Chapter 20
Maven
Ben stuck around to help clean up after the dance.
He apparently hadn’t had a long enough day waking up at five to get things prepped for the barn raising, then overseeing the build.
But that’s one of the things I loved most about Ben—he was always willing to help where he could.
Which meant, as his capabilities had grown, so had others’ needs of him.
By the time our small crew of volunteers had the lights unstrung, the stage dissembled, the generators loaded, the trash cans emptied, and the refreshment tables put away, it was just past ten.
“Did your mom and Penny head home?” Ben asked, coming to join Carson and me where we were chatting by the open barn doors. The cold night air had felt good after dancing and cleaning up, but now, standing here waiting for Ben to finish, I regretted not bringing a coat.
“Yeah, all that dancing exhausted Penny.” Carson sent Ben a grateful smile. “Maven said you were taking her home. Do you mind if I catch a ride?”
Ben’s gaze flicked to me, clearly assuming I’d requested that Carson ride home with us so we wouldn’t be alone.
I actually hadn’t.
Carson glanced between us. “…unless you aren’t headed that way?”
“We are,” Ben said. “And I’d be happy to take you.”
“I really can grab a ride with—”
Ben placed a hand on Carson’s shoulder. “You’re coming with us.”
When we climbed into Ben’s truck, I slid into the middle seat from his side while Carson went around.
“You want me to just take you home too?” Ben asked, shutting the door.
A wave of nerves rushed through me at the thought of more time with Ben tonight. “After such a long day, I assumed you’d be tired.”
Carson opened the door, pausing our conversation. Then he climbed in and reached for the seatbelt.
“Oh, the seatbelt doesn’t—” I started, but with a two-handed attempt and a little wiggling, the seatbelt extended. My eyes widened. “How did you do that? That seatbelt’s broken.”
Carson’s gaze drifted behind me to Ben. “Just… luck?”
I whipped my head around. “It’s not broken?”
“It is.” Ben didn’t even attempt to hide his amusement while he put the truck in gear and pulled it forward. “But there’s a trick to get it to work.”
“Why didn’t you show me the trick? I’ve been sitting in the middle seat every time we go somewhere.”
Carson leaned toward me in his seat, his voice lowered. “I think you answered your own question.”
My jaw dropped, but despite how hard I tried, I was soon full-out smiling.
“I can’t believe you.” I knocked my knee into Ben’s leg, and his hand landed on it, as if to block a second assault.
Then it stayed. The warmth of it against my chilled, bare skin sent a shock of pleasure through me.
And when his thumb brushed across my knee, I had to remind myself to breathe.
I chanced a glance at Ben, and his eyes met mine, a question in them. Was I okay with this? With my heart racing, I nodded.
By the time we got back to my mom’s, Carson seemed suddenly hesitant to leave us alone. It probably didn’t help that just last night, I’d pleaded with him to act as our chaperone. He thanked Ben for the ride, then paused before closing the door. “I’ll see you inside?”
“Yeah, I’ll be in soon.”
He hesitated another moment, as if waiting for me to give him some sort of signal, but when I didn’t, he gave a nod and shut the door.
My stomach lifted in anticipation. “So…” I unbuckled and shifted toward Ben. My only regret with the change of position was that his hand came off my knee, and he set his elbow on the top of the seat behind me. “That was a… fun night.”
Ben’s fingers grazed my cheek, moving a strand of hair behind my ear. “Yeah. It was… fun.”
“What are you doing tomorrow?”
“That depends.”
My brow lowered. “On what?”
“On what you’re doing. That’s what I plan to do. I mean, we are still trying to get that seventy-two hours knocked out.”
I smiled. “True.”
“So, what are we doing?”
“Going to church? My mom’s playing the organ.”
“I’m in. And then?”
I shrugged. “I don’t really have any plans besides hanging out with my family.”
“Which I’m also good with.” He paused, his expression hesitant. “How would you feel about dinner at my parents’ house tomorrow evening? Liv and Tate will be there, and so will Jaxon and Landrie. And Luke, obviously.”
“Sounds fun,” I said before I thought about it too much.
I’d now been to the Walkers’ house, and I’d spoken with Tom and Ann, as well as all three brothers, several times over the last two days.
It had been so nice to reconnect. And, like Ben had said, if what we were doing was making our divorce less awkward for our families and for us, it was worth it.
Ben smiled. Then I smiled.
Why did I feel like a fifteen-year-old girl about to get my first kiss?
“You look beyond amazing tonight, by the way. I never got a chance to tell you.”
I leaned toward him slightly. “You did say I looked really nice.”
Ben chuckled, his fingertips grazing the skin of my arm again and causing me to shiver. He paused, his gaze dropping to my dress, but with concern instead of his much-welcomed appreciation. “You must be freezing.”
I shook my head. “I’m fine.” I didn’t want to go inside yet, and I knew he would insist if he realized I actually was cold.
Ben took hold of my hand, and the feel of his rough, calloused skin sent a wave of pleasure through me. Those were the hands of a man who made a living by them. Strong, capable hands. “Your fingers are like ice, Maven.”
“Really, I’m not that cold.” My body protested my statement by throwing out another shiver.
Ben blew out a heavy breath, his gaze sweeping the cab as if looking for something he could give me to keep warm, but there wasn’t anything and he was only wearing a too-well-fitted tee. “Considering Carson is likely waiting by the door for you, it’s probably best if we get you inside anyway.”
He opened the door, and because I was a mature adult, I didn’t throw back my head and let out a groan like I very much wanted to.
Instead, I took hold of Ben’s outstretched hand and allowed him to help me from the truck.
He kept hold of it while we walked to the door, and I attempted to lock the feeling into the deepest recesses of my mind for safekeeping.
Had I known last time how things would turn out, I would have been more intentional in appreciating every moment—every touch—for when those nights had come where, despite how upset I was at Ben for leaving, I longed for him.
On the top step, I turned to face him, still holding his hand. “Do you want to come in?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“Yes,” he said, but his body language said no. “But I shouldn’t. I’m exhausted and I worry once I sit down, I’m not getting back up.”
“There is a futon in the office.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “Isn’t that where you’re sleeping?”
I gave a little shrug, allowing him to make of that what he would.
He paused, seemingly considering the situation, before letting out a quick breath. “I’d better just head back to the trailer. Finn will need to be let out. And you should get inside. It’s cold out here. I don’t want you to have any excuses for canceling our plans tomorrow.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
Ben took a backward step, slowly releasing my hand. “Sleep well, Maven.”
I smiled, recalling the night he’d first kissed me and he’d awkwardly told me to sleep well.
Only this time, there hadn’t been a kiss.
Gripping his hand before he could pull it entirely from my grasp, I moved closer to him.
Sliding my hand behind his neck and lifting onto my toes, I placed a soft kiss on his cheek.
I lingered long enough that his hands settled on my waist and his fingers curled into the fabric of my dress.
He drew in a slow inhale, resting his forehead against mine.
After an agonizing wait for his kiss, he stepped back again. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
My shoulders dropped slightly, but I nodded. At least one of us had some self-control.
With one final wave, I headed inside to find Carson waiting for me on the couch.
“Hey.” I slumped onto the cushion next to him. Not only had Ben not kissed me, I now needed to explain to my brother why that was so disappointing.
Carson didn’t say anything but just waited.
“You think I’m making a mistake.” I glanced over at him. “Don’t you?”
“It depends. Where is this going?”
I set my gaze forward again, my chest tight. “Nowhere.”
“Then, yeah. It’s probably a mistake.”
My eyes stung, but I blinked away my tears.
When Ben left, I’d had no closure. I hadn’t even seen it coming.
I knew he’d been unhappy in New York, but for him to just leave like he did.
To end things. It broke me. I recognized now that his leaving had led me to a career I loved.
A career that fulfilled and excited me. But that didn’t mean I hadn’t been mad at Ben for years.
That I wasn’t still mad he’d never given me a choice.
And yet somehow, being with him again seemed to heal that part of me he’d broken.
Was it so bad to want that? Even if I knew that in a few short weeks, we’d be back to living our separate lives?
Carson wrapped his arm around me. “I’m also not going to sit here and pretend that if it were me in the situation, I would do anything differently. I just don’t want to see you hurt again. Or Ben.”
I rested my head on his shoulder. “I know. We’ll be careful.”