Prologue #2
They were standing in the middle of the hallway at school. Mary had met him in their usual spot before lunch. She’d gone up on her tiptoes to kiss him hello, but he’d stepped away and said the last thing she’d expected to hear.
Especially since the night before, she’d given him her virginity.
She’d told Mama they were going to the basketball game and instead he’d rented a room at the rundown motel across town. He’d apologized and said he wanted their first time to be more romantic, but he didn’t want anyone to recognize them and get her in trouble.
The actual act of having sex hurt, but Mary had pretended to enjoy what they’d done.
Brian had seemed distracted, but Mary hadn’t thought anything about it.
He’d held her close afterward and eventually they’d left to go back to the high school.
He’d said that he wanted to make sure people saw them at the game together so she wouldn’t get in trouble.
Mary had loved that he was looking out for her. That he’d wanted to make sure her reputation didn’t suffer. That was why his words now didn’t make any sense.
Her brows came down in confusion. “What?”
“Me and you. It’s not working out.”
“But…you told me last month you loved me,” she said.
He scoffed. “I thought I did, but I was wrong.”
“I don’t understand,” Mary said, wanting to beg for him to take it back, but she had more dignity than that.
“We’re too different,” Brian said. “You’re poor and live in that shithole trailer. My parents would never approve of us being together.”
“But you told me that they liked me. That they were happy you were with me.”
“I lied. There’s no way they would ever approve of you. You’re too white trash for me. They didn’t care that I sowed my oats with you, but that’s all this was.”
Mary felt her heart break in half. He couldn’t be saying what she thought he was. He’d been so nice to her. So tender and caring. He’d stuck up for her when other boys at school made fun of her.
She’d thought he loved her. That they were going to get married after she graduated.
“You’re too young for me anyway,” Brian continued callously.
“When I go off to college, you’ll still be here.
You can’t afford tuition, and you’ll still be living in your shithole trailer with your whore of a mother.
You guys are the laughingstock of town. No one is gonna marry the town hooker’s daughter.
Did you think I’d wait for you, that we’d get married? ”
“You said you loved me,” Mary repeated, too hurt to even address the whore comment.
“I only said that because you wouldn’t give it up.”
“Give it up,” Mary echoed, staring at Brian.
Brian leaned in and tapped her on the nose before straightening.
“Yeah. It took longer than I thought. The guys all thought for sure you’d be an easy lay because of who your mom is, so who would’ve thought your legs were all but chained closed?
But I gotta say, once I got them pried open, you were one hot lay. ”
Understanding finally dawned, and Mary clenched her teeth before saying, “You said you loved me so I’d sleep with you?”
“Yeah, Einstein. There’s no way I was gonna stick with you much longer anyway. The game had gotten old and there’s a new batch of freshman cheerleaders I wanna take for a ride before I graduate.”
“Fuck you,” Mary said in a low, controlled voice.
All her mama’s warnings echoed in her head. Her entire life, she’d thought her mama was a drunk, bitter old woman. But she’d learned a harsh lesson—Mama was right. Men sucked. All of them. The boy she thought loved her, and who she’d wanted to marry and have babies with, had used her.
Thank God, she’d made him use a condom, even when he’d complained that it dulled his pleasure.
“No thanks,” Brian said flippantly. “I’ve had my fill. You were a fun diversion, but way too much work. I gotta go. Andi is waiting for me in the lunchroom. I have it on good authority that she wants me, and who am I to deny a bitch my cock?”
And with that parting shot, he spun on his heels and walked away. Leaving Mary standing in the middle of the hallway.
Mary stared after him, her heart slowly hardening.
Despite everything her mom had told her.
Despite seeing man after man parade in and out of their trailer, she’d still believed in fairy tales.
She’d lain under her bed many nights, dreaming of her own Prince Charming.
Dreaming of a man telling her and showing her without words how much he loved and cared about her.
But at that moment, watching Brian walk away the day after he took her virginity, after admitting he did it just to see if he could, Mary felt her heart shrivel up. She’d never believe tender words of love again.
Mama was right. She’d never trust another man as long as she lived. Never.
8 Years Ago, Age 22
“Men suck.”
Mary turned to look at the woman who’d spoken.
She’d recently moved to Dallas after getting her college degree and was sick of sitting in her apartment by herself. She’d found the small hole-in-the-wall bar and decided to go out for a drink or two. It didn’t matter that she didn’t have anyone to go with.
She’d been sitting there for about twenty minutes before the other woman plopped herself down on the barstool next to hers. She’d ordered a Midori martini before sighing and giving her commentary on men.
Mary grinned. Now here was someone after her own heart. “Agreed.”
“I swear to God, I don’t know why I keep trying.”
“Because they make you feel good in bed?” Mary offered.
The other woman laughed. “Yeah, there is that.” She turned to Mary and held out her hand. “I’m Rayne. Rayne Jackson.”
Mary shook her hand and said, “Mary Weston.”
“I think I like you, Mary Weston,” Rayne said.
“Likewise.”
They grinned at each other, and Mary held up her bottle of beer in a toast. “Here’s to men sucking.”
“I’ll drink to that,” Rayne said, and clinked her glass with Mary’s bottle.
4 Years Ago, Age 26
Mary closed her eyes as another bout of nausea overtook her. She felt Rayne’s hand on her back as she leaned over the toilet and dry heaved.
“Easy, Mare,” Rayne said as she tried to soothe her. “When you’re ready, let me know and I’ll help you back to bed.”
It took ten more minutes before Mary felt like the nausea had passed. Rayne helped her limp back to her bed and she fell onto it with a sigh. “I hate this,” Mary said.
“I know,” Rayne agreed.
“Not the cancer,” Mary argued. “That asshole said he’d be here tonight.”
“Men suck,” Rayne murmured.
“I know. I can’t believe I fell for his bullshit. Why didn’t you kick me in the ass, Raynie?”
“Because I really thought he was going to be the one,” Rayne answered, wiping Mary’s brow with a damp cloth.
“My mama told me a long time ago that if a man says he loves you, he’s full of shit. That I should never get attached and only use them for a good time.”
“That’s not true,” Rayne protested. “I mean, yes, some men suck, but there’s got to be some good ones out there.”
“I don’t think so. I mean, who tells a woman dying of cancer that he’ll be there every step of the way and after the first sign she’s struggling, he bails?”
“Reggie Milsap,” was Rayne’s dry response.
Mary chuckled, even though that made her head hurt even more. “Yeah. Him.”
“Remember that promise we made to each other a few years ago?” Rayne asked.
“Which one?”
“That we’d wait to walk down the aisle until we both had men who had proven they were reliable, loved us for real, and we could do it together?”
“Yeah.”
“I meant that,” Rayne said, her eyes piercing in their intensity.
“I know.”
“I’m not letting you use cancer as an excuse to get out of it either.”
Mary chuckled again, but protested. “It’s really kind of silly, Rayne. I mean, I don’t think I’m ever going to get married. I can’t trust anyone enough to go that far. And I would never want to hold you up from marrying someone you loved.”
“Yeah, okay, I wouldn’t want to hold you up either, but don’t give up on finding someone. Men suck, but I’m holding out hope for a hero.”
Mary rolled her eyes. “You and that song.”
Rayne grinned. “How’s this…if one of us finds someone that we really, really like, and there are no prospects for the other on the horizon, we’ll go ahead and get married. But if the other is dating or something, then we’ll wait.”
“Deal,” Mary said immediately. She knew there wasn’t a chance in hell of her falling in love. It didn’t exist. She’d been proven right time and time again. Reggie Milsap was simply the latest to dash her ridiculous hope that her mama was somehow wrong.
Mary knew Rayne would eventually find someone, she had no doubt. Rayne was a good person inside and out. She was adventurous, brave, funny…Mary could go on and on about her best friend. How could a man not fall in love with Rayne?
But her? Even if she lived through this bout with breast cancer, she knew deep in her bones no man would be able to get past the shields she’d put around her heart.
She was too snarky and came across to others as a complete bitch.
She couldn’t help it. It was easier to keep people at arm’s length than to risk them hurting her. Because they always hurt her. Always.
So she used sarcasm and snark as a shield. Mary knew the day she got married was the day she believed in fairy tales again. And it would be a cold day in hell before that happened.