CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
COURTNEY
––––––––
I warned you, dear wife. You knew what I wanted.
I climb into bed and stare into the darkness.
By the time I was left alone with Zander, I was close to throwing up.
I felt so sick the entire time I was facing Adam.
I only saw him three times while still living with him after he hurt me so badly that I probably should have gone to the hospital.
Today during the meeting, my heart was racing and tummy curdling.
It didn’t help that Zander was angry with me for forgetting the emergency contraception.
It wasn’t on purpose. I guess I’m the only one who knows it’s not necessary, so I understood his concern even if his response was harsh.
That didn’t mean I was going to reveal my personal situation. I had the right to maintain some dignity after my husband essentially told me I was useless trash and hurt me.
His words today reminded me how he feels.
Go on. Tell them. Tell them how you failed as a wife. I’ll wait.
His laughter plays in my head like a stuck record, even now as I turn onto my side and scrunch the pillow under my head.
When Zander said he wanted to talk, I told him I needed to go home.
“Courtney.” He placed his hand on the arm of the chair.
“I’m sorry, I need to get out of here. If you don’t want to represent me anymore, I understand.” I stood, pushing the chair back and reaching for my purse.
“Wait,” Zander said firmly, standing with me.
When I lifted my face to his and our eyes connected, I was hit with all his emotions.
All of them.
I felt his fear, his affection, his concern, and his suspicions. Any trust that we had built was gone.
“We will disprove this,” he pointed to the photo. “If you can assure me that it’s not real.”
See. He’s questioning everything I told him.
“It’s fake.”
“Good,” Zander nodded, but I could still see doubt. “Then that leaves one other business matter. Tell me what he meant by you failing him as a wife.”
No.
“Just that.” I glanced out toward the skyline of Manhattan, wishing I were anywhere but here. I stupidly slept with him. My attorney. Now there is an intimacy between us that makes me feel even more vulnerable.
“That’s not an answer. Why does he think you failed him, Courtney?”
“I am not talking about this.” I hugged my purse. “I need to go.”
I walk around the chair, but he stepped in front of me.
“Please, Zander.” I shook my head and finally glanced up. “Look, I know you are angry with me, and I deserve it. I’ll take the morning-after pill.”
“Explain how you could forget something so important?” he demanded, distrust and judgment clear as day in those blue eyes of his.
Because it’s not important.
I’m infertile.
It’s a hard pill to swallow—pun not intended—but after being subjected to my husband’s cruelty and humiliation in front of both sets of lawyers, I wasn’t going to launch into a discussion about my body.
We fucked.
He doesn’t deserve to know my medical history. One I’m highly ashamed of.
“There is a lot going on. I am stressed. Trust me, it won’t be a problem.”
Zander drew a deep breath as he planted his hands on his hips. Taking a moment to glance around the room, his eyes finally landed on mine. And they were clear.
“I’ve severely violated my professional ethics by sleeping with you. It was wrong. This ends between us now. You need to do a pregnancy test so we can put it behind us.”
Every flicker of affection that existed between us died in that moment. Like a flame being extinguished rapidly.
Gone.
I felt my eyes well up, and I don’t know why. I never expected anything from him. Perhaps it was coolness coming from him in waves.
“I don’t—”
“I’m not going to marry you. I’m not giving you a child. I don’t know what it is you wanted, but I can tell you, my wealth is locked up so tight even the government can’t touch it.”
I blanched.
Why was he saying that?
“Certainly not any offspring.” Zander added.
As the dots begin to connect, I realized my mouth had parted. Zander thought I’d tried to get pregnant with his child?
He came to me!
This stupid, stupid man.
Maybe all of them are stupid? After all, I’ve never met one, my father included, who truly cared for me.
How can this be the same man who leaped to his feet and roared at my powerful, cruel husband just a few minutes ago? Zander had been protecting me moments earlier, and now he was accusing me of the most disgusting thing.
One I’m incapable of doing.
Zander doesn’t trust me, and by the sounds of it he doesn’t trust any woman.
Should I tell him I want another attorney?
“Do the pregnancy test.” Zander ran a hand through his hair.
“It’s too soon and...I won’t be. I know you don’t trust me, but...”
But what? The only thing I could say beyond that was the truth, and given he hated me, I wasn’t willing to do that. I don’t need a test, I know there’s no child.
“If you’re pregnant with my child, I have a right to know, Courtney,” Zander insists, and I snap.
“Fine. But maybe you should’ve used a condom!” I stride to the door. “How about not treating me like it’s all my fault. I’m divorcing a man who was physically violent and hurt me, so forgive me if I was overly stressed and forgot.”
It’s true, I did.
Had I remembered, I would have taken it, regardless of how sure I am about my infertility. I would have done it so that this conversation never needed to take place.
“That argument would be more believable if I wasn’t the second man you’d fucked since leaving your husband.”
I felt the blood drain from my face, my mouth falling open.
“Shit,” Zander cursed as I turned and ran out the door. “Courtney, wait.” I raced to the elevator and punched the button. “Courtney,” he hissed from behind me.
The doors pinged open, and I stepped in, turning to take in my ruggedly handsome lawyer.
“I will take you up on your offer. Get me a new attorney.”
The doors closed, and my eyes filled with tears.
They haven’t stopped leaking since.
Damn both of them.
All I want is a place to call home. A loving man who loves me and won’t hurt me. Yes, I’d love to have a baby. Knowing I can’t has been heartbreaking.
I pull the covers over my head and let more tears flow.