26. Will
Chapter twenty-six
Will
“That was fantastic, Mia,” I say after we leave Sam at his car and trudge back to the resort. “You did a great job.”
I had suggested we go for a walk so we could talk about what was next with our relationship, but talking to Sam had taken so long, it's almost time to head to the airport. I’m so impressed with how she managed it. I shouldn’t be; I know her line of work means she has to think on her feet all the time, but seeing those instincts in action was fantastic.
“Thanks. I just realized right now that I could have probably just paid him to go away.”
She could have. I didn’t think about it in the moment either, although even if I had, it hardly would have been right for me to suggest how she spends her money. She’s practical, so I’m not surprised she came up with the idea, but there’s something about it that rubs me the wrong way. Mia isn’t just in a different tax bracket to me, but she has completely different choices in life. How can a relationship work when there are so many things that are different between us now? Though that was the case last night, too, and it hadn’t stopped me from wanting her so hard it hurts.
“I can’t believe I agreed to step in and help with the resorts.”
I can’t either, but there’s no point in telling her that. “I think it’s good that you’re going to. Maybe you won’t want to keep the resorts long term, but who knows, maybe you will, and it would be much better for them to be in good shape no matter what you decide.”
“What do I do now?” She pulls her hands into her sleeves and brings them up to her chin, looking down into the snow.
“I think your plan of finding someone to run the resorts is a good one. You can just hire someone—you set the direction, and you find someone who can report to you on how things are going.”
She nods, slowly at first. I practically see a plan forming in her head. “Okay, that makes sense. I can get someone to help with advertising the role and everything.” She gazes up at the resort. “And I guess I need to tell Bryce he’s no longer needed, right?” She says, looking like she’d prefer to set herself on fire.
“Yeah, you probably do. I can’t help much with that, but let’s make a plan about who you want to hire.” I suggest, hoping to focus her on the more positive side of things first.
Her body shudders with a sigh.
“Later. I want to talk about last night. And this morning. I need to talk about it.” She sounds determined, like it has taken a lot to get it out.
God. Is there a chance we think about it differently? What if she thinks I took advantage of her? Does she regret it?
“I’m so sorry, Mia.” I shove my hands in my pockets, trying to give myself time to think things through. “I’m sorry if you thought I took advantage, or whatever. I just know you’ve been stressed, and I wanted to help make you feel better.” I fiddle with the inside of my pocket. Is she furious with me? I almost can’t bear to look at her, just in case she is.
“I wasn’t lying when I said I’d been thinking about that for literal years.”
Finally, I look over at her. Her face is calm, with not a single shred of emotion.
“You wanted to make me feel better?”
“Right. Of course I wanted you to have a good time, and to try to take your mind off things with the resorts and stuff.”
“Well, how valiant of you to do such a good turn.” Her tone is icy.
My heart sinks. That’s what she thinks I meant?
“Jesus, Mia, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Look, we both did it. We were into it. But I don’t need a pity fuck right now. We did agree it was just for the night, right? So things go back to normal when we get home?” She says it like a question, but it’s so firm, there’s no space for debate. I burn with frustration. It came out all wrong. Sure, we had said it was for last night, but I wasn’t meaning only for last night. I’d been hoping she’d want to keep things going when we got home. Forever.
I tug my hand through my beard. Pined over her for years, and now she thinks I had sex with her because I feel bad for her?
“For fuck’s sake, Mia. It wasn’t a pity fuck. The timing could have been better, sure. But I wanted you . And I thought you wanted me too.” I cross my arms over my chest. I’m pissed. Getting frustrated and defensive about it won’t help, but what the fuck else am I supposed to do?
“I don’t want to lose a friend over this. If Joel taught me anything, it’s that not knowing where you stand is worse than anything. I’ve got a million other things to worry about right now.” I know what she means about Joel. I spent hours sitting with her while she tormented herself over what she should do with that relationship. About whether he was only with her because it would be inconvenient to leave. And back then, her decision seemed so simple to me.
But now, I’m less sure. What I want her to do is tell me she got it wrong, that she doesn’t think that at all. That she loves me. Will anything I do now help? Or will it just make things worse? She is stubborn, but she’s not unreasonable.
“You’re not going to lose a friend, Mia. I’m here. I’ll always be here.”
She gives me a grin, but there’s something hollow behind her eyes. Regret? Her way of rejecting me gently? And maybe that's for the best. We had just been cornered by fucking paparazzi, for god's sake. Is this what I want my life to be? Really?
I steel myself. The best thing I can do for her—the most heartbreaking for me, but the best thing for her—is to give her a graceful out. I can’t see another way to salvage this. I’ll deal with my feelings some other time. I blink rapidly, steeling myself. I put her first all the time. I can do it again, even if all I want to do is fall apart.