21. Kai
TWENTY-ONE
Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.
~ Andy, The Office
Mila’s looking up at me with those soft brown eyes, so willing to do whatever I’d ask of her.
Kiss me, I want to say.
But, instead, I ask what I had planned to ask. “My family is coming from Hawaii for Kalaine and Bodhi’s wedding.”
“I know. It’s going to be beautiful. I can’t wait.”
“Yeah. Well.” I clear my throat. “We have this old family friend. Our parents always sort of planned for us to end up together.”
“Oh.”
It’s dark out, but I could swear I see a flash of disappointment cross Mila’s features.
“I see, that’s fine, Kai.”
“What exactly do you see?” I ask.
“The family friend. She’ll be your date? Right? And then … maybe more?”
Her voice is softer than the night, thin and wispy. I’d love to tell myself it’s because she’d miss me—that she wants what we’re doing here to turn real as much as I do. But I know her stance on men. She’s probably imagining all the ways me dating Aima would open her up to Brad. No way. I’m not leaving Mila in a position where Brad can make a move.
“Mila, no.” I put my hand on her shoulder for reassurance.
I’ve been touching her all night, foolishly indulging in a dream world, pretending we are more than we are. Yes, we needed to pull this off. But did I have to put my hand on her knee, or to wrap my arm around her back at the dinner table? Was it necessary to brush strands of hair away from her face, or to kiss her on the corner of her mouth? Some physical affection between us was probably important to convey the appearance of a new relationship—but I allowed myself to enjoy the sensation of her in my arms. I spent the whole night openly showing Mila how much I care for her and she never perceived one gesture for what it actually was.
Now this simple act of laying my hand on her shoulder rekindles memories of all the little touches we shared tonight. Her soft skin beneath my roughened fingertips. The way she allowed me to be the one she leans on, the one who pulls her into my arms and feels her settle there as if there’s nowhere else she’d rather be—as if my embrace is her haven. What would it be like if she let me in for real? If I could be the man she chooses to cross all her carefully drawn lines for?
I gaze down at her, resisting every urge to pull her nearer, just to hold her one more time this evening. I force myself to focus on what I need to ask instead of all the warring desires firing off just beneath the surface.
“Aima isn’t going to be my date to the wedding. She is single, though. And our parents were planning to fix us up. Again.”
“Oh.” Mila looks stunned and confused. “She’s not your date?”
A small smile plays across her lips. Relief, I’m sure, knowing our farce can continue and her barrier against her ex will remain firmly in place.
“No. I told you I’m committed to you and our pretense for as long as you need me. I’d never back out. Not even for a date I wanted to go on—not that I want to date anyone. I don’t. Not anyone other than you. In our fake dating arrangement.” I run my free hand through my hair. “Anyway. Aima is definitely a date I don’t want. Not that she’s a bad person. She’s just not my person.”
“Ohhhh.” Realization dawns on Mila. “You want me to be your date so Aima can’t be.”
“Well, yes.”
“Of course, I will.”
“My parents already think you and I are dating, so they’d expect us to go together anyway. But if you weren’t by my side, your absence might lead my mom to think we aren’t that serious.”
“Totally. It’s no problem. I’m glad to be your date. I’m going to the wedding anyway.”
“You know this will mean acting out our charade in front of a lot more people. You don’t have to say yes.”
“It’s the least I can do. But, Kai, I think we need to figure out a few more things.”
“Like what?”
“Well, like tonight. When everyone started peppering us with questions, I had no idea what to say. What if I had been in another room and someone had asked you the story of how you asked me out? I wouldn’t have known how to corroborate.”
“Good point,” I agree. “Maybe we need to set aside an afternoon so we can get to know things a boyfriend and girlfriend would know about one another.”
“It’s probably wise.”
“Okay. It’s a date.”
The second the words are out of my mouth, a hush falls over the two of us.
A date.
I’d do just about anything for a date with Mila. For now, I’ll have to settle for a date for the sake of perpetuating this illusion we’re presenting to the world around us.
The next morning the guys are in rare form. Word somehow got back to them about my dinner with Mila’s family. And they just watched me stash Noah’s board in the employee locker. It’s a coveted space: clean, locked, and reserved for employee boards only. Even Jamison only got a spot there last month. And here Noah’s board sits among the rest like it belongs there.
“Who’s the board for, Kai?” Ben starts in.
“I’ve got a Benjamin that says it’s Noah’s board,” Bodhi says.
“No betting at work,” I say, even though we aren’t really officially working right now.
“I am Benjamin and I say it’s Noah’s board,” Ben adds, cracking up at his own joke.
“Good one, bro.” Jamison fist bumps Ben. “So,” he asks me. “Is it Noah’s?”
“It’s Noah’s. I don’t want him to have to haul it down here. He’s being raised by a single mom. He doesn’t have a dad to help him learn to surf the way we all did.”
“My dad didn’t teach me to surf,” Ben declares. “He taught me to slop hogs, though. And waterski at the reservoir.”
Ben grew up in the midwest. Surfing’s not exactly a part of that culture.
“My point is,” I say, trying to get this crowd of clowns to focus. “Noah doesn’t have a dad to tote his board to the beach for him. It’s just easier for him to keep a board here.”
“And he needed his own brand new Channel Islands CI Mid?” Bodhi asks. His brows raise and he stares at me.
I don’t answer. Of course Noah could have kept using loaner boards. He didn’t need this board. I wanted to get it for him. I smile remembering the way Noah threw his arms around me, the look on his face.
“Don’t you guys have something you’re supposed to be doing?”
“We’re doing it,” Ben jokes.
“Yeah. Just this,” Jamison adds, walking dangerously close to a line he’s not qualified to cross quite yet, considering he’s low man on the watersports totem pole.
Bodhi grins at me. “You’re too easy of a target. It’s way too fun to rile you up.”
“I’m not riled. I got Noah a board. No biggie.”
“The board costs over one K.” Bodhi lets out a low whistle. “That’s quite a board.”
“What did you want me to get him? A used foam learner board?”
“Nah, man. You did good. Does Mila know how much you forked out?”
I shake my head. “I told her I could afford it.”
“I was raised by my mom for a few years. After my dad left,” Jamison pipes in. “She’s remarried now, but I was the son of a single mom.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah.” He looks so serious, almost forlorn, until he says, “Wanna buy me a board, Uncle Kai? I love the orange on orange CI Mid. It’s only fourteen hundred.”
“He’s not dating your mom, dufus,” Ben smacks Jamison on the arm.
“Is that what this is about?” Bodhi asks me sincerely.
“No way,” I tell him. And I mean it.
This was all about Noah. If I pursue Mila it will be a straight shot, not some side-handed move to get to her through her son. I hope she doesn’t think that’s what this was.
No. I know she doesn’t. Our long phone call the night I gave Noah the board proves it. She knows I did this because I love Noah and I am taking my role as his first surf instructor seriously.
Besides, I’m not pursuing Mila. As much as I would love to see where something between us could lead, I can’t. She trusts me to honor her boundaries. And her number one boundary is no men.
“Mila’s gonna be showing you some serious gratitude,” Jamison says.
“I hope you’re not trash-talking about my girlfriend.”
Jamison holds his hands up in a show of innocence. “Nah, man. Never.”
“Good.”
My girlfriend. The words echo in my head, settling in a deep spot inside me like they belong there.
“You should see yourself,” Ben smiles. “So very very different than I ever imagined you’d be.”
“Yeah, man,” Jamison adds. “You’re whipped.”
They tease me. It’s fine. They don’t understand what’s happened to me. I’d do anything for Mila. And Noah. That board is nothing compared to what I’d do. I’m basically lying to everyone who matters in my life all because of her and how she’s come to mean infinitely more to me than any other person in the world.