Chapter 8
Eight
“You’ve been quiet the whole drive. I can hear your wheels spinning over there.”
Paisley didn’t look at Ty as they made the final turn onto his road.
He’d stayed silent since they left Nashville, leaving her to her thoughts.
They hadn’t been good ones. Exhausted and emotional, she was still processing the fact that her sense of safety had been utterly shattered.
Thanks to Ty, her house had been secured, but even when all this was over—whenever that might be—she didn’t know if she’d ever be able to really live in her little bungalow again.
How did she overcome that sense it would never actually be safe?
“I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know what exactly it is you’re going to do, when there’s no real evidence and apparently Joel thinks I’m making all this latest stuff up.” And damn, that stung. She’d thought they were some manner of friends.
“Heard him, huh?”
“And I heard you defending me. I appreciate that.”
“I’ve got your back in this, Pais. I’ve got resources he doesn’t have and certainly more motivation to get to the bottom of it.”
“I’m sure you’ll be glad to have your space back when this is all over.”
“Hey.” He reached across the console of the truck, curling his hand around hers. “That’s not the motivation.”
When he didn’t continue, she was too afraid to ask what his reason actually was.
If it was anything related to pity, she didn’t think she could take it.
She didn’t want to think about him having her back.
Didn’t want to start depending on him. She well knew where that led.
This was a temporary aberration. She was a job for him. Sort of.
As they pulled into the driveway, Duke scrambled up, shoving his nose between the seats.
He’d had a full day hanging out on Sebastian and Laurel’s farm and had been napping in the backseat.
Curling her arm around him, she relaxed a bit as he wriggled and head-butted his adoration.
Her boy could always be counted on to lift her mood. He was an endless supply of joy.
“Let’s get unloaded.” Ty slid out of the truck and began hefting boxes from the bed.
Paisley sprang Duke from the back, snapping on a leash so he didn’t go racing off into the woods.
In all likelihood, no one was out there, but she wasn’t about to take any chances.
Ty was already on the third load by the time she ordered Duke to his bed by the wood stove.
He circled four times and plopped down with a contented sigh.
She only wished she could be as comfortable here as her dog.
But she didn’t know where she fit or even if she fit.
Right now, her own skin felt wrong, as if she’d suddenly been thrust into someone else’s body, someone else’s life.
Once they’d brought everything in, she shouldered the duffel bag she’d loaded with clothes and started up the stairs.
“You don’t have to do that now. It’s been a long day.”
“For the sake of our shins and the navigability of the floor, I really do.” Besides, she needed something to distract herself from how weird she felt about all of this.
“There’s space in the dresser and part of the closet.”
Paisley paused, glancing down at him. Had he cleared space for her when she wasn’t looking or did he just have that little stuff? “Thanks.”
Dropping the bag on the bed, she located the space meant for her and began putting away clothes, her mind spinning anew on the questions she’d been mulling the whole way back to Eden’s Ridge.
Visiting for the weekend was one thing, but actually living with him for an undetermined amount of time was something else entirely.
True cohabitation meant no keeping things surface, no hiding from each other, especially in a place this small.
What happened if he got sick of her? She was already having issues with blurred lines because of their history.
For her own sanity, maybe they needed to have a conversation to clarify the boundaries.
She needed a reminder of what this really was between them.
A temporary thing. Real life, not one of those bodyguard romances she loved.
She could manage her expectations. She’d been managing expectations of her relationships for years.
With that in mind, she headed back downstairs, pulling on her mental armor for what she considered a necessary conversation.
Ty was digging through a box himself. He straightened, a couple of pillows in hand.
Bright, cheerful pillows that normally lived on her living room sofa.
He tossed them onto his, and she noticed the fuzzy throw from her office.
Looking around, she spotted the Queen of Awesomeness mug full of her favorite pens sitting on the side table where she’d been working yesterday, and the insulated coffee mug Emerson had bought her because she kept forgetting she’d made tea and letting it get cold.
She hadn’t packed any of it. “What is all this?”
Scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck, he shrugged. “This whole situation is hard on you. I want you to feel comfortable here. My place isn’t exactly…homey, so I packed some of the stuff it looked like you use all the time.”
Paisley stared at him, at the whole other box of stuff still waiting beside him. She and her problem had invaded his life, inconvenienced him in countless ways, and in response, he’d tried to bring some of her home to his.
Something inside her broke. The opaque glass wall of denial surrounding the truth she’d been hiding from.
There would be no managing of expectations.
Because she was in love with him. Again.
Or maybe still. Ty Brooks was her person.
The one she’d been looking for and writing about for eighteen years, just waiting for him to come back to her.
And now here he was, doing this devastatingly sweet thing, and she didn’t even know where he stood on the topic of them.
She burst into tears.
The blur of Ty moved into her field of vision, reaching for her.
He pulled her in tight, wrapping those big, strong, capable arms around her, and all she wanted to do was lean on him.
“I’m sorry I didn’t ask first. I thought you’d be okay with it.
We can pack it back up. You don’t have to look at it. ”
Under any other circumstances, the edge of panic in his voice might have made her smile. Instead, she sobbed harder, pressing her face against his chest. “No, I’m not mad. It’s sweet and thoughtful.”
His broad palm cradled her head. “Then what are you upset about, baby?”
“How the hell am I supposed to keep my head in this short-term, casual zone when you’re acting like this?” she demanded, hiccupping through another sob. A part of her wanted to pound against his chest, but that would require letting go of the death grip she had on his shirt.
“Like what?”
“Like the sweet, thoughtful, caring boyfriend you used to be.” Realizing the heaving breaths weren’t helping her be understood, she fought for some measure of calm.
“I don’t know how to not feel around you.
I asked for casual. I agreed to casual. I’m trying so hard not to change the rules, but you’re making it so fucking hard. ”
The tension in his frame relaxed as he leaned back and tipped her face up. His hand was gentle as he thumbed away her tears. “We were fooling ourselves that this was ever going to be casual. It’s not who we were, not who we are. There’s something here, Paisley. There always was.”
That shocked her enough to stem the tears. Her heart kicked hard and fast against her ribs. “What are you saying?” She needed him to spell it out for her so she didn’t take a leap without a net.
He cupped her cheek in his broad, callused palm. “I’m saying let’s change the rules.”
It scared the shit out of Ty to say it. No part of him felt like he deserved the gift of another chance with her.
He wasn’t at all sure he could do more, but he knew without a doubt he couldn’t do less.
If this time with her had showed him anything, it was that he couldn’t do casual with her.
He couldn’t be with this woman and not remember what used to be.
She made him want to protect her, to be the one she could turn to.
He wanted to be the one to take that fear away for her.
With every part of his battered, battle-scarred soul, he wanted to earn her love again because it was the color, the joy he’d been missing for half his life, and he was more afraid of having to learn how to do without it again than he was of not trying at all.
Throughout the past few weeks, she’d slipped in and out of this unfamiliar, guarded demeanor, as if she’d kept reminding herself of the rules she’d mentioned. And maybe she had. But all traces of that emotional armor were gone now.
“I’m going to need you to spell this out for me because I want to make sure I don’t misunderstand.”
The tearful, tremulous hope dawning on her face twisted Ty into knots. He’d hurt her so badly before. He was determined that he wouldn’t—couldn’t do it again. That would take more honesty, more bravery, than he’d given her in years.
Because he needed to keep touching her, he cupped her jaw, his fingers pressing against the fluttering pulse in her throat.
“I had to walk away from you after high school because I knew we wouldn’t survive my constant deployment, and I wouldn’t be able to do the job the way I needed to because a part of me would have been back home with you.
I thought it was better if you had the chance to move on and build the life you wanted.
One with somebody else, who wouldn’t always be half a world away.
Garrett never let me forget how much of a fool he thought that made me.
” Ty swallowed, thinking perhaps he was finally doing something his brother of the heart would approve of.
“Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I wasn’t. But I never expected to have you back in my life.
Running into you again has been like a damned miracle.
I stopped even hoping for those a long damned time ago.
But the fact is, we have a second chance—if you’re willing—and I don’t want to waste it.
I can’t make any promises of smooth sailing.
My service changed me, and I’ve got shit that will never fully heal.
But you make me remember who I used to be, who we used to be, and I want that.
I want you. I always wanted you.” The pulse beneath his fingers leapt.
“Ty.” Paisley’s voice was choked, and he realized she was crying again.
Before he could give in to the fresh spate of panic that he’d said the wrong thing again, she rose to her toes and kissed him. “Yes.” And again. “Yes.” Her hands wove into his hair, and she pressed her brow to his. “Yes.”
Relieved and knowing he was luckier than he had any right to be, Ty held her tighter. “I’ve missed you so damned much.” Brushing his mouth to hers, he began to back her toward the sofa. “Let me show you.”
He felt the flutter of a smile against his lips as she murmured, “Dog.”
Right. He wasn’t used to working around one.
A quick glance told him Duke was already snoozing on his bed, but Ty wasn’t keen on canine interruptus, so he switched directions, moving them toward the stairs, wishing for a more normal set he could carry her up to give her a little romance. She deserved romance. She deserved everything.
They climbed to the loft and reached for each other. Her mouth met his again and again as they slowly undressed, exploring each inch of newly revealed skin. He didn’t want frantic or hurried. He wanted to make love to her as she deserved, slow and thorough, to give them both the gift of time.
Paisley lay back on the bed, pulling him down and over her with a sigh.
Her hair pooled against the pillow, a silky mass of waves begging for his fingers.
He lost himself in the scent and taste of her, gorging himself on the feel of her bare skin.
His own system sparked and trembled as she touched and took, reclaiming him in a way he’d never wanted with anyone else.
With her hands and mouth, she soothed the scars, no question, no hesitation in her movements.
Every touch was an acceptance of who he was now, an acknowledgment of all he’d endured in their years apart.
His eyes met hers as he slipped inside her and found welcome. When they would have blurred and closed with passion, he held on, curling his hands with hers where they pressed against the mattress. “Stay with me.”
“Yes.” She rose to meet him. Every sinuous move of her body echoed the word, a hundred affirmations that buoyed the heart he’d thought too damaged to ever beat for someone else again.
It pounded for her as he stroked deeper, driving them up and up, on a long, languid climb he wanted to make forever.
Then she sighed his name, her body shuddering over the edge and pulling him into the slippery fall of an endless, glorious release. He poured himself into her, emptying all the heartbreak and loss and lonely years, until his tarnished soul felt cleansed, and they were both laid bare.
Afterward, they lay tangled and spent, hearts thudding, skin cooling. Her fingers stroked down his nape in a hypnotic rhythm. He pressed a kiss to her shoulder, absorbing her hum of pleasure, and for the first time in more years than he could count, he felt at peace.