Chapter Twenty-Five
Leo
She stiffened in my arms.
Fear chased away all the pleasure that lingered inside, softly humming.
“Maddy?” I pulled away, tucking myself back into my jeans.
Her eyes darted from mine and skated around the room. Her teeth pushing into her bottom lip.
“Hey,” I began, cupping her jaw and turning her attention back to me. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”
She stared me down. “I don’t—” she cut herself off.
I shook my head. “You don’t love me?”
“It’s not that. I do love you, you’re my best friend. I love you as much as my family.”
My stomach dropped at the comparison. “But just…not like that?”
She tried to pull away and I let her go, already feeling the loss of her. The closeness of our intimacy fading. I wanted to claw it back, pull her to me but I knew this woman and she needed space to move and think.
“I don’t understand.”
“You know me. I don’t want what you want,” she shrugged helplessly.
“I know but I thought if it was me that…”
“That I’d change what I want?”
I hiked a shoulder, smiling ruefully.
“That doesn’t magically fix everything,” she said, sadly.
Folding my arms over my chest, I narrowed my eyes. “What needs fixing?”
She scowled at me. “You can’t just wave a wand and fix everything. And I’m still mad at you.”
“I’m mad at you,” I retorted.
Her mouth gaped open. “Excuse me?”
I pushed off from the door and strutted over to her. “You heard me.”
She pressed a hand against my chest, stopping me from getting closer. “Stay right there. I don’t want you to come any closer right now. We’re in a fight.”
I gripped her wrist and tugged her to me, kissing her neck. “I can’t wait to make up.”
She sighed and pushed me away. “Leo! This is serious. I’m being serious, fight aside. I can’t give you what you want.” Her expression changed to resolute. “We shouldn’t have started this. I can’t…I can’t do this.” She hurried past me, unlocking the bathroom door.
“Maddy, wait!” I turned, panic constricting my chest.
“No, please. I need a minute,” she said and then she was gone.
Fuck.
How did we go from a mind-blowing sexual encounter to another fight, or continuing the one we were in?
From I love you to I need a minute?
Everything in me screamed to go after her but I wanted to respect the fact that she wanted space. Considering the little we’d spoken in the last few weeks, we’d just said, and done, a lot of important things together. It was overwhelming for me too, but I was solid in knowing my feelings.
I guess she wasn’t. Which scared me more than I wanted to admit.
What if she actually didn’t love me after all?
What if I’d pushed her too far and now we couldn’t go back.
Wouldn’t be able to get back the friendship we’d had?
What if it was always awkward between us with her knowing that I was in love with her, and me knowing she doesn’t want me back?
Will never want me like that? Having to see her move on with other men?
“Fuck,” I huffed.
I left the bar and trudged back to my apartment. The door was unlocked and I groaned as I remembered Tori. I’d barely stepped into the living room before a cushion was flying at my head.
“Asshole!” she shouted and launched another plush missile.
“Ouch!”
Tori snorted. “Oh please, that didn’t hurt, it’s a fucking cushion.”
I rubbed at my scalp. “The zip caught me.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
I glared at her. She sat crossed legged on my couch, the TV on and playing some sitcom. Her hair was pulled back into a bun like she was about to take her make-up off.
“Are you mad at me too?”
“Yep!” she nodded, bun bouncing.
“Are you…” I floundered. “Jealous?”
There was a moment of silence where my stomach dropped. I thought after our failed night together that my relationship with Tori was purely platonic but maybe I’d misread things. Maybe she did have feelings for me and that’s why she reacted so strongly to Maddy.
Tori burst out laughing. A weird bark that settled into a snorting cough as she clutched her stomach. “Me?” she wheezed. “Jealous?”
And maybe I was just an idiot.
“Alright,” I grumbled as she continued wheeze-laughing. I took a seat beside her on the couch and leaned my head back, staring at the ceiling and waiting for her snorts to subside.
“You’re a doofus, you know?” she giggled.
“I know,” I sighed, covering my face with my forearm. “Why’d you yell at me and storm out then?”
She played with the fluff on the one remaining cushion on the couch. “What that woman said hit a nerve with me and I got mad at you.”
I peered at her from around my forearm. “How do you mean?”
Tori dropped the cushion and leapt up, starting to pace in front of the couch.
“Because I’ve been her.”
I stayed silent, letting Tori pace and chew on her thumbnail until she was ready to keep talking again.
“The way she spoke about you? The love, the care, the way you’re a part of her?
I remember all that. That was me and I was her.
I was in love with my friend too and yet, it didn’t work out.
I told him I loved him, he rejected me and then I ran away to lick my wounds in peace.
Instead of healing they just keep festering, growing rawer. ”
I dropped my head, hating that my friend was in so much pain.
“And the way that woman—”
“Maddy,” I supplied, smiling as I said her name.
“The way Maddy spoke about you was like being confronted with it all again.” Tori collapsed back on the couch next to me and I rolled my head, looking at her.
“I’m sorry he was a dickhead who didn’t want you.”
She scoffed. “Like you with Maddy?”
“It’s not like that at all. It’s the other way around. I love her, I want her. She is my soulmate and I know it…” I trailed off.
Tori cocked her head. “Then why are you here with me and not with her?”
“Because she doesn’t love me.”
“She does,” Tori replied softly.
I met her stare. “She just told me she doesn’t.”
Tori frowned. “She’s lying.”
I rolled my eyes. “I know you’ve had one conversation with her, so you think you know her, but you’re wrong.”
“I had one conversation with her, where you were the only thing we talked about. Like I said, the way she spoke about you? That’s not how you speak about someone you don’t love.”
I opened my mouth to rebut her and she interrupted.
“And not as a friend. She truly loves you. If she told you she didn’t, there’s a reason. She’s probably scared.”
I scoffed. “Maddy isn’t scared of anything, she’s the toughest person I know.”
“Everyone is scared of something. Everyone.”
The sound of the sitcom on the TV filled the room as we lapsed into silence, my mind running on overdrive. What if she did love me? Just didn’t know how to tell me? Didn’t recognize it for what it was?
“Why didn’t you tell me about her?” Tori asked, absently playing with the TV remote.
I shrugged. “I didn’t know how to put into words what she meant to me and how hard it was to be away from her.”
Her eyes slid to me and I could feel the weight of them. “So then, Doofus, why are you here and not with your girl?”
I sighed again, rubbing a hand over my stubbled jaw. “Leave it alone please, Tori.”
“Sure thang,” she clucked her tongue.
We sat in silence again, Tori watching TV and me thinking about Maddy. Fuck, I wanted to see her. I was driving back to Canada tomorrow and I couldn’t imagine not seeing her again before I left. It felt wrong, especially after what we’d experienced tonight. But she said she wanted space.
“Bet you didn’t think when you came home you’d walk in on your mom having sex, did ya?” Tori said conversationally.
I rolled my eyes and gritted my teeth, willing that image away. “I know what you’re doing.”
Tori tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Do you think Derek made her come?”
“Stop!”
“And how many times?”
“Alright, Tori! Fuck, you win!” I shouted and vaulted up from the couch. Her satisfied giggle followed me as I tugged my boots back on.
“You needed that.”
“I did,” I grunted in agreement. “You going to be okay here tonight?”
She shrugged one shoulder. “Here, that cute barman’s bed, we’ll see where I end up.”
I grunted again and waved at her. “See you in the morning, Tor.”
“See ya!”
*
Four times I turned and headed back to my apartment. I wanted to respect Maddy’s wish for space. But then she messaged me to say she didn’t want to leave things the way we had, and I decided to go and see her.
I walked to the ranch, not really knowing what I was going to say when I saw her, but I’d figure it out. I just wanted to get to her. We could talk this out. We could tackle anything as long as we did it together.
Standing by the porch, I looked up towards her window. I knew I could go in the front door, but it was tradition to scale the side of the house. My injured ribs may make it difficult, but I always enjoyed a challenge.
I gripped the porch railing and began shimmying across the siding to the pipe, my legs pumping.
My shirt snagged on the pipe, and I huffed as I tugged myself free, a loud rip echoing on the still night.
Eventually, I reached the ledge of her window, sweat dotted my brow and my chest heaved as I inched the window higher.
I swung a leg over the ledge and ducked under the frame to get inside.
Before I could bring my other leg over, something attacked me.
“Motherfucker!” Maddy shouted before I was beaten over the head with a pillow. What was it with these women and soft furnishings as weapons? I covered my face while trying to get the pillow from her.
“Mads, it’s me!” I hissed, not wanting to alert the rest of the household.
“Leo?” she gaped, flicking on the lamp by her bed. “Jesus Christ, why didn’t you come in the front door?”
I shrugged. “I wanted to be romantic.”
Her head dropped to the side, gaze softening and it was only then that I realized she was standing in nothing but a towel. Droplets still decorated her rosy skin, glistening like diamonds.
“You and fucking romance,” she sighed, tossing the pillow back onto her bed. When she faced me again, her eyes lingered on my torso. I glanced down, seeing my torn shirt.