Chapter Twenty-Three
Falcon
After Friday’s social, everything will make sense again.
Those are the words that have been keeping me from falling apart, they’re the promise I’ve been making to myself, the one thing I need to believe to know I’ll be capable of letting go once this night is finally over.
The only problem is, I’m ignoring the nagging feeling that those words aren’t the truth, or at least, that they’re not the whole truth.
Now that Friday is here, my head is full of doubts.
Whenever I push them aside, I’m only certain of one thing:
Tonight, something big is going to happen.
Something that will forever change my life and the lives of my mates.
It’s strange to feel anything with such unwavering clarity, but it strikes me even harder after so many weeks spent wearing down the floors in the apartment, stewing in frustrated anger.
My world has been unravelling at the seams ever since I left that Beta at the Academy.
Ever since that night, something inside me changed.
It was like a switch flipped when I wasn’t looking.
Now, nothing makes sense anymore.
I don’t understand why.
I need to know.
If visiting the Beta tonight doesn’t give me the answer, I’m not sure what will.
Shayne’s worried about me, and he should be.
I’ve been a mess lately, leaving him to pick up the slack.
I’m not acting like a lead Alpha.
We can’t go on like this.
If I can’t pull my head out of the damn sand, he’s going to have to kick my ass back into shape, and I know he doesn’t want to be the one who gets the last vote on any pack decisions.
He’s not interested in taking my place as the lead of our pack.
He didn’t even want to share that responsibility with me.
I’m in charge as far as my mates are concerned.
I need to sort myself out and get back to being in control.
Whatever happens tonight, I’m done letting this situation get the best of me.
My pack comes first. They deserve better than I’ve been giving them lately.
Shayne’s already dressed when I step into our bedroom, towel wrapped around my waist.
He’s standing in front of the dresser, gelling down an unruly lock of hair, as I approach.
His dark hair has been lightly styled, and he’s wearing a light blue dress shirt with his favorite navy suit, no tie. Like everything else he does, it’s effortless. He’s comfortable and relaxed in those clothes, even though he’s wearing them to follow Goldcrest’s guidelines.
I’m about to attempt to do the same, and it makes me unreasonably mad.
Finishing with his hair, Shayne puts the lid back on his gel.
He turns to face me as I reach his side, giving me a half-hearted smile.
“It’s been a while since I pulled out my date-night outfit.”
“Well, it still looks good on you,” I admit, as he brushes off imaginary lint.
I take his hand in mine without a second thought, raising it toward me.
His gaze fixes on me as I lower my head and kiss his knuckles.
The spark I feel when my lips touch his skin is small but potent.
It’s a long-overdue reminder that he’s what’s important in my life.
Whatever happens tonight, I have to refocus on my mates.
“You’re getting this look in your eyes,” Shayne murmurs, his gaze steady as I move back, squeezing his hand before I let it go. “Are you sure you want to go out tonight?”
He raises an eyebrow while he waits for my answer.
Part of me wants to stay right here and act on the reminder I’ve just been given.
“Hmm. What do I want to do?”
He watches me silently, bright eyes full of hope.
Ever since the day we met, he’s been like a shining light in the dark.
I can’t say I always appreciated that, considering how much we clashed in high school, but we both know that was only because I was an insufferable asshole back then.
I thought I’d gotten past that, but maybe there’s still a part of me that can’t help but hurt the people I care about the most.
“I want to stop acting crazy, and if going to the academy is what it’s going to take, then that’s what I need to do.”
He nods slowly, and if he feels any hint of disappointment, he doesn’t show it.
“Then you should get dressed. We’ve got a long drive ahead of us.”
He takes his phone out of his pocket and sits down on the edge of the bed while I move over to the closet to find my formal wear.
The suit is one I wore for about a week back when I tried out being a finance bro.
Despite being good enough to be offered a promotion before I quit, it wasn’t the job for me, and I think I knew that before I even got started.
Being in a suit all day, staring at spreadsheets on a computer screen isn’t quite the same as being dead, but it sure as hell felt like it by the time Friday rolled around.
It’s gray because Shayne picked the color, and it was custom tailored because the muscles on my arms and back made finding something in a standard fit impossible.
I leave it hanging on the open closet door while I grab underwear and socks from the dresser.
A few minutes later, I’ve confirmed the suit still fits, and I’m sitting down on the edge of the bed to put on my dark gray dress shoes.
Finally, I’m ready to go.
I smooth down my white shirt and tuck it in a little better.
Then, I move over to the closet to put the hanger back inside.
I catch sight of myself in the closet’s mirror before I close the door and I can’t help but wince.
I look exactly like the kind of guy who would go fishing for an Omega at Goldcrest.
The agitated expression I’m wearing only makes me seem even more like an entitled elite.
I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
You’re not actually looking for an Omega.
You already have one of those, even if your application denied Harper’s existence.
You’ll make that up to him later, once you’ve gotten the peace you’re going out there to find.
“Ready?” Shayne asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.
He’s already standing by the door, holding it open.
Ever since I decided to do this, he’s gone along with it, without hesitation.
Yet I know Goldcrest is the last place on earth he would ever choose to go.
He walked away from his parents and their fortune because he didn’t want to end up like them.
The social event he refused to go to was the final straw for their already strained relationship.
Now, here I am, asking him to walk with me into that fucking place to attend the same kind of event, and he’s doing it without a single complaint.
I don’t know how lucky I am, clearly.
“I’m ready,” I tell him as I move over to where he’s standing. “You don’t have to be.”
He frowns as I stop in front of him. “I don’t get what you mean.”
“You don’t have to come with me,” I explain.
His expression shifts slowly, his lips twisting into a wry smile.
“Oh, no. No. You don’t get to push me back now, Johnny Falcone. I’m all in for this crazy adventure. You know better than to try and do this alone. I’m beside you all the way. I think I made that pretty clear when I let you mark me first.”
“Let me?” I scoff, leaning in close. “You begged for my mark, or did you forget?”
His bright eyes light up when his gaze meets mine.
I let my hand rest on his shoulder while my thumb grazes the spot at his collar where the mark I made is hidden under his clothes.
He moans softly.
“If you remember, I begged you to mark my throat,” he murmurs, the first hint of lust rising in his raspy tone.
“You did,” I admit.
I could never forget it.
The desire that pulsed through me that night was unquenchable.
He was mine, finally, and I wasn’t going to be done claiming him until we were both completely spent.
“And you didn’t mark me there,” he reminds me, as if it’s a complaint.
We both know Alphas don’t typically wear mating marks.
At least not in the visible way that Omegas and Betas do.
Yet, he begged me to mark him, and I asked him for the same.
The mark he gave me mirrors the one I gave him.
Despite our desires, we knew better than to give each other a visible mark.
It felt vaguely scandalous when I invited him to bite me, but that was secondary to submitting to his knot and allowing him to claim me.
I’ll never forget how much I wanted all of him in that moment.
“I marked you where it was appropriate.”
He sighs softly, his breath tickling my lips. “I guess we should get moving.”
Leaning in closer, I press my mouth to his.
The groan he gives out is desperate and needy.
It’s another reminder that we haven’t been intimate in weeks.
I’ve been too locked down, too stuck in my thoughts.
He’s been satisfying our Omega and Beta all on his own.
That happens sometimes, and neither of us would ever complain when we’re the one left with those responsibilities. This is different. It’s been much longer than usual, and there really hasn’t been a reasonable explanation for my stormy mood.
He’s missed me, and our pack probably has too.
Guilt hits me hard, and it’s enough to make me rethink what I’m pushing him into tonight.
Why do I need this so badly?
The answer eludes me every time I ask myself that question.
It shouldn’t be so damn important to me.
My pack are my world.
The girl is a stranger.
She shouldn’t matter like this.
But I can’t deny how this whole messed up situation’s been affecting me.
I’m not going to know why it matters so damn much until I see her again.
Until then, I can’t let this go and get back to what really matters.
I break the kiss that wants to turn into something more.
There’ll be time to make up for my neglectful behaviour later, and I fully intend to make things right with each of my mates.
Shayne sighs softly, pressing his lips together as he gazes back at me.
“I’m guessing it’s time to go?”
He sounds as disappointed as he looks.
“The sooner we get out there, the sooner we can be back home in bed with our mates.”
His bright blue eyes sparkle as his lips stretch into a smile. “Then we should get the hell out of here before one more minute passes.”
He moves out of the room, and I don’t hesitate to follow.
Something big might be about to happen tonight, and I don’t know what that means, but I know it’s not going to stop me from coming back home to my mates.
Whatever happens, it won’t change that I have a pack.
Nothing can change that.