Chapter 12 #3
Maybe she could have kept this all to herself and just left well enough alone, but something just broke in her. And now that it was out there, Evie wasn’t quite sure what she was supposed to do.
“Say something,” she quietly urged.
At first, she didn’t think he would, but when he sat down on the sofa with a weary sigh, she braced herself for the backlash.
She just hoped she’d be able to pack her stuff and move up to the lodge with her dignity intact. So, with her head held high, she waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And just when she was ready to scream with frustration, he spoke.
“You know, you’ve made a lot of assumptions, and I’m not sure how I feel about them,” he said quietly.
“Why?”
He looked up at her, and she saw more emotion there than she’d ever seen before.
“Do you know why I pursued you even though we agreed we shouldn’t keep going?”
She shook her head.
“Because I wanted to be with you. And it wasn’t just about the sex—although that’s been spectacular—but because I enjoyed just being with you.
All the conversations and just having someone here with me…
it was all new to me, and I wanted more.
And I wanted more of it with you because I have feelings too. ”
The soft gasp was her only response.
“I don’t enjoy talking about them because I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing and screwing everything up,” he went on.
“But I also don’t know what happens after next week, Evie.
” His voice was raw, and she couldn’t seem to make herself go to him.
“Our lives are so vastly different that I don’t know how to make things work.
Sometimes just wanting it isn’t enough.”
Swallowing hard, she finally went and sat beside him. “I know. I’ve struggled with that too.”
“Really?”
Nodding, she rested her hand on his. “My whole life is back in Seattle. My family. My job. My friends. I’m good at what I do.
Working for Milo is actually pretty amazing.
I’ve learned so much from him, and I know it’s going to be weird going home without him.
I know we did this when he first came and stayed at the resort, but this just feels different.
Now he’s got a team here and I don’t even know what my workdays are going to look like now. ”
“He’s still going to go back to Seattle. This isn’t where he’s going to be full-time.”
“I know. But it’s still going to be different.” She sighed. “And what about you? You’re not staying here either. Do you know where you’re going to go?”
“Honestly? No. I keep procrastinating and only half-heartedly reach out to different tour companies or acquaintances. At first, I was okay with simply hanging around because I knew Nora was coming back and I wanted to be here for Walker and Harlow’s wedding. Now? I’m comfortable.”
“Then stay.”
But he shook his head. “I can’t. This gig is Nora’s. I gave her the promotion, and there isn’t a need for both of us. This was never supposed to be my endgame, you know?”
Unfortunately, she did. “So what happens now?”
Placing his other hand on top of hers, they sat like that for a long time. The silence was deafening, and she wished she didn’t have to ask.
“I wish I knew, Evie. I wish I could give you everything you want, but…”
“Don’t,” she said softly. “I never expected forever.”
But that didn’t mean she didn’t want it.
“I don’t have a job like Milo where I can do the remote thing with that kind of freedom. I mean…I have freedom. I’ve worked my ass off and I’m financially secure.”
“I never would have thought being an adventure guide was so lucrative.”
The lopsided grin he gave her melted her heart.
“I’ve been a private pilot for a lot of wealthy people, and a lot of the tour companies I worked for only dealt with high-end clients.
Plus, I’m good with numbers and know how to invest.” He shrugged.
“I’m not wealthy like Milo, but…” Pausing, he sighed.
“I have, um…a trust fund from my mom. She made sure I was well taken care of before she…she…”
Evie knew his mom had passed away several years ago because of her addictions and hearing him struggle to say it made her ache.
“She would love knowing that you’re doing everything you ever dreamed of with it,” she said.
All he did was nod.
Resting her head on his shoulder, she let out a quiet sigh but smiled when his head rested against hers.
“You’re one hell of a woman, Evie Parker,” he said. “If ever there was a woman who would make me want to give up my nomad ways, it’s you.”
Dammit. Tears stung her eyes.
“I just don’t know that I can be happy living in Seattle,” he admitted.
“I get it. Just like I don’t know that I could be happy not having a place to call home.”
Silence.
She had no idea how much time had passed, but the sun had gone down, and the cabin had grown dark. And maybe that was for the best, because she knew she had to ask one more time. “So what happens now?”
“Now…we make the most of the rest of the time you’re here. Then you go back to Seattle before heading to Costa Rica to celebrate your brother’s wedding with your family.” Gently he reached over, lifting her chin so she was looking up at him. “And you be happy. You deserve to be happy.”
The tears fell, and she didn’t try to stop them.
“I wish we could be happy together,” she whispered.
“Me too.” His forehead came to rest against hers. “Me too, Evie Beanie.”
It was the most raw and honest admission she’d ever heard, and it broke her heart even more. But rather than say anything else, she just settled into the moment, memorizing his warmth, the way he felt, and the masculine scent that was solely his.
After a few minutes, Slater gently maneuvered them into a more comfortable position, but neither made any attempt to turn on the lights or even talk about dinner. She knew they would eventually. But for now, this was enough.