12. Merle
Merle
Ican hear them and smell them. Alphas, omegas. Old and young, laughing. The tension in the alphas that live here is subtle, but I can feel it in the air, even though they are smiling.
Every smile is filled with teeth that tear and words that cut.
My hands shake as I move around the house, staying in the shadows, out of sight. I tiptoe on silent feet to where I can see. With my hands on the wall, I peer around the corner.
Pix is sitting on an alpha’s lap, laughing.
He’s got brown hair and smiles too much.
I hate him. There are two other omegas on either side of him, and they are smiling so wide it almost looks fake.
Why are they touching him? They are both beautiful, one has shorter dark hair, and the other has a long golden mane.
They lean in, pressing their faces to his arms, laughing. He is howling with laughter, almost crying with it. Happy. I feel hollow and broken.
I stare, and the longer I stare, the more uncomfortable I get. Anger seeps past the fear. He flutters his eyelashes and pouts. Teasing, talking, words in a tone that says love. Eyes that have warmth, touches without restraint. All the things I don’t know anything about.
How dare he betray us?
I glare at him, willing him to stop.
One of the strange alphas tenses slightly. He’s older, but he moves his omega away from where I am as he scans where I’m hiding. He steps in front of her and lets out an almost inaudible growl. I stare at him, furious, hating him, hating them all.
“Vale!” he says in a deep voice.
An alpha with flaming red hair snaps his head towards me and searches the shadows.
I duck back behind the wall and pad away into the dark.
They don’t come after me, but then I move through the house on silent feet until I’m standing on the other side, glaring at the alphas who are all tense, watching, confused about what they sense but can’t see.
Blaze is sitting with his leg crossed at the knee, smiling politely. Aaron is nowhere in sight, but my gaze goes straight to Pix. The omega is leaning her head on his chest and hugging him tight.
I stare at his face.
There’s no disgust. No curl of his lip. He doesn’t have that sleepy, bored look in his eyes. I clench my fingernails into my palms, breaking skin, trying to find the elusive control I had.
An unpleasant feeling fills my chest, making it fill and fill until I think I could explode. My head spins, and I step out of the shadows, unable to stay hidden anymore, staring at him.
Everyone falls silent.
I can’t tear my eyes away from where she’s holding him. Her long nails resting on his upper arm. Her hand stroking his thigh.
“Uh, Bonnie. Let go,” an alpha says sharply, he moves slightly in front but freezes when I growl.
The omega with her perfect blond hair slowly removes her arms. Pix stares at me, and I stare back at him.
His eyes blaze with rage.
I’m angry, but I don’t know why. I’m hurt, but there’s no reason to be. A sick, twisting thing writhes in my chest, and I realise I’ve forgotten to be scared.
And now I’ve upset everyone.
“Who is this?” The older omega asks sharply.
“This is Merle.”
“Hi, Merle,” she says kindly.
I don’t look at her. I don’t look away from Pix. He doesn’t say anything, so without another word, I turn and vanish back down the hallway and return to my bedroom.
I pace the small space, back and forth, my scent gets spicy and hot, then turns heavy. Those people leave.
When someone comes to my door, I throw myself against it, stopping it from opening and snarl.
“Merle? I just want to talk-”
I snarl louder.
“Okay, okay. I’ll come back later,” Sage says.
I pace into the wee hours of the night, trying to resolve my feelings, but I keep seeing her hands on him. The smile he gave them. His happiness.
Have I ever been that happy? Why doesn’t he look like that when I touch him?
I clench my teeth and drop into a crouch, wrapping my arms around my knees as voices that I wish I couldn’t remember come back, flinging things that have half been forgotten back at me.
Time passes in an agony of increments.
The door slams open, and King stalks in. He takes one look at me and snarls. The sound is so distinctly alpha, so wild and aggressive, that I just swallow hard and shut down.
He snatches me up, stalks through the house, and walks right up to this wall. He presses a tiny, almost invisible silver button, and it slides open, revealing stairs.
The way out. He’s taking me out.
He jogs up the stairs and pushes open a wooden door. I squint at the sudden agony of the sunlight. The smells, the lights, the sounds, but suddenly, that bubble I’ve been suffocating under bursts.
It’s dawn. The horrible night has ended.
King lets me go, and I whirl away from him, but I only go ten feet or so before I’m back facing him. His hair is somehow more blue in the light. He’s bigger, more dangerous. And yet, faced with the world, he’s somehow the safety. He doesn’t smile when I touch him either.
What’s wrong with me?
Why don’t they smile?
He takes a step towards me.
My lip wobbles, and I sidestep but don’t step away.
“Easy,” he whispers.
He takes another step. I tremble, staring at him with my eyes stretched wide.
“I know it seems like it’s all gone wrong, but-”
My mouth is dry. I’m scared. So scared. Is he letting me go? Is he sending me away?
I fling myself at him, wrapping my arms around his middle, burying my face in his chest. He’s so big. So huge. And he smells clean and crisp, wintergreen and rubbing alcohol. I tighten my arms around his back as tightly as I can.
In a world of all that’s wrong, he’s a rock.
My rock.
I might not make him smile, but he makes me safe.
His arms come around me slowly, sitting on me gently. And the screaming pain inside me, the one that I haven’t been able to get rid of, quietens.
“You’re okay now. Nothing will touch you again.”
He repeats the words, standing in the sunlight for hours, just saying the same thing, holding me.
I don’t make a sound. There is no word or sound that can match this feeling.
I don’t cry. There’s too much in me, too many conflicting, confusing emotions to just grab one.
I don’t fall apart. He puts me back together.
I just sink into the solid strength of this alpha, allowing myself to need, to take something.
He strokes my back gently in circles, which have me leaning into him harder.
“Hey, where are you-” Rolly cuts off. “Oh.”
He comes and sits down near us and lies back, his hands under his head, staring up at the sky.
“It’s a nice day. I like days like today.”
Rolly chatters. He keeps up a steady stream of conversation, and I find that the sound of it has become as soothing as King’s solid strength.
I freeze, staring at Rolly. He bites his lip as he talks, using his hands to tell this story, but when he looks at me, he smiles.
I start to cry and crawl out of King’s hold and into Rolly’s arms, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face in his shoulder.
“Um, Merle? King? What did I do?”
“It’s okay Rolly, this is good.”
“Are you sure?” he asks, panicked. “Did I break her? I don’t want to hurt her.”
I squeeze him harder, dragging myself even closer.
King chuckles and strokes one of his massive hands down my back. “This is good, Rolly. You did good. Just keep talking. Tell us that story about the dogs.”
Rolly starts talking, and I cling to him, refusing to move until my muscles lock up.
It’s only when it starts getting colder that I pull back, getting to my feet. I look up at King, staring at the massive alpha and quickly looking away before his hypnotizing blue-green eyes can pull all my secrets from me.
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lollipop. I stare at it in silence, then reach out and take it from him.
He hums with approval.
“No fair, where’s mine?”
“You get nothing.”
“Aw, but I want one.”
“No.”
Rolly bounces around, but to my surprise, his rapid-fire movements no longer startle me. I watch him curiously as he heads back to the cabin. He pauses, looking back over his shoulder at me.
“Coming, dead girl?”
King scowls. “Don’t call her that!”
But there’s something in my throat. Something that I cannot contain. I stare at him, my face twitching until a giggle bursts out. King and Rolly turn to face me completely, but they both look so surprised that I laugh harder.
“Um, do not tell Sage I broke her!” Rolly hisses.
I double over, laughing until tears stream from my eyes, until I feel hollow, and my stomach aches.
King holds out his hand. I think of all the oranges, and I reach out. It takes all my courage. His hand engulfs mine, and his skin is rough, but he holds me like I’m porcelain, and leads me back down into the bunker.
Blaze watches from the kitchen, but he doesn’t comment, doesn’t make a single sound. His eyes just feel heavy.
King picks me up and puts me on the island. Blaze holds out half an apple. I stare at the offering, feeling butterflies and this giddy fear. It’s just an apple. Take it.
I take his apple. He makes a sound that I can’t translate and walks out, leaving us alone and taking the tension with him.
“Do you like chocolate?” Rolly whispers.
I turn, finding his face right next to mine, but he’s not even looking at me, his eyes are on the doorway.
I nod.
With a wicked smile that has my stomach flipping violently again, he vanishes into the walk-in pantry and comes out with a box of pasta. He puts a finger to his lips, reaches in and brings out five chocolate bars.
He brings them over to me.
“Take whichever one you want.”
I hesitantly take one that has a cherry and coconut inside. He grabs another one, chucks King one, and then darts back in, putting the box back.
“Stolen chocolate always tastes better.”
I eat slowly; my back stiffens when I catch Pix’s scent. I always loved raspberry jam, especially when it was hot. It reminds me of days sitting at the shelter with kind betas giving threads of hope.
“Pix, come play with us!” Rolly whines.
Pix walks in, ignoring him, and goes to the sink, filling up his drink bottle. Rolly bounces into him, but Pix shoves him off and turns, raising his hand.
I dart between them, closing my eyes, bracing for the blow.
It doesn’t come. I feel sick. The chocolate bar has fallen from my hands, the space is ripe with alpha tempers.
The silence turns brittle and then shatters.
“No. No. No. No.” Rolly growls, his voice rising. “No. You don’t step in front of me, you don’t step in for anyone.”
He grabs me, but when Pix reaches for him, Rolly lets go, whirls, and steps into the omega, snarling, and in one dangerous move, hurls the omega up against the wall away from me.
“Get out of my sight,” Rolly says in a voice that is low and full of menace.
“Daega,” Sage calls.
I’m trembling, shaking. King pulls me into his arms again, and I collapse against him. Why did I do that? I didn’t even think it through. What is wrong with me?
“Rolly!”
“He did this, touching and flirting, trying to get a rise out of Rosewood. Pushing everyone to their limits, acting like a child,” Rolly hisses.
Sage doesn’t argue.
I pull away from King and dart past the alphas, returning to my room. I see Pix coming in my direction and slam the door, backing away and going into the bathroom where I sit in the shower stall and shake.
A near-constant whine pushes against my teeth, and it’s not until Blaze comes and sits in the bathroom with me that it slips out.
“Come here, Omega.”
I fight and try to resist, but I can’t. I crawl to him and curl up on his lap, wrapping myself around him and burying my face in his neck.
“First things first. Rolly is loud. That is who he is. He is harmless to you, though.”
I make a soft noise and tighten my arms around his neck.
“Pix, Daega is upset. He wants something he’s being told he can’t have, and he’s acting out.
His tantrums are not directed at you. It’s just making you collateral damage.
No one in this house, including Daega, is going to hurt you.
I know it feels like we could or would, but I assure you every person would cut off a hand before we lay a finger on you in anger. ”
I tremble, but he doesn’t wait any longer. He picks me up and walks into the bedroom, laying down on the bed with me against his chest.
“Here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to come out more and get to know us better so you can decide if we can be trusted. Eat meals with us, watch TV with us. We can start small and work our way up.”
He’s silent for a long moment.
“You like being held. It’s helping. So, if things are getting hard or difficult, you can go to any of the alphas living here and touch them. No one will tell you no, and all of us are willing to help you. We voted. We all like you. It’s a thing now.”
I blink, trying to imagine how this future could look like.
“Walks outside in the forest because you seemed to be happier out there.”
I make a sound that has him chuckling.
“I thought that would make you happy. No one is going to make you do anything. Your limits and boundaries are yours. But we are here…for you, however you would have us.”
Blaze talks for a long time about different things, nonsense things, but I don’t pay attention. I fall into a fugue state and then into sleep in the arms of an alpha who is as mysterious as any I have ever met.