Chapter 8 #2
Adriana sobs openly now, her face buried against Nolan’s shoulder, fingers digging into his arm.
Alexei stands with a slow applause and a satisfied, triumphant smile. “That,” he says quietly, eyes gleaming, “is what I needed to see.” He steps closer. “You see?” he says to no one in particular. “He just needed the right motivation.”
Nolan clears his throat. “The monster came alive, it seems.”
Alexei turns toward him with a wicked grin. “He sure did. Now, several of my men will be on post at your hotel at all times. This training is required.” His gaze locks on mine. “You will be escorted back here whenever I say. Got it?”
Nolan nods, even though Alexei is staring at me. I stand there, shaking, surrounded by guns and blood and silence. And somewhere deep inside, the rage I thought I had trained has broken through its fucking cage.
I stumble into the suite, each step a battle between staying upright and collapsing to the floor. Blood is still crusted on my face, my chest, and my hands. My jaw aches, and my veins are screaming with fucking fury. Several of Alexei’s men followed us here and are watching the hotel as we speak.
Adriana storms in right behind Nolan, voice sharp as broken glass. “What the fuck, Nolan? Why the hell did he do that?”
Nolan’s jaw tightens, his hands gripping the back of the couch like he’s trying not to let his anger or guilt leak out. “I didn’t expect it,” he admits, flatly.
I don’t even look at them. My world narrows to pain, heat, and the pounding of my heart.
I stagger toward the bathroom, dragging my feet across the floor.
Blood from my hands leaves streaks on the marble tiles.
The faucet feels cold when I turn it on, and I rub at my face, trying to scrub away more than the blood.
Trying to scrub away everything that just happened.
Adriana doesn’t leave my side. “I knew he would hurt him,” she snaps at Nolan, her voice a little rawer. “Nolan, he’s fucking crazy. I told you that we shouldn’t have done this. He’s going to kill him!”
Nolan rolls his eyes. “Christ, Adri, don’t pretend to give an actual shit about him now. He’s a pretty toy for you. That’s it. And you don’t like that he’s getting dirty.”
“Fuck you,” she snaps.
Nolan’s pride tightens around his words. He opens his mouth, probably wants to apologize, but the words die in his throat. He just…leaves, slamming the door behind him.
I flinch at the sound, but don’t speak. Adriana’s hand reaches for mine, and I flinch again. Not because of her, but because I want to lash out at everything, including her. I don’t want anyone to fucking touch me right now.
“You’re shaking,” she says softly, her other hand brushing my shoulder. “You need to calm down.”
I grit my teeth, shaking my head, the blood and pain making my vision swim. I can feel the rage twisting inside me like a snake, whispering for me to destroy someone. Alexei. Every motherfucker who thinks they can own me.
I lunge at the thought, the impulse, the fury—then stop. My knuckles clench into fists, and I press them against the sink, letting my head drop between my arms. The rage is still there, but I choke it down. He wants to kill the parts of me worthy of love. Of…her.
Don’t think of her. Forget her.
Adriana doesn’t move away. Her fingers hover over my arm, and there’s this genuine concern in her eyes, like she suddenly cares.
I swallow hard, tasting blood and bile. I close my eyes and take a slow, shuddering breath.
I fucking hate him.
Adriana leans closer, her voice quiet now. “You’re going to be okay.” But she doesn’t sound that convincing.
I look up at her, barely seeing through the lingering anger. I want to kill someone. Instead, I take off my clothes. She watches me quietly as I step into the shower, water hot enough to scorch my skin.
It beats down on my shoulders, running red at first, then clearing. My jaw throbs every time I move it. I brace one hand against the tile and breathe through my nose, trying my goddamn hardest not to lose my shit.
Adriana’s voice comes softer than I expect. “Jude.”
I stay facing the wall, water pouring over my face. “You should leave.”
She doesn’t. I hear her step closer, stopping just outside the spray. “Nolan doesn’t know what he’s doing,” she says quietly. “He thinks he’s untouchable because he makes people money.”
I huff out a bitter laugh. “Congratulations. You’ve figured him out. After all this fucking time.”
“I’m serious,” she insists. “Alexei is different.”
“No fucking shit.”
She swallows. “I don’t think Nolan understands how dangerous this really is.”
I finally turn my head enough to look at her through the glass. Her arms are folded tight across her chest, nails digging into her skin. She looks…scared. It pisses me off more than if she were just cruel. I’m at least used to that.
“So what,” I say flatly. “Now you’re worried about me?”
Her eyes flick to mine. “Yes.”
I shut the water off hard, the silence ringing in my ears. I grab a towel and wrap it around my waist. “Don’t do that,” I snap.
She flinches. “Do what?”
“Don’t act like you actually care about me,” I say. “You’ve done too much to me for that shit.”
Her mouth opens, then closes again. She looks like she wants to argue.
“Whatever this is,” I continue, stepping closer. “It’s not concern. It’s not guilt. It’s fear. And it’s not even for me—it’s for you. I see right through you. I always have.”
“That’s not—”
“You don’t get to rewrite history now,” I cut in. “You don’t get to touch me whenever you want and then suddenly decide you’re on my side. I fuck you because I have to. Otherwise, you and Nolan would make my life worse than it already is.”
Her eyes turn red and glassy, like she’s holding back tears. “I just didn’t think he’d go that far.”
I laugh again, short and humorless. “Oh, so you and Nolan can use and abuse me all you want. But when a bigger dog with bigger jaws tears into me, you don’t like it?”
Silence crashes down between us.
She steps closer, hesitates, then stops herself. “I don’t want him to break you.”
I meet her eyes fully now, letting her see how empty I feel. “He already is.”
She bites the inside of her cheek.
I turn away, grabbing clean clothes from the counter. “You should go to bed,” I say. “You’re not helping.”
She lingers a second longer, like she wants to say something else.
An apology, maybe. A confession. Something that might make this moment mean more than it should.
But she doesn’t. The door clicks shut behind her.
And I’m left standing there, rage still throbbing through every inch of me.
Her sudden concern for me doesn’t change what they’ve done to me.
Or what I’m becoming because of it.
I sit on the edge of the bed, imagining that my legs are dangling over an endless void.
I wonder if that’s what death will be like. Just...darkness.
The carpet presses into the soles of my feet, grounding me here. My knuckles are split from fighting back tonight. Blood is crusted beneath my nails, but I don’t feel like doing anything about it tonight. I’m tired.
I breathe in through my nose. Out through my mouth.
Behind me, there’s a faint rustle of fabric.
Adriana crosses the room with a glass of water and sits on the bed.
But she doesn’t touch me. Thank fuck. I stare at the far wall, jaw locked so tight it could crack a molar.
Every time I blink, I see Alexei’s fucking face, grinning like he doesn’t believe I would ever spill his blood on that concrete floor.
I will one day.
My hands curl into fists at my sides. I force them open. Then closed again.
Adriana’s fingers touch my arm—just the tips. I flinch before I can stop myself.
“Stop,” I snap, then immediately clamp my mouth shut.
She withdraws her hand, but she doesn’t move away. That surprises me. “I’m not afraid of you,” she says. “I’m afraid for you.”
I stand abruptly, needing space, needing air. On the way to the front door, I remember that Alexei’s men are stationed outside. Fuck. I turn and head back into the bedroom, unfortunately. The mirror catches me mid-stride, and I turn away immediately. I’m not ready to see what he did to me.
The adrenaline finally drains after what feels like hours, leaving pain in its wake. My ribs throb, my shoulder burns, and exhaustion seeps into my bones. I lie down at last, fully clothed, staring at the ceiling. I don’t pull the covers up. I don’t want comfort.
The lamp clicks off, and the room dims to the soft glow of the city bleeding through the curtains. Adriana lays beside me, leaving space between us. A deliberate choice. I lie there, counting breaths like I normally do to chill myself out. Her presence is familiar, but it’s also fucking wrong.
Because this isn’t where I should be. This isn’t who I should be beside. My body knows it even if my head won’t let me say her name. Even if I don’t know if I’m allowed to think of her anymore. I close my eyes and turn my face toward the space where someone else belongs.
I don’t sleep. I just lie there, broken and breathing, next to a woman who isn’t her.