Chapter 34 #3
Salem sniffles. “I don’t fit into the family you’re building with Arlo.”
“What? Yes, you do.”
How in the fuck did I mess everything up so badly? How did I make him believe he wasn’t good enough for me?
“I’m scared to make friends,” he whispers. “I want to, but I try to make friends, and then I have to move again. And I have to start all over. I don’t wanna keep starting all over.”
“You don’t have to,” I choke out. “Never again. This is your home now. Always. Forever. I’m sorry it took us so long, but you’re here now, and we want you to be. I want you to be.”
He’s crying now, tears dripping from his eyes and rolling down his face before falling into his lap. “Not just Nora?”
“Not just Nora.” My throat’s aching. I can take a lot. But I can’t take this. Not a single fucking second of it.
I reach out, hooking an arm around Salem and pulling him into me.
He comes willingly, pressing his face into my shoulder as he breaks down. His back heaves, gasping sobs leaving him as my heart cracks right down the middle.
“I love you, Salem. I love you, and I love your sister, and I want us to be a family now. I want us to be a family next year. I want to be front and center, screaming at the top of my lungs as you walk across the stage at graduation.” He shakes against me, his sobs tearing right through my heart, making my eyes well up with tears.
“I want to see you get married one day—if you want that for yourself. I want to teach you how to drive, and I want to be there for all your big and little moments.”
“Really?” he gasps, his voice broken and raspy.
“Really.” My tears finally spill over, dripping into his hair.
“I want everything, Salem. Always. And it doesn’t matter how snarky you are or how bratty or how many times you snap at me.
Fuck. Cuss me out. Scream at me. I don’t care.
” I squeeze him tighter, rubbing a hand up his back.
“I’m not going anywhere. I told you once before, kid—I don’t scare easy.
I’m not going anywhere. Never. I love you. ”
He rubs his face against my shoulder. “I love you too. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
I shush him quietly, rocking him in my arms as he sobs and gasps and shakes.
I hold him through it all, my stomach twisting as he purges years of grief and pain.
I hold him until his sobs taper off into soft cries.
Until his soft cries fade into hiccuping whimpers.
I hold him until my face is soaked in my tears and my shirt is soaked in his.
After what feels like a lifetime, his body slumps, his back shuddering under my hand.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers again. “I’m really so sorry.”
“I know,” I say, trying to soothe him. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay.”
“I want to go home.” His voice breaks on the word home, and my heart thunders in my ears. “Will you please take me home? I want to see Arlo. I want to hug him.”
“Of course.”
He untangles himself from my arms, then wipes at his face.
I push to my feet, then hold my hand out to him. “Austin drove me here. So, let’s go tell him we’re ready to go home, okay?”
“Okay.” Despite saying the words, he doesn’t move.
“Everything alright?”
He nods. “Do you really think Arlo is gonna forgive me?”
“Of course. Siblings have issues sometimes. Like I said, he’s worried. He’ll just be happy you’re home safe.”
His throat bobs, his eyes falling to the hay in front of him. “Do you have siblings?”
My heart clenches at his words, and with a soft sigh, I sit back down beside him. “I used to.”
For a few seconds, he’s quiet, and then he glances at me. “What do you mean?”
No bullshitting probably applies to this too, so I take a deep breath. “I had a younger sister, Sarah. She passed away when I was sixteen and she was eleven.”
Salem frowns, darting his gaze away again. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to Nora. Was she sick or something?”
“No. She died in a house fire.”
Snapping his eyes to mine, he cocks his head. “Is that why you became a firefighter?”
I nod. “It is. I was stupid and left her home alone, and when I got back, the house was on fire and she was in the yard. I tried to help her, and so did the doctors and EMTs, but I was too late. I couldn’t save her.”
He sniffles again, turning his head away from me. “I’m real sorry about your sister. Does… Does it hurt sometimes? Bein’ around Nor?”
I’m sure that it could. If I let it. “No. It doesn’t hurt to be around either of you. I’m happy that I have you in my life. Both of you.”
Salem shifts a little, picking up a piece of hay and tearing it apart. “You really mean that, huh?”
“I do. I’ll prove it one day.”
He shakes his head. “I believe you.”
Fuck, I think my heart might explode from those words.
We sit together in silence for a few minutes before I stand again, holding my hand out. “Let’s go home, kid.”
Picking up the bottle of water from the hay, Salem places his hand in mine and lets me pull him to his feet. We’re almost to the door when he speaks, and his softly spoken words nearly rip my heart in two.
“Sarah would forgive you too, y’know?”