t leave the door open for more questions, so she lapsed into silence.
Blossom was content to follow Brego, so Laurel let her have her head.
The evergreens got thicker as they climbed, muffling the sound of the wind and blocking all view of the farm.
It was easy to imagine they were alone, in the middle of nowhere.
With that certain set of skills, Sebastian was exactly the kind of guy she’d want to have with her in that eventuality.
Her mind turned over what he’d said. She understood the need for a purpose, that desire to feel useful.
His military skills had little place in civilian life, and it seemed in the absence of the Army, he’d fallen back on the skills he’d been raised with.
Maybe there was a way to help him turn that into something more formalized.
“So you grew up around Thoroughbreds. Are racehorses where your passion is?”
“No. Not particularly. I love riding, and since I started working for your brother, I’ve remembered how much I love training. But I’m not competitive. Not with these horses, anyway. I find it far more gratifying to work with rescues to overcome abuse or neglect.”
“That’s very noble of you.”
“Nothing noble about it. They saved me, so it only seems fair that I return the favor.”
“I have a hard time imagining you needing saving from anything. You’re always so in control and sure of yourself.”
“I wasn’t always.” He dropped into another of those silences she wasn’t sure she should interrupt.
“Horses are prey animals, so they’re extremely sensitive to their environment.
They tend to mirror whatever mood or behavior they see from us.
When I first started working with them again, the stuff they reflected back showed me I was volatile.
Angry. I had a switch, and it took very little to flip it.
To get anywhere with them, I had to earn their trust, and to do that, I had to turn that switch into a dial and learn how to turn it down so I could focus on them and what they needed.
When I managed that—really managed it—I found the stillness I needed. ”
She wanted to learn how to do that. To be able to draw on that stillness in herself rather than always seeking it out from him. Because he wouldn’t always be there. But that was a question for later. He was usually so reticent, and she wanted to keep him talking about himself as long as she could.
“So now you pay it forward.”
“As much as I can, yeah. It’s tough, though. Not being able to save them all.”
“There are more?”
“Always. But even if we weren’t out of space, the riding school, such as it is, doesn’t pay enough to cover any more than we already have. It’s a helluva thing having to turn any animal away.”
No, he wouldn’t be able to do that. He couldn’t walk away from any creature in need—be they two-legged or four. That kind of compassion was beyond appealing. So was he.
Laurel opened her mouth to say so, but just then, they emerged from the trees at the top of a ridge and the view struck her momentarily speechless.
The whole world seemed to stretch out beneath them.
From here, she could see the two branches of mountain that wrapped like arms around the tiny valley that encompassed Maxwell Organics.
Other than the house and outbuildings, and a few other houses far distant, there were no signs of civilization.
If she had her directions right, the town of Eden’s Ridge ought to be on the other side of the ridge to the west. But none of it interrupted the magnificent view.
In this moment, it felt like they were the only two people in the world.
“I needed this,” Laurel murmured. “God, I had no idea how much I needed this.” Her soul simply sighed. “Going back to Nashville, to law school, to the never-ending grind is going to kill me.”
“You made the choice to step on that path. You can make the choice to step off it.”
That was reductivist thinking at its finest. But it was a lie. She’d been lying to herself. She thought she’d been in charge, in control of her life. But everything she’d done had really been reactionary, driven by her father’s approval or disapproval.
“I don’t know how,” she whispered. “The idea of taking a leap off that road, into the unknown, is just as terrifying to me as staying on it. I mean, at least as an attorney, I have a plan. I know what’s coming.
And it feeds the challenge I crave. If I don’t have that…
then I have nothing. A wasted education.
Wasted talents. A wasted brain.” Not to mention her father would probably disown her.
“I was raised to believe that I have a duty to serve the gifts I was given. And regardless of whether I agree with my dad on the nature of my career, I do believe in that. So until or unless I figure out some other way to serve those gifts, I can’t see doing something else. ”
Sebastian stayed silent a moment as they both stared out over the valley. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe you won’t be able to see that other way until you take everything else away from the equation?”
She couldn’t even fathom it. “That feels like the height of irresponsibility. Logan had a plan when he dropped out of grad school. He knew he wanted to do this, and he’s made it work.
I’ve been focused on law my entire adult life.
I don’t have the first clue what else I’d do.
In the middle of the worst of the panic and anxiety, I’ve tried to imagine it, and my brain just comes up with static. A total blank.”
“The middle of an anxiety attack is probably not the best time to be considering your career alternatives. Either way, you don’t have to know yet.
You don’t have to do anything but focus on the right now.
Stop thinking about stuff that hasn’t happened yet.
Regardless of what your dad wants, you haven’t accepted that job.
You haven’t graduated yet. That decision is still out there.
It’s not set in stone. So focus on what’s in front of you.
For the next ten days, nothing else matters. ”
He was what was in front of her. And maybe he wasn’t her future, but he was a helluva lot more appealing to think about.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I can handle that.” Lips curving, she tossed his own words back at him. “And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to handle you.”
Sebastian threw back his head and laughed. “All in good time.”