Chapter 30 Jackson #2
“Oh. Right.” Cassandra shakes her head, her red curls bouncing with the motion. “Thanks for coming. We think Evie’s finger twitched earlier when a few of us were getting loud in there. Hopefully, she’ll be so mad at missing out on a game that she’ll come running in here,” she says with a chuckle.
“We should be playing on the bed,” Fabian remarks, nonchalant.
“We’re not playing on top of her,” Silas snaps. He’s not usually so short-tempered, but I’m not surprised. He cares a lot about Evie.
“Says the guy who practically sleeps in her bed,” Cassandra counters conspiratorially, and he recoils.
Fabian gently nudges his foot. “Relax. We know you’ve been talking to her a lot and fell asleep once. Evie likes it. I’m sure of it. Don’t let what Sondra says bother you.”
“Zeddy, can you move please? My Reggie needs a place to sit.” Gabriel pats Zedd’s leg on one side of him. He’s sitting behind him on the couch with his head back and eyes closed. But his breathing changed when tensions rose with the conversation.
“It’s okay. I can join you on the floor. It looks like he’s sleeping.” Raegan moves to sit across from him on the floor.
“He’s not,” I calmly snitch, staring Zedd down. He pops one annoyed eye open at me. I smile back.
“I’m fine here, Jack.” Raegan gives me a look over her shoulder. I maintain my smile. “Oh, Cassandra. Would you mind healing his arm? He has some cuts on it. They aren’t bad, they’re just... there’s a lot. Jack.” She motions for me to move closer to her. And them.
I do. Reluctantly.
“Sure.” She stands and moves around everyone as Raegan twists and reaches for me.
I squat by her side. She pulls the sleeve back to reveal the wounds and slips her hand in mine at the same time. It helps settle the instinct to stab Cassandra when she touches me. I grip Raegan’s hand back, needing her to keep me grounded and focused on her as Cassandra assesses the injuries.
She places her palms over my arm and closes her eyes. Warmth spreads from her touch through my skin, encouraging it to heal and put itself back together. It tingles and heats, and then her hands are gone.
“There.”
Raegan smiles. “Thank you.”
Gabe smacks his hands together. “Now that that’s done. Let’s play!”
It’s hours later when my cell phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out and read the text on it. It’s Briar. And Mallory.
She wants to see Raegan.
It’s not the first time she’s asked. She wasn’t ready then. She was still scared of the idea of seeing her. Initially, it was the fear of Raegan herself and her gift. Then it turned to a mixture of fear and shame of what Raegan might think of her for what she’d been forced to do because of her.
But now, she might be ready.
The time shows it’s just after seven in the evening.
Tossing my latest slice of pizza to the cardboard box, I stand.
Raegan smacks her hand down on the pile and drags it in front of her. “Yes! I got it!”
The others laugh or playfully boo her victory.
“Mallory wants to see you,” I tell her, carrying my voice to whisper in her ear.
She blinks when it reaches her, then looks over her shoulder at me with raised eyebrows. But there’s hidden pain in her eyes at the mention of the girl’s name. As I’ve seen any time she’s been mentioned.
It’s time to fix those broken pieces and turn them into something new.
She doesn’t move or respond immediately, and I don’t rush her. She’s likely running through a wild flurry of imaginary reasons Mallory might want to see her and is mentally preparing herself for it, or debating if she’ll be able to keep her cool around the young girl.
I let her process it all while holding her gaze, keeping still and silent so I’m not a distraction. I’m here. And I’ll be here when she returns from the swirling thoughts that cloud her mind.
“Raegan! It’s your turn,” Cassandra prompts her when she doesn’t throw a card down with the others.
That snaps her out of it. Raegan gives me a short nod, then puts her cards on the table. “Sorry, I need to run out for a little bit.”
“Are you coming back?” Tinsley asks, her head angled with curiosity.
Raegan hesitates. I answer for her. “No.”
Either she’s too emotionally raw from her meeting with Mallory, or I’m going to finish what I’d started this afternoon until she passes out.
“Okay. See you tomorrow, then!” Tinsley waves, and the others follow suit.
Once we’ve closed the door behind us, Raegan tilts her head back so she can see me. “Did she say why? Or, what it’s about?”
I lace my fingers with hers and walk us to where Briar and the kids are staying. “No.” I catch her frown from the corner of my eye. “But she’s wanted to see you for a while now.”
“Why?”
“I helped her understand you were only doing those things to protect her.” Even if Mallory had gone along with it, that didn’t make her life any less in danger. Gordon still may have hurt or killed her if it got him what he wanted. Raegan understood that. “You didn’t want to hurt anyone. GE did.”
I don’t tell her that Mallory told me everything.
Every “training” she had to endure. Every life she’d been forced to take.
There are still holes missing in her story when she’d been returned to her room and had no idea what happened to Raegan then.
Missing pieces I’ll need to coax from her, since the only other people who I think have that information are dead already.
Holt’s death should have lasted longer. I’d have gladly taken him back with us to do what Raegan had threatened him with.
And Gordon—I’m still dealing with that failure every day.
We stop in front of the door, and I turn to her, pinching her chin and lifting her gaze to mine. “Tell me you don’t want to see her, and we’ll go back to our apartment, little one. This is your choice.”
Her ocean eyes harden with determination. “No, I need to do this.”
Smiling, I nod and release her to knock.
Briar answers within seconds, with a bright smile and glittery tattoos on her face.
“Oh, thank goodness you both could make it! Mallory was pretty insistent she see you before she went to bed. Oh, I don’t think we’ve actually met.
I’m Briar. You must be Raegan.” She offers her hand to Raegan, who takes it.
“Yeah. It’s nice to meet you, Briar.”
“Please! Come in.” She holds the door for us to enter and then closes it. “The others are going through their bedtime routines. We don’t have the extra room here, so why don’t you use my bedroom to talk? Mallory doesn’t like to talk about her time with GE in front of the others.”
It’s a two-bedroom apartment, similar to what most Guild members were given. Fortunately for Briar, since moving in here, Elias has sped up the process of getting kids into homes. There are only four left—plus Mallory, who will be staying here.
Briar beams at Raegan. “She’s come a long way from the shy, quiet girl when she first showed up.
Her confidence has really grown since she started training with Jackson.
Oh! The bedroom is this one over here,” Briar continues, indicating the bedroom to the left.
“Mallory! Your guests are here.” She turns to us.
“I’ll send her in once she’s ready. Thank you again for coming on such short notice. ”
Briar leaves us in the bedroom with the door partially open. I find a spot in the back of the room to lean against the wall and keep out of the way of this interaction.
Raegan starts to pace, then stops herself when she realizes she’s doing it and shakes her hands. She’s tense. It’s as if she’s about to step onto a battlefield rather than talk to a six-year-old, which only shows me how much she’s been suppressing since she came back from her time with Gordon.
The door creaks. “Hello?” Mallory’s voice is small and shy. She finds me first, smiling nervously and then peeking around the door to Raegan. Her eyes widen, and she grips the door.
“Hi.” Raegan gives her a small smile, trying to hide her own nerves behind it.
Mallory is stiff as if—now that Raegan is standing in front of her—all her confidence has fled somewhere else.
I don’t intervene... yet. If she can’t handle this encounter, I'll end it early. But I give them both time to adjust to one another before I insert myself into the conversation.
I do retrieve a small square of paper from my pants to fold an origami creature to life.
Mallory notices, and a tiny smile appears.
“Do you want to sit?” Raegan offers, patting the bed.
Mallory nods. “Yeah.” She climbs up on the bed while Raegan leans more than sits a foot or so next to her.
They’re both quiet.
The girl plays with her foot, arching it back and forth against the bedding.
“Um...” Her voice is soft and thready. “I wanted... I mean… I wanted to ask if... um... you know...” she rambles, struggling to get the words out.
Raegan waits patiently for the words to finally come. “... if we’re safe... here, I mean.”
Raegan peeks over at me. I shrug. I don’t know what Briar told the kids about why we’d moved from the Tower to Hype. Or if they even know where here is. No one is supposed to leave the building.
“Yes, we’re safe.” Raegan comforts her with a gentle hand on hers, which is balled up on her leg.
“Why’d we leave? I liked it there.”
“Because it wasn’t as safe as here.”
“From GE?”
“Yes.”
“I thought Gordon and Holt... Jack told me they were... dead.”
“They are. But the company they worked for is still around.”
“Did you...Did you kill them?”
Raegan hesitates. “Holt... I did.”
“Not Gordon?”
“No. His company did that to him."
Mallory’s eyes round to saucers, her confidence slowly growing the more back and forth they have. “Why? Aren’t they on the same team?”
“They’re bad guys,” Raegan simplifies.
“Oh. Yeah.” A pause. “You’re still fighting them?”
“Yes. I won’t stop until they can’t hurt anyone else.”
The girl nods slowly, her hands fidgeting. “Then what?”
“What do you mean?”
“What happens to me? My friends... they keep going away. Briar says it’s to nice families. But I have a family. Why can’t I go home?”
Raegan’s face pinches before she looks at her own lap. “You’re not sick, Mallory. You’re special. You have an amazing gift, one your parents didn’t understand. If you go back, they might send you away again. And we don’t want that.”
“But—but if I told them that, they’d know I wasn’t sick anymore.” Her voice cracks. “They could keep me.”
Raegan wraps her arm around Mallory’s shoulders, and she collapses against her chest with a sob. She rubs her back. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“I want to go home!” she cries, clinging to Raegan, who holds her tight.
“I know. Maybe... after we’ve gotten rid of GE, you could try it.
Especially now that you can control it better.
But if there’s anything that they try or say or do that hurts you, you can come back with us.
You can stay with the Guild, and we’ll take care of you, okay?
Maybe we can even convince Aiden to let you get a dog since you love them so much. ”
Mallory sniffles and nods her head. “I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry he hurt you so bad because of me. I was so scared...”
“Shhh...” Raegan strokes her hair that’s so similar to her own. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. Nothing that happened there is your fault.”
She cranes her head back, tears soaking her face. “You, too. Jack said it wasn’t either of our faults.”
Raegan blanches, but she still forces a smile and nods. “Yeah. Jack’s usually right about things.” She pats her back a while longer until Mallory starts to slide down her front. “Mal? I think she’s asleep,” she murmurs to me.
I push off the wall and crouch in front of them, peeling Mallory from her arms and holding her to my chest. Raegan opens the door for me, and I carry her into the living room. Briar stands from the couch with a hand to her chest.
“I’ll show you to her bed.” She brings me into the other bedroom of bunk beds and sleeping children, pointing to the top bunk.
Stepping up the ladder, I lay her down and pull the blankets over her, then leave the room.
“Thank you so much again,” Briar whispers, leading us to the door.
“Do you like dogs, Briar?” Raegan asks on our way out.
Briar looks confused for a moment, then smiles when she realizes what she means. “I do. I think that’s a wonderful idea.”
Later, after we’ve returned to our apartment and I convince Raegan into bed, I wrap my arm under her neck and draw small circles over her skin.
The others aren’t in yet, meaning it's just the two of us.
She hasn't spoken much since leaving Mallory, so I know those spinning thoughts are fit to burst.
All it takes is a little quiet and patience.
At long last, I’m rewarded.
“Most days, after Gordon pushed me to my limit, I’d be too tired to stand.
Holt would have to carry me. And on those days, he’d take me to this room in the basement.
It was pitch-black. No lights, no windows.
No sound. It reminded me of solitary.” She swallows.
“There was a water pod in the center of the room where he would put me. He’d stuff little headphones in my ears and then strap me inside so I couldn’t move.
I’d float in that tank and feel nothing. ”
I take her hand in mine and press it to my lips, reminding her that I’m here. She's here. Not in that memory.
She blinks a few times, swallows again, and continues, “And then, he would talk to me. I don’t know if it was a recording or him, but he would talk.
And talk. Saying horrible things. Repeating my own doubts back to me.
Telling me how to think. How to feel.” She squeezes her eyes shut, her voice thick with emotion.
“It would go on forever... until I wouldn’t know if he was saying it, or I was. ”
It’s a struggle to keep myself composed right now.
But I do. For her. I am her rock in this tempest of bad memories.
Her lifeline. I won’t let go. I won't sink into the realm of death and darkness that calls for blood. For retribution. There’s nothing I can do about Gordon anymore, and that fact burns me alive inside.
I’ll have to take it out on the rest of Gifted Enterprise.
I don’t care who they are or their role. I want blood. Pain. Death by my hands.
But she will always come first.
“Sometimes...” she continues softly. Her words are getting harder to understand, but I focus on them like my life depends on it. “I can still hear him in my head when it’s dark. Or when I’m afraid.”
I brush my lips across her knuckles when she’s quiet for a long time. “I’m here, little one. Whatever you need. Tell me, and it’s yours.”
She curls into my chest and releases a shuddering breath. “Just... hold me. And don't let go.”
I bundle her in my arms and rest my head on hers. “Never.”