Chapter 25
Arlo
Everything is calm. For now.
I know that when Luca gets here, and the kids come out of their rooms, it might be a different scene. They’ve been arguing like cats and dogs all afternoon, and I’m not sure why.
We’re sitting on the couch. The TV is playing, but I’m hardly paying any attention to it. Jasper has been catnapping on and off, but right now, he’s awake and has my feet sprawled across his lap, massaging my shins.
“Why are they already arguing with each other?” I ask, glancing at Jasper.
He shrugs. “Safety, maybe? They haven’t seen each other in a while, right? So it’s possible that they’re just making up for lost time.”
“Wish they wouldn’t,” I grumble under my breath, which makes Jasper laugh.
“It’s a good thing, baby boy.” He squeezes my ankle and then rests his hands on it. “Don’t you remember picking on Salem when you all were that young?”
“No. I wasn’t allowed to pick on Salem.”
Jasper frowns. “Why? Parents protective of him or something?”
Barking out a laugh, I shake my head. “No. The only thing my mother and Melvin were good at protecting was their own asses and their drug stash.”
“I’m sorry, baby boy. Y’all deserved better than that.”
I shrug. “Maybe. Maybe not. But it doesn’t matter what we deserved. They were what we got.”
“What was it like?” Jasper asks, his fingers dancing along my ankles.
“Growing up with Mom and Melvin?”
Jasper nods. “If you don’t mind me asking.”
“I don’t mind.” I sink deeper into the couch, watching Jasper as he rubs his thumb up and down on the inside of my ankle.
“When I was young, Mom was great. Kind of. I mean, we never had loads of money or anything, but we got by okay, I think. I remember having nice, clean clothes and eating enough and shit like that.”
I frown. Maybe I’m misremembering or looking at it through the lens of childhood, but I really don’t think so. Especially since things got so much worse after Mom met Melvin.
“Anyway.” I shake my head. “I don’t know what happened with my dad, but he wasn’t around. And then Mom met Melvin. That’s Salem and Nora’s dad.”
Jasper hums. “But you all have the same last name.”
He would notice that, of course. Not that I expected any different, since it was all over the paperwork we signed. “Yeah. We have my mom’s last name.”
“That makes sense.”
He gives my ankle a gentle squeeze, and I move my legs from his lap. “I’m coming to cuddle.”
Lifting his arm, Jasper shifts until there’s room for me to sink into his side. I nestle under his armpit, my entire body relaxing when he wraps his arm around me and pulls me closer, then leans down to press a kiss to the top of my head.
“So Mom met Melvin and got pregnant with Salem pretty early on.” I laugh.
“You know, I really didn’t want a sibling at all until I met him.
I used to stare at my mom’s belly and cry.
Then he was born, and it was like my entire world shifted.
He was my little buddy, my best friend. I used to sneak into his room and steal him from his crib in the middle of the night.
” My lips curve up at the memory. “Mom used to come in my room and yell at me for getting him out of his bed.”
Jasper huffs a laugh. “That’s how I felt with Sarah too. She was my little shadow and best friend, all rolled into one. The kids remind me of her in their own ways. Salem asked me to pinky promise that your scarring wasn’t dangerous, and it reminded me so much of her that I could barely breathe.”
I bury my face in his chest, rubbing against him, my heart aching at the raw pain in his voice. “I’m sorry, baby.”
“No.” He squeezes me a little tighter. “Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. Go ahead, baby boy.”
I sigh, then look up at him. He’s already staring down at me, his blue eyes happy despite the tone of his voice. “I love you. I want you to be able to talk about Sarah. I’m sorry if being around the kids hurts you.”
He shakes his head. “And I love you. I know I can share her with you.” He presses his lips to mine for a quick kiss. “If anything, I think being around the kids helps heal that wound some. I get to be a big brother again.”
It’s the second time he’s said that to me, and it makes my heart ache just as much as the first time. He must see it on my face because he chuckles lightly and shakes his head. “It’s really okay, baby boy. Please continue.”
After studying him for a second to make sure he’s really okay, I catch his mouth in another kiss then settle back against him.
“It wasn’t long after Salem was born that shit started to fall apart.
Melvin started acting weird. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but looking back, that’s when he started using.
Not long after, Mom was on that shit too.
“I ended up taking care of Salem a lot. Made sure he was eating. Made sure he had clean diapers on. Stuff like that. I never picked on him because I was the one taking care of him. I was only ten.”
“Jesus,” Jasper murmurs. “That’s awful.”
“Mom got clean for a while. Kicked Melvin out. Wasn’t long before he was back. Same shit over and over. She’d get clean. She’d kick him out. He’d come back. She’d start using again.”
“And when she had Nora? Did she…”
“Did she use?” Jasper hums, and I shake my head.
“No. She actually stayed sober for Nora. I was surprised. By then, I knew all about the effects of drugs, so I remember being happy that Nora wasn’t going to be sick when she was born.
I was upset, though, because I knew Mom wouldn’t be able to take care of her for long, and then it would fall on me.
Again. I was thirteen when she was born. ”
“Same ol’ shit happened again,” I say, snorting a laugh. “She was born, and I fell right in love with her.”
“I can imagine. You’re a good person, baby boy, and a good big brother. Of course you loved them both.”
I nod, tears burning my eyes. “I hated leaving them. I just… I couldn’t do it anymore. When I left, Mom was sober. She had a year. Most she ever had. Things were good. I wouldn’t have left them if I didn’t think she was doing better.”
I sit up, desperate to make sure Jasper knows that.
He’s staring at me, his eyes full of love. He cups my face, brushing my bottom lip with his thumb. “I know, baby boy. I know you wouldn’t have.”
“I checked in for a while. She was good. She was still doing so fucking good. And then I called to talk to the kids, and fucking Melvin answered. And I just… I knew. But I also couldn’t go back. It’s so fucking selfish, but I didn’t want to.”
Jasper offers me a sad smile. “It’s not selfish, Arlo. You spent your entire childhood taking care of them. It wasn’t your place, and you still did it. You went above and beyond. No one can blame you for getting out of there.”
I nod, my throat tight. “I got Salem a phone right then and there. Had it shipped to him. Cost me all the savings I had. It was worth it, though, to make sure that he could get ahold of me if something happened. And then he called me to tell me they’d been taken into foster care.”
Blinking hard to keep myself from crying, I shake my head.
“I knew I had to get them. I had only been working at Daisy’s for a couple of months, and well, the rest is basically history.
Luca came to town, and I met him and you.
” Jasper smiles at that. “And then I got real serious about putting down roots and making a home for us.”
“I’m so proud of you, Arlo.” I almost laugh at that, and I think Jasper sees it because he shoots me a stern look.
“I’m serious. You’re strong and brave. You made a hard fucking choice.
You gave up your entire childhood to essentially raise those kids, and now you’re gonna spend the rest of your adult life taking care of them too.
That’s… fuck, if I said it made me love you even more, you’d probably think I’d lost it. ”
Considering some days it feels like a miracle that he loves me at all, I’d say he’s right. “I did the best I could.”
“You did perfect.”
I roll my eyes, but it does make me feel a little warm and fuzzy inside. “Thank you for saying that.”
“Thank you for letting me into your world and into the kids’ world.”
Sighing, I lean into him. “Thank you for wanting to be part of it.”
We’re close. Our lips are just a breath apart, and before I even have to ask, Jasper catches my mouth with his own, his hand coming up to cup my face.
I press my weight into him, trying to get closer. From the moment I met Jasper Tate, I wanted to be as close to him as possible, and now I’m sharing a bed, a room, a fucking life with him. It doesn’t seem possible, but somehow it is.
Somehow his hand is holding my face as he kisses me deeper. His fingers are loosely gripping my hair, controlling me and moving me where he wants me, where he needs me. Where I fucking need him too.
He tilts my head to the side with his grip, allowing himself better access, and I whimper into his mouth.
He breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against mine.
“I have a question,” I whisper into the space between us.
“I probably have an answer.”
My lips curve into a grin. “Do you think people with kids still have sex? They have to, right? Otherwise we’d all be only children.”
Jasper laughs. “Yes, baby boy. I’m sure people who have kids still have sex. Our sex life won’t be disrupted. You just won’t be able to come in and strip your clothes off on the way to the bedroom.”
“Hey!” I sit back, glaring at him. “I haven’t done that in a long time.”
He gives me an indulgent smile. “You’re right. You haven’t. Probably because you live here now.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, something like that. Maybe I should leave and surprise you like that sometime soon.”
Jasper narrows his eyes at me. “The kids, baby boy.”
“They’ll be at school, you know? Still plenty of alone time.”
Sitting back against the couch, he closes his eyes. “You’re right. Okay, yeah, I approve. Next week, then?”
I shake my head with a laugh. “No. Don’t tell me that we’re already in the ‘plan sex’ stage.”