Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
Colt felt Macie begin to tremble in his lap and did his best to relax his own muscles. But it was too late. He could tell by the way she’d hunched in on herself and the way she wouldn’t meet his eyes.
He hated doing anything to make her anxiety flare, so he quickly tried to fix it. Her words had surprised him and brought back the memories of that awful day, the day that had changed his life forever.
Tightening his arms around her so she couldn’t flee, he began speaking.
“I’m forty-three years old. I’ve been in the military almost my entire adult life.
I have no idea what I’ll do when they finally force me to retire.
I’ve never been married. Don’t have any children.
I’ve made my share of mistakes in my life, and I won’t lie to you, Macie.
I’ve killed people. Lots of them. But if I had to do it again, I would. Every time.”
He paused and took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure he could relive what had happened at the end of his Delta Force career.
Then he felt Macie relax slightly against him. She put her head on his shoulder and tentatively put her arms around his neck. That was all it took to give him the courage to open up to her. She wasn’t rejecting him. She knew the basics, and still she put her arms around him.
“My team was sent into a hostile town to meet with who we thought were loyal supporters. Our intel said they wanted to assist us in taking down the Taliban that had a toehold in that region. Honestly, we were losing the fight there and needed all the help we could get. The bigwigs thought it would be a good idea to use local strength to fight. So we went in. We were cautious and uneasy, but we were given a direct order, so in we went. I was in charge of my team, and so I was in the lead when an RPG—rocket-propelled grenade—came out of nowhere and decimated the building behind where we were standing. It collapsed right on top of us.”
Macie inhaled harshly, but didn’t speak. Colt could feel her fingers at the nape of his neck, caressing the short hairs there. He closed his eyes and took a minute to appreciate the feel of her body on his. How good her fingers felt.
“I woke up some time later. I’m not sure how much time had passed.
I was completely buried under the stones and concrete of the building, but somehow hadn’t been crushed because of the way the walls fell.
I don’t know if you remember after 9/11 that some people were found alive in one of the stairwells of the collapsed buildings? ”
Macie nodded, so Colt continued.
“Yeah, well, that happened to me too. I was relatively unhurt, just sore, confused, and had a raging headache.
I pushed the rubble off myself and crawled out.
It was almost dark but I could still see all around me.
Two of my teammates were lying dead, their heads crushed under rocks from the building.
Another had been dragged out of the debris and stripped.
Bud was naked, and he had bullet holes throughout his body and a huge puddle of blood around him.
Back home, he had two kids and another on the way.
I turned my head to puke, and met the eyes of another teammate, Randy.
He was alive. Lying in the debris of the building, but his legs and pelvis were crushed and he was pinned under a huge block of concrete.
“I went to his side, and he told me what had happened to our last teammate I hadn’t found yet.
Randy had witnessed what had happened to everyone, but couldn’t do a damn thing to help.
He knew he was dying. Could feel it. He said that Sergeant Griswald had fought off the insurgents at first, trying to keep them at bay.
He’d used all his bullets and was trying to reload when they overwhelmed him.
Bud had shot at them from where he was also trapped under the rubble, but they dragged him out and beat the hell out of him.
When he was almost unconscious, they stripped him and began shooting…
just for fun. Randy said it seemed like the entire town was there, watching, laughing, participating.
Women, kids, men, old and young alike. When Bud was dead, they turned back to Gris. He’d been detained by five insurgents.”
Colt huffed out a breath. “Took five of those fuckers to contain him. He was strong as an ox, and I can imagine that he was pissed way the hell off. Anyway, they tied a piece of rope around his neck and dragged him away. Randy said Gris had managed to get his hands under the rope, so he wasn’t strangled as they dragged him in the dirt, but he didn’t know where they’d taken Gris or what had happened to him.
“The last words Randy said to me were to tell his wife that he loved her, and that he was proud as hell to be hers.
He died in the middle of that fucking miserable town and there was nothing I could do about it.
No amount of first aid would put his legs back together or stop the bleeding.
Looking around at the four dead men surrounding me, something snapped.
I was so enraged that these men—my friends…
husbands and fathers, brothers and sons—were dead.
“By now it was fully dark, and I searched through the rubble and found what weapons I could and went on the hunt for Gris. We’d all been trained how to withstand torture, and I hoped like hell the assholes hadn’t just killed him outright as they had Bud.
“Every single person I came into contact with on my hunt for Gris, I killed. Some with my bare hands, so I didn’t draw attention to myself.
I didn’t give them a chance to identify themselves, either.
Randy said the entire town had participated in the death of my teammates—and they’d laughed while doing it. I showed no mercy for any of them.
“By the time I found Gris, I almost didn’t recognize him.
They’d stripped him naked like they had Bud, and had tied him to a stake on the back side of the town.
He was barely conscious, but I could tell even from my hiding spot that he was still fighting to live.
I’d collected various firearms from the people I’d killed on my way through the town and had quite the arsenal set up… including an RPG.
“I didn’t hesitate. I aimed that thing at a group standing near Gris and fired. It was stupid. I could’ve killed Gris.”
“But you didn’t,” Macie said with complete certainty.
Colt jolted under her. He’d been so lost in the memories in his head that he’d forgotten where he was. Forgotten that Macie was even there.
“To confirm what you heard, hon…yeah, I killed a lot of people. Old women, teenagers, adults. I don’t regret it, and I’d do it again if I was in the same situation.”
“What about Gris?” she asked softly.
“What about him?”
“Did he live?”
“Yeah, he lived. When the air cleared and after I picked off the remaining insurgents who hadn’t fled after I’d fired the RPG, I got Gris off that fucking stake and got us the hell out of there.”
“You have to be proud of that,” she said.
“I might’ve gotten Gris home, but I left Randy, Bud, and the others there. The one rule we take very seriously is that we never leave anyone behind.”
Macie sat up on his lap and turned toward him.
She took his face in her hands and looked into his eyes.
“You couldn’t get Gris and yourself to safety and take their bodies too.
They’d have understood, Colt. And I have a feeling, if they were anything like you or my brother, they’d kick your ass for even thinking about coming back for their bodies after you’d rescued Gris. ”
She was right. Randy had been very vocal when it came to safety.
About not taking stupid risks. And Bud was completely laid-back.
He got his nickname because in boot camp, the drill sergeant accused him of being high because he wasn’t fazed by anything.
Bud would simply shrug and say that Colt had done what he’d had to do to get Gris home.
Even though he knew she was right, it didn’t ease the feelings of guilt he still carried.
“I understand feeling guilty about something,” Macie said after she’d put her head back on his shoulder.
Colt immediately snapped out of his own head and focused on the woman in his lap. She was no longer loose in his arms. He could feel her muscles tighten even as she began speaking.
“There are so many things I feel guilty about in my life. I’ve made so many mistakes it’s not even funny. Starting with arguing with my brother before he left.”
“You guys were kids. You can’t blame yourself for that,” Colt said. He moved a hand to rub the small of her back and the other rested on her thigh and kneaded her flesh there lightly.
“I guess I don’t blame myself, but I wish I’d listened to him.”
Colt stilled.
“The boy I was dating was bad news. Ford knew it, but I thought the guy loved me. I guess I latched on to him as a replacement for the affection I knew I’d lose when Ford left.
But he wasn’t a good guy. He convinced me that he loved me, and we’d be together forever.
I was so young…I thought we were going to get married.
I let him convince me to sleep with him.
And I…I got pregnant when I was fifteen. ”
Colt forced himself to breathe, but didn’t interrupt.
“I wanted that baby so much,” Macie said softly.
“We began fighting more and I suspected he was seeing other girls behind my back, but I wanted to make things work so bad. I told him about the baby, and of course he broke up with me. Said he wasn’t ready to be a father.
Just up and left. I was heartbroken, but determined to raise my baby on my own. ”