22
Phoenix
Late night on the tour bus was usually my favorite time—quiet, dark, and still. It gave me the space I needed to think, to breathe, and to remind myself why keeping my distance from my scent matches was a non-negotiable. But tonight, the stillness felt suffocating. The low hum of the tires against the highway was the only sound, and I found myself pacing the narrow hallway, trying to convince myself I could handle this.
I could keep my distance.
I could resist them.
I repeated it like a mantra as I ran my fingers along the wall, pausing just outside my bunk. My body hummed with a restless energy that I couldn’t quite shake, and I knew exactly why. The more I tried to deny it, the harder it became to ignore—the pull, the desire, the need.
I leaned my forehead against the cool metal wall, exhaling slowly, willing the tension to leave my body. I heard footsteps behind me—soft, deliberate, and far too familiar. I didn’t need to turn around to know it was Parker.
“Phoenix.”
His voice was low, almost a purr, and I clenched my jaw, trying not to breathe in his delicious scent. “What are you doing up so late?”
I straightened but didn’t move. “Just needed some air.”
He chuckled softly, the sound dangerously close. “On a tour bus?”
I could feel him behind me now, his presence filling the small hallway, the heat of his body seeping into my skin even though we weren’t touching. Yet.
“You know what I mean,”
I muttered, trying to sound indifferent, though my pulse had already started to quicken.
Parker had this way of getting under my skin, of knowing exactly what buttons to push to get a reaction out of me. And I hated how easily he could do it. Hated how much I wanted him to.
He moved closer, his chest brushing my back, his breath warm against the side of my neck. “You’re lying to yourself again, Phoenix.”
My heart raced, my palms beginning to sweat as I gripped the edge of the wall. “I’m not.”
He laughed softly, and the sound sent a shiver down my spine. “I know you better than that.”
I turned to face him, my back now pressed against the wall, and met his gaze. His eyes were dark, the usual teasing glint replaced with something far more intense. “You don’t know anything.”
His lips quirked up into a smirk, but his eyes never left mine. “I know you’re trying to keep your distance from me. From us.”
He tilted his head slightly, his gaze raking over me. “But I also know it’s getting harder for you.”
I swallowed hard, trying to keep my voice steady. “I’m fine.”
Parker’s smirk deepened as he moved closer, his hand coming up to rest on the wall beside my head, caging me in. “Really? Because you don’t look fine, Phoenix. You look like you’re seconds away from snapping.”
I glared at him, but the truth was, he was right.
“I don’t—”
I started to protest, but his other hand came up, his fingers gently brushing along my jaw, silencing me.
“You don’t what?”
he murmured, his thumb tracing the line of my bottom lip. “Want this? Want me?”
I sucked in a breath, my body betraying me as I leaned into his touch. Damn him. He was too close, too overwhelming, and I was losing control. Fast.
“I’m not…”
I shook my head, trying to pull away, but Parker’s hand slid down, his fingers wrapping around the back of my neck, holding me in place.
“Don’t lie to me, Doll,”
he growled softly, his tone now more commanding. “You can lie to yourself all you want, but don’t lie to me. I see the way you look at me. I feel the way you react when I’m close.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but the words wouldn’t come. Parker leaned in, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. “Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me you don’t want me to touch you. I dare you.”
My breath hitched, my pulse racing in my throat as his fingers trailed down the side of my neck, down my arm, and then lower, until his hand was resting on my hip. Heat spread through me like wildfire, and I bit down on my lip, desperate to hold on to the last shred of control I had left.
But Parker wasn’t making it easy. He never did.
“Parker…”
I breathed, my voice barely a whisper.
“Say it, Sweetheart,”
he urged, his hand tightening on my hip, pulling me closer. “Say you don’t want this, and I’ll walk away. But if you can’t, then stop running from it.”
His words sent a jolt of desire through me, and I hated how much I wanted to give in, how much I wanted him to keep touching me. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t let myself fall into this.
I pushed against his chest, creating a small space between us. “Don’t.”
Parker’s eyes darkened, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he lowered his head, pressing his forehead against mine. “You’ve spent your whole life fighting this, haven’t you? Fighting not to be defined by your designation. By what you are.”
I froze, my heart skipping a beat as his words sank in. “What… what are you talking about?”
I asked, my words laced with worry.
His lips quirked up in a small, knowing smile, but there was no malice in it. “I know you’re an Omega, Doll.”
The words struck me like a hammer to my chest.
I stiffened, my breath catching in my throat. “How?”
I demanded. “How do you—”
“It doesn’t matter how,”
he interrupted. His hand slid to my cheek, his thumb brushing over my skin. “What matters is that I’m not going to say anything. I know you’re trying desperately not to let your designation rule you, and I respect that.”
My throat tightened further, and I blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of his calm reaction.
I swallowed hard, my voice barely a whisper. “I won’t let it rule me.”
He nodded slowly, his hand sliding up my back.
“You only want me now because you know what I am. You were happy to treat me like crap when you thought I was a Beta.”
Parker’s expression shifted, the teasing slipping away entirely. “You really think that’s all this is?”
His voice was steady, but there was a raw edge to it, like the words were cutting him as much as they were me. “You think I only care because I know now? That I didn’t see you before?”
I didn’t answer. The part of me that wanted to believe him warred with the part that was terrified to.
He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling slowly. “Look, I don’t deserve you. Not yet. But don’t think for a second that I didn’t want you before. I saw you then, Phoenix. Hell, I see you now—who you are, not just what you are.”
I shook my head, but he wasn’t finished. His hand came up, not to hold me but to brush lightly against my cheek, his touch fleeting. “Make me work for it. Just don’t shut me out before I even have a chance to prove it.”
I felt a knot tighten in my stomach, and before I could fully process what was happening, he took a step back, giving me room to breathe.
“And don’t make any plans for the weekend off,”
Parker said, his voice suddenly lighter, his signature smirk returning. “You’ve got something in store.”
With that, he turned and walked away, leaving me standing there, breathless, my heart pounding as I stared after him. He was the second member of his pack to tell me he would make it up to me, and my stupid little heart believed them.
◆◆◆
Things had changed since I’d confessed my addiction to the band.
It had been terrifying, laying all my shit out in the open like that, but the guys had been nothing but supportive.
I hadn’t expected them to cut back on the partying as much as they had.
They’d already been dialing it back over the last couple of weeks, but since my confession, they’d avoided the after-parties altogether.
No wild blowouts, no sneaky shots backstage, no smokes or late-night excursions. For the last two shows in Philly, it had just been us—focusing on their music and then watching movies back on the bus.
It had been good, actually.
Calmer.
Not without temptation, but it was manageable.
And now, with a weekend off, I could breathe for a second, which was exactly what I needed.
I stretched out in the passenger seat of the van, letting the breeze from the cracked window ruffle my long hair as we made our way up into the mountains.
Parker was at the wheel, his excitement palpable, and the other two were in the back seats, already talking shit and laughing about what was to come.
“So, white water rafting?”
I asked, glancing at Parker, a smirk tugging at my lips.
He grinned without taking his eyes off the road. “Yep. We’ve got a weekend off, the mountains are beautiful this time of year, and I knew you liked the idea when Lars suggested it.”
I laughed, shaking my head.
Zephyr leaned forward between the seats, his blue eyes twinkling with mischief. “Come on, Princess, admit it. You’re excited. It’s gonna be badass!”
I shrugged, unable to stop the grin spreading across my face. “Okay, yeah, I am. Just… don’t let me drown, alright?”
Kage chuckled softly from the back. “We’ve got you. Besides, you’re not gonna drown. You’re too stubborn for that.”
I shot him a look over my shoulder. “Damn right.”
The drive continued, the city giving way to rolling hills and eventually the towering peaks of the mountains. It was stunning out here, the kind of beauty that made you feel small in the best way.
By the time we reached the rafting center, my excitement had built into full-blown adrenaline. Parker had already arranged everything. We got suited up in helmets and life jackets as the guides gave us a rundown of what to expect. The guys were buzzing with energy, cracking jokes and goofing off, but I could tell they were just as pumped as I was.
Standing on the riverbank, staring out at the rushing water, I felt a surge of anticipation. This was different. This wasn’t a gig or a party. This was… fun. Real fun. The kind that made you feel alive.
“You ready for this?”
Parker asked, coming up beside me.
I smirked, adjusting my helmet. “Born ready.”
The guide called us over, and soon enough, we were in the raft, paddles in hand. The first few minutes were smooth, just a chance to get used to the water and find our rhythm. But then the rapids hit, and all hell broke loose in the best possible way.
Water crashed over the sides of the boat, soaking us to the bone as we paddled furiously, trying to keep the raft steady. Zephyr was whooping with joy, Parker laughing like a maniac, while Kage kept us on course with steady, deliberate strokes.
I couldn’t stop grinning. The thrill of the rapids, the sheer unpredictability of it all—it was everything I didn’t know I needed. My heart raced, my muscles burned, but I loved every moment of it.
At one point, the raft hit a massive wave, sending us all lurching sideways. I grabbed onto the side, laughing so hard I could barely hold on. Parker took the opportunity to splash me directly in the face with his paddle.
“Seriously?”
I spluttered, wiping water from my eyes as I shot him a mock glare.
He shrugged, grinning like the devil. “Had to be done.”
By the time we reached the calmer waters at the end of the run, I was exhausted, soaked, and completely exhilarated. We pulled the raft onto the shore, and I collapsed onto the grass beside it, staring up at the sky.
“That was insane,” I panted.
“Best day off ever,”
Parker declared, flopping down beside me, his wet hair sticking to his forehead.
Zephyr wasn’t far behind, dropping to the ground with a dramatic groan. “I think I almost died like, three times.”
Kage was the last to sit, but even he looked relaxed, his normally gruff expression softened.
As we sat there, basking in the post-rafting glow, I realized something. This was the first time in what felt like forever that I’d truly let my guard down. I hadn’t been thinking about my sobriety, or my designation, or any of the shit that usually weighed me down. I’d just been in the moment, enjoying the hell out of life.
And it felt good. So damn good.
We eventually headed back to the cabin Parker had rented for the night, a cozy little place nestled in the woods. It had a porch that overlooked the trees, and as the sun began to set, we all gathered outside, sodas in hand.
The air was cool, the sky tinged with hues of pink and orange. I leaned back in my chair, letting the warmth of the setting sun wash over me, and smiled to myself. This was what I’d been missing. This was what I needed. To just… be.
Parker glanced over at me, raising an eyebrow. “You good, Phoenix?”
I smiled softly, nodding. “Yeah. I’m really good.”
And I was.