Chapter 31 #2
“What kind of food do they have here?” Nora asks, opening her menu.
I’m opening my mouth to tell her they have mac and cheese on the kids’s menu when Salem snorts. “All kinds, Nora. That’s obvious.”
“Salem.” It’s a warning. The only one he’s going to get from me. “Can we just have one single night without you being mean to everyone around you? Please.”
Tense silence falls over the table. Jasper clears his throat, opening his menu. “I think I’m gonna get a steak. I might splurge on a lobster tail too.” He pauses, then glances around. “As long as no one has any shellfish allergies.”
I shake my head, offering him a smile. “No allergies at all.”
“What about you, Salem?” Jasper asks, glancing over his menu at him. “Do you like steak?”
Salem shrugs. “Don’t know.”
“You’ve never had it?”
He looks up, staring at Jasper like he’s lost his mind. “Not like I’ve had a lot of opportunity. We barely had five dollars to go to the pool, which you know, so why do you think I was eating steak?”
Fuck.
“I’m sorry,” Jasper says softly. “That was insensitive of me. I bet you’d like it if you tried it. It’s really good.”
Salem shrugs. “Maybe.”
He opens his menu, eyes scanning the options.
“What about you, baby boy?” Jasper asks.
I drum my fingers on the table, looking over the menu. “I think steak and lobster sounds pretty dang good, actually.”
“Well, I want mac and cheese and chicken nuggets,” Nora says, closing her menu and doing a little shimmy in the booth.
“I bet that’ll be good. What kind of sauce are you gonna get?” Jasper asks, smiling at her.
“Honey mustard. Duh. Or maybe ranch.”
He chuckles. “You can get both.”
Her eyes blow wide. “Really?”
Jasper nods, closing his menu. “Of course. What about you, Salem? Do you know what you’re getting yet?” he asks again.
Salem shakes his head. “It’s all expensive. It’s gonna be almost two hundred dollars for all of us to eat.”
A frown pulls at my lips. “Why don’t you let us worry about money, and you just worry about getting what you want?”
Salem closes his menu. “I can just eat something when we get home.”
“That’s ridiculous, Salem. Dinner isn’t going to break us. Just pick something.”
Salem scoffs. “And you’re bossing me around again.”
“Yes,” I snap. “Because, like I told you earlier, I am your boss.”
“Salem,” Jasper says, interrupting us. “It’s really not a big deal, kid. I’m not a bullshitter, right? I’m still the same person I was when you told me that.”
Salem eyes him warily. Fuck. What do I have to do to get him to just fucking trust us? I don’t get it. I really don’t understand what changed between all our phone calls and now.
“Right,” Salem finally says.
Jasper blows out a breath that sounds an awful lot like relief. “Good. So pick something. Don’t worry about the price. Worry about getting something that sounds good. That you think you’ll enjoy.”
Salem’s eyes drop to the table, and he opens his menu again.
“And save some room for dessert,” Jasper says. “They have the best cheesecake here.”
His eyes fly up, locking on Jasper, and his jaw clenches. God, I wish I knew what was happening in his brain.
“I’ll just have this,” he says, dropping his eyes and his finger to the menu.
Leaning over the table, I look at what he’s pointing at. “You can’t just have an appetizer for dinner, Salem. Jesus.”
“Why not? Y’all told me to fucking pick something, and I fucking picked something.” He rolls his eyes. “Does nothing make you happy?”
For some reason, that makes my eyes burn. This isn’t the time or place for this. I close my eyes, breathing in deeply through my nose. “I’m going to run to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
I hate how my voice sounds choked up, but there’s not much I can do about it.
Opening my eyes, I slip out of the booth, keeping my head down as I walk away.
Thankfully, the bathroom is empty, and I slip into a stall, shutting it and locking it behind me.
Leaning against the wall, I bury my face in my hands, breathing deeply in an attempt to keep myself from fucking losing it. I don’t want to have this relationship with Salem. Not even a little bit. We’ve never fought this way. Not once. I don’t know what to do or how to fix it.
I’m lost. So fucking lost.
Tears well up and spill over, despite how hard I’m trying to fight them back.
I only give myself a few seconds. That’s all I’m allowed to have. It’s time to get my shit together and go back to the table. I can’t be in here losing it all night.
Standing up straight, I scrub a hand over my face, then leave the stall.
I check myself out in the mirror, wiping at my eyes until there’s no trace of my tears, then I wash my hands and return to the booth.
Salem is sitting with his head hung low, and Nora is playing with Jasper’s phone. So much for a nice family dinner. I slide in beside Jasper, and he grabs my hand under the table before leaning into my space and pressing a gentle kiss to my temple.
There’s a lot that we need to talk about, Salem and me, but it’ll have to wait until we get home. As it stands, if I try to talk to him now, all it’s gonna do is cause a scene. Jasper deserves better than that after everything he’s done for me. For us.
“Did everyone order?” I ask, trying to keep myself sounding cheery.
“Not yet. We wanted to wait for you.”
With a stroke of perfect timing, our server shows up at the edge of our table. “Are we ready to order?”
I sit, numb, while everyone around the table tells him our order, and when it’s my turn, I rattle off what I want too.
It doesn’t escape my notice that Salem ordered nothing more than an appetizer, even after the server pointed out that it wasn’t technically a meal. At any rate, I’m just glad all the server got was a softly spoken “I know” and not a snarky response.
It’s quiet and tense the entire time we eat, and Nora doesn’t even look up from the phone. I eat my steak slowly, listening to the clang of silverware, the hushed conversations happening around us, and the annoying, grating voice of the person Nora is watching on YouTube.
Jasper pays the bill, and a quick glance shows me it’s actually over two hundred dollars. Even without dessert. Fuck, I hope Salem didn’t see it.
“Everyone ready to go?” Jasper asks, and his voice sounds way too loud considering how quiet everything has been.
Nora nods without a word, and my heart cracks right down the middle. I hate that she’s being put in a situation like this. I hate that it’s all fucked up and I’m doing everything wrong. This was supposed to be safety for them, and it’s not.
My eyes burn again, but I force myself to keep it together. I have no doubt that Jasper will let me fall apart later, but that’s not a thing for me to do now. Not in front of the kids.
The four of us stand, then make our way through the crowded restaurant. The outside air is crisp, and if it wasn’t for the tension bleeding from all of us, I might actually enjoy it. The last bits of fall before winter have always been my favorite time of year.
The ride home is almost as bad as dinner. Even Jasper seems defeated. He’s gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles are turning white, and Nora’s been staring out the window with the same video playing on a loop.
It’s kind of annoying, but I don’t even want to ask her to turn it off. If it’s helping her, I can manage.
Part of me wishes Graymont wasn’t so fucking far away from home because this ride is going to be absolute hell.
Fitting, I guess.