Chapter 6
CHAPTER SIX
Ayden
It was official.
I was never letting Raci go.
At least, I never wanted to.
We spent the rest of the day in bed, not bothering to find her car, as the second rainstorm came in earlier than we expected and the rain came down in sheets once again.
Despite resurfacing for food and to take Bluey out, we stayed in bed, kissing, exploring, making love, talking, and discovering everything there was to know about our bodies and our lives.
One day passed, and then another, and then, the storm cleared, the mud dried, and we went in search of Raci’s car.
It wasn’t but a mile up the road, an easier find when it’s not dark, raining, and muddy, and she drove it back to my house, claiming she didn’t want to leave yet.
But we were both just dancing around the inevitable. That we’d be leaving each other.
She had a life to get back to in the city, and I couldn’t ask her to stay even though I desperately wanted her to. It wasn’t fair to put it all on her shoulders. She had a life there. Just like I had a life here. I couldn’t relocate to the city so how could I expect her to relocate here?
“I had fun with you these past few days.” Raci said against my chest as we cuddled on the couch.
I kissed the top of her head. “Don’t say it like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like we’re never going to see each other again.”
“Ayden…we need to real here. We led different lives…I’m going back to the city and you’re staying here.”
“I know. But…”
Raci shook her head. “No. We promised we wouldn’t do that. We promised we wouldn’t ask that of each other.”
She was right. We promised. Last night in bed, when we confessed we were falling in love with one another but promised we wouldn’t ask the other to leave or stay. It wasn’t fair.
“I know. I’m sorry.” My voice caught and I cleared it quickly, hoping she wouldn’t notice. How would I ever let her go? “But maybe you can come visit…”
“Ayden. I don’t know if that would be a good idea. It’ll only open wounds…bring feelings up.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take her talking like we would never lay eyes on each other again. I wouldn’t survive. Not without her. I could feel it in my bones.
I let go of her and stood up from the couch.
I shoved my hands through my hair, but it didn’t help.
I only felt worse. “Raci, I can’t…fuck, I thought this would be a lot easier.
” I kneeled down in front of her and took her hands in mine.
“How can you say that? How can you talk like we’ll never see each other again and you’re okay with it? ”
“Ayden,” Raci choked out. “I’m anything but okay with it. I just have to be strong, for me, for you, for us. We kn2ow it can’t work between us. We need to save ourselves the trouble and heartbreak.”
“What if we try long distance? What if we visit on the weekends and…”
Raci shook her head, and my heart broke into tiny pieces. “It won’t work. Long distance never does.”
I let out a long sigh and stood back up. The only way to let her go is to be cold, to put up a wall, to block her out.
Yet I couldn’t bring myself to do it. “Alright. I don’t think we should drag this out any longer. How about I walk you about?”
Raci blinked a few times and nodded. My heart lurched. We had planned to have dinner together, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t eat and stare at her beautiful face for another second knowing she was leaving. “Let me just change into my dress and I’ll leave your clothes.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure the ride back to the city would be more comfortable in sweats.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. “I’m sure. Keep them. Something to remember me by.”
A few minutes later, I walked her outside, her dress over her arm, her heels in my hand, as she unlocked her car. She took the heels from me and put them in the front seat with her purse and dress. I stood by the driver’s door watching her every move, my heart aching.
I felt like I was going to be sick, the pain of my heart breaking into two unbearable.
How would I let her go? How?
Raci turned to face me, and it felt as if my world ended. Please…stay…for me.
The words sat on the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t utter a single one.
Instead, I leaned forward and kissed her, long and hard, slow and gentle, pouring everything I felt for her into that kiss and hoping she’d always remember me and our time spent together.
I gripped her waist and kissed her again and again, only breaking apart to hold her head against my chest and bury my face in her hair, committing the scent to memory as I masked my tears.
Raci’s body shuddered and I looked down to find her crying against my chest. I held her close, waited until her tears subsided, and kissed her again and again.
“Thank you, Raci. Drive safe. And don’t forget about me.” I said with one last kiss.
“I could never forget about you, Ayden. Never ever.” She stood on her tip toes and kissed me, long and slow, her tears mixing in.
And then she climbed in her car and backed out of the driveway, with only a single wave goodbye.
“I love you,” I called.
But she was already dust in the wind.
I headed back inside, my head hung low, hoping my dog would cheer me up.
But something told me I would not be cheering up anytime soon.
As I reached my front door, Bluey jumped up and banged against the glass.
“Hey, Bluey, get down. That’s not a nice boy.
” I hope he wouldn’t start acting out now that Raci was gone.
She wasn’t here long enough to have that type of impact, right?
Opening the door, Bluey ran outside at full force, immediately running towards the road. He barked and barked, as if something or someone was there, but there wasn’t anything.
It was pretty quiet most of the time on the dead-end street.
“Bluey come here! Get out of the road!”
But he didn’t listen. He ran towards it, barking the whole way. “Bluey!”
And that’s when I saw it.
The parked car.
Her parked car.
Raci.
My heart raced.
Blood rushed through my ears.
She sat behind the driver’s seat, sobbing.
I ran over to her, Bluey hot on my heels. “Raci? What is it? Are you okay?”
She nearly tumbled out of the car, completely hysterical. “I can’t leave. I can’t do it. I can’t, Ayden. I love you.”
It was like heaven to my ears.
“Oh, Raci. I love you, too. So fucking much. I’m so glad you didn’t go. I was dying without already.”
We kissed and kissed, my tears mixing with hers, and when we broke apart, panting and foreheads pressed together, we both laughed through our tears.
“We’ll figure it out. Whatever it takes. Okay?”
Raci nodded. “Okay.”
“Good. Now let’s go home.”