15. Merle
Merle
Isit back between the seats, trying to hide the bubbling panic I’m feeling from the alphas that are seated around me like a giant fortress. The world is whizzing by, and I’m finding being in a car strange after so long of using my feet to get where I need to go.
Rolly turns around from the front passenger seat and holds out a bag of lollies. “Try one.”
I shake my head too quickly. King reaches out, snags the bag, picks out a pink one, and puts the end to my lips.
Obediently, I open my mouth, and he feeds me the sweet. He makes a happy growling sound that seems to relax all the other alphas in the car.
It’s just…Pix isn’t here.
He disappeared, and none of them seem to want to talk about it or say anything, and I don’t feel like I can ask, but the further we go without him, the more I feel like I can’t breathe.
“Are you sure we have everything we need?” Rolly asks, and when he turns and glances at me, he winks.
“I do. I have two tents, though we will probably all sleep in one. Everyone has a sleeping bag, clothes, we have provisions; why am I explaining myself to you? You couldn’t organise yourself out of a paper bag. Hush, and let me drive.” Blaze clicks his tongue.
Rolly falls back on the seat, cackling.
Roseland is sitting next to me; his steady, calm, but darker mood is making me even more nervous. Blaze turns a corner, and I bounce into Roseland’s chest. His eyes flick open, and he studies me, and I struggle to push off him. His arm comes up and pulls me to him, holding me safely.
I stare up at him, my mouth hanging open, trying to calm the warm, fluttery feeling in my stomach. His scent squeezes around me, and I bury my face in his chest without another thought.
He closes his eyes again and resumes his nap.
I watch the forest fly past, taking note of signs and anything that might give me an idea of where I am.
We pull into a car park with a log cabin that actually looks like it’s a log cabin. Aaron unfolds his massive body and slides out of the car, putting miles of space between us and erecting that wall of professionalism that I’m growing to hate.
“Welcome to my boot camp!”
I whip my head towards the female and see Pix leaning on her shoulder again. It hurts. In places I don’t want to even acknowledge.
“Let’s do a quick round of introductions before we get started. My name is Bonnie; I am Pack Prince’s omega. This is my pack, Rory, Vale, Kota, and Cyn.”
I glance at them briefly.
“For the record, they are all relatives of Sage, Blaze, King, and Rolly, though they all like to pretend they aren’t, which makes us family.”
I stare at her, realising the line she’s drawing, even if the alphas don’t. She’s saying that she’s untouchable.
“And Pix is my best friend. He’s like a brother; my family adopted him, pretty much,” she says quickly and moves on. “And last but not least, Meg is the omega to her alpha Desi, and they’ve opted to join us, and they are part of my family, too.”
So, no one can touch them without upsetting Pix. Got it. That doesn’t make me happy at all.
What are we doing out here?
“Oh, goodie,” Rolly says with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. “I’m going to stab your balls into slime when you fall asleep, Blaze.”
Me, too.
“You will live.”
“You won’t. If I have to sweat and mess up my hair, you’re going to cry. Equal amounts.”
I edge away from the others and step closer to King. He takes my hand and pulls me into his side, while I watch everyone move around. They all seem very comfortable with this and each other.
“Have you been camping before?” Bonnie suddenly asks from far too close.
I glance up at King. He’s glaring at Bonnie like he’s going to growl at her. My stomach tightens. I squeeze his hand harder, wishing I wasn’t sweating so much.
“No. She hasn’t. But go away. We don’t want to talk to you.”
Bonnie ignores King’s rudeness as if she’s used to it.
“Oh, well, this is going to be fun. I hope. Camping is either you love it or hate it. I want to make it good for you because it can be such a good way to get away from the stress of the world.”
I jerk my head up and down absently, but I’m not paying attention. Pix is being pinned to the wall by the redhead, Vale. I monitor them closely, but they are both laughing.
I feel like I’ve run twenty laps; how does everyone have this much energy?
“Right, packs on, best foot forward. Let’s get moving before we lose the day.” Bonnie shouts out, making me wince.
I turn to grab a pack, but there are none left.
“Don’t worry, we’ve got everything you’ll need,” Blaze says. “You need to work on building your muscles and stamina.”
He strokes his hand over my head and turns and walks off, leaving me warm, fluffy, and feeling like going and rubbing into him like a cat.
I stare after him, my feet locked to the spot. Should I? Should I not? Do I even have a choice?
Aaron grumbles and stomps past me. He’s the only one who is openly on the outs here. Bonnie seemed downright cold to him, and the other pack was glaring at him, so I hurry to stay close to him.
The thing about walking is that it allows your thoughts to wander, and pretty soon, mine are a tangle of confused, half-formed thoughts that are twined with anxiety and exhaustion.
“All right, that’s the third time you’ve tripped. What’s going on?” Roseland snarls as he turns on me.
I back up, but he follows me until he captures my elbows and stops my retreat. He bends so he can stare into my eyes, ignoring King and the warning growl.
“What is going on, Omega?”
The word hits hard, and I whine in response. His eyes darken and turn into slits.
I shake my head, frantically trying to protest.
“There is something, what is it? Are you panicking about what you were doing when I hit you with the car?”
My eyes fill with tears, and I hastily wipe them away and nod. I wasn’t, but now I am.
Roseland stands up, his face carefully blank, his expression austere. “You don’t remember how you came to be running around, do you? I’ve wondered if you might have forgotten a couple of times.”
I shake my head.
He grabs my chin and tilts my head right back so I’m staring straight up into his face. “It doesn’t matter. Don’t force it. Sometimes memories are best left forgotten.”
I stare at him. Stunned.
Sometimes, I forget to be scared. Like right now. And he’s so gentle and kind, and I honestly don’t understand who this alpha is.
“Merle, you don’t need to know. You are here; let’s just walk. Forget everything else. Just enjoy being away from everyone.”
I bob my head. I can do that.
He stops, his jaw working. “King!” he snaps, and before he can say anything else, he’s gone, and King is beside me.
I stare at the spot where he was, hating everything. But afraid. So afraid. I know something terrible must have happened to me, but I don’t know what.
Roseland’s words have hurt my feelings, though I can’t explain why. Forget? Wouldn’t that be bad?
We get to a camp where Bonnie happily chatters endlessly with her friends and pack. I’m left alone, watching them work, watching them with their purpose.
And I have nothing. No job. No reason to be.
I wander away, leaving the group, following the trail up until I get to a rock that looks out at the mountains. The view is beautiful, but I don’t feel any connection to it.
“It’s stunning, isn’t it?” I turn my head to find the alpha they call Desi standing behind me.
He’s skinny yet tall. His face is open and kind. I get a flash of a memory of a person with a face like his smiling up at the ceiling while another alpha punches him to death. I shudder, backing away from that memory.
I nod.
“This journey, this trip, can be healing. If you need to talk, we can all listen. We can help you.”
I stare at him, my lips pressed together.
I’m not sure what he wants to hear. A plea, a confession, all my anxieties vomited into the air until I’m catatonic.
I can’t speak anymore. My voice was stolen; how can I do what they ask?
I turn away, looking out at the golden light. It’s turned the whole world that hue.
He leaves me alone.
It’s Pix who comes next.
“Come and eat.”
I ignore him, watching the gold turn to sepia. I’m not a fucking dog.
Pix grabs my arm, and I swing without thinking, stabbing my fingers into his windpipe. He lets go instantly, moving out of range. He’s not incapacitated or even injured, but I’ve scared myself. I stare at my hand, then look up at him.
I open and close my mouth, trying to say something, anything.
“Merle?”
I shake my head and wrap my arms around myself, digging my nails into my arms so I won’t let go, so I won’t hurt anyone.
Pix licks his lips, watching me carefully. “Dinner’s ready. Come, eat.”
I shake my head.
“I wasn’t asking,” he growls.
He sweeps in and throws me over his shoulder, carrying me back to where everyone else is waiting. He dumps me in the dirt in front of Roseland, who explodes up, catching Pix’s wrist.
“Don’t!” Roseland growls in deep warning. “Don’t you hurt her.”
The tension in the camp goes through the roof.
“He’s got a point, Pix. You want to throw your weight around, you’ll have to deal with the consequences, and those consequences are more than happy to fuck you,” Sage says conversationally.
Pix growls. “Hard pass.”
Blaze shrugs. “Keep playing hard to get; it will make it all the more juicy when you fall into my trap.”
Pix wrinkles his nose, glaring at Blaze like he’s something foul. “Keep dreaming, Alpha.”
He says the word mockingly, but it affects all five of them. I can feel it. They all focus on him, watching him go to the other alphas and allowing them to feed him. It’s a test of strength that these alphas don’t rip the others apart.
I wonder how he can withstand all the drama he’s creating. Roseland pulls me up and passes me to Sage, who hums as he tugs me onto his lap.
“Yes, this is exactly the right spot for you,” he murmurs against the skin of my upper arm.
I should put the jumper they gave me back on, but before I can do it, Cyn hands me a plate of food with a smile that looks so much like King’s that it hurts.
“One word, Cyn, and I will pun-” King clamps his mouth shut and sighs. “I will make you pay.”
Cyn raises his eyebrows and looks between us. “Huh?”
“Vale, deal with it,” Blaze barks and continues eating.
To my utter consternation, the other alpha jumps to obey Blaze’s order. Vale calls Cyn away, and they sit there talking in loud whispers that I can’t decipher. I don’t care, I’m trying to decide if the food is poison or the person who cooked just can’t cook.
I poke something pale. It wobbles a little, and I look discreetly at King. He picks his up with a sigh and bites into it.
I pick mine up and put it in my mouth, but it wobbles, and I nope the hell out of there, dropping it back on the plate.
“Are you done?” Sage murmurs.
I nod emphatically.
He chuckles and brushes my hair behind my ears.
It’s dark now, but everyone opts to go to bed. I stand there, shifting my weight from foot to foot, staring at the alphas until Rolly turns and grabs my wrist, yanking me down into the tent.
“You’re sleeping right here in the middle where we can keep you safe,” he whispers in my ear.
Where is Pix? I don’t dare ask the question.
Aaron squeezes in, easing some of the tension, but lying there in Rolly’s arms, I wonder what we are even doing.
When everyone is asleep, I slide out of their arms and creep out of the tent. Pix is sitting in front of the fire, poking it. I am beyond relieved to see he’s not in a tent with the others. He should be in our tent.
I stare at his back, wondering what to do.
“Stop staring,” he growls.
I walk over and stand in front of him, staring. He stands up, glaring at me. The temper, the frustration, the problem surges to the surface and spills out of him in a rush of hate-filled words.
“Omegas are territorial. We don’t share.”
I narrow my eyes.
“I can’t share.”
I glance back at the tent, they were his first. He won’t share them with me. But they aren’t mine. They aren’t his either.
I look back at him, seeing the firelight dance in his eyes.
With my jaw clenched almost painfully, I sit down, staring at the fire. He sits beside me.
The night passes, but we pass it together.