Chapter 17
CODY - NOW
This is so fucking stupid, I can’t stand it.
At a quarter to eight, Alice heads out of the apartment, looking as sweet as ever in a skirt and t-shirt, little sandals on her feet, and her hair pulled up in a messy bun.
It’s like watching a lamb skipping into a slaughterhouse.
“I’m going,” I tell Landon. “You stay here.”
He gives me a short nod. “I’ll be ready—call if you need me.”
Hopefully I won’t. Hopefully we’re being super paranoid assholes who are worried about nothing.
As I step into the elevator, nervously jangling my keys in my hand, he shakes his head. “You love her as much as you ever did.”
I flip him off as the elevator doors close between us.
ALICE - NOW
“Look, I just want to say I’m sorry, babe.” Brayden takes a giant bite of his sandwich.
I’ve barely touched mine. Maybe I’ll take it to go.
The red and white checkered tablecloth is sticky beneath my wrists, so I fold my hands and tuck them into my lap.
“I understand you’re sorry,” I finally say. But I don’t forgive you. All that time, I was trapped in the woods with my kidnapper, and Brayden was fucking my best friend. “But it isn’t something I can just brush away, sweep under the rug.”
“You have to understand how hard things were for me, for us,” he says.
I wave between us. “And by ‘us,’ you mean you and Jericha?”
Every time this guy opens his mouth, he makes it sound worse. He talks about himself and Jericha like they’re a unit, a couple. How can he possibly want to reconcile when she’s in his head like this?
“Look, let’s not keep worrying about this.” He leans forward to take my hand. There’s a glob of mustard on his thumb, and it slides greasily against my skin.
I ease my hand out of his grasp and subtly reach for my napkin. “You said you went through the Church laws.”
“I did. Did you?”
Taking my phone from my pocket, I open the note-taking app. Most of the laws are ridiculous notions that I always thought of as old-fashioned, like the Old Testament in the Christian Bible talking about women needing to be segregated and untouched by men during their periods.
But when Brayden wanted me to break off my friendships with Landon and Cody because of the Church laws, I realized he was taking this a lot more seriously than I ever have.
It’s time to see where we stand.
“So, the laws about women and education,” I say. “You always told me that I was free to go to college if I wanted to.”
He nods.
A nod isn’t a real answer.
“How do you currently feel about that?”
“If you really want to go to college, I’ll let you, of course.” He pops a potato chip in his mouth and follows it with a swig of soda. “But I thought your goal was a big family, and caring for our children.”
“It was.” I can’t picture that kind of thing anymore, though. Instead, I picture big breakfasts with Landon and Cody. I picture being seduced in the kitchen, not sequestered.
“Well, good.” He leans back, looking smug and superior in his blue polo shirt. “What’s next on the list?”
We go through several more Church laws, including everything from a woman’s requirements to dress modestly, to keep her hair no shorter than shoulder-length, to never pierce her body.
Brayden gives satisfactory answers, telling me I can do whatever I want to do, even though, he makes sure to impress upon me, he thinks a lot of those things are unattractive. Tattoos? Gross. Piercings? Disgusting. Short hair? Why would I want to cut off my lovely locks?
“And your thoughts on purity?” I ask.
His response is immediate, and he leans forward, his gray-blue eyes staring directly into mine. “It’s necessary.”
“What if my kidnapper raped me?”
“He didn’t, though.” There’s enough doubt in Brayden’s voice to give me a sliver of satisfaction.
“He didn’t. But if he had, would I be considered impure?”
“I—no, of course not.” His gaze slides off to the side. He doesn’t really believe that. He thinks I’d be impure.
That anger I’ve been pushing down since adolescence threatens to rear its ugly head. I push it back into its cage, lock the door, and drop it in the back of my mind. I am calm, I am perfect.
“Is Jericha impure?” I ask in the quietest, steadiest voice I can muster.
“Alice, you’re fixating on the wrong things.”
“I just want to know. Because I’m very confused about how I was held against my will and could be considered impure if my kidnapper raped me, but you two voluntarily, consensually fucked—”
“Alice! You can’t use that word.” He shakes his head in disgust.
“Or,” I hypothesize, “maybe that isn’t an engagement ring on her finger. It’s a wedding ring instead. Maybe you were married in the Church. Do you have two wives, Brayden?”
“That’s enough.” He stands and drops his napkin on the table. “Let’s finish this conversation another time.”
I’ve hit a nerve. Maybe they were married in the church, and my return made that marriage null?
The better question is why don’t I care?
Because Landon and Cody are waiting for me. I don’t want Brayden anymore. I want them.
I glance out the window and see night has fallen. The shadows remind me of the dark paths and corners of Blackberry Park.
“I can give you a ride back to…wherever it is you’re staying,” Brayden offers.
“Sure, thanks.” I don’t want to go anywhere with him, but I want to walk home in the dark even less.
I can imagine Landon asking, Is that safe, Wonderland?
It’s Brayden. He’s an asshole, but he isn’t dangerous.
“Where are you staying?” he asks as soon as I get in his truck.
“You can drop me off near that antique store, Julio and May.”
He gives me a sidelong glance. “That’s a nice area of town. Alice, who are you staying with?”
“I’m staying with some friends.”
“This is bullshit.” He squeezes the steering wheel, his forearms straining. “Tell me who you’re staying with.”
“I’ll tell you more when you tell me if you have two wives.”
His eyes narrow, but he doesn’t pursue the question further. “What the heck has gotten into you, Alice?”
I shrug. What has gotten into me? I never would have pushed and pushed like this, Before.
Actually, Before, I would’ve capitulated and moved back in with him with zero demands.
“This is the wrong direction,” I tell him. “We should’ve turned left down Caro.”
He sighs one of his weary sighs. “I have to stop for gas. It’ll just take a second.”
It’s nice to see some things never change—his giant truck never has enough gas in it.
He pulls into a gas station several blocks from Landon and Cody’s building. He gets out of the truck without a word. I think back to our discussion. Does he have two wives? It wouldn’t surprise me, given all the other bullshit I’ve discovered since I escaped Abe.
Plugged into the dash, Brayden’s phone lights up with a notification.
It’s a text from Jericha. So does she forgive you, or do I get to sleep in our bed tonight?
Two wives, I think. Two wives.
Why am I allowing myself to consider reconciliation? This is utter madness. Who cares if the church says we’re married? Obviously they didn’t take my marriage into consideration when allowing Brayden and Jericha to get together and get pregnant.
I swing open the truck door and hop out. I’m not doing this anymore.
“What are you doing?” Brayden asks.
“Giving up on us.” I pull my phone from my bag and start walking toward Landon and Cody’s building.
Landon answers on the first ring. “You okay, Wonderland?”
“No, I’m heading home. But I’m farther away than I was—”
“Stop it, Alice.” Brayden grabs my shoulder to spin me around. “I’m taking you home, with me, where you belong.”
“Let go of me.” I bring up my arm and twist to the side, yanking myself out of his grasp.
“Would you stop being a bitch?” Brayden’s mouth is downturned in a snarl, his hand held ready like he’s going to hit me.
I yelp, stepping back, nearly tripping over my feet. “I’m not being a bitch—I’m standing up for myself. So go ahead, you big tough man. Hit me. That’s what you’re threatening, isn’t it?”
Fear has me panting, and it holds my lungs in a freezing stranglehold. I brace myself for pain.
Brayden mutters a curse and drops his hand. “Alice, I—I didn’t mean that.”
Landon says over the phone, “Alice, stay calm. Cody’s close by.”
Having his voice in my ear keeps my panic at bay.
“Deep breaths, angel,” he continues. “One after the other. Don’t worry about Brayden—Cody will take care of him.”
As if conjured by Landon’s words, Cody pulls up to the sidewalk in his car. He jumps out and hurries toward me, his brown eyes furious as he looks over at Brayden.
“Cody’s here,” I tell Landon, and hang up the phone.
“What is he doing here?” Brayden asks. “This isn’t any of your business.”
“I’m taking her home,” Cody snaps back, his arm coming around my shoulders.
I let him lead me to the passenger seat.
“You’re staying with them? Your worldly friends?” Brayden’s voice is full of derision. “So you really are impure. You probably slept with your kidnapper, and now you’re sleeping with them—both of them.”
“You’re right, I am,” I retort. I’m so furious, I let myself blast him without fully considering my words.
“Just like you’re sleeping with Jericha every night, I’m sleeping with Landon and Cody.
Yes, both! At the same time. And it’s incredible.
Unlike with you, I actually enjoy myself.
I feel sorry for Jericha. She can have you. ”
Cody chuckles as he shuts my car door. I glare at Brayden through the window, enjoying the embarrassed, stiff way he holds himself. He watches us leave with an inscrutable expression on his face.
I slump back into my seat. Cody’s car smells a bit like him—minty. The scent is as comforting to me as a soft blanket.
“Things went sideways with Brayden,” he says.
“Yeah. He’s an asshole. I don’t know why it surprises me every time his true self comes out.”
“Years of conditioning, probably.” Cody shrugs, like he didn’t just succinctly state the entire problem with my worldview.
This is something to unpack with Cammie, later.
“Did you get enough to eat?” Cody asks. “Should we grab some ice cream?”
“No, I’m not hungry.” I pause. “But if you are, I don’t mind stopping somewhere.”
He looks me up and down. All traces of his fury are gone. And if I’m not misinterpreting his expression, he’s now…amused?
I squint, trying to figure out what the deal is. “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing much,” he says. “Only that you made an interesting claim back there.”