Merle
Blaze pulled out a bag of marshmallows and proceeded to show me something that I’ve only ever read about.
When he pulls off the skin of the marshmallow and holds it out to me, I can only stare with wide eyes.
He presses his fingers to my lips, which I part, almost without thinking.
I take the offering and let out a groan, but I’m not sure if my reaction is to the sweetness of the treat or the way his finger drags my bottom lip down.
I avert my gaze as he moves away, but he passes the stick to me, letting me toast my own. It’s fun, and the smell is wonderful. Pix and King are sitting side by side, and both of them have been quiet all afternoon.
Well, everyone has. There is a strange vibe that has been present since Roseland left.
Pix sits up straight, glaring at Sage. “Why me?”
“Because you have the best self-defense skills of all of us. Plus, it will also build her balance, coordination, and stamina.”
I think if there were a hole, I might crawl into it and save myself the trouble of falling. This is humiliating.
“Okay, that sounds like fun?”
I jerk my gaze up, staring at him. Has hell frozen over?
“You know, we could teach you to hunt, too?” Rolly suggests.
I shake my head emphatically.
“You don’t want to kill things?”
I shake my head harder.
“Nothing?”
I glare at him and shake it.
“Want to learn how to use a weapon?”
No! I shake my head.
“Climb?”
I hesitate, thinking that one over. I shrug.
“Ooh, closer. Um, what about tracking?
I lift my eyes, staring at him.
“You want to learn how to track someone?”
He says someone and not something. I shudder, but I slowly nod my head.
“Interesting choice, little dead girl.” He nods his head, his eyes distant. “We can start tomorrow. There’s a lot to practice on.”
“We’ll reach the river around noon. I want to build a raft and head away for a while,” Blaze says with a look at Sage.
Why? What does that look mean? What kind of raft? We don’t have to get on it, do we?
Something flies past me. I turn my head and then stand up, forgetting all about the marshmallow.
I reach out, but don’t touch the glowing bug.
It zips past me and into the fire. I let out a wounded sound. Pix stands up and kicks dirt onto it, putting it out before anyone can say anything. And then seconds later, the whole world turns into a wonderland that I’d have never imagined it could be.
Fireflies dance in the air, around trees, above and around us. There are so many. I wander out, following them as they seem to swirl around me. When I look up, Pix is standing in front of me.
He grabs my wrist and tows me into him, until we’re standing chest to chest. I curl my arms around him and lie my head on his chest.
“You’re not supposed to find me comforting.”
I snort and tighten my arms around him.
His hand slides over my hair and down my back. “You are a strange one. But okay, let’s try to be friends. Just for this trip, we can decide what to do when we get back to civilisation. I’m going to need to go home anyway. I miss my family.”
I make a sound of protest.
“They’ll come looking for me if I don’t go home.” He grunts and frees himself.
He stomps off, disappearing, but Rolly appears and winks at me. “Nice start. We’ll wear him down, eventually.”
I look at him hopefully.
He throws an arm over my shoulder and turns me back to the alphas that are getting ready to go to bed. “Oh, don’t worry, we’ve decided to keep you both. So, I guess that means we’re all one big pack. We just need to figure out the logistics.”
I jerk awake, the nightmare is fading away, leaving me frightened but confused about why. I wish I could remember, but then I’m kind of glad I can’t.
Rain is falling in heavy drops that have turned the tent into a drum. When I look around the tent, I realise that Blaze is missing.
Something feels wrong. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s this sense of urgency that pushes me into getting up on my knees. I listen intently, but I can’t hear anything but the rain. A silent whine presses against my teeth.
Something's wrong.
Where is Blaze?
I sneak out of the tent and step out into the rain. Immediately, my hair and clothes are wet. The rain is freezing. I huddle, and my teeth start chattering. I swipe my hair back from my face and see a shadow in the trees coming towards me.
With a relieved smile, I move towards him, but a low sound that is not Blaze has me freezing. My instincts scream louder and louder. He’s bigger than Blaze. His shoulders wider, he’s in all black.
This is a stranger. He’s coming straight for me.
He comes faster and faster, almost running, and then he is running, and there’s nowhere to go. Nowhere to run.
I stare at him, panic eclipsing everything. He’s wearing a mask, his eyes are huge. He’s close enough that I can see the dark colour of them.
He swings, and I realise the blow is probably going to knock me out. I step into him instead, grabbing hold of his arm and spinning us so our positions are reversed. Our gazes connect, and then we’re yanked apart.
There’s a sharp pain in my neck, and the world melts.
I think I hear a scream, but it’s probably mine.
“Good morning, you adorable little naughty puppy!” Rolly whispers in my ear and nuzzles me.
I groan and turn into his chest because he’s like a furnace of heat.
“Do you remember getting up and going out into the rain? It’s lucky we found you before you got too lost. You were drenched and seeing things.”
I stop moving, thinking it over quickly.
I was seeing things? Wait, what happened, and why can’t I remember it?
“Don’t worry about it, King and Sage found you and brought you back. I was the perfect gentleman and only peeked a little when I got you naked.”
I let out a squeak and look down. I’m dressed, but they aren’t the same clothes I went to bed in.
“In my defense, you can call it punishment for going out and trying to catch your death,” he scolds. “And my reward because you are so pretty.”
I struggle free, trying to be mad at him, but he just throws himself back, laughing and refusing to let me escape.
“See, those lessons from our lovely boy Pix would come in handy right now, wouldn’t they?”
I stop struggling, but now I’m sprawled across his chest, my legs on either side of his hips, and he’s got a part of his anatomy that I have been deliberately ignoring right, front, and center.
“This is how much I want you, all the time,” he whispers. “So much it’s painful.”
I stare at him, terrified by his words. I can’t give myself to them if I don’t know who I am, and the thought of having any kind of sex is enough to make me want to run.
“Shhh, we don’t have to do anything. I’m not asking.
I’m not taking. I just wanted you to know that I find you desirable.
That, to me, you are perfect, and I want you in any way I can have you, even if that means we’re only cuddle friends.
I love sleeping with you. This isn’t pressure, this isn’t me asking.
This is simply me telling you that you are so beautiful you make my soul, tarnished though it is, shine. ”
Roseland’s words come back, and the thought of him is a lance of pain that mars this moment.
Don’t remember.
I lean down. His eyes widen, but he doesn’t move. At the last moment, I turn my head just a little bit, and the kiss lands on the corner of his lips. It’s just a press of my lips to his. It should be nothing.
Instead, it sends my heart galloping and has me springing back and exploding out of the tent, putting as much space between us as I can.
“Merle?”
I lift a hand and wave at Sage but keep going. Once I’m deep in the bushes, I pull down my pants and take care of business.
Sage hands me a wipe when I get back. I wash my hands quickly and take the sandwich he hands me.
I’m not sure where he got bread, but whoever had it in their pack was a hero. I devour it like I’m starving, not sure why I’m so hungry.
“Are you ready to jump on the river today?”
I pause, looking up at Blaze, who announces that and keeps walking, his smile too eerily calm. The sandwich feels like a knot in my stomach. River?
“Ignore him. It’s going to be fine. We’ve done this plenty of times,” Sage says. “He’s just hoping that you’ll think he’s brilliant and go play with him.”
I chew thoughtfully and watch them interact.
Rolly and Blaze tease each other as they put down the tent. Pix and King keep touching each other.
Is this a future? Is this my future? Do I fit here?
“What are you thinking about?” Sage asks.
I turn to him and raise an eyebrow.
“Oh, I know you can’t talk, but you communicate very well, regardless.”
He frowns, glancing at my throat.
“No scars. No damage. Could you speak before?”
I stare at him, my skin crawling, but I want to answer him. I want to tell him the truth. But I have no idea how to explain how I got here.
“So, this is trauma induced. Okay. You don’t need to speak until you are ready, Merle. If you never do again, you will still be perfect.”
I stare at him because how can he mean that.
He runs a hand over my head, the gesture so relaxed and warm that it takes me by surprise. When did I stop flinching? When did I start leaning into them?
I blow out my cheeks and help clean up the camp. Interestingly, Pix and Rolly go to extreme levels of camouflaging our tracks, hiding every sign of us being here.
The river takes us two hours to get to, and I watch in absolute amazement as these alphas build a raft. It’s insane and made out of sticks and logs and vines that hold it together. It’s got no sides.
“Come on, dead girl, let’s go swimming.”
I shake my head and step back.
“Aww, don’t be like that. Where’s your sense of adventure?” Rolly giggles.
I spread my arms wide and stamp a foot.
He laughs harder.
“I promise you, it’s safe!” Sage says, but he also has the giggles.
I scoff and smack King’s hand away. He at least has the decency to hide his smirk.
Pix sits on a rock. “You know, I’m with her. You all suck. Do it again and do it properly.”
I point at Pix and nod my head emphatically.
“Shut up, Daega, you’ve been on heaps worse and loved every minute of the ride,” Sage teases.
I don’t know what makes Pix’s eyes get all sleepy or why he bites his lower lip and suddenly looks really sexy, but he is mesmerizing.
I shake my head and point to the forest, then using my index and middle finger, I demonstrate walking.
Sage giggles. “You are too cute.”
Cute? The outrage!
Blaze comes up beside me and looks down. I find myself staring up at him.
“I will keep you safe.”
My ridiculous heart flips in my chest, and I believe him. When he holds out his hand, I can’t say no. He walks me to the raft like I’m a queen and helps me on before sitting regally beside me.
“Come, peasants. You all get to row.”
Now, I get to laugh.