Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Brinley was nervous.
But excited.
If all went well, tonight would be the night. The night she lost her virginity.
She’d seen the heat in Dash’s eyes when she asked to leave. She had high hopes that meant they were on the same page with what would happen when they got back to his apartment. But she’d taken Cypress’s words to heart. She needed to talk to Dash. Be clear about what she wanted. Not make him guess.
She was worried about her friend, but she’d reassured her via text that she was all right and told her to have wild monkey sex and they’d talk tomorrow.
Brinley wasn’t sure about the wild monkey sex part, but she knew better than to push Cypress. She’d talk when she was ready and not a second earlier.
Dash pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex and they both got out. He immediately came to her side and took hold of her hand. It was such a little thing, the hand holding. But Brinley liked it. A lot.
She’d never really gotten to hold hands with a guy growing up, because she’d never had a boyfriend.
She hadn’t realized how intimate it was.
That seemed silly, but she and Dash actually communicated quite a bit through their clasped hands.
A squeeze here, a squeeze there, checking in on each other or when something was amusing.
He’d pull her gently out of the way of anyone who was walking toward them, and the feel of his thumb brushing back and forth over the back of her hand as they walked made goose bumps race down her arms.
If just holding his hand felt this intimate, she couldn’t imagine what being naked with him would feel like.
Like her own, Dash’s apartment was on the second floor of the building, and she had no problem taking the stairs.
He’d told her the other week that while he wasn’t technically claustrophobic, he preferred the stairs over the elevator because of an incident while on a mission.
He didn’t go into detail, and warned that he wouldn’t be able to tell her about most of the things he did while deployed, which Brinley understood completely.
He kept hold of her hand as they walked down to his apartment and he unlocked the door and opened it. He locked the deadbolt once they were inside, then turned to her. Without a word, his head lowered, and Brinley eagerly lifted her chin to accept his kiss.
As he kissed her, he backed them slowly into the main living area of the apartment. He stopped by the couch and stared into her eyes as he asked, “You good? Need anything? Food? Water? Drink?”
Brinley’s response came without thought. “You. I need you, Dash.”
She could feel the all-over body shiver that went through him.
“Cypress said I should be clear about what I want. That I should tell you what I’m thinking so we don’t have any misunderstandings.
I want to have sex with you, Dash. I want you to be my first. And yes, that means I’m a virgin.
I hope that doesn’t turn you off. I mean, I know I’m thirty years old and it’s crazy but—”
Dash stopped her nervous babbling by putting a finger to her lips. “Are you sure? Because I never want you to feel like I’m rushing you. I’m perfectly content to sit on this couch and make out instead. Or I can make you come without taking things all the way.”
“You aren’t rushing me. I want this. But if you’re not sure, if you don’t want to—”
“I want to,” he said quickly. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dreamed of this moment.
Of bringing you to my room and seeing you in my bed, naked and waiting for me.
Of showing you how much you mean to me. I just don’t want you to have any regrets.
You only get one first time, hon, and I’m beyond honored and thrilled you’re choosing me to share that with.
But if you regret it afterward, it’ll break me. ”
“The only way I’ll regret this is if it’s something you don’t really want.”
“I want you, Brinley Deaton. I have since Fiji. And when we were in that plane? And I saw you behind the controls, in complete command, not freaking out about what we were doing and what had just happened. I knew then.”
Brinley swallowed hard. She and Dash were facing each other, almost touching from hips to chest, his hands on either side of her head, where they’d been when he pulled back from kissing her to ask if she needed anything.
The apartment was quiet, and it felt as if they were the only two people in the world at that moment.
“Knew what?” she whispered.
“That you were the woman I wanted to marry. That anyone who could do what you’d just done, who would volunteer to do something so crazy and dangerous in the middle of a damn terrorist attack, to save the lives of others, was someone I wanted—no, needed by my side.”
“Dash,” Brinley said, desperately trying to blink back the tears that were threatening to spill down her cheeks.
“I want you, sweetheart. And I swear I’ll do everything in my power to make your first time memorable, in the best way. It’s probably going to hurt though, and I’m sorry in advance for that.”
Brinley smiled up at him. “I know. The good thing about being a virgin at thirty is that I know what’s about to happen. But I trust you to do what you can to lessen the pain and make me remember nothing but the pleasure.”
“Damn straight.”
“Um…we should probably talk about protection.”
“I’ve got you. I haven’t been with anyone in at least a year and the Army tests us regularly, and I’m healthy. I’ve got condoms too.”
Brinley nodded. This was a little awkward, but not too bad. “I’m on the pill to regulate my periods, but I’d feel more comfortable using condoms for a while.”
She felt another shiver run through Dash.
“Is that bad? Are you mad?”
“No, sweetheart. Not at all. Had planned on using them no matter what. But you saying ‘for a while’ has me thinking of how it might feel to sink inside you without anything between us. Something to look forward to.”
She smiled again. She was doing this. Was actually going to experience sex for the first time…finally.
“You have any other concerns about this?”
Brinley shook her head.
“Good. Because I can’t wait to see you. All of you. See those freckles I’ve thought about nonstop. Trace them with my tongue. Connect the dots is suddenly my new favorite game.”
Brinley giggled. “I might fall asleep on you if you do that, since it’ll take a while.”
Dash returned her smile, then sobered. “If at any time you change your mind, don’t be afraid to tell me. I’ll stop and we can talk about what’s making you nervous and decide if you want to continue or not. I have no problem holding you all night as we sleep and doing nothing else.”
This guy. He was good down to his core. Brinley felt emotional all over again.
How in the world she’d found someone like him, and he actually seemed to like her, was a minor miracle.
She’d waited her entire life for him, and she couldn’t wait to share the most intimate thing a couple could share together.
She wanted to tell him that she wasn’t going to change her mind, and even if she got nervous, she trusted him to take care of her. To make tonight as good as it could be for her. But instead, she simply said, “Okay.”
Dash leaned down and kissed her again, but it felt different this time. Knowing they weren’t going to stop at kissing and touching made Brinley’s entire body tingle with anticipation.
They started walking again, Brinley following as Dash walked backward down a hallway she knew led to his bedroom. By the time they arrived, her hands were under his shirt and she felt desperate to feel him skin-to-skin.
“Easy, Brin. I’ve got you,” he said, as he stepped back for a moment. He peeled his shirt off, then picked up her hands and put them on his now-bare chest.
Brinley’s fingers curled, and she lightly ran her nails down his skin, loving how his muscles tightened in response. Dash had a tattoo on his chest, and the black lines swirling amongst the chest hair was so…masculine.
She ran her gaze up and down his body, memorizing the moment.
His light-brown eyes, so piercing in their intensity; the little dimple in his chin, mostly hidden by the scruff of an almost-beard that she couldn’t wait to feel against her tender skin.
The broad shoulders, the Adam’s apple that bobbed up and down as he swallowed, the gray streaks in his hair.
All of it made up a man who Brinley had fallen hard and fast for.
She still wanted to pinch herself that he was with her.
Carrot-topped little orphan Annie who’d been looked down on and made fun of throughout her school years.
A woman who felt overlooked time and time again, only wanted for her sewing and designing skills.
Standing there with Dash, next to his bed, knowing what was about to happen, she was almost overcome with emotions.
Desire, certainly. But also gratitude that she’d found him and that he’d gotten to know who she was beyond her outward appearance.
Happiness. Contentment. Awe. So many emotions raced through her.
“Still good?” he asked softly.
“Oh, yes. Dash, you’re…” Words were failing her.
“Forty years old, not twenty anymore,” he said, with a small self-conscious laugh.
“I don’t want twenty-year-old Dash. I want you. The man standing in front of me right now. Because you’re real. And all mine.”
He swallowed hard. “Fuck, I love hearing those words from your lips. I’m yours, sweetheart. All fucking yours.”
And with that, he moved. Putting a hand behind her back and pulling her against him with a forceful tug.
Brinley fell against him, and she was smiling even as he kissed her roughly.
She loved it. Loved that he wasn’t treating her like a piece of fine china. She needed him real. Raw. And she was getting it.
He kept his eyes open, staring into her own as he slowly pulled down the zipper at her back, loosening the top of her dress.