Chapter 7
Tess
I was standing outside of Delilah’s apartment, my hand hovering over the door with my heart in my throat, when it flew open. She stopped short at the sight of me, dressed in low-rise baggy jeans and a crop top so tight it looked painted on that said ‘your dad is my cardio.’
Suddenly, I was second-guessing my decision to take Anna’s advice and talk to her.
Delilah arched a brow, doing a once-over. “Well, you’re not a Girl Scout.”
“Girl Scout cookie season ended in April,” I blurted, still stuck on her shirt.
She laughed. “A crime within itself if you ask me.” She then slung her tote bag further up her shoulder. “What’s up, bug?”
“Were you going somewhere? I can come back later,” I offered, even though I didn’t know whether that was true or not. I’d worked up every ounce of courage I could just to get myself here. I wasn’t sure I could do it a second time.
“I was actually about to head over to the ranch to go over the layout of my swanky new office with the hot builders.” She let out a blissful sigh.
“Have you seen them? That one guy, Finn, with all the tattoos, is delicious,” she groaned.
“Love tattoos. It gives that bad boy, fuck you through the wall energy.”
My face felt like it was on fire. “I-I can drive you,” I choked out. Her head tilted, confused. I fiddled with Emmett’s keys. “Anna told me she’s been seeing you, and I wanted to talk about stuff…officially.” Then I added quickly, “If that’s okay with you, I mean.”
She straightened, her casual, flirty charm vanishing instantly. “Oh shit. Yeah. Okay. Let’s go.”
My stomach was in knots as we walked over to Emmett’s truck. Saying it all out loud to someone who wasn’t Levi would make it real in a way it hadn’t been before.
I stopped by the driver’s door, my eyes screwed shut. I was too nervous to drive, and Emmett would lose it if something happened to this truck. He’d spent two summers in high school rebuilding it with Daddy, and it was his prized possession.
I spun on my heel, wincing. “Can you drive, actually?”
Delilah slowed to a stop next to me, looking me over with mild concern. “Yeah…of course.”
I let out a shaky breath as I climbed in, reminding myself this was Delilah as we merged onto the main road to the ranch.
The same girl who egged guys’ cars because they wronged her friends, who styled my hair into a mohawk when I was a toddler, who taught me how to tie a cherry stem with my tongue when I was eleven and made Mama cry over it.
She’s not a stranger; she was practically my sister.
But maybe that’s what made it so hard to get the words out, and why we had been sitting in pin-drop silence for the last ten minutes.
Delilah’s fingers tapped on the dash in quick succession. “Okay, I’ve let you stew in silence long enough. Start talking.”
I scoffed. “Is this how you talk to all your clients?”
“No, but they’re usually more chatty since they pay by the hour.” She shot me a playful smirk. “It’s a great motivator.”
I picked at my fingers. “It’s not just something I can blurt out,” I murmured, looking out the window.
“I know, babe, but keeping it bottled inside is wrecking you. I can see it all over your face. You look like a Coke bottle with Mentos crammed inside, seconds away from exploding.” She glanced over at me before looking back at the road.
“You’re safe with me, bug. I’m not going to tell anyone anything you don’t want them to know. Not even your hot lawyer.”
I managed a teary laugh. “He really is hot,” I said between chuckles, thinking back to how Levi looked in that dove gray suit at Colt’s wedding two days ago. It was like something out of a cologne ad.
“Does he know everything?”
I nodded, looking down at my lap. “Yeah.”
“And did the world end when you laid it all out there? Did he look at you differently?”
My smile was unstoppable. “No, he didn’t.”
She took my hand in hers, giving it a squeeze. “And I won’t either. You’re my sister. Whatever you tell me isn’t going to change that.”
I wiped my eyes, nodding, and told her everything.
I told her about the first time Jeremy hit me and how we both cried on the kitchen floor together while he vowed to never do it again, holding bloodied tissues to my busted lip with shaking hands.
I told her how he threatened to take Luke away when I took him to the park one time without his permission.
I told her how he’d guilt-trip me into having sex, but then tell me I was lucky that he was still attracted to me after having a baby, because no one else would be.
I told her how he made me feel crazy and somehow twisted everything to the point that I blamed myself, and that it still felt like I had done something to deserve all of it.
Delilah didn’t interrupt once. She didn’t even look at me. The only sign I knew she was listening to what I was saying was her grip on the wheel tightening until her knuckles were white.
By the time I was finished, I didn’t feel any better. I’d put every single gruesome detail out there for the second time now, and it hadn’t been any easier. Wasn’t it supposed to get easier? Supposed to make me feel free or something? Well, I didn’t. I felt pathetic, stupid, and so, so embarrassed.
“I could fucking kill him,” she said after a beat of silence.
She inhaled deeply through her nose and exhaled slowly out of her mouth.
Almost like she was purging herself of the anger.
Then, her voice was calm, serene even, as she said, “But we aren’t going to do that.
Instead, we’re going to redirect that energy into helping you heal. ”
I blinked quickly. “I’ve never heard you talk like that before.” She chuckled. “I don’t like it. It’s weird.”
“That’s my therapist voice,” she said, smirking. “I can crank it up if you want. We can do a guided meditation, sound therapy, the works.”
“I’m good.” I fidgeted in my seat, staring out the windshield, and sighed. “I just thought being home and away from him would be enough. I mean, it’s helped a little, but I still have nightmares sometimes, and when I’m out, I’m constantly checking over my shoulder, just waiting for him to pop out.”
We pulled down the long driveway to Golden Circle, bobbing around in the cab over the dirt road.
“Recovering from trauma isn’t a steady road, Tess.
Just like this one,” she said with that same creepy voice.
“Some spots are smooth sailing, and some spots are bumpy enough to pop a tire. That’s just how it goes, unfortunately.
But there will come a day when Jeremy isn’t even a thought in your mind anymore. ”
I scoffed. “That feels impossible.”
She put the truck in park, turning to face me. “It’s not, I promise. It just feels that way now because you’ve been stuck in survival mode for so long. Think of yourself as being frozen for the last eight years, and you’re thawing out now.”
Emmett came out of the barn, instantly frowning at Delilah in the driver’s seat. She clicked the door lock without breaking eye contact with me. “We need to find something for you, like how Luke has karate. What’s something you think you’d like to do? Something purely yours?”
I glanced between Delilah and Emmett, her back now fully to him while he yanked on the door handle. “Get out of my truck, Delilah,” he demanded lowly through the window.
“Don’t pay attention to him,” she said.
“I don’t know,” I said, answering her question, chewing on my bottom lip. “I don’t…I don’t feel like myself anymore. I don’t think I even know who I am.”
Emmett knocked on the window incessantly. “Delilah!”
She whirled. “Can you fuck off?” she yelled at him through the window.
His scowl deepened. “We’re talking about periods, Emmett.
” My hands went to my mouth with an amused gasp.
“Wanna tell us how heavy your cycle is? Yeah, didn’t think so, goodbye.
” She pressed her hand to the window, giving him the bird, while I laughed.
He let out a frustrated groan and stormed off back to the barn, shaking his head.
I might not have known who I was, but I knew I wanted to be like Delilah. Someone quick-witted and sassy who could make men do what she wanted, even if they didn’t. But most of all, I wanted her confidence.
“I want to be like you,” I admitted. “Like how you just were with Emmett.”
Her head tilted, a smirk on her face. “What? Annoying?”
“Confident.”
Something in her expression wilted just barely.
“You don’t want to be like me, bug, I’m a scatterbrained mess.
” She scooted across the bench closer to me, taking my hands.
“Your ice is thawing, and we’re going to find out who the real Tess Hayes is, and I already know I’m gonna love her like crazy. ”
I squeezed her hands. “I don’t even know where to start, honestly.”
She smiled softly. “I always say rock bottom is the best place to start because there’s nowhere to go but up.”
“Are you saying I’m at rock bottom?”
She pursed her lips, shrugging a shoulder. “I mean…you basically said it without saying it.”
“Oh my God,” I groaned. “What kind of therapist are you?!”
“The best kind, which is why I’m going to start doing weekly equine therapy sessions with you to work through all the shit that asshole put in your head.”
My chest tightened. “Really?” My voice was thick, all humor completely gone. “You’d do that for me?”
She looked at me, confused. “Of course I would, Tess. I’d do anything for you.” Her hands firmly clasped my shoulders. “Now, let’s think of something you can do. Something you’ll enjoy.”
“And will preferably make me money,” I added. “At the hearing last Friday, the judge said I needed to have a job by next month when we meet again.”
“Okay, so you need a job and a hobby.”
“What’s your hobby?”
“Creating chaos, but I don’t think that’s your vibe.”
I frowned. “No, not really.”
She squinted at me. “Savannah likes self-care?”
“Is that an actual hobby?”