Chapter 28 #2
I’ve barely fallen asleep when a sudden, bloodcurdling scream comes from outside.
Adriana jerks upright beside me at the same moment I do, both of us already breathing hard with anxiety.
I’m out of bed before I realize I’ve moved, pulling on jeans, adrenaline burning through whatever drugs are still in my bloodstream from earlier.
By the time I reach the front windows, I can see Alexei and Erik walking in from the edge of the yard, their breath fogging faintly in the cold.
Alexei laughs at something Erik says. Like they didn’t just fucking murder someone. He glances toward the house, catches sight of me in the window, and gives a small nod before continuing towards the main house.
I stand there a second longer than I should, hands still half-curled into fists, before turning back.
Adriana is sitting upright in the bed when I return, blanket up to her chin.
She doesn’t ask what happened. She already knows.
I slide under the covers beside her, and after a moment, she tucks her head beneath my chin. Neither of us sleeps much after that.
Cold air slips through the cracked front door, brushing against the back of my neck. It smells like snow and forest. Adriana and I sit on the floor beside it, shoulders touching, the cigarette passing slowly between us. The little guesthouse is quiet at three in the morning.
Cocaine keeps our thoughts moving even when our bodies feel heavy, but the high is starting to dip. That edge is dulling. Coming down is never fucking fun.
For a long time, neither of us says anything.
Smoke drifts upward, disappearing out the door. I watch it instead of thinking. Thinking usually leads somewhere useless.
I don’t know how long I’ve been in Moscow anymore. Weeks. Months. Time here doesn’t feel real. It stretches and folds in on itself until it’s just…nothing.
I pull my phone from my pocket, turning it over once in my hand without unlocking it. For a second, I consider texting Micah again. Just something short. Make sure he got the point last time.
They’re probably leaving Alexei alone now anyway. I know he was falling hard for Heather, so threatening her might have finally done the trick.
And even if they aren’t backing down, what the hell are they supposed to do? Take him down? Little Rook couldn’t touch something like this. None of them could. That world feels smaller every day. Like it’s shrinking the farther I get from it.
I slide the phone back into my pocket.
The cigarette comes back to me. I take a drag, exhale slowly toward the open door, watching the smoke vanish into the cold air outside. For a moment, it feels like any other life never existed at all. Like this…the pills, the nights, the pain…is the only thing that’s ever been real.
Adriana shifts beside me, drawing her knees closer to her chest. Her shoulder presses more firmly into mine.
“Do you think we’ll survive this?” she asks softly, like she’s commenting on the weather.
I don’t answer. Not because I don’t want to. I just don’t know how.
She nudges my arm lightly. “If you could get out of here,” she says, voice quieter now, “what would you do?”
I let out a slow breath, staring out into the dark. I still don’t answer. I can’t.
She huffs a small, humorless laugh. “Okay. I’ll go first.”
The cigarette rests between her fingers as she tilts her head back against the wall, eyes drifting somewhere far away.
“I think…” she starts, then pauses like she’s testing the words before allowing them free. “I’d want to be an actress. It was always my dream.” A faint smile ghosts across her lips. “I’d marry someone…handsome. Probably an actor. Someone kind and beautiful on the inside.”
My lips twitch, almost into a small smile.
Her voice softens. “And I’d have a daughter.”
My chest tightens, and I glance at her. “Yeah?”
She nods, staring out at the trees beyond the doorway like she can already see it. “Yeah. I’ve always wanted one.”
“What would you name her?”
She doesn’t hesitate this time. “Rose,” she says quietly.
I watch her for a second. “Why Rose?”
Her lips curve, but it’s sad. “Because they grow in impossible places. Through concrete, through cold…through anything. And they’re still…” She trails off, shaking her head slightly. “Beautiful. Soft. Even after everything.”
I look back out into the dark, the cigarette burning between my fingers.
“What about you?” she asks after a moment. “What would you do?”
I swallow, jaw tightening. “I’d take it back,” I say.
She turns her head slightly. “Take what back?”
“My life.” The words come out rough. “The one that got stolen from me.”
I stare straight ahead, barely seeing anything in front of me.
“I’d go back to before all of this. Before Nolan. Before…” I cut myself off, shaking my head once. “I’d take it all back and actually live it.”
Adriana doesn’t say anything. She just leans her head lightly against my shoulder. We sit there like that, passing the cigarette back and forth, the cold air creeping in around us, both of us staring out at a world that feels impossibly far away.