Chapter 29
Arlo
School pickup lines are the actual fucking worst thing ever.
You get a bunch of grown-ass adults in a long line, and it’s like all their critical thinking skills go away.
No one knows how to drive. No one knows how yielding works. No one knows a fucking thing.
Me
School pickup lines are an invention straight from fucking hell.
Jasper
Oh? Why’s that, baby boy?
Me
I have no idea WHY it is. But I’ve never seen so many people in one place who can’t fucking drive.
The line moves the smallest bit.
Me
Line’s moving. Gotta go. Love you.
Jasper
Love you too. Call me when you’re ready for bed. I miss you.
My heart lurches. God, I don’t know how I ever thought I could go without loving him.
When I finally get to the front of the line, Nora slides into the back seat, and I pull off to the side, waiting for Salem to get off the buses coming from the high school.
“How was school?” I ask, turning in my seat to look at her.
She smiles brightly. “So good. I got invited to a birthday party. It’s for my friend Alex. It’s this weekend. Can I go?”
I frown. “It’s really short notice, but I don’t see why not.”
Digging around in her backpack, she pulls out a small card, then hands it to me. “Here’s the stuff.”
I skim over it while Nora rattles on. “She invited people last week, but I wasn’t here yet, so she had to find another invitation to bring me.”
Fuck. I’m so glad she’s making friends and connecting with people. I really worried about that with both of them.
“So can I go?”
I glance up from the invitation to look at her. “Yeah, I think that should be fine.”
Bouncing in her seat, she giggles. “Thank you, Arlo!”
The passenger door opens, and Salem slides smoothly into his seat, tossing his backpack onto the floorboard.
Dropping his head to the back of the seat, he closes his eyes.
“You okay, kid?” Without a word, he nods. “I’m sorry about this morning. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard. I apologize.”
He shrugs. “’S’fine.”
I study him for a second. “You alright? How was school?”
“Fine.”
“Just fine?” I ask.
Part of me wants to tell him to open his eyes and look at me, but I’m not sure it will get me anywhere. Other than maybe into another argument with him. It’s probably not worth it.
“You know you can talk to me if you need to,” I say when silence stretches between us.
He nods, still not opening his eyes. “I know.”
With a sigh, I put the car in drive and take off. The kids had their first therapy session this week, and while it seemed to go okay, I’m wondering if I should ask about it. Maybe Salem’s just not clicking with the therapist, since apparently that’s a freaking thing.
“When will Jasper be home?” Nora asks, dragging me from my thoughts.
I glance at her in the rearview mirror. “Not until tomorrow morning.”
“That sucks.” She flops in her seat, then turns, looking out the window.
Yeah, it really does kind of suck. “I can let you FaceTime him tonight for a bit if you want.”
“Really?” Nora leans forward in her seat. “Okay, cool.”
I’m glad she seems to like Jasper. Everyone likes Jasper, so it’s not really a surprise, but still.
“Yep. As long as he isn’t too busy. He’ll be home all weekend, though.”
Nora slumps backward. “Yeah, but I’ll be at a birthday party.”
I shake my head with a laugh. “Not the whole weekend. Speaking of…” I shift in my seat so I can look at him. “Salem, Theo and Hunter want to know if you’d like to go over to their house tomorrow and ride Molls.”
That gets a reaction out of him. He opens his eyes, sitting up a little straighter. “Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“No fair,” Nora whines. “I want to go.”
“You have a birthday party,” Salem snaps.
“Shut up, Salem. You’re not the boss of me. I can go to both.”
Scoffing, Salem turns to look out the passenger window.
“Not this time, Nor.” I glance at Salem, then back to my mirror to look at her. “This is just for Salem this time.”
She gasps. “That’s not fair.”
Salem turns in his seat to look at her. “Life isn’t fair.”
“Salem,” I snap.
What in the actual fuck is going on with him? This isn’t like him at all. Or at least, it’s not like the him I used to know. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I don’t know who he is anymore.
Fuck. What a sad thought.
“What?” he asks, shooting me a glare. “It’s not. The sooner she learns, the better off she’ll be.”
“And it’s not your job to teach those lessons. It’s mine,” I say, pulling into the driveway at home and putting the car in park.
For a second, it looks like Salem’s chin quivers, but he tightens his jaw and looks away. “Whatever.”
Without another word, he grabs his backpack and pushes his door open, climbing out of the car and stalking into the house.
“What’s his problem?” Nora asks.
I sigh. “I’m not sure, Nora bug. I think he’s just having a hard time right now.”
“I think it’s sweet that she wanted to talk to me.”
I’ve got my phone propped up on my nightstand, and I’m curled under the blankets. Alone. Well. Kind of. Jasper’s with me on FaceTime, but it’s not the same as actually having him here.
“It is. She was upset that you wouldn’t be here until tomorrow.”
He grins. “Yeah, working sucks. Wish I could just stay home with you all the time.”
I roll my eyes. “You’ve got it bad. Theo was right.”
His warm laughter washes over me, and I close my eyes, listening to it. I wish I could bottle that sound.
“Oh?” Jasper says, still chuckling. “You talk about me to your friends a lot, baby boy?”
“Not too much.” Opening my eyes, I shoot him a smile through the phone screen.
“I’m glad you survived the pickup line.”
I groan, covering my face with my hands. “Me too. I don’t know how people do it. And what do you mean I just have to do it over and over and over again? What do you mean people don’t ever learn after all the times they have to do it?”
Jasper laughs again. Fuck. Dropping my hands, I stare at him. He’s so fucking gorgeous and all mine. “I miss you so much,” I breathe, my heart skipping a beat.
His smile fades into something softer and sweeter. “And I miss you too, baby boy. If you go to sleep, I’ll basically be there before you know it.”
Not true. “No. I’ll still miss you in my sleep.”
“Oh, someone is getting sappy tonight.”
I shrug. “Can’t help it. You’ve ruined me. What am I supposed to do? I’m all needy and codependent now.”
He shakes his head. “You’re not. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be around your partner. I’m just glad you like spending time with me.”
I’m opening my mouth to speak when the tones drop. Jasper’s head jerks up. “Duty calls, baby boy. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
He gives me a grin, blows me a kiss, and hangs up the phone.
I wake to warmth. A heavy arm is draped over my side, exhaled breaths ruffling my hair.
A sleepy grin stretches my lips as I roll over and press my face into Jasper’s chest. He brings a hand to my hair, tangling his fingers in the strands. “Didn’t mean to wake you up, baby boy. Just missed you and wanted a little cuddle.”
I hum, rubbing my face back and forth. I don’t even care that he woke me up. I’m just glad he’s home. “Missed you too,” I say, my voice muffled against him.
“What’s the plan for today?”
I yawn, then reach between us to rub the sleep from my eyes. “Uh… Nora has a birthday party, and Salem is gonna go hang out at the farm with Hunter and Theo. They told me to just drop him off.”
Fingers dance along my scalp, and Jasper sighs. “That’ll be good for him, I think.”
I sure fucking hope so. “He’s been so testy lately,” I say, rolling onto my back so I can stare at the ceiling. “I don’t know what’s going on with him. Maybe it’s stupid of me, but I thought he would adjust easier.”
Wrapping his arm around my side, Jasper drags me back to him. Closer and closer until I’m smooshed into his side. “Was I not close enough for ya?”
“Nope. I just spent twenty-four hours without you for the first time in over a month.” He sighs, nuzzling my temple. “I don’t know what’s going on with him, either. I don’t know him the way you do, of course.”
That’s the problem, I think. I’m not even sure that I know him anymore. Not like I used to. I know he went through shit after I left. Shit that I used to protect him from—or at least shit I tried my best to protect him from.
I wish I knew what happened after I left. Part of me wants to ask him, but really, what will that help? Nothing but my own understanding. Rehashing all of that isn’t going to make Salem feel better. At least, not rehashing it with me. I hope he’s at least talking to his therapist about it.
“Did you know that sometimes you have to talk to multiple therapists before you find one you click with?” I ask, raising up on my elbows to look at Jasper.
He nods, his eyes warm and bright. “Yeah, it took me three tries to find one that worked for me after Sarah died.”
That surprises me, and I’m not sure why. “You saw a therapist after Sarah died?”
“Yeah, baby boy. I was sixteen and had just watched my sister die. I was pretty fucked up.”
“And did it help?”
He shrugs. “It helped about as much as you can expect. Therapists aren’t miracle workers.
It helped me process my trauma, but it’s still always going to be there.
Now it’s just something I live with. Not something that controls me.
Hell, the first fire I worked where we lost someone?
Sent me fucking spiraling. I had to go back to therapy then.
It’s gotten easier, but sometimes things can trigger it. ”
“Like me almost dying?”
“Yes.” He presses a kiss to my forehead. “Like you almost dying.”
“Do you think we should go to therapy?” I ask softly.
Jasper goes still. “I don’t really think I need it, but that’s not to say I never will. I have a lot of coping skills. Besides, the department has resources if I need to use them.”
“I think I might talk to someone. Luca gave me a list of people.”
It’s not something I’m overly excited about, but I’m sure between growing up in the environment that I did and all the stress of the last year, it wouldn’t be the worst thing.
Everything I’ve learned about emotional regulation and healthy coping skills, I’ve learned myself.
And it’s been more trial and error than anything else.
It might be nice to have a professional try to help me untangle the mess Mom and Melvin left me with.
Especially since I owe it to the kids to help them untangle their own messes. Salem, especially.
“I think that might be a good idea,” Jasper says.
I can’t help but laugh at that. “So you finally agree. I’m fucked up.”
Jasper laughs too, then kisses my forehead again.
“You’re not fucked up. All things considered, I’d say you’re pretty well-adjusted, but there’s nothing wrong with seeking help, and if you think you’d benefit from it, I say go for it.
I’ve gone back to therapy multiple times in my life. Mostly in my twenties.”
Something to think about for sure. “I just want to make sure I’m the best version of myself that I can be.”
“Makes sense, baby boy. I’ll support you no matter what.”
I snuggle deeper into him. “I know. I love you.”
Humming, he squeezes me. “I love you too.”
“So what’s the plan today?” I ask. “I can take Salem to Theo and Hunter’s, and then we can take Nora to the party together?”
“Sounds perfect to me.” Jasper cups my face and kisses me. “I’ll go start on breakfast if you wanna get a little more sleep.”
Untangling myself from him, I sit up. “Nah. I’ll come with you.”
Halfway through making breakfast, Salem stumbles his way into the kitchen, his hair sticking up in every direction and his eyes bleary. “Smells good.”
Jasper laughs. “Did we summon you with nothing but the smell of food? I’m impressed.”
He shrugs. “I’m hungry.”
He doesn’t eat nearly as much as I think he should, given that he’s growing and needs nutrients, but hey, what can you do?
The only thing I can really figure is that we just keep showing up and offering him food until, hopefully, he realizes that it’s not something he has to fight for or go without.
After climbing onto the barstool at the counter, Salem drums his fingers on the marble. “What time are we going to Hunter and Theo’s?”
“Theo said we could bring you whenever. I thought maybe we’d go after breakfast.”
He smiles at me. Fucking smiles. Maybe going to the farm really will be healing for him. It seems like nothing I do is working, and I’ll take any help I can get.
“What about Nora?” he asks.
I cock my head. “What about her?”
“She’s not going, right?”
I shoot Jasper a look. At some point, we’re going to have to talk about how he treats her and what the fuck is going on with that, but today is not that day. Hell, I think I’d almost prefer for him to be beating people up in her honor than… whatever the fuck this is.
“She’s not going,” Jasper says, answering for me. “She’ll stay here with me while Arlo takes you over there, and then one of us will come pick you up later. Sound good?”
Salem nods, what looks like relief making his shoulders drop. “Okay.”
Nora joins us right as we’re finishing up cooking, and as soon as we all eat, Salem rushes off to his room to change clothes.
When he comes back out, he stands in the doorway of the living room, almost nervously. “I’m, uh… I’m ready.”
I smile brightly at him. “Alright then. I’ll shoot a quick text to Theo, and we can go.”
Just like I figured he would, Theo texts back quickly to tell me they’re good whenever we are. He also said not to worry about food because Millie was excited to make lunch for everyone.
That’s a subject I’m not sure I’m ready to broach.
When we get in the car, I glance at Salem. “So, Millie—Hunter’s mom—is gonna make lunch today. Is that okay with you?”
He shrugs. “It’s gonna have to be.”
Expecting him to be respectful and act like he has some sense used to be something that was a given. Now, I’m not so sure. I sigh. “Make sure you’re respectful to everyone, okay?”
Huffing, he side-eyes me. “I will be. God, Arlo.”
I nearly roll my eyes. He’s literally proving my fucking point. “And no cussing.”
This time I get a scoff, but nothing else.
Jesus fuck, I hope this gets easier soon. And I really fucking hope we’re the only lucky people who get to be on the receiving end of his teenage angst and ire.